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Old 10-25-2009, 06:25 PM   #1
Thissle
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Exclamation Make your reader climax in 200 words or less

Think about the stories you have written and the feedback, (the kind that makes you want to write another story right NOW, or possibly play with yourself first), about the "cumming" part. Then take the challenge.
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Old 10-26-2009, 12:04 AM   #2
audeamus
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My back is against the wall. Your lips pressed possesively against my own. Slowly your fingers take the curve of my hips, lifting my legs around your waist. The way your flesh softens and molds against mine is a dance that I wish never to end. The pads of my fingers press into the glistening soft tissues on your shoulders as your hips undulate against mine. Wet, succulent sounds of sex fills the space around us as your ridgid shaft makes a serious attempt to entice me into an orgasm.

Your nose is buried into the freespace of my neck. The vibrations of your husky tone, "Cum for me," settle onto my skin. You thrust harder, deeper, growling each time you discover my g-spot. I whimper constantly, my muscles firmly grasping your erection. My body quivers with erotic delight as your aggressive thrusts demand a climax. Panting heavily, I explode, coating your phallus with my warm, milky juices.

Carefully you lower my weak legs to the ground. Your arms claim my waist and I press my head against your chest.

My body can't handle this sort of freedom. (188)
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Old 10-26-2009, 01:58 AM   #3
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Wink Nice!!!

You have a way with words, no doubt. Had me going from the first sentence. Thank you for the post.
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Old 10-26-2009, 02:03 AM   #4
audeamus
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you're most welcome beloved, thank you for the kind feedback.
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Old 10-27-2009, 02:30 PM   #5
chromecockring
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Quote:
Originally Posted by audeamus View Post
My back is against the wall. Your lips pressed possesively against my own. Slowly your fingers take the curve of my hips, lifting my legs around your waist. The way your flesh softens and molds against mine is a dance that I wish never to end. The pads of my fingers press into the glistening soft tissues on your shoulders as your hips undulate against mine. Wet, succulent sounds of sex fills the space around us as your ridgid shaft makes a serious attempt to entice me into an orgasm.

Your nose is buried into the freespace of my neck. The vibrations of your husky tone, "Cum for me," settle onto my skin. You thrust harder, deeper, growling each time you discover my g-spot. I whimper constantly, my muscles firmly grasping your erection. My body quivers with erotic delight as your aggressive thrusts demand a climax. Panting heavily, I explode, coating your phallus with my warm, milky juices.

Carefully you lower my weak legs to the ground. Your arms claim my waist and I press my head against your chest.

My body can't handle this sort of freedom. (188)
Best 188 words I've read this week.

Wonderful!
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Old 10-27-2009, 05:11 PM   #6
neci
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Quote:
Originally Posted by audeamus View Post
My back is against the wall. Your lips pressed possesively against my own. Slowly your fingers take the curve of my hips, lifting my legs around your waist. The way your flesh softens and molds against mine is a dance that I wish never to end. The pads of my fingers press into the glistening soft tissues on your shoulders as your hips undulate against mine. Wet, succulent sounds of sex fills the space around us as your ridgid shaft makes a serious attempt to entice me into an orgasm.

Your nose is buried into the freespace of my neck. The vibrations of your husky tone, "Cum for me," settle onto my skin. You thrust harder, deeper, growling each time you discover my g-spot. I whimper constantly, my muscles firmly grasping your erection. My body quivers with erotic delight as your aggressive thrusts demand a climax. Panting heavily, I explode, coating your phallus with my warm, milky juices.

Carefully you lower my weak legs to the ground. Your arms claim my waist and I press my head against your chest.

My body can't handle this sort of freedom. (188)
audeamus, this is simply beautiful. thank you for sharing.
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Old 10-27-2009, 05:44 PM   #7
sereneone4u
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I would love to pull you around from your computer chair
to where you are facing me and not the computer screen, unzip
your pants and pull your shirt over your head. Undo my blouse
and hike up my skirt, slide my panties down and kick them
aside and then straddle you. Rubbing the hard head of your
shaft against my wet opening and then mounting you, taking
it in, inch by inch; my breasts in your face, my hard nipples
begging for your mouth and you oblige. I slowly start to
ride you, going up and down, grinding and moaning as your
hands explore my body. Your mouth dividing its attention
between my breasts and mouth, calls my name. I ride you slow
and sweet until you can't take it anymore and you grab
my hips and lead me into a quicker tempo, I pulse and throb
around your manhood, crying your name, begging for release,
which you deliver, exploding liquid heat inside of me.

I wrote this a while back. It is 166 words. Not as good as Audeamus, but I thought I would contribute anyways.
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If it pleases Him to have me kneel before Him, i will kneel reverently.
If it pleases Him to bind me, i will gladly offer my arms to Him.
If it pleases Him to touch me, i will allow myself to be touched.
If it pleases Him to teach me, i will learn all i can.
If it pleases Him to discipline me, i will accept it with out a sound.
It it pleases Him to allow me to serve Him, i will serve Him with loyalty and devotion.

she thought herself wicked, until she became a little girl with dolls on the floor of the Devil's dark lair.

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, is something helpless that wants our love.

She looked like a queen but she loved like a slave.
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Old 10-27-2009, 06:04 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sereneone4u View Post
I would love to pull you around from your computer chair
to where you are facing me and not the computer screen, unzip
your pants and pull your shirt over your head. Undo my blouse
and hike up my skirt, slide my panties down and kick them
aside and then straddle you. Rubbing the hard head of your
shaft against my wet opening and then mounting you, taking
it in, inch by inch; my breasts in your face, my hard nipples
begging for your mouth and you oblige. I slowly start to
ride you, going up and down, grinding and moaning as your
hands explore my body. Your mouth dividing its attention
between my breasts and mouth, calls my name. I ride you slow
and sweet until you can't take it anymore and you grab
my hips and lead me into a quicker tempo, I pulse and throb
around your manhood, crying your name, begging for release,
which you deliver, exploding liquid heat inside of me.

I wrote this a while back. It is 166 words. Not as good as Audeamus, but I thought I would contribute anyways.

I know where that came from
Maybe not quite as good, but it got me going both times I've read it.
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Old 10-27-2009, 08:34 PM   #9
audeamus
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First, thank you everyone for your kind words. It was my pleasure to share those words with you (if thissle doesn't mind, i'd love to work on another one).

@ sereneone4u: Beloved, I really enjoyed your piece! This is my favorite line, for some reason every time I read it, I get such a wonderful visual; it's so tantalizing-- Your mouth dividing its attention between my breasts and mouth, calls my name I think you posted a great piece.

@ neci please me: This is for you:

Again, thank you all for the feedback. I graciously receive it.

All of you, be golden.
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Old 11-11-2009, 07:53 AM   #10
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Touch old so I hope I am not engaging in threadophelia this just grabbed and so I started. Being new thought I would toss it out there and so I did....

*cracks his knuckles* *deep breath*….. and go
---------------------------------------------------------------

You’d been gone to long, coy smile worn as a confession of intent. Your eyes masked by lids as my hand found your throat, a plea and a command combined. My knee nudged yours apart as trapped breaths broke over quivering lips. Your mouth a rosary, to kiss as too entreat, faith restored with wet warmth and hint of cinnamon.
Fingers over silken thigh to trace thin fabric, relish the subtle heat of flesh separated by gossamer strands. Faint sigh, little groans as needy fingers plunged into you, our form finding the solace of a wall. As I fell into you anew burning with in myself, teeth over neck, tiny shakes our moment, my possession.
Clumsily freed from the bondage of clothe, flesh met flesh at flash point. My fingers brushed your lips slick with yourself; our next kiss tasted like sin. Hips on thighs, merged and ploughing, forms entwined my self imbibed. Trembling legs supported by taught spine, sloppy kisses laid with abandon. Murmured “fuck me’s” tripped over gasped “harder’s” stretched about me, crushed betwixt flesh and plaster. There I owned you, there I was yours, there you were precious, and there I was strong.
Here I come….

199 words, I rather doubt its quality but rather enjoyed tapping it out been a while since I flexed my proverbial pen.
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Last edited by DOF : 11-11-2009 at 08:07 AM.
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Old 11-11-2009, 03:55 PM   #11
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I’m up late reading and the words on the screen are my delicious secret. I eat them up like candy, insatiable for the electric spark that ignites in my mind and burns down my spine (it shivers). I brush the fingers of one hand lightly down my belly (it quivers) and under my panties (they are damp). I marvel at the silky skin and push one finger through the folds (testing). They part easily, my tropical flower blossoming lushly. I balance the laptop on my chest scooting lower down the headboard, trying not to wake him as my other hand joins. Two fingers pressing in, in, in. Another finger mashes my button. Everything down there slickens, heats, pulses. The words are lightning that strikes my brain, electrifies every nerve, culminating at my clit with every pass of my finger (its pace quickening). With these flashes comes the thunder moving my other hand (slow, deep, rumbling with power). I am silent as the storm builds secretly in my body (arched, taut with effort). Just when I can no longer withstand the pressure, the rain sluices down miraculously and I fall over the edge (panting, trembling, electric).



195 words. I'd love constructive feedback. Thanks!

Last edited by rosmarina : 11-11-2009 at 04:17 PM.
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Old 11-14-2009, 12:52 PM   #12
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I've just remembered my manners on asking for feedback without first offering some...

audeamus:
I loved this line "The vibrations of your husky tone, "Cum for me," settle onto my skin." It was a delicious way to invoke the only dialogue of the piece and simultaneously set the tone of the words being spoken and how they were received. The line "Your arms claim my waist and I press my head against your chest." was an elegant & clean way to show that these two people have intimacy and affection. And this line ruled me: "My body can't handle this sort of freedom." Now I want to know the story of these two people - this is the suspense that would get me to turn the page and read more.
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:08 PM   #13
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DOF:

The image of her mouth as a rosary to kiss and to entreat was unique and pleasantly surprising. This line was another favorite of mine: Murmured “fuck me’s” tripped over gasped “harder’s”. (Though the grammar mistress in me wants to have her wicked way with those quote marks and apostrophes...

I'm glad I'm not the only new writer here inspired to resurrect an older thread. Keep writing!

~Rosmarina
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:27 PM   #14
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Sereneone4u,

What stands out for me most about your piece were the places you personalized it like the detail about kicking the panties aside. I especially liked the setting of the computer chair and implications that the narrator wants the attention of that seated someone and yearns to reach out and take it. The verb tense changes from "I would love to" to "I am" (I ride, I pulse, etc) and it's not clear if it's all still fantasy or if the narrator is acting on her desires and it works, intentional or not.

~Rosmarina
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Old 12-25-2009, 12:16 PM   #15
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rosmarina,

I would like to thank you for taking the time to offer your kind feedback. I've read (a few times, actually) your contribution and I have to tell you that it's really a gorgeous piece of imagery. What I loved the most was that, as 'he' slept, she indulged her sexual liberty -- I almost felt sorry that 'he' was missing out.

Your contribution was a pleasure to read, thank you for sharing it.

Be golden.
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Old 12-26-2009, 02:07 AM   #16
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Nestled between two tropical trees, a gentleman occupied a daybed cabana. Half asleep, he waited patiently on his back for a massage. A woman approached this masculine beauty. She helped herself to the massage oils then straddled him, deeply kneading the hip and thigh muscles. Expectantly, the towel that fought to cover his pelvis, lifted into a tent. She removed it, then descended on him. Her hot breath cascaded over his erection as the tip of her tongue teased a dollop of precum from the narrow opening on his plump head. His body trembled when her head bobbed up and down the firm length of his manhood. Her fingertips pressed deeply into his abdomen as she reached a steady rhythm. His moans intensified with fervent desire at her varied techniques.

His meaty erection pulsed four times before the sweet, sticky release of climax filled her mouth. Licking his nectar from her lips, she calmly left the cabana. He lie there, panting sharply.

I waited until it was safe before moving toward the cabana. "Mr. Garner," I ladled stones from a stone pot then wrapped them in a thick towel to dry them off, "it's time for your hot stone massage, sir."

(201 -- I broke the rules, I'm sorry)
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Old 12-26-2009, 06:10 AM   #17
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May I join in?

rosmarina, I loved the visuals, and I was really into the thought of my wife pleasuring herself in secret. The erotic potential there is phenomenal. I would work that into a story, if I were you.

Does anyone mind if I submit a piece?
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Old 12-26-2009, 10:45 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by sgt_wiklund View Post
May I join in?

rosmarina, I loved the visuals, and I was really into the thought of my wife pleasuring herself in secret. The erotic potential there is phenomenal. I would work that into a story, if I were you.

Does anyone mind if I submit a piece?
sgt_wiklund, I certainly would love to read your contribution. It would be wonderful to get this thread moving again.

Be golden.
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Old 12-26-2009, 03:57 PM   #19
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Gettig off at work

Helen wanted to feel the hands of the shoe clerk running up her legs, tightening the buckle above her knee. She wanted him to graze her supple flesh with cool fingers while she sat above him. It was everything she could do to keep her hands away from her tiny pussy while she imagined herself finally in a position of power over someone. Even if it was a lowly shoe clerk. The thought of him on his knees for her, strong hands ready to do her bidding caused her to curl her toes in anticipation. Her nipples were hard under the silk of her blouse, and every breath she took caused the fine material to arouse her further. Her mouth was suddenly full of moisture as she chewed the inside of her bottom lip in frustration. Helen's heart started beating faster, and her breathing became slightly deeper as she tried to control her arousal. She could feel the beginnings of moisture gathering in her panties. Her coworkers passed her desk, scant feet from her as she imagined spreading her legs for him, giving him a peek at her arousal later.

190 words

This is actually from a story I am currently writing. I don't know if that disqualifies it. I didn't write anything specifically for the thread, but I can.


~Paul
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Old 12-26-2009, 04:50 PM   #20
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My fingers brushed your lips slick with yourself; our next kiss tasted like sin. Hips on thighs, merged and ploughing, forms entwined my self imbibed. Trembling legs supported by taught spine, sloppy kisses laid with abandon. Murmured “fuck me’s” tripped over gasped “harder’s” stretched about me, crushed betwixt flesh and plaster. There I owned you, there I was yours, there you were precious, and there I was strong.
Here I come….
THAT was something that I enjoyed immensely. that portion of DOF's resonated with me all day yesterday. Its even better because I thought it said "our next kiss tasted like 'skin' " and now i found out it was 'sin'.

I like 'sin'
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Old 12-26-2009, 06:27 PM   #21
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The sun was hanging low in the sky as Tess finished picking the strawberries. It was hot outside even at that late hour and her white cotton dress was sticking to her skin. Her fingertips were covered in strawberry juice and her feet were bare. She could feel the warm dark earth on the soles of her feet and she felt relaxed at that moment, breathing a deep sigh of relief after having finished her work. She sat down on the grass at the edge of the strawberry patch, pulling her dress up above the knees to cool herself as she sucked the strawberry juices from her elegant long fingers. She had no idea that Karina was nearby.

Karina stood quietly by the well drawing water and as she drank lovingly from the cup, she saw Tess licking her fingers clean of the strawberry juice. Karina walked slowly toward her and hid herself behind the trees to watch the young dark-haired beauty remove her dress and lie naked in the grass. No one was nearby and there was no sound except a nightingale in the distant meadow. Karina touched herself through the dress and rubbed her wet, soft sex as she watched Tess lick.
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Old 12-26-2009, 06:38 PM   #22
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The sun was hanging low in the sky as Tess finished picking the strawberries. It was hot outside even at that late hour and her white cotton dress was sticking to her skin. Her fingertips were covered in strawberry juice and her feet were bare. She could feel the warm dark earth on the soles of her feet and she felt relaxed at that moment, breathing a deep sigh of relief after having finished her work. She sat down on the grass at the edge of the strawberry patch, pulling her dress up above the knees to cool herself as she sucked the strawberry juices from her elegant long fingers. She had no idea that Karina was nearby.

Karina stood quietly by the well drawing water and as she drank lovingly from the cup, she saw Tess licking her fingers clean of the strawberry juice. Karina walked slowly toward her and hid herself behind the trees to watch the young dark-haired beauty remove her dress and lie naked in the grass. No one was nearby and there was no sound except a nightingale in the distant meadow. Karina touched herself through the dress and rubbed her wet, soft sex as she watched Tess lick.
I really, really like the voyeuristic theme of your submission. The imagery is just enough without going overboard. Nice. Very nice.

~Paul
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:59 AM   #23
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It’s after midnight and my hotel room door opens. Light from the hallway briefly brightens the room, then darkens before I hear the heavy tread of his feet coming toward me on the carpet.

I knew beyond a doubt that it’s my boss.

The mattress rolls as he climbs on it behind me. I feign sleep, breathing deeply.

He moves toward me and I feel his hand running up the side of my body and around to my nipple, feel him rub it tightly between two fingers until it’s taut, hard and sensitive. I feel the soft skin of the tip of his hardening penis push firmly between my thighs. I feel his heavy breath on the back of my neck.

He grabs my leg and pulls it firmly towards him, his very erect penis pressing against the opening of my vagina.

He reaches over me and grabs the end of his cock, rubbing my clitoris with his thumb, again and again and again, gripping his erection in his hand.

I lower my thigh over his hand, his penis, grip them both into me, and feel the warm waves of his semen rush over the pounding of my unexpected orgasm.
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Old 12-29-2009, 05:29 AM   #24
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193 words that I am not too happy with

She put the tip to her mouth and parted her lips slowly, dancing her tongue along his shaft. Silently willing her throat to relax, she worked his rod deeper and deeper into her mouth. His fingers gripped her hair tightly, and the pungent smell of his sex filled her nostrils as slippery pre-cum started to ooze down the back of her throat. Thrusting and fucking, inarticulate moans and grunts came from above her. The sight of untrimmed pubic hair filler her vision and she gagged on his cock. Tears began to form at the corner of her eyes, and a trickle of liner ran down her cheek as she choked. Gasping, but unable to get a breath, she felt like she was drowning and fought for air. What felt like a gallon of cum filled her senses, running hot into her stomach as she swallowed in desperation.

Finally, she pulled her head back, a thick string of semen and saliva between them and she looked up. The ground was cold on her knees, and oil stained her jeans. None of that mattered, though. Tonight she had earned rent for her and her daughter.

Last edited by sgt_wiklund : 12-29-2009 at 07:05 AM. Reason: ETA this was post #222
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Old 12-29-2009, 06:59 AM   #25
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They had never meet before. Their eyes met across the room, bypassing the other party goers to pinpoint on each others gaze. Once there, they both succumbed to their primal nature, their animalistic urges drove them into the nearest bedroom. She was dressed in a pink baby t that matched the pink strip in her blonde hair, the small shirt pulled tight on her by the swells of her breasts. He wore jeans and a comedic t-shirt. The clothes did not matter to them, as they were shed quickly. She pushed him to the bed before he could get his pants down and dove down like a hawk, plunging her mouth around his still stiffing cock. He couldn't help but notice how small her mouth looked, especially with her soft pink lips wrapped around his cock. The thought made him rock hard. The wait was too much. He pulled her up and guided her onto his erection. She rode him hard, until she felt him explode inside, filling her with a rush of hot pleasure. They rested a moment before dressing. No words were spoken. She returned to the party, leaving him wondering if they would ever met again.

199...barely made it.
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