Old 02-26-2009, 04:12 PM   #51
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A chandelier was bright. She twisted and turned to its light. How can I be of help? The line had immediate impact. Her reaction brought about fear. Think not such dire consequences.
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:11 AM   #52
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I kept thinking of you. My friends said it was insane. Your apartment window glows with blue light. Sidewalks wet from misty rain. Waiting for a sign, word, anything. Desperation makes my stomach ache miserably, postponing sleep indefinitely.
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Old 04-07-2009, 06:55 PM   #53
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I slide through the darkness like a nightmare. Shuddering black pavement cringes into silver submission under an angry whip of headlights and wheels, miles shattered to dust. This engine runs on blood, pain, fury, hopeless rage at uncaring stars or God- who knows what? Fueled with tragedy, it growls on forever through endless highways. Shifting gears, slipping sideways through lanes, but this is not enough. Without your pulse beating out a bassline for Michael McDermott on the stereo, there is no rhythm. Dawn breaks over distant horizons, pounds my heart into shards of bloody memory, agonizing loneliness.


(I don't think I managed to repeat anything, but I probably did.)
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Last edited by FallingToFly : 04-07-2009 at 06:56 PM. Reason: Repetition...
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Old 04-12-2009, 10:43 AM   #54
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Anger burnt red in Daddy’s eyes. A leather strap smacked flesh once again, finally breaking all resistance. Laura wept uncontrollably. She tried stopping herself crying without any success. Tears only made it worse. Her father finally raised the belt above his head signifying an end to proceedings.

Wow, that was fucking difficult.
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Old 04-14-2009, 01:07 AM   #55
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Quote:
Originally Posted by romantic_always View Post
No blanket or cover could hide what insatiable lust lie underneath. Fingers began to trace her curves through the sheets, never touching skin. She softly moaned, beautiful tones that rang inside his ears. He gently gripped those lovely breasts and lips soon followed suit. How could such pleasure emerge from almost nothing? This cotton barrier would soon be removed.



I think I got it. This was fun!
you got it glad you enjoyed it.


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Originally Posted by brassygirl View Post
I'm new here and looking at the exercises am sure they will be of great use to me
thanks
welcome, and you're welcome. they're just fun to try and good for honing skills.

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Originally Posted by jat123 View Post
A chandelier was bright. She twisted and turned to its light. How can I be of help? The line had immediate impact. Her reaction brought about fear. Think not such dire consequences.
you got it too.

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Originally Posted by romeothethird View Post
I kept thinking of you. My friends said it was insane. Your apartment window glows with blue light. Sidewalks wet from misty rain. Waiting for a sign, word, anything. Desperation makes my stomach ache miserably, postponing sleep indefinitely.
nice

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Originally Posted by FallingToFly View Post
I slide through the darkness like a nightmare. Shuddering black pavement cringes into silver submission under an angry whip of headlights and wheels, miles shattered to dust. This engine runs on blood, pain, fury, hopeless rage at uncaring stars or God- who knows what? Fueled with tragedy, it growls on forever through endless highways. Shifting gears, slipping sideways through lanes, but this is not enough. Without your pulse beating out a bassline for Michael McDermott on the stereo, there is no rhythm. Dawn breaks over distant horizons, pounds my heart into shards of bloody memory, agonizing loneliness.


(I don't think I managed to repeat anything, but I probably did.)
seven sentences instead of six. i wonder if that extra one causes problems... repetition of 'on', 'of', 'this', 'is', - i may have missed one.

good try though

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Originally Posted by BangoSkank View Post
Anger burnt red in Daddy’s eyes. A leather strap smacked flesh once again, finally breaking all resistance. Laura wept uncontrollably. She tried stopping herself crying without any success. Tears only made it worse. Her father finally raised the belt above his head signifying an end to proceedings.

Wow, that was fucking difficult.
the more difficult it is, the more we learn about word choice - in my opinion. very glad you tried it and i hope you try it again.

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Old 04-16-2009, 07:32 AM   #56
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One star at night is what a child sets young wishes on. Does every heavenly body carry youthful dreams? It seems to me the heavens are filled with potential miracles. Perhaps every meteor carries miracles fulfilled falling to earth. Wouldn’t life be wonderful to think about dreams landing every night. Hopes flying home with fiery wings.
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Old 04-16-2009, 06:10 PM   #57
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WSO, Did this the first time round -- I've had rather too much Absinth to attempt it today though (but apparently just managed thirty words in spite of being shit faced drunk)
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Old 04-17-2009, 10:54 PM   #58
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One star at night is what a child sets young wishes on. Does every heavenly body carry youthful dreams? It seems to me the heavens are filled with potential miracles. Perhaps every meteor carries miracles fulfilled falling to earth. Wouldn’t life be wonderful to think about dreams landing every night. Hopes flying home with fiery wings.
very close. one word repeated 'miracles'. great imagery though!

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WSO, Did this the first time round -- I've had rather too much Absinth to attempt it today though (but apparently just managed thirty words in spite of being shit faced drunk)
hope you had one of those for me, SJ. these days i stick to Green Tea. no headache and waffle with sense until my heart is content. nicely done 30 words
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Old 04-19-2009, 12:10 PM   #59
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The touch of his hands on her body roused feelings of fevered lust, arousing her to heights she had never been before. Kisses so hot they scaled her lips and burned her mind. Tendrils of molton lava swirled from her belly. Liquid honey flowed from her womans center. Hands clenched in desperated unadulterated need of his body. She craved the sweet release of ravishment.
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Old 04-23-2009, 07:53 PM   #60
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Cars, Truck, Buses and Bikes roared past at stupid speeds. My tyres go round, chewing up the tarmac with increasing fury. Grey metal urged on by an impatient foot. The wind whistles through the half-open window. Why don't they get out of the damned way? Do they not realise my daughter has died ?
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Old 04-23-2009, 10:34 PM   #61
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Undercoverwriter View Post
The touch of his hands on her body roused feelings of fevered lust, arousing her to heights she had never been before. Kisses so hot they scaled her lips and burned her mind. Tendrils of molton lava swirled from her belly. Liquid honey flowed from her womans center. Hands clenched in desperated unadulterated need of his body. She craved the sweet release of ravishment.
*whew, fanning myself* i like the six sentences (can you tell?) however there are some repetitions. 'her', and 'the'. in the first sentence, is it essential to have the second 'her'? does the sentence say what it needs without it? does it lose anything by taking that second 'her' out? just a little food for thought if you'd like to work some more on it.


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Cars, Truck, Buses and Bikes roared past at stupid speeds. My tyres go round, chewing up the tarmac with increasing fury. Grey metal urged on by an impatient foot. The wind whistles through the half-open window. Why don't they get out of the damned way? Do they not realise my daughter has died ?
repetition 'the' (four). i hope you work some more on this because it has potential - it reminds me a little of an exercise i did for poetry - writing a poem with emotion, of a farmer looking at his homestead, knowing his baby had died - but not specifically mentioning the death. --- the words used to describe the homestead were swayed by the farmer's emotions.
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Old 04-24-2009, 02:45 PM   #62
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Version 2:-

Cars, Truck, Buses and Bikes roared past at stupid speeds. My tyres go round, chewing up tarmac with increasing fury. Grey metal urged on by an impatient foot. A howling wind whistles through the half-open window. Why don't they get out of my damned way? Do they not realise my daughter has died ?

-----
PS. This one actually happened.
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Old 04-25-2009, 01:54 AM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Handley_Page View Post
Version 2:-

Cars, Truck, Buses and Bikes roared past at stupid speeds. My tyres go round, chewing up tarmac with increasing fury. Grey metal urged on by an impatient foot. A howling wind whistles through the half-open window. Why don't they get out of my damned way? Do they not realise my daughter has died ?

-----
PS. This one actually happened.
firstly, i am so sorry for your loss. i hope that along with time, writing will help ease the hurt.

i have just re-read and realised i missed another repetition, the word 'they' in both the last two sentences. is there a reason that the vehicle words have initial capitals? (i'm not questioning if that is right or wrong, just asking if you have good reason for capitalising them *smile* ).

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Old 04-28-2009, 07:45 PM   #64
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firstly, i am so sorry for your loss. i hope that along with time, writing will help ease the hurt.

i have just re-read and realised i missed another repetition, the word 'they' in both the last two sentences. is there a reason that the vehicle words have initial capitals? (i'm not questioning if that is right or wrong, just asking if you have good reason for capitalising them *smile* ).

Drat!
Truth to tell is was over ten years ago, but I remember, quite vividly the anger and frustration with other road users (which is why there's quite a few missing expletives).
I'll try again a bit later.
Thanks for the help.
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Old 04-30-2009, 07:52 PM   #65
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The morning sun was bright on a clear dawn. There'd been rain that night and little jewels of dropped water stuck like glue to the petals of the red rose. I dare not breathe lest I moved them. My set-up my camera went click and captured a moment for posterity. She would be pleased.
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Old 07-08-2009, 04:36 AM   #66
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Every night I hear the cars. They drive past my open window at all hours. Buses load and unload passengers. People are laughing, joking, relating. This city never sleeps. Must it keep me awake, too?
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:51 PM   #67
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Summer night on the open road and the car's going well. Moonlight obviates some of the need for lights, but it's safer that way. Trucks flash onwards past me, their bright white lights splitting the dark like a new sun. I hurry on, because she needs me.
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Old 08-09-2009, 04:31 AM   #68
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not sure i repeated


So the war between humans and vampires finally ends here.
What need for the shepherd when the wolves are all gone?
My time on this world has come to an end. Death comes for us all.
We can only choose how to face it when it happens. I will be watching you from the gates of hell.
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Old 08-19-2009, 12:49 AM   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Handley_Page View Post
The morning sun was bright on a clear dawn. There'd been rain that night and little jewels of dropped water stuck like glue to the petals of the red rose. I dare not breathe lest I moved them. My set-up my camera went click and captured a moment for posterity. She would be pleased.
a = 2
the = 3
my = 2

also, only five sentences used, instead of six.

nice scene though. i can imagine the petals and rain drops.


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Every night I hear the cars. They drive past my open window at all hours. Buses load and unload passengers. People are laughing, joking, relating. This city never sleeps. Must it keep me awake, too?
no repetition. six sentences and now i want to know what city you write about


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Originally Posted by Handley_Page View Post
Summer night on the open road and the car's going well. Moonlight obviates some of the need for lights, but it's safer that way. Trucks flash onwards past me, their bright white lights splitting the dark like a new sun. I hurry on, because she needs me.
the = 4
on = 2
lights = 2

only 4 sentences, but it's interesting to see what information is possible to get across in 4 sentences. thanks for sharing!


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Originally Posted by knight713 View Post
not sure i repeated


So the war between humans and vampires finally ends here.
What need for the shepherd when the wolves are all gone?
My time on this world has come to an end. Death comes for us all.
We can only choose how to face it when it happens. I will be watching you from the gates of hell.
the = 4
to = 2
it = 2

six sentences

nearly got it. those small words can be the trickiest to avoid.


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Old 09-25-2009, 12:03 AM   #70
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Here's something silly...


Oh God, what’s wrong with me? Why is there wetness between my thighs? I have a peculiar urge to rub them together, but don’t quite understand the reason. This doesn’t make sense. Could it be an infection? Can you help?
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:49 PM   #71
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She knelt there on cold granite, head hung low, shame. Her long auburn hair, damp, in disarray. Master's orders had been clearly disregarded, and now she must pay. It started as a playful romp, schoolgirl fantasy. Headmaster's stern orders for some imagined slight. But to climax first, before he'd had his way?
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Old 09-29-2009, 09:11 AM   #72
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Three separate entries, for all to enjoy. Or count reps, whatever. Two follows one, story like. Third is fantasy, like the others. Keys were pushed, as if by magic. Up on screen, perhaps not quite tragic?

* * *

Hard as rock, straining for release. Yea, that's a compliment. I couldn't help but linger here, in the dark, apologies. Staring through lacy curtains to behold her. Fine, firm breast and narrow waist, thick red curls, above, below. Would you draw your garter down for me, were my locale and yours the same?


* * *

Perverted? Yea, But who's to blame? You left your shade up. Soft curves did all see, those passers by, and I. Now finish what was started, unzip my fly. Perhaps next time, a knock at the door, would that be fine?

* * *

Erin, let me describe. Fire red hair, long lazy curls above, finely trimmed strip below. The taste of honey, lust and love, all mixed as one. Hour glass curves in between, with fine shapely legs, from floor to there. Her breast, firm, definitely more than a mouth full. Cute li'l nips stand at attention, every chance they get.
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The English language can be so precise, yet is riddled with escape clauses and sloppy imprecision.

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Old 12-07-2009, 03:59 AM   #73
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One warm Saturday afternoon, their lives changed forever. Kisses were exchanged, hands held, bodies touched. Love was shared intensely, passionately, beautifully, innocently. Then suddenly storms blew in, chasing all rays of sunshine away. But thankfully, the clouds lifted, letting sunlight filter through. Hope’s been restored, and they can see a bright future once more.
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Old 12-09-2009, 07:45 PM   #74
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Surrounded by a near-uniform grey, my silver bird flies towards home.
The bright white snowflakes in the Landing lights look menacing as they hit the screen. Descending from on high, the bright airfield is ahead, welcoming me. She will be in the crew room, waiting at the window. I can feel the wheels skid on the tarmac and slide in the thin snow towards the end of the runway.
Why am I in an Ambulance ?
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Old 01-31-2010, 07:13 AM   #75
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Pitter pattering on window panes awoke Karen from a light sleep. Heart beating tribal drums wildly, she approached the glass finding not rain making sound but her lovers fingertips impatiently tapping to be allowed entry.
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