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DiscusDave
Master Arachnophile
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Like you said it is pretty soon. Not only too soon to actually attempt anything like that, but IMO too soon to tell too.
My suggestion, is if the docs give "sex" the OK, then try just that for the time being. Reignite the sexual spark the two of you had before you add your past fuel to the fire. You can't throw a massive log onto a small fire and expect it to catch. It may seem like a step back, but "regular" sex could be just a good way to ease back into things, and act to sate both of your sexual desires, if only a little bit.
My next suggestion, is talk to him about it. Make it a goal to work up to, and not just the next step. If it's something that the two of you had done frequently in the past, talk to him about that and how you want to incorporate that back in at some point. Making your desire known will give him the heads up as to what he should be working towards too.
Besides, that... only time will tell. I wish him a great continuation of his recovery, and some bountiful bondage coming your way. But if worse come to worst, just try a new kink besides restraints. Could be a fun excuse to delve into some different things.
Best of luck, and keep us updated.
My suggestion, is if the docs give "sex" the OK, then try just that for the time being. Reignite the sexual spark the two of you had before you add your past fuel to the fire. You can't throw a massive log onto a small fire and expect it to catch. It may seem like a step back, but "regular" sex could be just a good way to ease back into things, and act to sate both of your sexual desires, if only a little bit.
My next suggestion, is talk to him about it. Make it a goal to work up to, and not just the next step. If it's something that the two of you had done frequently in the past, talk to him about that and how you want to incorporate that back in at some point. Making your desire known will give him the heads up as to what he should be working towards too.
Besides, that... only time will tell. I wish him a great continuation of his recovery, and some bountiful bondage coming your way. But if worse come to worst, just try a new kink besides restraints. Could be a fun excuse to delve into some different things.
Best of luck, and keep us updated.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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Wow, scary. *hugs* I'm sorry you had such a difficult time recently.
That said, I wouldn't worry about it. The human brain is incredibly resilient, otherwise no woman would have more than one child. Soon this'll be something that's kinda foggy in his memory.
Also, while he might never be ok with being tied down, that doesn't necessarily mean that he won't ever be ok with tying others down.
That said, I wouldn't worry about it. The human brain is incredibly resilient, otherwise no woman would have more than one child. Soon this'll be something that's kinda foggy in his memory.
Also, while he might never be ok with being tied down, that doesn't necessarily mean that he won't ever be ok with tying others down.
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midwestyankee
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SSS, give it time. You both are adjusting to a zillion changes in your lives and no doubt the rollercoaster of emotions and feelings hasn't stopped zipping around the curves and hills just yet. I expect that both of you will have a whole different set of emotions and feelings a month from now, especially after you've gotten back into a routine of connubial conversations together.
After you're back in the swing, test the waters a bit. See where a request to hold your wrists in place over your head or behind your back takes him, for example. Maybe he'll have a fear of handcuff-like restraints for a long time but perhaps he'll be okay with rope or other means of restraint. Consider, for example, the stuff called plastic twine that you buy at the hardware store for $5 per 200 feet. It sticks only to itself, is ridiculously strong, and yet does not mark the skin or rip at it when being removed. Won't look at all like hospital restraints and will keep his favorite sub in place for a long, long time if he chooses.
Good luck, and don't pop the poor guy another heart attack the first time you get to jump his bones, okay?
After you're back in the swing, test the waters a bit. See where a request to hold your wrists in place over your head or behind your back takes him, for example. Maybe he'll have a fear of handcuff-like restraints for a long time but perhaps he'll be okay with rope or other means of restraint. Consider, for example, the stuff called plastic twine that you buy at the hardware store for $5 per 200 feet. It sticks only to itself, is ridiculously strong, and yet does not mark the skin or rip at it when being removed. Won't look at all like hospital restraints and will keep his favorite sub in place for a long, long time if he chooses.
Good luck, and don't pop the poor guy another heart attack the first time you get to jump his bones, okay?
LadyElvira
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Hi there,
Its 7 years ago that you post this thread. I like to know what you did in bettween. Did happen to you what you wanted to or didn't you dear to ask him?
Its 7 years ago that you post this thread. I like to know what you did in bettween. Did happen to you what you wanted to or didn't you dear to ask him?
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bakedbeams
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You have both faced a terrible ordeal, I am glad that your hubby is healing albeit not as quickly as you had hoped. It is distressing when those you love are ill, and you would be upset that he has an infection to add to his discomfort.
I am sure that he will come back, although from my own experience, it can be a slow journey. Clearly the experience of being restrained was very traumatic for him. But I can honestly say that time is a great healer of all things. Our memories do dull, and shocks wear off.
As others have said, now is the time to re establish those basic intimacies and in doing so, Im positive that the rest will begin to fall into place.
A friend introduced her partner into bondage this way. She had him tie wide ribbons around her wrists, but instead of tying her to something, she looped them around the bedhead and held the ends in her hands. This way, he knew that she was in control and could let go and release herself. Once he overcame his 'fear' he has become quite the bondage expert. Depending on your hubby perhaps that is another avenue to consider later.
Good luck to you both, and I hope that all will continue to improve.
I am sure that he will come back, although from my own experience, it can be a slow journey. Clearly the experience of being restrained was very traumatic for him. But I can honestly say that time is a great healer of all things. Our memories do dull, and shocks wear off.
As others have said, now is the time to re establish those basic intimacies and in doing so, Im positive that the rest will begin to fall into place.
A friend introduced her partner into bondage this way. She had him tie wide ribbons around her wrists, but instead of tying her to something, she looped them around the bedhead and held the ends in her hands. This way, he knew that she was in control and could let go and release herself. Once he overcame his 'fear' he has become quite the bondage expert. Depending on your hubby perhaps that is another avenue to consider later.
Good luck to you both, and I hope that all will continue to improve.
ecstaticsub
Literotica Guru
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I agree with the others take your time, reconnect sexually without the BDSM elements first then gradually move forward.
Something to keep in mind though...not to be overly cautious (but I do tend to be a safety freak) ..when and if you do go back to being bound you may want to stick to restraints you can get out of on your own quickly if needed (velcro restraints perhaps). I don't know how healthy his heart is now, or chance for another heart attack but if he needs quick medical attention you don't want to be so tied up you can't help him.
My thoughts and prayers for continual recovery...
Something to keep in mind though...not to be overly cautious (but I do tend to be a safety freak) ..when and if you do go back to being bound you may want to stick to restraints you can get out of on your own quickly if needed (velcro restraints perhaps). I don't know how healthy his heart is now, or chance for another heart attack but if he needs quick medical attention you don't want to be so tied up you can't help him.
My thoughts and prayers for continual recovery...
rosco rathbone
1. f3e5 2. g4??
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- Aug 30, 2002
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oral only
that is my Rx
get well soon!
that is my Rx
get well soon!
Homburg
Daring greatly
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My dad had a pair of heart attacks recently, and quintuple bypass surgery. We were talking about work, and he was worried that he might not be able to get better and get working again. He was pretty glum. I pointed to the window in his room and asked what he saw. He said, "A window." "Smart-ass. What do you see through the window?" "A parking lot, cars." I smiled, "And above that?" "Sky, sunshine." he answered. "Better than laying in a place where you can't see the sun, eh?"
As long as he can look outside and see sunshine, he's better off than the alternative. He's not dead. Sex is lower priority than that. And so long as he is alive, you have a chance of being able to have sex that way you want it again. For now, take joy in the fact that you can touch his face, and when you roll over in bed at night that space beside you won't be empty.
Give him time to heal mentally as well as physically, and see what happens.
As long as he can look outside and see sunshine, he's better off than the alternative. He's not dead. Sex is lower priority than that. And so long as he is alive, you have a chance of being able to have sex that way you want it again. For now, take joy in the fact that you can touch his face, and when you roll over in bed at night that space beside you won't be empty.
Give him time to heal mentally as well as physically, and see what happens.
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Homburg
Daring greatly
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Thank you. Very wise words. I really need patience.
Blessings on your father.
Thank you, though he's doing fine. He's a tough old coot and was out of the hospital so fast that it surprised even the nurses. His big issue now is one that I shared after my knee surgery a few years back - nerve craziness in the scars.
The scars in his chest and legs feel like they have a thousand little spiders crawling in them. He didn't have words for it, so I described it that way based on my experience after knee-wonkiness. Turns out it is a family thing, and whenever we get cut open seriously we get the thousand spiders inside the skin feeling. Me? I wish I just got the crazy sensitive pain like MIS feels in her scar. That would be better than waking up in the middle of the night feeling someone's hand going down my leg. And my dad's scars are huge, so he gets it WAY worse than I did.
Here's hoping your hubby doesn't have the same sort of issues. It took a coupla years before it completely went away for me. Cheery thought, eh?
myinnerslut
His chains. His lash.
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hospital restraints have a way of sticking in your mind. when i was 12, i was in the children's ward of a hospital for bout a week of so. one to the boys i became friendly with was in for a suicide attempt. he tried to kill himself overnight and ended up being strapped down. they didnt intend for us to see but the door of his room was ajar and we had to pass it to get to the breakfast area.
i saw. the image has stuck with me to this day. hospital restraints still bring me right back to this. other restraints do not. rope, velcro cuffs, chain, etc etc, no affect. hospital cuffs are distinctive. give him time to recover, and you may find while hospital cuffs still turn his stomach (they still turn mine) that other restraints may be fine.
also, congratulations on making it through the surgery. heart problems are nothing to mess around with so im happy everything got caught in time.
i saw. the image has stuck with me to this day. hospital restraints still bring me right back to this. other restraints do not. rope, velcro cuffs, chain, etc etc, no affect. hospital cuffs are distinctive. give him time to recover, and you may find while hospital cuffs still turn his stomach (they still turn mine) that other restraints may be fine.
also, congratulations on making it through the surgery. heart problems are nothing to mess around with so im happy everything got caught in time.
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myinnerslut
His chains. His lash.
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remember, he may be having some emotional issues as a result of the surgery. restraints are a symbol of helplessness, vulnerability.
if his surgery was anything like mine (pacemaker, almost six weeks ago) or like Master's father, the recovery involves not moving to much, not lifting, not pushing or pulling more then a minimal amount, and not lifting your arms over your shoulders. e is probably feeling very helpless already, and wont want deal with restraints for now.
and on a safety note, my recovery period isnt over until september. i dont know when his is over, but it isnt a safe idea to have you bound securely, in a way that you cannot escape from, as long as he is recovering. in addition to possibly having trouble safely releasing you from your bonds, if he has a problem while you are tied up you will not be able to help him.
id recommend holding off on the restraining until after the one doing the topping is recovered.
if his surgery was anything like mine (pacemaker, almost six weeks ago) or like Master's father, the recovery involves not moving to much, not lifting, not pushing or pulling more then a minimal amount, and not lifting your arms over your shoulders. e is probably feeling very helpless already, and wont want deal with restraints for now.
and on a safety note, my recovery period isnt over until september. i dont know when his is over, but it isnt a safe idea to have you bound securely, in a way that you cannot escape from, as long as he is recovering. in addition to possibly having trouble safely releasing you from your bonds, if he has a problem while you are tied up you will not be able to help him.
id recommend holding off on the restraining until after the one doing the topping is recovered.
Homburg
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It took a couple of weeks before I stopped waking up here and there at night. Then about 6-8 months for the spider thing to stop randomly happening, or, y'know, because clothes were touching the scars. It was about two years before I could touch the scars without feeling the itch/tingle.
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Homburg
Daring greatly
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My dad has the same issue. In his case, they have warned him that he might have to get fitted with a compression stocking if the swelling doesn't go down.
They predicted some loss of sensation - he can't tell yet. But the chest wounds seem to be fine. So far. He's just started putting vitamin E glop that I found at the health food store on his scars because he says they bump against his clothes.
But no spiders. He just told me he'd be fine without spiders.
Yes. I very strongly hope he gets no spiders. I'm pretty pain resistant (you can ask viv or MIS), and don't really sweat pain much as a result. But, wow, the fingers running over my knee while I was sleeping was pretty close to freakout territory for me. And the spiders under the skin sensation meant that I was wearing shorts almost constantly. It got so bad that I told my boss he could stuff the dress code for a little bit. If I wasn't seeing clients, I was wearing shorts, and I would get a doctor's note if I had to. The fact that the knee injury was job-related probably helped my case
Another fair warning regarding the scar - the seatbelt goes right across the scar on his chest. If he has sensitivity, he's in for more frustration when he starts driving. Invest in a pillow. MIS uses one of the sort that they give mastectomy patients.
He's also going to deal with additional emotions due to massive trauma. The sort of trauma he underwent dumps huge amounts of myoglobin and free potassium into his bloodstream, among other things. The healing process can continue to toss these chemicals into his bloodstream. The net result is emotional fluctuations.
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