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Old 07-03-2016, 11:39 PM   #1
Apologies
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Help Me! How to Flirt (Online)?

Greetings all!
Now I have a problem (one of many), I don't know how to flirt!

To start, I am not much of a talker anyway; I do not really care for phatic conversation (that is, conversation without purpose) and instead like to go for the big questions - I am quite good at that, both online and IRL.
In person, I am quite the dominate personality: confident, out-going, open etc and this can translate to casual online interactions, however, when someone (girl - I am straight btw) shows a little more interest in me than a bout of friendly banter or I get a little interested in someone else (a girl - same as before), I am not sure how to push the boundaries. That is not to say that in our interactions we do not discuss sex etc, but I have a habit of looking at it impersonally; more like an analysis. This is how most of my interactions go... I am like 'the' best gay best friend there is... (Sad face).

I am looking for advice in regards to online interactions. Several reasons for this but mainly I feel a little safer to make mistakes with those people whom I do not need to face everyday. It especially sucks on platforms like this or fetlife, you can be a little more direct or need to be.

So... help? :C

p.s. Straight, Male, 18, Northampton, England.
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Old 07-03-2016, 11:45 PM   #2
NightL
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thought about a different user name?
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Old 07-04-2016, 04:06 AM   #3
GrrlFriday
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You can build affection and trust with 'small talk' which can lead to people putting greater trust in you about their 'big stuff'. It might help to think about flirting as a form of play that allows you to expand the possibilities between 'best gay friend ever' and having potential.
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Old 07-04-2016, 04:36 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GrrlFriday View Post
You can build affection and trust with 'small talk' which can lead to people putting greater trust in you about their 'big stuff'. It might help to think about flirting as a form of play that allows you to expand the possibilities between 'best gay friend ever' and having potential.
Good point, but beware of mistaking small talk for asking what somebody had for breakfast etc.

If somebody like Apologies needs to practice flirting, a good place to start would be reading some of the threads in the playground section. Not so much the straightforward answers as the ones where people start breaking the rules slightly and joking around.
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Old 07-20-2016, 06:17 PM   #5
Apologies
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Penuche View Post
Good point, but beware of mistaking small talk for asking what somebody had for breakfast etc.

If somebody like Apologies needs to practice flirting, a good place to start would be reading some of the threads in the playground section. Not so much the straightforward answers as the ones where people start breaking the rules slightly and joking around.
Did that but had to suffer though a lot of noise trying to work out what was general chatter and flirty banter.

What about the do's and dont's as a start?
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Old 08-01-2016, 04:57 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NightL View Post
thought about a different user name?
Puts my in mind of Nirvana.

Wouldn't want to be walked on by the likes of Courtney Love.

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Old 08-01-2016, 05:04 AM   #7
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It's been so long since I was 18 I can't really remember much except I was more interested in tits than in flirting.

Thinking about it, nothing much has changed. I apologize for this.
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Old 08-01-2016, 12:22 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apologies View Post
Did that but had to suffer though a lot of noise trying to work out what was general chatter and flirty banter.

What about the do's and dont's as a start?
And just like in the Playground, there are a lot of noise to work through in figuring out what's general chatter and what is flirty banter. No different whatsoever .

You are assuming that people fit into pre-formed moulds- nothing could be further from the truth. Everyone flirts differently and for different reasons; some flirt to hook up but many others flirt because it is fun and makes people feel good.

If you are trying to figure out the rules, then not only will you be solely disappointed but you will also try too hard, and come off as a something of a creep.

Be yourself, be respectful and be polite (and no, there is no such thing as being too respectful and too polite. If you think there is a limit, then you will be a douche) and have fun. Pay attention, respond, tease a little.

Flirting is a game; it's your job to make sure that you are playing the same game. And I'm sorry to say, there is no manual, no rules, no way to determine who is playing what flirting game.

Stop trying to predict human behaviour. You can't (and this, my friend, is a professional opinion).
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Old 08-01-2016, 12:33 PM   #9
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If you think you are flirting - consciously, I mean - you may be doing it wrong. Just talk to people. Let the flirting be an emergent behaviour, not a planned one. Trust me, the flirting will come to you: don't force it.
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