exercise - no repetition

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by La_soumise

Dammit. That's bad editing for you.

a quick editing trick especially when working with sentences over and over in this manner...


after you've given several edits, change the font (either the colour, or the font shape etc). this will trick your eyes into thinking you are reading something new. you'll be more likely to pick up errors.

[AoNoDoY]

Originally Posted by wildsweetone

try another only this time, see how few words of four letters or less you can use.

Scholars claim words containing seven letters typically sound Latin. Fewer characters suggest Germanic origins. These people study language constantly. Imagine booze occupying their minds instead. Clustered phonemes called syllables would transcend outdated notions concerning individual sounds. Teetotalling linguists likening themselves divine academics surely ruined counted stroke games.

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by AoNoDoY

Scholars claim words containing seven letters typically sound Latin. Fewer characters suggest Germanic origins. These people study language constantly. Imagine booze occupying their minds instead. Clustered phonemes called syllables would transcend outdated notions concerning individual sounds. Teetotalling linguists likening themselves divine academics surely ruined counted stroke games.

obviously you found that very easy!

okay now try equal number of four letter and less words, to five letters and more.

[lowflykiwi]

I smiled as my gaze drifted towards the horizon. An aquamarine ocean is lapping against white sands. Making little evening tidal progressions each time. A warm breeze gently moving palm fronds. Laughter emanating from exotic bird calls. Add Caribbean steel pan drums and dark rum for scene completion.


bummer
4 and Below: 20

5 and Above: 28

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by lowflykiwi

I smiled as my gaze drifted towards the horizon. An aquamarine ocean is lapping against white sands. Making little evening tidal progressions each time. A warm breeze gently moving palm fronds. Laughter emanating from exotic bird calls. Add Caribbean steel pan drums and dark rum for scene completion.


bummer
4 and Below: 20

5 and Above: 28

that's very close! nice scene too by the way.

would slightly shorter sentences lower the 5 and above count?

[La_soumise]

Thanks for that tip, wildsweetone. The eyes do tire looking at something after a while.

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by wildsweetone

...
okay now try equal number of four letter and less words, to five letters and more.

A number of houses were lost during Ike's visit. Many streets are laden with trees. High debris means weeks of back aching labour. Neighbours and friends need checking. Help is offered eagerly. God's will be done.

4 and under - 18
5 and above - 18

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by La_soumise

Thanks for that tip, wildsweetone. The eyes do tire looking at something after a while.

you're welcome. it helps to use that technique no matter what you're editing.

[AoNoDoY]

Originally Posted by wildsweetone

A number of houses were lost during Ike's visit. Many streets are laden with trees. High debris means weeks of back aching labour. Neighbours and friends need checking. Help is offered eagerly. God's will be done.

4 and under - 18
5 and above - 18

Nice!

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by AoNoDoY

Nice!

thanks

i love how these exercises make me think beyond the first word, how they make me edit my first thoughts into something better. of course, none of them helps me with my writing 'voice', but that's not the point of these exercises.

[Remec]

Originally Posted by wildsweetone

you've a double up Remec. awesome 'voice' though.

Eek...you're right...well, now that I've been told, I will go clean that up...*g*

(And maybe take another stab later on today. )

[Emerald_Dragon]

His adult children wanted him to stop driving. Lester's eyesight was worsening, reflexes slowing. Pride would not allow that. On the highway he turned the wrong way: west bound in a lane going east. Father, grandfather, husband and uncle: Les died instantly. So did my friend; one week after marrying Tina, two days back from Niagra Falls.

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by Emerald_Dragon

His adult children wanted him to stop driving. Lester's eyesight was worsening, and reflexes slowing. Pride would not allow that. On the highway he turned the wrong way: west bound in a lane going east. Father, grandfather, husband and uncle: Les died instantly. So did my friend; one week after marrying Tina, two days after returning from Niagra Falls.

very close. i see two 'and's and two 'after's.

[Emerald_Dragon]

Arggggggggggggg, I will redo it and get it perfect!!!

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by Emerald_Dragon

Arggggggggggggg, I will redo it and get it perfect!!!

lessons of word choice are in the editing.

enjoy!

[Aramis20]

Down the barren, gray tunnel, barely lit by dim halogen tubes, a broken figure crawled on all fours. Two gigantic men scarring every inch of skin with bullwhip floggers followed behind, taking sick pleasure from inflicting pain on this helpless creature. Earth's people never treated her species kindly, but since that day in Berkeley, treatment of non-humans became steadily worse. Today certainly was no exception. Indeed exceptions were illegal - President Howard declared Were's vermin, ordering their extermination. She just edged forward, dreading what promised to be Sara's agonizing death. Incineration. Alive.

[Kikori]

Well, keep in mind, articles ('a', 'and', and 'the' for those that don't remember) are a foundation for almost any sentence. Otherwise, you wind up talking like a caveman. It's tricky to create many statements without repeating the most base words used in speech. Allow yourself some leeway in what's said... Just don't mimic words that have useable synonyms. Otherwise you'll just fail at this exercise.

A thesauras or great vocabulary is likely to be the greatest asset in originality. Also, reading through stories and poetry created by others is always a good source of inspiration. Don't be confined to struggling with no assistance.

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by Kikori

Well, keep in mind, articles ('a', 'and', and 'the' for those that don't remember) are a foundation for almost any sentence. Otherwise, you wind up talking like a caveman. It's tricky to create many statements without repeating the most base words used in speech. Allow yourself some leeway in what's said... Just don't mimic words that have useable synonyms. Otherwise you'll just fail at this exercise.

A thesauras or great vocabulary is likely to be the greatest asset in originality. Also, reading through stories and poetry created by others is always a good source of inspiration. Don't be confined to struggling with no assistance.

the only way to fail at this particular exercise is to repeat a word.

having said that clearly, i understand what you are saying and agree with the rest. yes articles are required in written and spoken language.

[MissMeek]

Marie huddled in the cellar’s darkest corner. Her basic needs had been denied since being brought here, however long ago. Nourishment, warmth, care; all withheld by an unidentifiable captor. A creak and dim light now indicated his presence, then heavy footsteps grew nearer. She sobbed, desperately wanting to make herself invisible. He smiled coldly; seeing this spoilt brat suffer was immensely pleasing.

[Bakeboss]

We have had sex many times and in quite a few places. The trip to Sunset Beach was best by far, down PCH just south of county line. Although now old, I still remember each event as if it happened yesterday. Somehow our need for each other will out last old age. No treasure could be better, every day with her is like fine wine. Love lives forever.

[sadangel]

I looked through the looking glass and saw there was nothing. It showed me that somewhere in time, space lacked substance. Must words mean something or can you figure out what lies beneath dark thoughts. Memories dance. Smiles die. Life ends.

[togitc]

I think I got it:

Knives were always the easiest to hide. They came in different lengths, some serrated even. Counting blade per skin ratio he was more metal than man. His steps became a clinking, jingling music. Of course not one looked towards what elicited this impromptu concert. That would be considered rude.

[wildsweetone]

Originally Posted by MissMeek

Marie huddled in the cellar’s darkest corner. Her basic needs had been denied since being brought here, however long ago. Nourishment, warmth, care; all withheld by an unidentifiable captor. A creak and dim light now indicated his presence, then heavy footsteps grew nearer. She sobbed, desperately wanting to make herself invisible. He smiled coldly; seeing this spoilt brat suffer was immensely pleasing.

looks good to me.

Originally Posted by Bakeboss

We have had sex many times and in quite a few places. The trip to Sunset Beach was best by far, down PCH just south of county line. Although now old, I still remember each event as if it happened yesterday. Somehow our need for each other will out last old age. No treasure could be better, every day with her is like fine wine. Love lives forever.

good except 'old' is used twice.

Originally Posted by sadangel

I looked through the looking glass and saw there was nothing. It showed me that somewhere in time, space lacked substance. Must words mean something or can you figure out what lies beneath dark thoughts. Memories dance. Smiles die. Life ends.

interesting. and good. (question mark after 'thoughts')

Originally Posted by togitc

I think I got it:

Knives were always the easiest to hide. They came in different lengths, some serrated even. Counting blade per skin ratio he was more metal than man. His steps became a clinking, jingling music. Of course not one looked towards what elicited this impromptu concert. That would be considered rude.

you've got it.

[romantic_always]

No blanket or cover could hide what insatiable lust lie underneath. Fingers began to trace her curves through the sheets, never touching skin. She softly moaned, beautiful tones that rang inside his ears. He gently gripped those lovely breasts and lips soon followed suit. How could such pleasure emerge from almost nothing? This cotton barrier would soon be removed.



I think I got it. This was fun!

[brassygirl]

I'm new here and looking at the exercises am sure they will be of great use to me
thanks