One Sentence Story Challenge

[sr71plt]

How's that, SINserely? How about breathtaking?

[YoursSINSerely]

Originally Posted by sr71plt

How's that, SINserely? How about breathtaking?

The commas are for breathing, Pilot. I stuck a couple of them in there. This is really how I talk without actually speaking the comma. You'd love me if you knew me. I go on and on and on and the hands are going, too.

[YoursSINSerely]

The cop pulled over the prostitute's swerving car and she knew she'd get screwed.

[sr71plt]

Originally Posted by YoursSINSerely

The cop pulled over the prostitute's swerving car and she knew she'd get screwed.

If you want votes on this site, it might better read: "The prostitue was screwed when the cop pulled over her swerving car."

Saved you a couple of words and didn't need the comma you forgot to use.

[sr71plt]

I turned from him, spent, exhausted, used, only to come face to face with a photo of a fishing trip evocative pose and the shattering realization that he had seduced my father as well.

[ms.read]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Angels do stupid things, like getting tattoos because a mortal likes to see them wearing one, and they step onto battlefields and into bedrooms, they smile at demons-- and demons really should be careful about smiling back at angels-- and the next thing you know your bed is full of feathers, and you've forgotten all about stealing souls because your own is simply too happy to be bothered.

STELLA MAY I BORROW THIS FOR SOME NICE INSPIRATION? PLEASE!?

[vrosej10]

A beautiful woman loves me wholeheartedly but I cannot love her in return and she plunges a knife into her heart, spread-eagled on the hood of my car; only then I realise my truth.

[vrosej10]

Originally Posted by sr71plt

I turned from him, spent, exhausted, used, only to come face to face with a photo of a fishing trip evocative pose and the shattering realization that he had seduced my father as well.

Much less funny in real life. Been there, done that.

[sr71plt]

Oh, the sentence stories are supposed to be funny. (bops forehead with palm of hand)

But sorry you've actually experienced it.

[slyc_willie]

He had always expected a woman almost twice his age to be, frankly, loose and dry; the tightness and heat of her were therefore exciting surprises -- though the dryness remained, for which he had applied liberal amounts of lubricant -- of which he, an impetuous youth, had carelessly commented and she, giving him a glaring look over her shoulder, replied with, "You do know you're fucking my ass, don't you?"

[amber03]

Wow - these are sooo good! It's puts my first attempts to such shame...

*wanders off to get her coat*

[vrosej10]

Originally Posted by sr71plt

Oh, the sentence stories are supposed to be funny. (bops forehead with palm of hand)

But sorry you've actually experienced it.

That came out wrong from me. I was being ironic but it obviously didn't swing. It did actually happen to me, but I still found it hilarious. I really liked it. I shall endeavour to be clearer in future. Hit us with another one.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

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[YoursSINSerely]

Originally Posted by sr71plt

If you want votes on this site, it might better read: "The prostitue was screwed when the cop pulled over her swerving car."

Saved you a couple of words and didn't need the comma you forgot to use.

Well, it's kind of early in the day to argue about this comma, but I believe it would be optional in my sentence. The word and takes the place of a comma between two short phrases, or it can be used to break up a lengthy sentence to give the reader a chance to breath, as you felt you needed in my first attempt of a one-sentence story.

I also thought my shorter version captures the essence of my longer version better than yours. I think yours sounds like she's going to get a ticket for drunk diving. I think mine sounds like she's going to get out of getting the ticket by screwing the cop.

Maybe it should go up for a vote.

"The prostitue was screwed when the cop pulled over her swerving car."

The cop pulled over the prostitute's swerving car and she knew she'd get screwed.

[sr71plt]

Originally Posted by YoursSINSerely

Well, it's kind of early in the day to argue about this comma, but I believe it would be optional in my sentence. The word and takes the place of a comma between two short phrases, or it can be used to break up a lengthy sentence to give the reader a chance to breath, as you felt you needed in my first attempt of a one-sentence story.

I also thought my shorter version captures the essence of my longer version better than yours. I think yours sounds like she's going to get a ticket for drunk diving. I think mine sounds like she's going to get out of getting the ticket by screwing the cop.

Maybe it should go up for a vote.

"The prostitue was screwed when the cop pulled over her swerving car."

The cop pulled over the prostitute's swerving car and she knew she'd get screwed.

Yeah, optional on the comma in everyday English--not so much so with publishers, who are quite traditional, wanting the roadmapping to be crystal clear.

The point on "screwed"--given in jest--was that, this being a porn board, my version delivered the screw; yours only speculated about a possibility of it.

[FallingToFly]

(Stella, that was awesome!)


Somewhere between the first curve of her lips and the last breath, he realized that he had been caught- and not just caught, but taken, possessed and destroyed by the woman whose eyes taunted and defied him even as the last scarlet drops of life spilled out of her and over him.

[sr71plt]

I struggled, maddenly without success, between moans as he dug his fingers into my buttocks, rolled my nipple with his tongue, and stroked ever deeper and thicker into the quick of me, to remember what he had said his name was and why I had paid the bar bill.

[TE999]

Andrew lay in exhausted sleep on his makeshift raft of deck chairs as it drifted into a secluded cove, watched in eager anticipation by a loathsome creature that chillingly turned into the woman of his dreams...and nightmares.

[penandpaper]

Originally Posted by Stella_Omega

Angels do stupid things, like getting tattoos because a mortal likes to see them wearing one, and they step onto battlefields and into bedrooms, they smile at demons-- and demons really should be careful about smiling back at angels-- and the next thing you know your bed is full of feathers, and you've forgotten all about stealing souls because your own is simply too happy to be bothered.

You see Stella, that's the real problem with angels - they make everyone forget about other people's souls.

Well done!

[YoursSINSerely]

Originally Posted by sr71plt

Yeah, optional on the comma in everyday English--not so much so with publishers, who are quite traditional, wanting the roadmapping to be crystal clear.

The point on "screwed"--given in jest--was that, this being a porn board, my version delivered the screw; yours only speculated about a possibility of it.

My Dear Pilot,

I believe your screwed was an adjective. My screwed was a verb. There were no possibilities in my sentence. She knew it was going to happen. I think she knew the cop. I think she was in love with the cop. I believe they played this game together every night on their way home from the bar. Hah!

Yeah, I knew I was writing this for a porn board and I really do try to use proper English and grammar all the time. Why would a publisher or the publisher's computer be sticking in punctuation where it wasn't needed? Just because they do it, doesn't mean it's correct. But, the punctuation here isn't my point.

I believe by you removing a few words and rearranging the words that were left behind, you have changed my whole meaning to my one-sentence story. Perhaps this could be another writing exercise. Editors have to be very careful when they edit. Would you agree?

Nonetheless, I'm copying the two sentences here, again for your review.

The prostitue was screwed when the cop pulled over her swerving car."
The cop pulled over the prostitute's swerving car and she knew she'd get screwed.

Babs

[sr71plt]

Originally Posted by YoursSINSerely

I believe your screwed was an adjective.

Ummm. No. "was screwed" is verbal. An accomplished act. Yours is just a presumption. Which was my point. But I was trying to extend the fun part and you seem not to be with that program. So, that's probably more than enough of that.

[loquere]

The ninjas stormed into the fortress, the Prince drew his sword and cut down all his attackers. The princess impressed by his bold strength, she lounged her naked body at her defender.

[Tio_Narratore]

"You've omitted a coma," the editor said as he slipped his hand up Babs' skirt; "it should be inserted here."

[loquere]

The General marched northward with the battle cry. "The South shall rise again."

[mynameisben]

Life is a public toilet, brimming with the pubic hairs and un-flushed feces of a thousand faceless strangers.