How to get a girlfriend? Part II

I saw a 'how to get a girlfriend' online version of this question, but I was hoping for answers geared toward face-to-face interactions, not websites and chats.

I've never had a girlfriend. Ever. I don't understand how other people make this task seem so easy, like it occurs spontaneously. My interactions with girls seem either 1) professional, as in work or class, or 2) non-existant. I might get a hey or I might talk about class every now and then, but there's no dinner or even much of a talk. I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and of course, I'm a virgin. Being in my 20's, this is frustrating.

Another tendency I noticed is that the single girls are hard to talk to, whereas the taken women are easy to converse with. This makes things especially hard because you find yourself thinking, "If that girl were only single..."

It sucks because people say that college is the time you should be having fun and having crazy, raunchy sex. But I'm nearly finished with school and haven't even gotten close to getting a woman.

What are you like?

Do you participate in any extracurriculars or anything that involves interacting with women and doing something you're passionate about?

What impression do you think you make when women see and interact with you?

Are you confident? Do you have lower or higher self-esteem?

Do you strive to start conversations with all types of people, including women you are and aren't physically attracted to?

If you dig really deep, why do you think you have trouble talking to and getting dates with women? (Hint: It's not because women are tough to talk to, meet, all the good ones are taken, etc. - there must be something in you that makes it difficult for you.)

I do think that young people like us can become too dependent on faceless interaction like phonecalls, texts, IM, facebook etc. Sometimes the only way to learn interpersonal skills like this is to leap in the deep end and get told to fuck off and die a few times.

If you chat to a girl and she's not interested/laughs/swears/slaps you/gets a court injunction what have you lost?

Nothing.

And what have you gained?

Experience.

Wax on, wax off Daniel-san. You've got to wash a lot of clapped out motors before you can call yourself a blackbelt. Live, learn and stop giving a shit about little failures and setbacks.

Have you ever thought that perhaps you're choosing the wrong kinds of girls to talk to?

I used to have a problem in relationships. I had no idea why, but somehow all the guys that I dated and were attracted to ended up treating me really, really badly. They were jerks! I had a serious bad-boy issue.

When I looked at myself, and the guys I went after, I realized that the only similarity was ME. It was MY deal, something that I needed to change.

So instead of going after the guys that made my heart race and my jeans damp, I gave a chance to the nerdy guys, the skinny dudes in glasses, the ones in the bookstore instead of the nightclub. And I ended up with the man of my dreams!

Maybe you're chasing the same kinds of girls over and over again...think about that.

I know what you mean by the taken girls are easier to chat to. I find that as well, but its got to do with me, not them. Its just subconsciously i know that im not worrying about making a good impression or whatever, im just being myself. I dont think im explaining it that well, but its just im not thinking about things too much. Because theyre taken im not worrying or thinking about am i chance with this girl?

Also, like an earlier poster said, try and make converstation with people you normally wouldnt. When you go to a party or a bar or whatever and you know only a few close friends try and branch out make new friends/aquaintances. Make sure your mates introduce you to others in these situations! Talk to anyone in these situations, even blokes you think are tossers or girls your not that attracted to. Talking to any girls at all will build your confidence. Also these kinda people have friends who you might be an attractive girl youll meet next time your at a bar/party. I was in a very similar situation and it worked for me

Sometimes I find it much easier to talk to someone in an evironment where I am already very comfortable. For example, I spend alot of time going out to restaurants and bars but when I am there I feel really self conscious about my appearance and actions so its harder for me to approach someone. However there are plenty of places I go everyday that my appearance is the last thing on my mind. Like the grocery store (I've met every serious mate I've had here lol) or the bank or the gas station. When I'm not concentrating on trying to meet someone things do happen alot more naturally.

Of course all that is given you can get the courage to approach someone you see in any kind of place or oppurtunity.

Make sure that you value yourself as a person (a single person!) and don't feel like less of one because you don't have a partner. Its so easy to miss out on alot of chances to have a good time on your own when you are on a mission to find a mate. If you portray that confidence in yourself and show everyone around you that you are perfectly happy the way you are and a mate would just be a bonus for you its much more likely that everyone, males and females, will enjoy being around you more.

If you find it easier to talk to people that you know are taken then I think that proves my point exactly. Obviously you arent concerned about impressing them if they are taken, so maybe you should have that attitude with everyone you meet. Step out of the frame of mind that you have when you come across and single girl and pretend that she does have a boyfriend, or better yet dont even ask her dating situation. If you arent hung up on that so much maybe your true colors will come out a little bit more. When you are yourself and not a nervous wreck that is when it does just happen naturally.

Overall just remember that someone out there loves you for who and what you are exactly, maybe you are looking in the wrong places, so be open minded all day everyday. Stop thinking about what you are supposed to do in college and just do you, your own thing your own time frame your own way.


And btw...smiling constantly helps I talk to every person that smiles at me just because they seem nice that way, it givings me a fulfilled feeling, and you meet new people all the time....Try it

crazyboy2006 said:

I saw a 'how to get a girlfriend' online version of this question, but I was hoping for answers geared toward face-to-face interactions, not websites and chats.

I've never had a girlfriend. Ever. I don't understand how other people make this task seem so easy, like it occurs spontaneously. My interactions with girls seem either 1) professional, as in work or class, or 2) non-existant. I might get a hey or I might talk about class every now and then, but there's no dinner or even much of a talk. I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and of course, I'm a virgin. Being in my 20's, this is frustrating.

Another tendency I noticed is that the single girls are hard to talk to, whereas the taken women are easy to converse with. This makes things especially hard because you find yourself thinking, "If that girl were only single..."

It sucks because people say that college is the time you should be having fun and having crazy, raunchy sex. But I'm nearly finished with school and haven't even gotten close to getting a woman.

Click to expand...

My advice is this: put yourself out there, be yourself and do your own thing.

Go party, go to bars, whatever, but wherever you choose to go, it should be somewhere you are comfortable being yourself, telling jokes, etcetera.

I have also learned to change certain things, such as, when I was a young man if I had interest in a woman I would try to subtly win her over, waiting on a magical moment when she realized I was the man for her without me ever having to just say "I think you're hot and I want to date you in the hopes of boning you later or obtaining a girlfriend out of the deal."

I don't suggest saying that, specifically, but if you enjoy a woman's company, don't think of something cool to say in your head and let your balls slow you down.

You gotta just be the man, the man you dream you are, act as confident as that man, and just as I said, put yourself out there.

If you like time spent with a woman then tell her so.

Just be polite and direct:

"I have had a really good time talking to you, would you like to go get something to drink/ have some lunch / get some coffee etc?" has a better chance of getting a favorable response than waiting and hoping, trust me.

I have learned this: being confident is about a confidence game itself, the more you pretend to be confident, the more confident other people see you as being, the more that happens the more confident you become.

Don't be afraid, don't give up and don't stop til you find someone, like a previous poster said, wax on, wax off, if you get shot down, big deal. People laugh, you're humiliated. But two days later you can see that same bitch and chat her up again, try a new approach, etcetera. Lots of them play hard to get you know, that means you gotta just get hard and go after them good luck bro I will pray for your cock

SweetErika said:

What are you like?

Do you participate in any extracurriculars or anything that involves interacting with women and doing something you're passionate about?

What impression do you think you make when women see and interact with you?

Are you confident? Do you have lower or higher self-esteem?

Do you strive to start conversations with all types of people, including women you are and aren't physically attracted to?

If you dig really deep, why do you think you have trouble talking to and getting dates with women? (Hint: It's not because women are tough to talk to, meet, all the good ones are taken, etc. - there must be something in you that makes it difficult for you.)

Click to expand...

Well, I'm pretty boring. I don't do much other than work and go to class. I get along with other people just fine. It's just that I don't impress women at all. They don't ever give me any signals or anything. I've read books and books over body languange and dating, but it hasn't helped.

As far as confidence goes, I'm confident yet timid when I'm in a new environment or dealing with a unfamiliar situation. Thus, new people = not so good.

mylaceratedheart said:

I do think that young people like us can become too dependent on faceless interaction like phonecalls, texts, IM, facebook etc. Sometimes the only way to learn interpersonal skills like this is to leap in the deep end and get told to fuck off and die a few times.

If you chat to a girl and she's not interested/laughs/swears/slaps you/gets a court injunction what have you lost?

Nothing.

And what have you gained?

Experience.

Wax on, wax off Daniel-san. You've got to wash a lot of clapped out motors before you can call yourself a blackbelt. Live, learn and stop giving a shit about little failures and setbacks.

Click to expand...

This is true, and I've hammered this into my own head for years.

SwallowItAll said:

My advice is this: put yourself out there, be yourself and do your own thing.

Go party, go to bars, whatever, but wherever you choose to go, it should be somewhere you are comfortable being yourself, telling jokes, etcetera.

I have also learned to change certain things, such as, when I was a young man if I had interest in a woman I would try to subtly win her over, waiting on a magical moment when she realized I was the man for her without me ever having to just say "I think you're hot and I want to date you in the hopes of boning you later or obtaining a girlfriend out of the deal."

I don't suggest saying that, specifically, but if you enjoy a woman's company, don't think of something cool to say in your head and let your balls slow you down.

You gotta just be the man, the man you dream you are, act as confident as that man, and just as I said, put yourself out there.

If you like time spent with a woman then tell her so.

Just be polite and direct:

"I have had a really good time talking to you, would you like to go get something to drink/ have some lunch / get some coffee etc?" has a better chance of getting a favorable response than waiting and hoping, trust me.

I have learned this: being confident is about a confidence game itself, the more you pretend to be confident, the more confident other people see you as being, the more that happens the more confident you become.

Don't be afraid, don't give up and don't stop til you find someone, like a previous poster said, wax on, wax off, if you get shot down, big deal. People laugh, you're humiliated. But two days later you can see that same bitch and chat her up again, try a new approach, etcetera. Lots of them play hard to get you know, that means you gotta just get hard and go after them good luck bro I will pray for your cock

Click to expand...

I appreciate the prayer. All of this is material that I've driven in my head over and over and over.

To add to this, a friend said my standards were too high. Though this is a problem for a lot of people, here's the way I truly work (He didn't understand this, but maybe you will.) When I see a girl that would be a perfect-10, of course I see her as a girl I could never get. And that means I don't talk to her. When I see a girl who I would consider a 2, yep, I would have no problem talking to her with the idea that I would never date her. Now, maybe I start seeing this 2 as a 10, you know what happens? I see her as somebody who would never want a guy like me and that's it. I'm done. Does that make sense?

satindesire said:

Have you ever thought that perhaps you're choosing the wrong kinds of girls to talk to?

I used to have a problem in relationships. I had no idea why, but somehow all the guys that I dated and were attracted to ended up treating me really, really badly. They were jerks! I had a serious bad-boy issue.

When I looked at myself, and the guys I went after, I realized that the only similarity was ME. It was MY deal, something that I needed to change.

So instead of going after the guys that made my heart race and my jeans damp, I gave a chance to the nerdy guys, the skinny dudes in glasses, the ones in the bookstore instead of the nightclub. And I ended up with the man of my dreams!

Maybe you're chasing the same kinds of girls over and over again...think about that.

Click to expand...

Well, this maybe true, but I never really know the kinds of girls I'm chasing considering I never get farther than a "hey, that test was pretty rough!" or something like that. I never actually get personal with most of the women I meet.

I always have the "Girl Next Door" dream (the movie). You know, somehow a girl runs into me and we hit it off brilliantly. That's always been the hope in my head, but it's never happened. Going to church for years have left me watching other guys get their "perfect girls" and hoping one would walk through the doors for me. Nothing. I don't go to church anymore, but there's still that small hope.

Also, I've never in my life had a close friend that's a girl. Another dream is having a girl as a friend. Having that would probably be better than having a girlfriend. Yet, it seems impossible to get a girl to want to spend time with me... I guess the reason is because if a girl will be your close friend, they would be your girlfriend.

crazyboy2006 said:

I appreciate the prayer. All of this is material that I've driven in my head over and over and over.

To add to this, a friend said my standards were too high. Though this is a problem for a lot of people, here's the way I truly work (He didn't understand this, but maybe you will.) When I see a girl that would be a perfect-10, of course I see her as a girl I could never get. And that means I don't talk to her. When I see a girl who I would consider a 2, yep, I would have no problem talking to her with the idea that I would never date her. Now, maybe I start seeing this 2 as a 10, you know what happens? I see her as somebody who would never want a guy like me and that's it. I'm done. Does that make sense?

Click to expand...

I think I understand that you mean once you get to know someone and maybe at least half way like her then you automatically see her as unattainable?


If thats the case then maybe you should just gung ho into it before you let your mind get the best of you.

Would it be absolutely beyond your confidence level to ask an aquaintance on a date? Have you ever tried that before? What happened

crazyboy2006 said:

.

I've never had a girlfriend. Ever. I don't understand how other people make this task seem so easy, like it occurs spontaneously. My interactions with girls seem either 1) professional, as in work or class, or 2) non-existant. I might get a hey or I might talk about class every now and then, but there's no dinner or even much of a talk. I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and of course, I'm a virgin. Being in my 20's, this is frustrating.

Click to expand...

There's one simple sentence in here that you seem to have omitted. Have you actually been *asking* the girls to go out??? (i.e., hey would you like to get a cup of coffee after the class? would you to go to a movie on Saturday?)

Are you asking and getting turned down or are you not asking at all???

crazyboy2006 said:

I saw a 'how to get a girlfriend' online version of this question, but I was hoping for answers geared toward face-to-face interactions, not websites and chats.

I've never had a girlfriend. Ever. I don't understand how other people make this task seem so easy, like it occurs spontaneously. My interactions with girls seem either 1) professional, as in work or class, or 2) non-existant. I might get a hey or I might talk about class every now and then, but there's no dinner or even much of a talk. I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and of course, I'm a virgin. Being in my 20's, this is frustrating.

Another tendency I noticed is that the single girls are hard to talk to, whereas the taken women are easy to converse with. This makes things especially hard because you find yourself thinking, "If that girl were only single..."

It sucks because people say that college is the time you should be having fun and having crazy, raunchy sex. But I'm nearly finished with school and haven't even gotten close to getting a woman.

Click to expand...

Grazed through the thread responses, and here's a thought...
Howmayipleaseu suggested actively asking girls out, but if you ask them, they may decline.

I've found wonderful success in statements where most people ask questions.

Don't ask a chicky out to dinner. Ask her when and where she wants to go eat. Ask her when she wants you to pick her up? No straight possibility for refusal there.

Hell, ditch the question all together. Let's go see a movie. Come on, we can go see (movie) if we leave in a few minutes. We can beat the dinner rush at (resteraunt) if we head there now.

Never give her an opportunity to say no. Never let no be an option. Without flat refusal, she'll have to come up with an excuse on the fly, and those are often easily shot down.

She's busy tonight? Suggest next friday.
She doesn't want to see (movie)? Come up with another one.

The key is speed and bravado. Even if you aren't self confident, fake it. Functionally, there's no difference between bravado and true confidence, and, as an added bonus, bravado can gradually lead to confidence! It's win win!

However, as success as these techniques are, you have to be quick with it. If you stutter while delivering or otherwise fumble with it, the effect is lost. Practice, practice, practice.

Also, you mentioned girlfriend several times. Don't focus on that. You're planning to seriously. Focus on getting a few dates in. You won't find that special someone if you spend too much time focusing on one girl. Go out with as many as you can juggle; helps you sift through the bad ones on your way to the princess. She's always in another castle, but keep at it.

SexyCleric said:

Grazed through the thread responses, and here's a thought...
Howmayipleaseu suggested actively asking girls out, but if you ask them, they may decline.

I've found wonderful success in statements where most people ask questions.

Don't ask a chicky out to dinner. Ask her when and where she wants to go eat. Ask her when she wants you to pick her up? No straight possibility for refusal there.

Hell, ditch the question all together. Let's go see a movie. Come on, we can go see (movie) if we leave in a few minutes. We can beat the dinner rush at (resteraunt) if we head there now.

Never give her an opportunity to say no. Never let no be an option. Without flat refusal, she'll have to come up with an excuse on the fly, and those are often easily shot down.

She's busy tonight? Suggest next friday.
She doesn't want to see (movie)? Come up with another one.

The key is speed and bravado. Even if you aren't self confident, fake it. Functionally, there's no difference between bravado and true confidence, and, as an added bonus, bravado can gradually lead to confidence! It's win win!

However, as success as these techniques are, you have to be quick with it. If you stutter while delivering or otherwise fumble with it, the effect is lost. Practice, practice, practice.

Also, you mentioned girlfriend several times. Don't focus on that. You're planning to seriously. Focus on getting a few dates in. You won't find that special someone if you spend too much time focusing on one girl. Go out with as many as you can juggle; helps you sift through the bad ones on your way to the princess. She's always in another castle, but keep at it.

Click to expand...

Just a female's opinion here:

This may not work on some girls who would find this attitude and way of communicating very pushy. I personally would find this kind of guy to be an extreme turn off. I prefer a man to NOT just assume that I want to go out with him, especially if I don't want to, my excuses are a nice way of saying, "No thanks, I'm not attracted to you."

So be cautious. Some girls may dig it, some girls may not.

satindesire said:

Just a female's opinion here:

This may not work on some girls who would find this attitude and way of communicating very pushy. I personally would find this kind of guy to be an extreme turn off. I prefer a man to NOT just assume that I want to go out with him, especially if I don't want to, my excuses are a nice way of saying, "No thanks, I'm not attracted to you."

So be cautious. Some girls may dig it, some girls may not.

Click to expand...

Valid point.

It takes all types.

satindesire said:

Just a female's opinion here:

This may not work on some girls who would find this attitude and way of communicating very pushy. I personally would find this kind of guy to be an extreme turn off. I prefer a man to NOT just assume that I want to go out with him, especially if I don't want to, my excuses are a nice way of saying, "No thanks, I'm not attracted to you."

So be cautious. Some girls may dig it, some girls may not.

Click to expand...

DITTO!!!

HowMayIPleaseU said:

There's one simple sentence in here that you seem to have omitted. Have you actually been *asking* the girls to go out??? (i.e., hey would you like to get a cup of coffee after the class? would you to go to a movie on Saturday?)

Are you asking and getting turned down or are you not asking at all???

Click to expand...

No, I have not. I have never asked a girl out. It always seems out of place. It almost seems disrespectful and shameful, to be honest.

Also, is it just me, or is every girl taken?

crazyboy2006 said:

No, I have not. I have never asked a girl out. It always seems out of place. It almost seems disrespectful and shameful, to be honest.

Also, is it just me, or is every girl taken?

Click to expand...

Well... That's a defeatist attitude if I've ever heard one.

You have to start somewhere.

crazyboy2006 said:

No, I have not. I have never asked a girl out. It always seems out of place. It almost seems disrespectful and shameful, to be honest.

Also, is it just me, or is every girl taken?

Click to expand...

You're never going to get a date or female friend if you don't ask. There's absolutely nothing disrespectful or shameful about genuinely complimenting someone (e.g. "You seem like a really nice, interesting person, and I'd love to learn more about XYZ.") you feel a connection or might have something in common with and proposing you get to know each other better over coffee or whatever.

If a woman doesn't want to spend more time with you for whatever reason(s), she can always decline, and you can move right on to asking out the next woman who seems like she might be a good match for friendship or more.

Like some of the other ladies here, I find SexyCleric's 'don't take no for an answer' approach to be pushy and disrespectful, but just about everyone is flattered by being asked out in a nice way that allows them to bow out if they're not interested.

And, no, not every woman is taken. You might like to think they are to feel better about not getting dates, but you must know it's not true because other people (you know, those who are willing to put themselves out there a bit and ask) go on dates. Keep talking to women, honing your social skills and asking to get to know them better until you find ones who aren't taken and you have some kind of connection with. And maybe some of the ones who are taken would make great friends, so ask them for a friendly coffee or whatever, too.

The only way you'll know if someone wants to spend time with you is to ask, and if you keep asking, you're going to get a "yes" eventually. If you never want a female friend or girlfriend, keep doing what you've been doing!

crazyboy2006 said:

No, I have not. I have never asked a girl out. It always seems out of place. It almost seems disrespectful and shameful, to be honest.

Also, is it just me, or is every girl taken?

Click to expand...

You're gonna get a lot of flak for that post. I want to let you know, I know exactly where you're coming from.

I grew up reading women's magazines touting the values of the "sensitive man" and watching re-runs of "Three's Company" and similar shows where the guys who actively pursued women were portayed as hounddogs and lotharios. The guys who earned respect were those who held off and treated women with respect (which meant, in this case, not pursuing them).

While other kids my age were busy doing what normal teenage boys do, I was working to make myself the nice guy. The understanding guy. The sensitive guy. Now, that's so ingrained in me, it's virtually impossible to teach me new tricks -- even though all that approach has ever done is backfire on me.

I broke it down once, and realzied what was happening. I was playing out the moves in my head -- subconsciously -- almost like thinking moves ahead playing chess. I could give a girls a sweet compliment, or offer to take her to a movie, or just say, "Hi" -- anything perfectly normal and acceptable -- but I knew that at some point, if everything went according to plan, I was going to want to get naked and get down. And I knew that she knew that. After all, that's the game, isn't it? So by simply asking for a movie, what I was really asking was, "I want you to to eventually want to screw me."

That absolutely seemed disrepectful and shameful, as you put it. Disrespectful because I wanted to treat her like an object, shameful because I was worried she wouldn't want to get naked with someone like me. So most of the time, I wouldn't do anything, and when I did (and still do), I was so unconfident that I failed miserably. So yes, I know where you're coming from.

The trick, if there is one, is to try to meet women at places where you know they're looking for someone too. That will lessen the chance of rejection somewhat, because they're obviously available and probably have the same goals in mind as you do. Rather than asking that cute girl in the supermarket who didn't ASK to be asked out -- she's busy working the cash register -- go speed dating. Do a mixer.

Better yet, go on-line. That's where I've had my best success. Every woman on match or eharmony or whatever is there for the exact same reason you are. Nothing shameful or disrespectful about that. Then do the nice, normal, "Hi, thought you looked interesting, I'd like to talk," thing. It's easier to get the nervous stuff out of the way without the tyranny of body language -- to me, anyway. Hell, even Literotica here has personals.

It's tough. I understand, believe me. And if you're like me and live in a small town where you meet and get married in your late teens, early 20s, yes, everyone is taken. Almost every girl I meet that I like in my community is either attached or married, and I don't have a lot of time to go looking in bigger cities (although I have). It's frustrating as HELL, because if you didn't get in on the ground floor when everyone else did, now you're shut out and yes, everyone's already taken.

I understand the thing about wanting to be friends with a girl, and letting that develop. I've spent the last 15 years trying that, because it's what I'm most comfortable with. What makes it worse is that you hear stories about it happening, and it makes you think it's possible. Don't count on it. There's a theory that says women will judge in the first 15 seconds of meeting you whether you'll be a friend or not -- and based on my personal experience, that theory seems to have some teeth. Falling in love with your best friend, the girl next door is a wonderful dream, but you may want to assume that if she sees you as a friend, she's ALWAYS gonna see you that way -- even if you're the best possible guy for her, on paper.

So take heart. At the very least, misery loves company, right? I know where you're coming from. But they won't be coming to you just because you're tying to be respectful -- you THINK you're doing everything right, right? It's not that women love jerks, that's not necessarily true (sometimes it is, but not usually) -- but the advantage the jerks DO have is that they have no problem pursuing the women they want. Give those women a better alternative, and let them know you're out there too.

I've often felt reluctant to persue women. I looked at guys who actively did (like sharks in the water that smelled blood) and I just couldn't stand the thought of being like that. And I thought the girl in question would just see such advances as an attempt to pick them up. I thought it would be better to get to know them first, nice and slowly, take my time and take it from there. Boy was I wrong. You've got to go for it. Don't be pushy, but don't be ashamed of making your move. If you don't you'll end up in your late thirties and still in the same boat. And your opportunities get fewer and fewer as you get older, well for me they did anyway. So go for it, you've got nothing to lose.

And as odd as it seems, women seem to like the attention. You watch a woman talking to a guy who's clearly putting the moves on. It's obvious to you what he's after, but she seems to be responding, so...

SweetErika said:

Like some of the other ladies here, I find SexyCleric's 'don't take no for an answer' approach to be pushy and disrespectful, but just about everyone is flattered by being asked out in a nice way that allows them to bow out if they're not interested.

Click to expand...

Hey now, hold on a second. Appears we have a communication breakdown.

The intent is not 'don't take no for an answer,' or to be pushy. It is to present the 'ask out' question in a manner that will not simply be dismissed out of hand, as I have seen happen all too often. She can still decline, and like any other method; she often will. I've found it effective because she has to have a reason for not wanting to get coffee, rather than just 'shove off'. Also, if done right, it is a method not often used; if you see one hundred bricks, and one pillow, the pillow is more likely to be remembered.

Mr. Crazyboy seems to have a shy thing going on, and that's a huge hurdle to overcome. Been there. It makes all social interactions, with either gender, more intimidating and difficult. And hey, you have to learn to come out of your shell some how, right?

Crazy, you may also want to consider changing your goal from 'get a girlfriend' to 'go out on dates.' Don't think of it as disrespectful to ask out a girl, whatever way you should choose, but think of it as an opportunity to get to know someone and have fun. It's not all about getting them to have sex with you, and that can even be the least fun part of it. Just go out and have a good time.

satindesire said:

Have you ever thought that perhaps you're choosing the wrong kinds of girls to talk to?

I used to have a problem in relationships. I had no idea why, but somehow all the guys that I dated and were attracted to ended up treating me really, really badly. They were jerks! I had a serious bad-boy issue.

When I looked at myself, and the guys I went after, I realized that the only similarity was ME. It was MY deal, something that I needed to change.

So instead of going after the guys that made my heart race and my jeans damp, I gave a chance to the nerdy guys, the skinny dudes in glasses, the ones in the bookstore instead of the nightclub. And I ended up with the man of my dreams!

Maybe you're chasing the same kinds of girls over and over again...think about that.

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Hey! Welcome back! Excellent advice. If you're not hitting it with MOTAS, try a different type of MOTAS.

And double kudos to you for recognizing and ditching the bad boy thing.

Le Jacquelope said:

Hey! Welcome back! Excellent advice. If you're not hitting it with MOTAS, try a different type of MOTAS.

And double kudos to you for recognizing and ditching the bad boy thing.

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Hey Unc. I'm on and off the board, I check it daily but there are assholes everywhere and on every forum, so I try to avoid posting here unless it's something that really calls to me. I haven't posted in the GB in...forever, I guess. I know they're still talking about me over there, but they'll get over their little crushes any day now and I'll be forgotten like the rest of the people they've chased off over the years.

And thank you. I knew that my problem stemmed from issues I had with my father as a child, once I resolved my daddy issues, and now that I have a fantastic relationship with him, I was able to let go of the bad boys. It really helps to be self aware of why you act the way you do, but not ever person is lucky enough to be equipped with a self-therapist.