Affair advice

[swampydonkey]

Try to talk with her frankly don't shy when you talk just be easy. If you like her then you have to know if she doesn't like anyone else. but whatever you are doing is betraying your wife. So be careful.

[*Twisted*]

Originally Posted by Noor

Noor's office affair advice:

1) Use condoms NO MATTER what. Sharing SIDS is really uncool. Pregnancy is expensive.

2) Choose women with the same name as your wife or practice using honey, sweetheart darlin' whatever you call your wife.

3) Pick someone who doesn't like you too much and you don't like them beyond acquaintance level.

4) Check out company policy on relationships

5) Check morals clause in your employment contract

6) Always take a shower after sex before you go home.

7) Keep to your standard routine.

8) Do NOT make the affair person a more intimate friend than your wife.

9) Never tell your wife unless you plan to leave her. Relationships rarely recover from affairs and it seriously damages the innocence spouse's ability to trust for future relationships.

10) Keep in mind that children usually also feel betrayed by cheating

11) Plan what happens when your wife suspects

12) Keep your lover and wife very happy and sexually satisfied.

13) Same rules apply to cheating on your lover.

14) Plan what happens when your wife finds out.


Successful affairs are a lot of work. Don't even think about it if you can't handle the consequences. Losing your family and job are really possibilities, and Fatal Attraction does happen. Remember all the parties involved, your wife, family, co-worker, the men in their lives and family. If you are part of a small community or strong church be prepared to be ostracized if they find out.

Every married guy who cheats thinks no one will ever find out, but do a poll on lit and see how many of the cheating men here were caught by someone. You can control what you do, you can't control what the other person will do. You might think you know someone enough to trust them but you probably don't. When circumstances change people do too.

I know one guy who basically lost everyone (except his mom) and not even his now grown kids will speak to him. He has grand kids he has never met.

Sound advice.

[Noor]

Originally Posted by *Twisted*

Sound advice.

Thanks, but I am preaching to the choir, lol!

[smallgirl]

dont do it. talk to your wife.

[Ravenwind]

Originally Posted by fgarvb1

A shower doesn't always remove all the perfume and a woman has the ability to differentiate between smells better than men do.

QFT... She will notice the scent, especially if it's remarkably different from her own, and even moreso if she doesn't regularly wear any herself. You better hope your wife thinks you're a saint, and that you simply sat next to a gaudy coworker at lunch.

As opposed to an affair, why not discuss the option of opening up your relationship, to try new things? Work your way up from something small ("I'll do this thing you like, if you do that thing I like"), to bigger ("In the mood to try some new stuff? Tell me your fantasies, and I'll try to fulfill them, and I'll tell you mine, and see which ones you like too"), to full blown ("Threesome? Okay, if *that's* out of the question, maybe a one-night fling for the both of us?").

My husband and I have both discovered it's a lot easier on both of us to "ask permission first" instead of "beg forgiveness later". If she loves you with all her heart, you may be surprised to find the lengths she'd go for you, if you take your time with her.

[viking3]

And NEVER think that the girl friend has as much to lose as you do. They don't, they never will! Straying females get forgiven lots quicker and lots more often than straying husbands, especially if there are kids involved. I really like the "turn off the lights and screw your wife" answer above.

It's an old movie, but go watch "Divorce, American Style" for a funnily painful look at what happens. Dick Van Dyke in a VW cracks me up every time.

Of course, I am now on my 3rd work place affair over the past 10 years and no one's the wiser.

Yet.

viking3

[ManLooking]

NEVER cheat on your wife -

Treat your wife like the most important and precious person in the entire world - lavish her with as much love and affection and attention as you can... this is what your VOWS are about. Treat her like this, and she will become the goddess you dream of - true love is an irresistible force. Or cheat, and soon you will be alone, cynical and pathetic.

[otter09]

Remember why you married in the first place sometimes in marriage things can get in a rut but if you realize that you can do something about it if you look around it seems to me most affairs do not ever have very happy endings just ask yourself one question think of the person in your life now if that person was not in your life would you be happier or sadder for relationships have much more then sex to them having someone who loves you knowing all your faults etc is pretty good thing and remember as we get older if you have a partner who knows you well it takes away a lot of the stress you tend to understand what is important to them so you dont need to argue has much as when younger I mean sure we all think at times gee that lady looks really hot but in the long run the grass is usually not really greener over there

[specter170]

Originally Posted by otter09

Remember why you married in the first place sometimes in marriage things can get in a rut but if you realize that you can do something about it if you look around it seems to me most affairs do not ever have very happy endings just ask yourself one question think of the person in your life now if that person was not in your life would you be happier or sadder for relationships have much more then sex to them having someone who loves you knowing all your faults etc is pretty good thing and remember as we get older if you have a partner who knows you well it takes away a lot of the stress you tend to understand what is important to them so you dont need to argue has much as when younger I mean sure we all think at times gee that lady looks really hot but in the long run the grass is usually not really greener over there

What he said but with punctuation.

[fgarvb1]

Originally Posted by ManLooking

NEVER cheat on your wife -

Treat your wife like the most important and precious person in the entire world - lavish her with as much love and affection and attention as you can... this is what your VOWS are about. Treat her like this, and she will become the goddess you dream of - true love is an irresistible force. Or cheat, and soon you will be alone, cynical and pathetic.

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Someone needs to say that it is possible to end up alone, cynical and pathetic and be married and have not cheated!

[JohnMBrowning]

Originally Posted by fgarvb1

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Someone needs to say that it is possible to end up alone, cynical and pathetic and be married and have not cheated!

Yeah, but the odds of ending up alone, cynical and pathetic for those who dishonestly fuck around are extraordinarly greater than for those who don't. It comes down to what kind of person you choose to be - a dishonest fucker or something different. Lots more alone, cynical and pathetic-making things tend to accumulate in the character of the former.

[missymoomoo]

Originally Posted by silverwhisper

bailadora: eilan is correct in her understanding of my meaning. irish guy didn't say whether or not his wife is a consenting party and that would be a dangerous assumption to make.

ed

I thought the word affair cleared that up? Maybe I just don't know enough about these things!


One thing I do know is that every boyfriend I have had yes EVERY ONE!!!!!!! had cheated on me and the feeling is not nice! I have now deep seeded issues in my current relationship relating to trust. I am lucky i have a nice boyfriend who is extremly patient!

My advice to anyone who is thinking about cheating is DONT! You can't have your cake and eat it to.

If the relationship is not worth keeping then dont! But if your partner gives you the okay then enjoy!

[JRaven]

Rather than asking us, you should be asking your best friend for advice. Your wife.

I suggest keeping it simple. Simple works. Explain to her your attraction to this other woman. And ask her what you should do about it.

You will probably get sound advice. You might get thrown into the doghouse for awhile. But her finding out that you would like to screw this woman, but haven't, will do you more good than her finding out that you have screwed her.

Jenny

[Tnacifingisni]

Originally Posted by fgarvb1

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Someone needs to say that it is possible to end up alone, cynical and pathetic and be married and have not cheated!

I tend to agree. Sometimes, the spark goes out and being nice just assures her that all is well and that you are fine being ignored and abandoned. Some wives will even choose to ignore your feelings when confronted with the situation openly.

Bottom line, if it's worth cheating to take care of your needs, you should probably get a lawyer before you get a girlfriend. Divorce is ugly, cheating makes it your fault.

[ecclectic]

Originally Posted by JRaven

Rather than asking us, you should be asking your best friend for advice. Your wife.

I suggest keeping it simple. Simple works. Explain to her your attraction to this other woman. And ask her what you should do about it.

You will probably get sound advice. You might get thrown into the doghouse for awhile. But her finding out that you would like to screw this woman, but haven't, will do you more good than her finding out that you have screwed her.

Jenny

I have to say as stupid as it sounds, probably the only advice worth listening to.

[Eilan]

This thread is 1 1/2 years old. The OP has likely had his affair by now.

[bone251]

.........................

[faulknerlovr]

Originally Posted by IrishGuy1974

Hey everyone,

I'm a married guy who has taken notice of a girl at work. I would love to approach her about starting something, but I have no idea how. Any advice?

Advice...umm....don't get caught?

[kitkat88]

How about either keep it in your pants and grow the fuck up, or maybe do your poor wife a favor and cut her loose rather than keep her at home while you play like an overheated college kid.
You are a fucking dog and a scumbag. I hope that if you do fuck this girl she gives you herpes.
Know what would be even more fun? Ids when a "stud" like you finds out that wifey has been getting some real cock on the side. Then the shoe is on the other foot isn't it romeo.

fact is losers like you who feel they don't get it at home probably would if your limp dick took care of business.

tell you what loverboy PM me and maybe I will tell you how I really feel.

[mikesmith1942]

I had 5 affairs in my life. I always assumed my wife hired a private detective to follow me ..my standard for caution. I had full confidence I had all my bases covered. Then, my last lover...after 2-3 years of a an intense sexual relationship, told her husband . They had a big argument and she was so pissed at him, she let the cat out of the bag.

For some reason, he never confronted me or told my wife. That was my last escapade. So, I had some great relationships and great sex..but this was way to close. Been a good boy ever since.

Hope this helps.

[Nasty_Deeds]

Originally Posted by Eilan

This thread is 1 1/2 years old. The OP has likely had his affair by now.

If this thread is brought back from the grave many more times, the OP will likely be dead from old age.

[ubupboston]

Don't do it, you should first think about your wife and how she would feel . Also if you have kids what will they think when your caught. I couldn't and wouldn't do this ever because after 20 years with my SO, I still respect and love her.

[bailadora]

Egads! This moldy old thread, AGAIN? Call me crazy, but I'mma thinkin' the OP made his decision a long time ago.

[Noor]

Originally Posted by bailadora

Egads! This moldy old thread, AGAIN? Call me crazy, but I'mma thinkin' the OP made his decision a long time ago.

He is probably through with his divorce by now and unemployed

What would the world be coming to if people stopped beating a dead horse on LIT?

[samanthaswitch]

The very best advice on this subject (and no its not a sign I'm a genius, well I am but other people have already said it) can be summed up in four words. TALK TO YOUR WIFE. Cheating is stupid. It leads to divorces, law suits, hurt feelings and more. How would you feel if she had slept with some young hot guy behind your back? Instead consider a few questions:
1) Is it something to do with the marriage? Ie is sex at home getting stale, not finding your wife attractive, feel she's to "picky"? Talk to her and communicate how you feel. Better solutions to all of those things exist then cheating
2) Be honest at least with yourself is this just a hormone thing? I'm not judging (really) hell I've slept with enough people (some married ones I'll admit its not sometihng I"m proud of) but is this just some cute girl at work flirted with you and now you want to bone her? If it is get over it. There's really nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else (its simple biology you can't help it) what you do with that attraction is the problem. I doubt theres a married person (of either gender)on the planet who hasn't felt something when looking at someone else but that doesn't mean they cheat. I'd still talk to your wife maybe you two could try something new to rekindle the libido towards her.
3) Do you want a divorce? Theres your central question. If you do just ask for one. It would be far more respectful to your wife then this.
4) If its none ofthe other things do you really want both women equally? Some people seem to be wired that way (certainly I am but then I don't plan on ever marrying for precisely that reason). If so again talk to your wife. Polyamory, open marriages whatever you want to call it is a different issue. She may (not knowing her I couldn't say) be willing to work something out but again COMMUNICATE. I've seen poly relationships explode badly because the people involved set up healthy boundries (insisting on protected sex, keeping it out of the home, and getting to meet the other person to make sure they aren't a wack job for example) and stick to them. Be prepared though that your wife may say no and likely you'll hurt her.

Mainly my point is don't just go out there and cheat. Hell buy a porn flick and watch it instead it'll likely get you in a lot less trouble and its a hell of a lot cheaper then a divorce.