Old 09-01-2008, 10:34 AM   #1
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Macdaddy23 is offline
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Funny masturbation stories

Anyone have any funny masturbation stories?
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Old 09-02-2008, 01:50 PM   #2
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youngleo is offline
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I was on Lit. with my crank in my hand when my girlfriend came over unexpectedly. I didnt even hear her come in. She said what are you doing? I said pretending you are here. I just grabbed her and took her to the bedroom. She said I think Ill come over unexpectedly more often.
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:04 PM   #3
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Next time try saying to her "pretending your sister was here" and see if the evening turns out any differently.
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Old 09-03-2008, 10:19 PM   #4
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EjAcKuLaToR is offline
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I have 2 for you...

First Story
When I was a kid and first figured out about masturbating (a girl I knew told me because her older sisters/friends had told her what guys do and how they do it)... I used to think that you stopped masturbating when it started to "feel good". I didn't know anything about ejaculating or anything. Well, I was instantly addicted to masturbation and I did it everywhere and anywhere I could. I guess I masturbated about - oh, I don't know, maybe 1,000 times in the first few weeks after I learned of masturbation and always pushed it to the edge, but always stopped before I actually "came" because I HONESTLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK if I continued ANY MORE. It wasn't until I discussed it further with my "know it all" female friend that I learned that you have to "do it until something comes out" or you're not doing it long enough. Hahahahahahaha...that was some funny shit, and the first time I did cum, OH MY GOD!!!!!

Second Story
I was pounding it one time and my wife came in the room unbeknownst to me. As I was cumming, I must have had some really fucked up expression on my face, because she "snorted" a giggle. I looked up and saw her (I was in the middle of cumming) and just busted out laughing my ass off. She laughed her ass of too. It was funny as hell.

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Old 09-07-2008, 07:13 AM   #5
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When I was a teenager, I would sit in my bedroom listening to music with my headphones on. On some of these occasions I would pull out my pecker and have a tug. Every night without fail my mum would bring me in a cup of tea, so there I was listening to my music eyes closed with legs spread playing with Mr pencil, just as I realized I was close to cumming I noticed my cup of tea on my desk. Needless to say I couldn't look my mum in the eye for a couple of days
why does good music make me tap my foot
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Old 03-07-2009, 03:04 AM   #6
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kind of funny

This is not exactly a caught at it story but kind of funny I think. I posted most of this on another thread recently but kind of fits here tool. I was self pleasuring one evening and when finished cleansed my toy and had it in the bathroom to air dry. I live alone so there is not any concern with the privacy etc of others. The toy happens to be one that is made to stand on its own, long and curved quite a bit for g-spot stimulation with a wide base with plenty of nodules for clitoral and labia stimulation.

Well this was like a Friday night. On Saturday I had a friend/acquaintance who I know through relatives call me to see about an estimate on repair work in my bathroom. Weeelll you can get where this is going. He and I walk in there talking and catching up on mutual friends etc looking at the back of the bathroom and ceiling (my sink is to left of entry door) looking up considering how and where the damage has spread, what kind of lighting we can change and partial or full ceiling replacement WHEN after about 10 minutes we turn back toward the door and sink I look down finally from our pointing etc at the ceiling AND there sitting pretty as you please all perky on the sink counter is my toy. In seconds I about fainted at that moment (although its hilarious to consider since) thought omg, he was still talking I was not sure if he looked down as well but I grabbed it with one hand, kept talking and pointed with the other hand and tossed it behind me into the hamper in my thankfully open closet. I really do laugh every time I think of it.

I do not know if he saw it, if he did he never let on and we talked on a good bit after finishing speaking on the costs of repairs and about our mutual friend. Needless to say I had so big time forgotten or not even thought about it being in there that I was shell shocked. I mean now if it happened to me again and I thought it was seen I would probably say something like "oopsy some entertainment certainly is not meant for visitors excuse me while I die of embarrassment" or if I knew they would not be offended "well obviously the ceiling is not the only thing needing some attention around here". Any way as it turns out he did not end up doing the repair work so there was not really any reason to ever have it come up to know if he saw.
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Old 03-07-2009, 09:44 AM   #7
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cent_fl_guy is offline
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My old girlfriend and I lived about 200 yards from each other in separate houses. We were over at her house putting stuff on ebay she would write a description and I would take a picture.

I had to run home for a matter of minutes and when I returned I picked up the camera to take the next picture and it wouldn't work. I looked at it and turned it over thinking the batteries were dead all of the sudden and now there were no batteries in it. She turns bright red and says, oops, I couldn't wait. We had a very open sex life and masturbation was usual in it, however I couldn't help but saying, "I was only gone for like 3 minutes"

You sort of had to be there, but it was very funny at the time.
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Old 03-07-2009, 12:14 PM   #8
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A couple of months ago my gf and I were camming (she lives about 1.5hrs away) and as usual I got really into it. I hadn't jerked it for almost a week, so I was pretty excited to get off. She makes me wait to cum for a really, really long time--almost an hour--when I finally say "I'm sorry, it's just not going to wait any longer." So I prepare myself and when I shoot, it goes directly into my face, and in my eye. I say "FUCK! IT GOT IN MY EYE!" as I'm still spilling all over. She couldn't stop laughing at me because I had drenched myself. I didn't even think how much it would be. I had to take a shower to get it all off.
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