What is your definition of submissive?

[VividDesires]

Submissive. Dominant. These words are thrown around so much...what do they mean to you? What do you expect from someone who wants to be submissive...or dominant for that matter? From experience, I know that when I say I'm submissive, I mean that I like to have a guy in charge in bed...or on the couch...or on the floor... I like to be told what to do, but I'm not into hard core pain or humiliation.

Have you ever met up with someone who you thought fit your definition of submissive/dominant only to find out they were way over your line? lol...seems like there's gotta to be a lot of stories floating around out there of submissive/dominant roles gone wrong. ...Just curious, if you are open to sharing.

[00Syd]

I know that Im submissive because I feel best when I'm in my place on the floor, but there is no one definition of submissive. If you dig being closer to the powerless end of the power spectrum, then you might be submissive.

[Kikori]

Syd's right. If you boil down the definition of submissive too much, people can get onto you that it doesn't cover the fine lines of many relationships out there. Yet if you get into those fine lines, a very simple, boiled down look at something will let you know you're not being blunt enough.

To me? Being submissive has two definitions / examples.
One is socially submissive. A yes-man, a charitable person, a giving friend... Someone who sees, hears, or knows that others want / need something and want to give. Someone who wants to be needed by others or given orders on what to do for others.

One is sexually submissive. Someone who is willing to sacrifice their own sexual desires for those of their master or mistress, trusting their dominant partner to fulfill their side of the relationship in giving the submissive what (s)he has earned. A sexual submissive trusts to the dominant their body and pleasure, trusting that they will be treated fairly and as they agree with the dominant... just under the dominant's rule.

[Kajira Callista]

people can be submissive but not "a" submissive.
thats my definition

[SubKekiLee]

This is the best definition I have with a few exceptions this was posted on another forum by a VERY close friend of mine and we almost complete each others sentenances.. but this could ring no more true for me..
Posted with permission from PPP:

What is a service sub? I've had some that mistake me for a maid, or a chauffeur. I was mistaken for a strictly sex sub.. So I had to come up with a way to respond to people, I'm wondering if this has happened to you?

I was trained by my first Dominant to serve. By serve, that means serve in every capacity. I cook, I clean, I bathe my Dominant should he wish. I can shave him I can wipe his ass if he needs it or wants it. I am his whore his slut, his nurse, his counselor.. There is nothing I will not do save for the clearly defined hard limitations that are set forth.


I am, for all practical purpose the manager of my Dominant's household, I take care of the details, and I even take care of him against his will somewhat. It is my purpose in this life to ensure he stays healthy and happy, if that means saving him from himself then so be it. I will huff and stomp even so much as raise my voice to make sure he is taken care of..

I do so many different things for my Dominant, so that he can concentrate on a few things instead of many things at once, I am his peace of mind I am his fall back I am his entertainment.. I pride myself on good conversational skills as well as other things he needs.

Being in service means so many different things to so many people I just thought I should share what it means to me.


Thank you PPP..

[Chiisai_Neko]

Originally Posted by Kikori

One is sexually submissive. Someone who is willing to sacrifice their own sexual desires for those of their master or mistress, trusting their dominant partner to fulfill their side of the relationship in giving the submissive what (s)he has earned. A sexual submissive trusts to the dominant their body and pleasure, trusting that they will be treated fairly and as they agree with the dominant... just under the dominant's rule.

I agree with this, completely. With my master and myself, the Dom/sub relationship pertains almost completely to sex. Outside of the bedroom, we are like any other "normal" young couple.

For me, I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom, because I'm so dominant everywhere else. I'm loud mouthed and opinionated and I'm very used to doing things my way. And, usually, my boyfriend is more than willing to let me make the decisions (unless, of course, there something he really does[n't] want to do, in which case we compromise). So, it's a lot of fun to have him take control of me and take what he wants first, when he usually puts my wants first.

I think there are as many ways to define submissive and dominant as their are people who call themselves submissive or dominant. It's pretty subjective.

[Betticus]

Originally Posted by VividDesires

Submissive. Dominant. These words are thrown around so much...what do they mean to you? What do you expect from someone who wants to be submissive...or dominant for that matter? From experience, I know that when I say I'm submissive, I mean that I like to have a guy in charge in bed...or on the couch...or on the floor... I like to be told what to do, but I'm not into hard core pain or humiliation.

Have you ever met up with someone who you thought fit your definition of submissive/dominant only to find out they were way over your line? lol...seems like there's gotta to be a lot of stories floating around out there of submissive/dominant roles gone wrong. ...Just curious, if you are open to sharing.

Hmmm, in my opinion it's just a personality trait.

I was starting to think I was the only one on lit in New Mexico. Nice to see another desert rat in here.

[intothewoods]

Submissive, in the kinky sense of the word, means the quality of deferring to someone else's power or authority. It could be in the bedroom. It could be at the breakfast table. It could be any which way in between.

I was wrinkling my nose at KC's post at first, because it's handy to use "submissive" as a noun for social labels, but I have to admit my PYL doesn't refer to me as his submissive. He calls me his girlfriend. I think he's maybe only said, I like that you're submissive, in a list of things he likes about me (I like that you bake bread may have come before it on some days, not sure ).

[Chiisai_Neko]

Originally Posted by intothewoods

but I have to admit my PYL doesn't refer to me as his submissive. He calls me his girlfriend.

My master doesn't call me his submissive or slave or anything like that, either. I'm his girlfriend or his girl (or lady, depending on his mood, which is so adorable). Actually, I don't usually refer to him as my master, either. It's usually "my boyfriend" or "my boy."

I don't know why I use it on here so often. Probably because this is a sexual place and so I use my sexual frame of mind on here. *shrugs*

But yea, I don't know anyone who refers to their partner as their "submissive" or "dominant" or any variation of.

Interesting thought.

[intothewoods]

Originally Posted by Chiisai_Neko

My master doesn't call me his submissive or slave or anything like that, either. I'm his girlfriend or his girl (or lady, depending on his mood, which is so adorable). Actually, I don't usually refer to him as my master, either. It's usually "my boyfriend" or "my boy."

I don't know why I use it on here so often. Probably because this is a sexual place and so I use my sexual frame of mind on here. *shrugs*

But yea, I don't know anyone who refers to their partner as their "submissive" or "dominant" or any variation of.

Interesting thought.

I call him my boyfriend or the man, or on this forum Mister Man! I don't call him Master, except occasionally if he decides he wants me to call him that, although more often it would be Sir.

He sometimes, very rarely, refers to me as "slave girl," but it's usually just to tease me, like, be a good slave girl and bring me x.

I hope that doesn't offend the real slave girls amongst us.

[Homburg]

Do what I fucking tell you to. That's pretty much it.

[intothewoods]

Originally Posted by Homburg

Do what I fucking tell you to. That's pretty much it.

*takes notes*

[00Syd]

Originally Posted by Homburg

Do what I fucking tell you to. That's pretty much it.

HA!

[ecstaticsub]

Originally Posted by Kajira Callista

people can be submissive but not "a" submissive.
thats my definition

I disagree. I am "a" submissive to my Dominant but I am not generally submissive.

Originally Posted by Chiisai_Neko

My master doesn't call me his submissive or slave or anything like that, either. I'm his girlfriend or his girl (or lady, depending on his mood, which is so adorable). Actually, I don't usually refer to him as my master, either. It's usually "my boyfriend" or "my boy."

I don't know why I use it on here so often. Probably because this is a sexual place and so I use my sexual frame of mind on here. *shrugs*

But yea, I don't know anyone who refers to their partner as their "submissive" or "dominant" or any variation of.

Interesting thought.

When my Dominant refers to me as his submissive and I refer to him as my Dominant. At least among close friends who know our situation.



My definition of submission is simple. I vowed to obey, be loyal and do what he tells me to do.

[eddie73]

Originally Posted by Kikori

One is sexually submissive. Someone who is willing to sacrifice their own sexual desires for those of their master or mistress, trusting their dominant partner to fulfill their side of the relationship in giving the submissive what (s)he has earned. A sexual submissive trusts to the dominant their body and pleasure, trusting that they will be treated fairly and as they agree with the dominant... just under the dominant's rule.

I think you are correct but for one thing. I believe that that someone submissive is not sacrificing their sexual desires for those of their master or mistress, but that they are fulfilling their own sexual desires through submission. One could argue that to whom they submit is almost ancillary.

eddie

[ataxia.girl]

Well i think there are probably lots of different types of submissive. i tend to be of the variety that just has an extremely hard time saying "no" to men. Dominant men just make me turn to putty. Sometimes i do things i regret and then get angry and shout at them later to which they get angry and say if i didn't want to do them i shouldn't have done them and they make it my fault. Its really confusing actually. So i don't know if that's really submissive or not since i'm not really able to just take it and not get mad. i kind of expect the Dom to listen to me when i say "i don't want to do that" and if they make the judgement call to keep pressing well then i think its their responsibility. It turns me on to no end when they "make" me do it or take it by force and don't care when i get upset after. Those guys are so hard to find. Am amending to say it doesn't turn me on when they have got me to do something that really was past my limits that was not good for me to do. All my limits tend to be soft but they honestly have like nothing to do with whether i get turned on or not. A Dom who takes what he wants with no apologies without like damaging me.... THAT turns me on even if what he takes is a simple kiss.

anyway...

i'm this kind

High End Submissive

So basically i just have to be careful who i talk to. i'm not really one of those subs that only submits to this or that person. i won't submit to any idiot who yells at me but if they give off that uber Dominant vibe (you know that vibe that just says "i do what i want... period") then yea.... i'm basically toast and will do whatever crazy thing they want. Luckily this often backfires with them getting all weird and turning into little lost puppies afterward who are no longer Dominant.

[satindesire]

I am generally submissive in my whole life, I feel comfortable being a follower, part of the crowd, fitting in, being a conformist, and not being in a position of leadership or authority.

This spills over into my love life, I prefer dating assertive people with very Alpha-dog personalities.

This only applies to me...but this is how -I- personally define submission.

[KinkyDork]

But you wouldn't beleive it if you met me. I like to take lead, I'm a bit of a control freak. If they don't do it right, I instantly take over and make sure its done right. Why send others to do it when I can do it right the first time. I wouldn't say I'm dominant but I don't mind being in charge as I don't like idiots leading me on.

But when it comes to my hormones and what has gotten me just plain aroused is being dominated. I'm addicted to it. I want to be under someone's control, be lead in the bedroom(hell wherever we're at), my beloved boyfriend is german, and a hardcore one, he is going to be a marine too....He enjoys the fact I'm submissive. It makes things comfortable for us, a perfect match for sexual habbits.

I'm not into the pain is my gain thing, hot wax, a little whipping, hell spanking is great is nice...I dig the biting too. However, I will not be taking razors to my skin for his enjoyment or let him punch me to get kicks. I am submissive through and through, the bitch to be exact. You know its not just the "bedroom" that I like this, I like it in person too. Like satindesire saud, I dig the assertive people, the Alpha-dog personalities. I'm not too submissive in person but I like the competition and a good fight. I might be weird though.

A friend of mine described what I liked perfectly when I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was into reading the Lycan/Vampire erotica and he told me this : "hun I don't think there is anything wrong with the fact you like to read about animalistic dominating sex where the women is always on the bottom. Where it is rough and controling. You like that.nothing wrong with that." He's good to me, knows me in and out, and I think he's right. He and a few of my others friends get my kinks, not just my boyfriend....so maybe not that weird to me. I'm relatively young, I'm worried about being a freak.

I want to be on bottom, told what to do, and just take it with my writhing beneath him with moaning and whimpering delight...Begging for more.


-------------

GOOD GOD! ataxia.girl I just read your 'High End Submission' it creeped me out how realisticly close to me that was.

[YourCaptor]

When I hear the term submissive I don’t think beta, I think omega. The bottom of the bottom.

As for definitions, how about this

A submissive willingly sacrifices so that others are better off.

A dominant leads order into others, so that everyone is better off.

[Daddyslilpet]

I am who Daddy likes me to be... me, the whole package, flaws and all.

[satindesire]

Originally Posted by YourCaptor

*Snip*

A dominant leads order into others, so that everyone is better off.

This is a very comfortable fit for me as well.

[FurryFury]

My personal definition for kink, is a person that cares more about what others want and taking care of them, than what they want.

Then there are personal and sports definitions that are different.

[ataxia.girl]

Originally Posted by KinkyDork

GOOD GOD! ataxia.girl I just read your 'High End Submission' it creeped me out how realisticly close to me that was.

Yea it creeped me out too when i read it the first time but it fits me to a T. i can be very dominant when i'm in my element but emotionally and sexually i'm just not unless i've been pushed to far and hurt and then i will lash out. Socially i'm quite submissive, but make me responsible for getting a job done... well then its basically do it right, do what i tell you, or get the fuck out of my way.

In a way i think i'm just sometimes at war with my own submissiveness. i have opinions and needs and want things my way but i'm also submissive and need to be Dominated in order to feel at peace. i want someone stronger and better equipped to just 'deal' to be in charge of me but i still get frustrated when they won't do it my way even though doing it my way would make me unhappy.

[Xiantic]

I'm definitely a dominant type, as those who know me could tell you. But, even in being dominant, I like pleasing my partner, which means I almost NEED somebody who likes to be dominated. I can be brutal, horrible with teasing, and out-right sadistic at times, but only because I know in the end, it's what the person on the other end wants. I'm weird like that I suppose. But I just can't really get off unless they do.

[cali_subangel]

Originally Posted by VividDesires

Submissive. Dominant. These words are thrown around so much...what do they mean to you? What do you expect from someone who wants to be submissive...or dominant for that matter? From experience, I know that when I say I'm submissive, I mean that I like to have a guy in charge in bed...or on the couch...or on the floor... I like to be told what to do, but I'm not into hard core pain or humiliation.

Have you ever met up with someone who you thought fit your definition of submissive/dominant only to find out they were way over your line? lol...seems like there's gotta to be a lot of stories floating around out there of submissive/dominant roles gone wrong. ...Just curious, if you are open to sharing.

I like to be with a take charge man. I also like to give up the lack of trust,,to surrender. No humiliation,,some pain,,but that given out of context is too fucked up. I am a giver, i want to give, to submit.
I recently met up with someone online whos tastes differed from mine some, we both like bondage, im a bit of a masochist, and he at the time seemed to fit well with that,,not exactly a sadist, maybe thats why i trusted him, but also may be why he couldnt handle it...i think maybe he was more just along for the ride,,and even possibly more of a sadist than i gave him credit for.