Originally Posted by sinfulvenus
I am a nineteen year old female and have been dabbling in the submissive side of BDSM for a couple years now. I've experimented with several exes but.. no one has completely satisfied my urges. I take into consideration that I was the one who introduced all of them to BDSM, so none were experienced dominants, but it still seemed like none of them took it seriously.
I know I like to be controlled and a exceptional amount of pain (Without going overboard, I suppose), but beyond that, I'm so curious about the lifestyle. I'd love to experiment with the lifestyle itself and not just behind-closed-doors stuff, but I can't even find a dominant to take the 'behind-closed-doors' stuff seriously. See my dilemma?
And also, if I do just so happen to find what I'm looking for, what does it take to be a good submissive? Tips, hints, etc.?
Any advice is welcome.
Welcome to the forum! We have some stickies at the top of the list with links to resources and past threads, check some of those out. ^_^
As for finding someone to take things more seriously, have you tried local events for meeting people with similar interests? The easiest way to find local events is to join FetLife
and search the local groups. If joining local groups isn't for you, you can also make friends through the site (though the site isn't set up for dating) and learn a lot through the groups.
There is no 'one size fits all' answer for what makes a good submissive. Every relationship is going to be different. It really depends on what you're looking for and what your partner wants. In most cases, I suggest getting to know things about yourself and what you want so you have an idea of what to discuss with future partners. You don't have to know everything, but have something to start with and figure out the rest as you go.
Since you put out there your age and experience level, be prepared to be propositioned a lot. There are a lot of guys that are going to PM you or post here telling you they can "teach" you or give you the experience you want. Don't let all your common sense go because someone promises to be dominant. If something makes you uncomfortable, you can say no. Don't ever let anyone tell you crap like "a real submissive would do X" because that's not true.
Good luck, I hope you stick around and join in on the discussions here.
P.S. You can click on member screen names and hit the 'Ignore' button to block them if you need to.