Submission is a gift

Sex is a gift
BJs are a gift
Allowing spankings is a gift


WTF??


Someone pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee explain all this to me.

Kajira Callista said:

Sex is a gift
BJs are a gift
Allowing spankings is a gift


WTF??


Someone pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee explain all this to me.

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You forgot my vagina. It is most definitely a gift.








What? You don't know!

The flip side to this is that I don't expect any of the above to be treated as a gift (especially not allowing spankings, because that makes no sense), but is it a crime against submission to say that I don't always enter the door all charged up and ready to go? I mean, fuck a duck.

intothewoods said:

You forgot my vagina. It is most definitely a gift.








What? You don't know!

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Is it gold plated like mine! I thought I was the only one.
I am trying to understand how the dictionary def. the word submission and a "Dom" having to beg for the gift go together at all.

Kajira Callista said:

Is it gold plated like mine! I thought I was the only one.
I am trying to understand how the dictionary def. the word submission and a "Dom" having to beg for the gift go together at all.

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No, it's platinum! Duhhh.

Begging? I'm the only one doing the begging around here! Well, there. Somewhere.

Jounar once said something to me that really made me think about this. "Something taken is worthless, but something given, now that means something"

I son't believe in the pillow princess version of treating me like I"m a fragile blown glass swan who's head will break off if you do not handle me right. I do believe in courtship tho.

Do you not give trust?
Do you not give a toy to a child on his birthday?
Do you not give submission?

This is how I see "gift", simply something you have given. But it's not something that I have to regift, nor is it something that he has to keep earning. He earned my trust and love while we were courting, so I gave him all that I have, myself.

I don't go around proclaiming how precious my "gift" is and how he has to earn it and earn the right to keep it. Just as I don't go around proclaiming how precious the quilt I made for his mom is, and how she has to keep earning the right to keep that. That's silly, to me anyway. My "gift" is his, as long as he wishes to keep it, and it's his right if he doesn't.

I am a precious treasure to him, but one he only had to earn once.

IMO, submission is a gift that is given to the Dom freely; out of love and caring, and mutual pleasure.

If someone would try and take my submission, that wouldn't be giving it freely; and then it wouldn't be a gift. It would be in the lines of theft, blackmail, or rape.

It is partly a spiritual bonding between Him and i. By giving Him my submission, i am showing that i completely trust Him and that we connect in a way that no other would.

It is a gift given freely to Him with love and trust.

Kajira Callista said:

Sex is a gift
BJs are a gift
Allowing spankings is a gift


WTF??


Someone pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee explain all this to me.

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Bleahhh. It's too close to "nice girls don't." Putting out. If you secretly think these things are dirty naughty and bad you are doing a favor for letting him do them to you. Ughh.

I definitely consider my act "giving myself" to T. But I don't think of it as "a gift" or a "noun" of any kind. It's how I want to be around/for him. No one else gets that from me. If he wants to gloat about that he can if he wants to tell me to fuck Norm Coleman he can. It's not a gift. It's much worse - it's actually magic. This frustrates people to no end who are attracted to people on whom their particular magic is without effect.

Netzach said:

Bleahhh. It's too close to "nice girls don't." Putting out. If you secretly think these things are dirty naughty and bad you are doing a favor for letting him do them to you. Ughh.

I definitely consider my act "giving myself" to T. But I don't think of it as "a gift" or a "noun" of any kind. It's how I want to be around/for him.

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purrrrrrrrrrrrrr i like the "nice girls don't" roleplay game.
But then...I like people to do dirty naughty and bad things to me also without guilt attached. I just dont feel like i can give something that I am as a gift. It doesnt make sense in my lil head.


And I you and secretly stalk you every place you go.

I'm just gonna sit here and watch. Y'all keep doing what you're doing.

Main Entry: sub·mis·sive
Pronunciation: \-ˈmi-siv\
Function: adjective
Date: 1575
: submitting to others <submissive employees>
— sub·mis·sive·ly adverb
— sub·mis·sive·ness noun




Main Entry: sub·mit
Pronunciation: \səb-ˈmit\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): sub·mit·ted; sub·mit·ting
Etymology: Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere to lower, submit, from sub- + mittere to send
Date: 14th century
transitive verb
1 a: to yield to governance or authority b: to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation <the metal was submitted to analysis>
2: to present or propose to another for review, consideration, or decision ; also : to deliver formally <submitted my resignation>
3: to put forward as an opinion or contention <we submit that the charge is not proved>
intransitive verb
1 a: to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : surrender b: to permit oneself to be subjected to something <had to submit to surgery>
2: to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another
synonyms see yield
— sub·mit·tal \-ˈmi-təl\ noun


Main Entry: sub·mis·sion
Pronunciation: \səb-ˈmi-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin submission-, submissio act of lowering, from submittere
Date: 14th century
1 a: a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators b: an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection) ; also : something submitted (as a manuscript)
2: the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant
3: an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

I just like that wenchie said "regift." Ha!

If it's a gift, how come I never got a thank you card?

intothewoods said:

I just like that wenchie said "regift." Ha!

If it's a gift, how come I never got a thank you card?

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because men aren't as polite as we ladies.

Homburg said:

I'm just gonna sit here and watch. Y'all keep doing what you're doing.

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Don't think you are gonna get the gift of us stripping for you or anything I just don't give my gifts so easily.

the captians wench said:

because men aren't as polite as we ladies.

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Well if they want presents they really should send a little thank you note... lets write an ettiquette book

Gift or not, I'm sure the people who call it a gift are being sincere about feeling that way. That's cool, but I think the problem is that it just sounds kind of cliche and dorky after awhile, like "My Master is my soulmate" or "He completes me." *cringe* Hey, they're both nice enough things to say. Nice. *cringe*

WickedEve said:

Gift or not, I'm sure the people who call it a gift are being sincere about feeling that way. That's cool, but I think the problem is that it just sounds kind of cliche and dorky after awhile, like "My Master is my soulmate" or "He completes me." *cringe* Hey, they're both nice enough things to say. Nice. *cringe*

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This is exactly why I'm usually on the "oh pah-leaze" end of this conversation.

But I've been thinking about this for a few days now and realized on some terms I do view it as a gift of sorts. Just not in the over romantisized way that it comes out.

the captians wench said:

This is exactly why I'm usually on the "oh pah-leaze" end of this conversation.

But I've been thinking about this for a few days now and realized on some terms I do view it as a gift of sorts. Just not in the over romantisized way that it comes out.

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Hey, I'm submissive but not with just anyone. It is a gift. I just don't call it that. I call it, "Tie me to that tree and beat my ass because you own me!" Oh, I usually scream out something like that. Better than, "Please don't exchange my gift, soulmate!"

I see it like, by submitting to him I am giving him power over me. And yeah, that's giving him something, but its not like "Happy birthday, here's a gift!" It's more like, "Hey, you see that new car across the street? The really nice shiny new one? Yeah, that's for you, because I think your awesome, and you deserve it. Take it, its yours."

I know it's really a pretty dead horse to beat, but my take is that it's a gift for the first moment, and then after that you own it.

Maybe it's also that I just try to walk in gratitude about everything; I consider my shoes and my friends and my free time a gift as well.

but once you've given me a gift, I don't necessarily have to be given it every day, over and over. Kinda silly, like going and getting the book you gave me for my birthday off the shelf and re-wrapping it every morning. I'm grateful every morning, of course, but that doesn't mean I have to express deep indebtedness if I decide to write things in the margins over breakfast. Or, for that matter, tear pages out and make origami with them, if that's what I decide to do. It's mine now, so the gift part is over and the using part is what is happening now.

I hope that's vaguely coherent.

bj

the captians wench said:

Jounar once said something to me that really made me think about this. "Something taken is worthless, but something given, now that means something".

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That's pretty much how I feel about it too.

Stag of Oberon said:

as a mild bibliophile, if i gave someone a book and they tore pages out for oragami.... i would feel very much that my gift was unappreciated.

It is odd though that i take better care of the books that are "indefinitely loaned" to me than the ones that were given to me as gifts. Its hard to keep track of them all too.

Also, just because i have collections of books and bottles, not every fucking book or bottle i come across goes into it, and i resent when someone expects their "gift" to go on that shelf.

Thats not a gift anymore its a mandate; so Fuck off.

maybe thats part of the crux of the problem with calling submission a gift. It's the Dominants bed (or dungeon), just because you give yourself or "of yourself" doesnt mean you should be giving with implicit expectations as to whats to be done with that gift.

You do tend to expect said gift to be taken care of though, at the least.

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mostly being a smartass here, but I am thinking about this.

What if it's really really cool origami? Do we get into a "trust the domme" discussion, where my actual reasons are obvious to me but I shouldn't, as a toppy type, have to explain them all?

So, like, the book is precious, but I happen to know that the author has died, and the author's daughter wants a thousand paper cranes to go on his memorial altar. I have a second copy, and I believe it will be immensely meaningful for me to take out my favorite passage, make a crane and send it to her with a letter explaining the special significance of that.

lengthy metaphor, I know, but it's kinda like that sometimes. part of the D/s relationship, the way I see it, is that kind of trust. I'm going to do something, and I haven't got the time or energy to explain all the reasons for it, and theoretically if you've signed on as my sub, you trust my decisions, so I will take that book and do exactly as I like with it, and you have confidence that if I did explain it, it would make plenty of sense.

Please know that I'm not trying to be contentious. I'm just exploring the metaphor a bit.



bj

Kajira Callista said:

Don't think you are gonna get the gift of us stripping for you or anything I just don't give my gifts so easily.

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I see that you are not part of the Giftean subculture within BDSM society. Though I probably shouldn't bring them up again as I might step on toes...

I always think it's a "gift" when he does the dishes.