BeachGurl2
Sarcastic Smart Sexyass
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2005
- Posts
- 4,919
First, I feel the need to preface this post with a disclaimer because I know that there will be many here who will see my post as insulting to larger people. That is NOT my intent at all. My intent is to have a serious discussion about weight in the lifestyle. I am not flaming anyone based on their weight. That is not at all what this is about. I even considered creating an alt for this post, but realized that people who know me would know my writing style anyway. This is a topic that I have been curious about for a very long time, and have finally decided to just post it. If you feel hurt by what I am posting, I apologize in advance because I do not intend in any way for what I say here to be hurtful to anyone. So please take this thread as it is intended, as a serious discussion item and not as an insult in any way, shape or form.
I am what I consider to be of average size for my age. I am within a healthy weight range for my height and bone structure. I weight about 125 pounds, I’m 5’2” tall, and wear a size 6-8 US. I am a physically active person. I don’t work out regularly at the gym, but I hike, swim, and do other outdoor activities. I don’t watch TV, but I do sit around and read a lot. I don’t always eat healthily, but I allow myself whatever I want to have in moderation. If I splurge a bit one day, I watch more carefully what I eat the next day or two. Nothing is off my list of things I allow myself, I just eat everything in moderation. I rarely have second helpings of anything, even at Thanksgiving dinner. And I hate feeling physically uncomfortable when I’ve eaten too much. I could probably lose another 10 pounds, which would still be within my healthy weight range, but I don’t allow myself to obsess about it.
I have struggled with an eating disorder pretty much since I was a teenager. I have a very skewed image of my own body. While I was married, I gained quite a bit of weight. My largest size was 14-16, which on my very petite frame made me look like a giant oompa loompa. I was physically uncomfortable. I had no stamina for anything and overheated easily. If I over exerted, it was painful. I had little energy and struggled to do normal activities, much less the activities I enjoyed. Even though I’ve lost most of the weight I gained then, I still feel that my body is unattractive. I’ll probably always feel that way about myself. But I have a better handle on behaving in healthy ways than I did in my 20s and even into my 30s. I just bought the first scale I’ve owned in probably 15 years and have to remind myself not to weigh more than once a day or I’ll weigh every time I enter the bathroom.
I have noticed both in online forums and in the local BDSM community that the majority of people I meet are, if not clinically obese, severely overweight. At first, it seemed it was mostly female submissives who were overweight, mostly when visiting the dungeon a few years ago, but I’ve recently noticed a pretty equal number of male Dominants as well. I often see ads and threads extolling the virtues of BBW. Men who seek larger women, as well as women who seek larger men.
I think partly because I am physically active and partly just because of what I personally find attractive, I am not physically attracted to men who are very overweight. I prefer a man who takes care of himself and who is physically active. Someone who can keep up with me in physical activities. I also have seen first hand what excessive weight gain can do to a person’s physical health because my mother is seriously overweight, so the idea of having weight-related health issues frightens me. It also frightens me to think of tying myself to someone who may develop weight-related health issues. (Because those are the most easily avoided by controlling weight.)
So all of that said, if you’re still with me on this, I do have a few questions for the group.
Is it just my own perception, or does this lifestyle seem to have an unusually high percentage of overweight individuals who are active within it? Or do you think that those within the lifestyle mirror those in society as a whole?
If you are in a D/s or M/s dynamic, is your partner in the same physical state (meaning physically fit or overweight) that you are in or are you physically opposites?
As a Dominant/Master, do you encourage your submissive/slave to be health conscious? If not, is it because it is not important to you or because you are attracted to someone who is BBW?
If you are overweight, do you find that you have difficulty being as physically active as you would like to be? Are you comfortable being partially or fully unclothed if you play in public or at private parties with others?
I have heard it said on more than one occasion that most Dominants prefer larger submissives because they aren’t as afraid that they will ‘break’. I’ve found that to be an unfair statement toward submissives who aren’t large. But then again, I would imagine that a very strong male Dominant would wrap his hand around my wrist or my neck and probably wonder if I’m physically up to accepting whatever he wants to dish out. So maybe it’s not such an unfair statement after all.
What has precipitated the posting of these thoughts and questions at this point? I guess since I’m asking for honesty here, I should share some of my own. I have found over the last few years of online and real life dating that many of the men I meet who are in the lifestyle have been very overweight. I’ve actually stopped dating completely, largely because of this. While I am physically attracted to large men, I prefer them to be physically fit, or at least height/weight proportionate. And a part of me wonders about the level of control a Dominant has over his own life if he is overweight. (Yes, let the flames begin.) When I think of volunteering to give my power up to someone else, while I don’t expect perfection because that’s just plain silly, I do expect that I’m giving my power to someone who has the ability to control not only himself, but me as well. And weight or physical fitness is one thing that I would expect someone who is in control to actually be in control of.
Is that a naïve viewpoint? I’m sure some here will think so. And I’m sure it’s one that has kept and will continue to keep me single.
I attended a munch today. There were probably about 2 dozen people there. I was the only female in the room that I would imagine did not wear a plus size. There were probably 2 or 3 men in the room who weren’t overweight, 2 of them submissives to 2 of the larger women. The restaurant we were in served overly large portions of standard diner food – deep fried and smothered in gravy. It took everything I could muster to look at people when they spoke because of the food they were eating. All of the people in the room were exceptionally nice people and I enjoyed myself immensely. But I won’t attend a munch again that includes eating.
Yes, as I said, this post has a point. I wonder how many in D/s or M/s relationships have Dominants who are in control enough and care enough to help motivate their submissive/slave to get and stay healthy. My post is not so much about weight (although I’m sure many here will think it is) but is about physical health. We do a lot of physically draining activities. If you aren’t in decent physical shape, how much enjoyment are you able to get out of them?
As the Dominant, shouldn’t the physical well-being of all parties be up to you? I’m curious as to how you may see your role in the physical well-being of not only yourself, but those under your care.
As the submissive, I’m curious as to how you see your own physical health in relation to your position in the dynamic.
So, as I said, I’d really like this to be a serious discussion. If you feel the need to flame me, I’d prefer if you do it via PM so that maybe we can keep it off the thread. Unless everyone wants to flame, and then I guess, have at it.
I am what I consider to be of average size for my age. I am within a healthy weight range for my height and bone structure. I weight about 125 pounds, I’m 5’2” tall, and wear a size 6-8 US. I am a physically active person. I don’t work out regularly at the gym, but I hike, swim, and do other outdoor activities. I don’t watch TV, but I do sit around and read a lot. I don’t always eat healthily, but I allow myself whatever I want to have in moderation. If I splurge a bit one day, I watch more carefully what I eat the next day or two. Nothing is off my list of things I allow myself, I just eat everything in moderation. I rarely have second helpings of anything, even at Thanksgiving dinner. And I hate feeling physically uncomfortable when I’ve eaten too much. I could probably lose another 10 pounds, which would still be within my healthy weight range, but I don’t allow myself to obsess about it.
I have struggled with an eating disorder pretty much since I was a teenager. I have a very skewed image of my own body. While I was married, I gained quite a bit of weight. My largest size was 14-16, which on my very petite frame made me look like a giant oompa loompa. I was physically uncomfortable. I had no stamina for anything and overheated easily. If I over exerted, it was painful. I had little energy and struggled to do normal activities, much less the activities I enjoyed. Even though I’ve lost most of the weight I gained then, I still feel that my body is unattractive. I’ll probably always feel that way about myself. But I have a better handle on behaving in healthy ways than I did in my 20s and even into my 30s. I just bought the first scale I’ve owned in probably 15 years and have to remind myself not to weigh more than once a day or I’ll weigh every time I enter the bathroom.
I have noticed both in online forums and in the local BDSM community that the majority of people I meet are, if not clinically obese, severely overweight. At first, it seemed it was mostly female submissives who were overweight, mostly when visiting the dungeon a few years ago, but I’ve recently noticed a pretty equal number of male Dominants as well. I often see ads and threads extolling the virtues of BBW. Men who seek larger women, as well as women who seek larger men.
I think partly because I am physically active and partly just because of what I personally find attractive, I am not physically attracted to men who are very overweight. I prefer a man who takes care of himself and who is physically active. Someone who can keep up with me in physical activities. I also have seen first hand what excessive weight gain can do to a person’s physical health because my mother is seriously overweight, so the idea of having weight-related health issues frightens me. It also frightens me to think of tying myself to someone who may develop weight-related health issues. (Because those are the most easily avoided by controlling weight.)
So all of that said, if you’re still with me on this, I do have a few questions for the group.
Is it just my own perception, or does this lifestyle seem to have an unusually high percentage of overweight individuals who are active within it? Or do you think that those within the lifestyle mirror those in society as a whole?
If you are in a D/s or M/s dynamic, is your partner in the same physical state (meaning physically fit or overweight) that you are in or are you physically opposites?
As a Dominant/Master, do you encourage your submissive/slave to be health conscious? If not, is it because it is not important to you or because you are attracted to someone who is BBW?
If you are overweight, do you find that you have difficulty being as physically active as you would like to be? Are you comfortable being partially or fully unclothed if you play in public or at private parties with others?
I have heard it said on more than one occasion that most Dominants prefer larger submissives because they aren’t as afraid that they will ‘break’. I’ve found that to be an unfair statement toward submissives who aren’t large. But then again, I would imagine that a very strong male Dominant would wrap his hand around my wrist or my neck and probably wonder if I’m physically up to accepting whatever he wants to dish out. So maybe it’s not such an unfair statement after all.
What has precipitated the posting of these thoughts and questions at this point? I guess since I’m asking for honesty here, I should share some of my own. I have found over the last few years of online and real life dating that many of the men I meet who are in the lifestyle have been very overweight. I’ve actually stopped dating completely, largely because of this. While I am physically attracted to large men, I prefer them to be physically fit, or at least height/weight proportionate. And a part of me wonders about the level of control a Dominant has over his own life if he is overweight. (Yes, let the flames begin.) When I think of volunteering to give my power up to someone else, while I don’t expect perfection because that’s just plain silly, I do expect that I’m giving my power to someone who has the ability to control not only himself, but me as well. And weight or physical fitness is one thing that I would expect someone who is in control to actually be in control of.
Is that a naïve viewpoint? I’m sure some here will think so. And I’m sure it’s one that has kept and will continue to keep me single.
I attended a munch today. There were probably about 2 dozen people there. I was the only female in the room that I would imagine did not wear a plus size. There were probably 2 or 3 men in the room who weren’t overweight, 2 of them submissives to 2 of the larger women. The restaurant we were in served overly large portions of standard diner food – deep fried and smothered in gravy. It took everything I could muster to look at people when they spoke because of the food they were eating. All of the people in the room were exceptionally nice people and I enjoyed myself immensely. But I won’t attend a munch again that includes eating.
Yes, as I said, this post has a point. I wonder how many in D/s or M/s relationships have Dominants who are in control enough and care enough to help motivate their submissive/slave to get and stay healthy. My post is not so much about weight (although I’m sure many here will think it is) but is about physical health. We do a lot of physically draining activities. If you aren’t in decent physical shape, how much enjoyment are you able to get out of them?
As the Dominant, shouldn’t the physical well-being of all parties be up to you? I’m curious as to how you may see your role in the physical well-being of not only yourself, but those under your care.
As the submissive, I’m curious as to how you see your own physical health in relation to your position in the dynamic.
So, as I said, I’d really like this to be a serious discussion. If you feel the need to flame me, I’d prefer if you do it via PM so that maybe we can keep it off the thread. Unless everyone wants to flame, and then I guess, have at it.
