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Old 07-22-2014, 02:28 PM   #1
diogenes1984
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The lost art of the limerick

I am keen to hear some Limericks. Personally think it is a dying art form and am keen to read some new work. Of course any limerick would not be pure, if it did not contain some vulgarity or obscenity...so please..

enlighten me!

I suppose i should give an example..its from Christopher Hitchens:

There was a young hooker from Crew,
who filled up her pussy with glue.
She said with a grin,
if they'll pay to get in,
they can pay to get out of it too.
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Old 07-22-2014, 03:43 PM   #2
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a splendid young man from out east
would role-play his part as a beast
with furry young things
with butt-plugs and wings
and nobody minded the least











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Old 07-22-2014, 03:50 PM   #3
butters
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as lit-merick's go this be tragic:
a salty dog's brush with old magic;
would it better a whale
to spice up this tale?
i just wanted to use haemorrhagic
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Old 07-22-2014, 03:57 PM   #4
butters
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it's true that the last was perverse
an undirty limerick verse
when it should 'ave been mucky
all grit, wit and fucky -
instead it was quite the reverse
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Old 07-22-2014, 04:14 PM   #5
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please, somebody stop me... it's a disease, an obsession


did i really just call it obsession?
is lit the right place for confession?
if i get on my knees
and pray hard to please
am i nun or another profession?
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:12 PM   #6
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There was a young lady on her knees,
Who was quite a bit of a tease.
She would genuflect,
and get them erect,
and give it a bit of a squeeze
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:14 PM   #7
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when push came to shove he was novice
their piercings and clamps in the office
took him by surprise
so they bound up his eyes
and now he could pleasure both bosses
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:34 PM   #8
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This chap really needs to refrain
from dabbling in clamps and pain.
He tied a noose on his dick,
then paddled his prick.
I swear I wont do it again.
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:34 PM   #9
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oh please she cried do it again
yes, spank me! there's gain in the pain!
he thought this is folly
i'd best fetch me brolly

...he wasn't expecting some rain
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:41 PM   #10
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The wet season is surely past,
he knew his brolly couldn't last.
Like thunder it sounded,
It was thoroughly pounded,
I think it needs put in a cast
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:47 PM   #11
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a noose round his dick sounds so drastic
when cling-film or saran-wrap plastic
could wind round his willy
and look just as silly
without stretching it out like elastic!
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Old 07-22-2014, 05:49 PM   #12
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There was a young man from Clonmel,
Who lived in masturbatory Hell,
he'd try to stand tall,
but it was ever so small,
he wondered if it went back in its shell
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:02 PM   #13
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There was a young man called Sartre,
Who took some ideas from Descartre.
He had an existentialist Aunt,
They called her Emmanuel Kant,
but he had an ego bigger than Montmartre
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:03 PM   #14
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there was a young woman from Smaile
whom, sadly, was born with a tail
and nary a leg
to hop into bed
so slid on the floor like a snail









awful, and too obvious
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:08 PM   #15
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I feel that given there is only 2 of us, this seems to be somewhat competitive? Is there competitive limericking?
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:13 PM   #16
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also if we are doing Limericks, I would be remiss not to mention one of Auden's gems!!

There was a young poet whose sex
Was aroused by aesthetic effects
Marvell's The Garden
Gave him a hard-on
And he came during Oedipus Rex
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:15 PM   #17
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a poet walked into a bar
with copper coins all in a jar
when asked why he did
his beard a smile hid
as he whispered a dreamy oh, ahh....
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:17 PM   #18
butters
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Quote:
Originally Posted by diogenes1984 View Post
I feel that given there is only 2 of us, this seems to be somewhat competitive? Is there competitive limericking?
probably, but i'm only playing. you're quite safe,honest
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Last edited by butters : 07-22-2014 at 06:21 PM.
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:27 PM   #19
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does qute mean im both quiet and cute,
because I consider myself a bit of a brute.
I may be quite handsome
A wager id ransom
Im not flirtatiously astute
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:31 PM   #20
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I apologise for my badinage,
It was merely some persiflage,
I know you are taken,
I was merely mistaken,
in using your words as homage
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:36 PM   #21
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:43 PM   #22
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I really had a good fight,
a very interesting sight
I know when im beat,
a truly amazing feat,
I bid you adieu and good night..
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Old 07-22-2014, 06:51 PM   #23
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he'll be back



'nite, diogenes
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Old 07-22-2014, 07:55 PM   #24
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There was this lady from florida
who only wanted to story ya
of spankings and whips
hung from her hps
she teased you with her potpourria
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Old 07-22-2014, 08:09 PM   #25
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There once was a lady quite pensive
About her honor she was so defensive
Hoped no one would see
That with limericks she be
Overall dreadfully reprehensive
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