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Old 08-25-2014, 03:32 AM   #1
paynomind
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Muddling my way through terms and definitions...

I've seen a few threads about which side of the slash people fall on in D/s relationships, and I used to think I was definitely on the submissive side. Now, however, I'm not so sure. I feel like I've gotten to know myself a bit better in the past year, and I'm starting think I'm passive... Not necessarily submissive.

Are there any other people who started out thinking they were submissive only to come to a different conclusion? Or rather, a Dom(me) who found someone that seemed submissive, but ended up being something other than? Or maybe being passive is just a lazy sub...? And maybe this is why they say, "pick your label," rather than lumping yourself into a vague category that could mean any number of things.

Anyyyywayyyyy... I think it's an interesting topic, but it might be a dead horse beaten long ago, and I missed the threads. If so, feel free to ignore this.

I'll be first to point out that I don't know anything about anything, so if I've made some faux pas or offended some group of people in some way, I apologize, that was certainly not my intent.

Thanks for reading
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Old 08-25-2014, 03:55 AM   #2
seela
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Hi, and welcome to our corner of Lit!

You asked a great question, and I think it's awesome you've been able to figure out that there's a difference there.

Stella Omega has written a great post about the labels of Dominant and submissive, Top and bottom. You might want to check it out. http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...&postcount=148

I think reading that you'll find out that you're bottom.

All in all. Labels are nice and handy and can make communication easier, but they're not the be-all and end-all of BDSM, so don't get too stuck on trying to define yourself. Few people fit into neatly labeled pigeon holes, so there's no need to stress over that. Just learn to communicate what you're into and what you expect/wish from your partner and you'll be fine.
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Old 08-25-2014, 04:11 AM   #3
paynomind
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seela View Post
Hi, and welcome to our corner of Lit!

You asked a great question, and I think it's awesome you've been able to figure out that there's a difference there.

Stella Omega has written a great post about the labels of Dominant and submissive, Top and bottom. You might want to check it out. http://forum.literotica.com/showpost...&postcount=148

I think reading that you'll find out that you're bottom.

All in all. Labels are nice and handy and can make communication easier, but they're not the be-all and end-all of BDSM, so don't get too stuck on trying to define yourself. Few people fit into neatly labeled pigeon holes, so there's no need to stress over that. Just learn to communicate what you're into and what you expect/wish from your partner and you'll be fine.
I loved the explanation, thank you for pointing me in the right direction

Last edited by paynomind : 08-25-2014 at 04:43 AM.
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Old 08-25-2014, 11:20 AM   #4
KoPilot
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I think you'll find that lots of us s-types (also called pyl here, for "pick your label"; a d-type would be a PYL) are actually less genuinely submissive than not. Being done-unto is really awesome sometimes... so much so that even PYLs will indulge themselves too

I personally identify somewhere along the lines of a pet-- someone who is owned, but not necessarily submissive at all/ I'm also heavily masochistic on a number of fronts, and a lot of times being a mental and emotional masochist ends up looking a lot like plain submission. Granted, I am submissive in other ways, like my propensity for domestic-type servitude.

Anyways, it's all a mess anyhow. Mix and match as you please, and if someone gives you a hard time, ignore them.
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Old 08-25-2014, 11:54 AM   #5
CutieMouse
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KoPilot View Post
I think you'll find that lots of us s-types (also called pyl here, for "pick your label"; a d-type would be a PYL) are actually less genuinely submissive than not.
And that opens the huge debate of what = "genuinely sumbissive". I don't think I've ever seen two people actually agree on a functioning definition of that term. lol
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Old 08-25-2014, 01:46 PM   #6
KoPilot
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Originally Posted by CutieMouse View Post
And that opens the huge debate of what = "genuinely sumbissive". I don't think I've ever seen two people actually agree on a functioning definition of that term. lol
"Genuine" was definitely a lazy qualifier, but when I think about it nothing else sounds good either. I guess I probably mean something along the lines of people-pleaser, doesn't like being in leadership or decision-making positions, selflessness, etc.

But yeah, you're right, it means a lot of things... and at the same time it's kind of meaningless that way too.
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Old 08-25-2014, 04:58 PM   #7
paynomind
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KoPilot View Post
I think you'll find that lots of us s-types (also called pyl here, for "pick your label"; a d-type would be a PYL) are actually less genuinely submissive than not. Being done-unto is really awesome sometimes... so much so that even PYLs will indulge themselves too

I personally identify somewhere along the lines of a pet-- someone who is owned, but not necessarily submissive at all/ I'm also heavily masochistic on a number of fronts, and a lot of times being a mental and emotional masochist ends up looking a lot like plain submission. Granted, I am submissive in other ways, like my propensity for domestic-type servitude.

Anyways, it's all a mess anyhow. Mix and match as you please, and if someone gives you a hard time, ignore them.
Thank you for sharing your take on things as well. There are so many different facets to the BDSM scene it seems wrong that there are only four letters to the acronym
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