Old 08-12-2008, 03:27 AM   #1
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exercise - no repetition

about five years ago, i put up several exercises and lots of authors had great fun with them. i could do with a bit of a writing nudge and wondered if anyone else is in the same boat. so, i thought i'd put one up again to see if there's any interest. hope you enjoy it.




Write a six sentence paragraph with no word repetition.
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Old 08-12-2008, 07:59 PM   #2
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It was on Wednesdays such as this that Mrs H had the world in her pocket. Rain, though not a favourite, always caught them both unawares. They never noticed black clouds, overcast nor sea-threat. But populations would vanish to gift this pair one empty universe. Or so it felt. Last sentences: forever difficult, when you run out of definite articles.
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Old 08-12-2008, 08:39 PM   #3
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Thunder clouds smacked overhead. Shadows expanded across flood-browned land. Boughs crashed together, winter’s scale playing above. She stomped on, puddles separating as if unresigned to her weight. Walked towards a coloured arc, smeared petroleum smothering the sky. Aired anger repeated with each step.


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hmm think i need some more practice at this.
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Old 08-12-2008, 09:04 PM   #4
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Do you write it without repetition or write then take out repeated words?

I did it the first way and just got slower and slower as I went along.

A very useful exercise.
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Old 08-12-2008, 09:10 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gauchecritic View Post
Do you write it without repetition or write then take out repeated words?

I did it the first way and just got slower and slower as I went along.

A very useful exercise.
the first way. but in the last two sentences i couldn't avoid using 'a' and 'the' and had to rewrite previous sentences. i think it shows. but it looks good when i convert it into free verse - which i find incredibly interesting.

i found it good to use very few small words in the first couple of sentences... to kind of pace myself. it made me think of more words i could use and different ways of saying something similar. no matter how i tried, i couldn't say the exact same thing a different way, simply something similar.


Last edited by wildsweetone : 08-12-2008 at 09:25 PM. Reason: to sort the rose out
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:04 PM   #6
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Repetition grooves practice into memory. First attempts become drills, which in turn evolve habits. Over time, those patterns are fixed, frozen, immutable. No amount of neglect can stifle them. Only consciously choosing to change has any power. The will is destiny's ultimate arbiter.



I caught a few repetitions as I went along and altered the phrasing to eliminate them.

Of course, "War and Peace" it ain't.
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Old 08-16-2008, 09:21 PM   #7
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Dark clouds blocked any hint of sun over Lake Michigan. Cold pounding rain stung their almost naked bodies. One glance told him they were in big trouble at this moment. Every wave took them further out to deep waters. The howling winds swallowed up his companions fearful screams. Terror soon replaced what began as a carefree afternoon.


(I think that's it after a few revisions.)
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Old 08-22-2008, 01:49 PM   #8
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Wandering aimlessly towards an unknown destination, not knowing or caring where I am. A light breeze plays with my hair like he used to. What will become of me now? Tears, stubbornly held back before, begin falling without restraint. Cars and people rush by, making their way home after another day’s work, but nobody sees the girl who’s dying inside. They wouldn’t understand anyhow.
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Old 08-22-2008, 03:47 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissMeek View Post
A light breeze plays with my hair like he used to.
Now that, is almost a story by itself.

Anyone noticed how these sentences seem to be lines from poetry rather than prose?

Is there something about poetry that makes you choose more words than you usually would?

On the other hand, of those two sentences there are only two repetitions. Hmmm.

(and only three in all three)

(six in four, is that a pattern?)
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Last edited by gauchecritic : 08-22-2008 at 03:53 PM.
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Old 08-22-2008, 11:17 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gauchecritic View Post
Now that, is almost a story by itself.

Anyone noticed how these sentences seem to be lines from poetry rather than prose?

Is there something about poetry that makes you choose more words than you usually would?

On the other hand, of those two sentences there are only two repetitions. Hmmm.

(and only three in all three)

(six in four, is that a pattern?)
seven in five, or in my case three in one.

there are many filler words in prose, compared to poetry. a lot more filling is required to say the same thing. a good editing of poetry would include looking at every single word to ensure that it was a necessary word to the poem.

i think this exercise makes us far more conscious of word choice. if we want to repeat an action, we are forced to look at different ways of saying the same thing. it makes you think, makes you work beyond what is just spilling from the end of your fingertips.

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Old 08-23-2008, 12:53 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gauchecritic View Post
Last sentences: forever difficult, when you run out of definite articles.

bump.
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Old 09-09-2008, 01:04 AM   #12
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Talise, once a free spirit, now lay captured and helpless in an underground chamber. Cold, dark steel contrasted with the warm, pale skin of her delicate ankles. She sobbed, painfully aware that freedom may never again be hers. Escape was impossible. Nobody could find this wretched place, except for those who already know where it is. They had claimed their slave-girl.
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Old 09-09-2008, 01:17 AM   #13
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They stood watching the girl as she walked alone. There was a note of disgust in their tones when each spoke. Judgments were cast towards an unknowing wanderer. Never once did kind words cross the lips of the judgmental group. Brown hair flowing down her back, Sally waded across still waters. Unaware that people scorned without knowing anything first.

Wow that was tricky! That's not even that good >.< haha oh well
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Old 09-09-2008, 06:49 PM   #14
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not quite following the rules i.e. not a paragraph




It wasn't that Spring
was a steady month
like Winter
where rain fell daily.

I wouldn't expect dandelions
to pop up all over the green
just days after being severed.

Now daisy chains are spread
on tables, magazines strewn
across blue carpet.

Outside, sheet tears
fall. Inside, glass bulb glow
illuminates tiny scattered suns,
faces upward
as if their combined strength
will lighten clouds from below.

September, ninth month
and beginning signs
of birth.

Last edited by wildsweetone : 09-09-2008 at 06:53 PM.
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Old 09-14-2008, 04:10 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildsweetone View Post
Write a six sentence paragraph with no word repetition.
So, like, there I was, y'know? Hiding behind the great big dumpster back o' McDougal's, wishing for nothing so much as to be home in bed. Totally. Who've thought Mike's boys would shoot it out with a pair of black-and-whites. In broad daylight, even. Made me reconsider undercover work entirely.


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Old 09-14-2008, 06:45 PM   #16
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my first attempt

I am trying to decide: Author’s Hangout or Playground. Both do have their advantages. One is intellectual. The other can be described as playful. Literotica has many forum genres that are stimulating. My mind will determine where this goddess shall play.


After reading and editing several times... someone please tell me it was done correctly.
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Old 09-14-2008, 07:27 PM   #17
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Apartment

Morgan sits on one window sill, Niko takes the other. Watson Street interests them today. Dan chops onions in our kitchen, his eyes moistened by tears. Oscar's room is locked as usual, nobody knows him. Thinking about showering, I type these phrases instead, discovering six sentences are difficult without that famous word: a. My next attempt will have to address complicating those clausal connections.

Last edited by AoNoDoY : 09-15-2008 at 10:58 PM. Reason: I'm neurotic
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Old 09-14-2008, 08:51 PM   #18
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Author's Hangout or Playground? Both have their attractions. One for fun, the other research. Myself frequenting them many times during a day. Studying, playing, researching, joking. I leave it in your hands to name which is best.
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Old 09-15-2008, 03:22 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Remec View Post
So, like, there I was, y'know? Hiding behind the great big dumpster behind McDougal's, wishing for nothing so much as to be home in bed. Totally. Who've thought Mike's boys would shoot it out with a pair of black-and-whites. In broad daylight, even. Made me reconsider undercover work entirely.


you've a double up Remec. awesome 'voice' though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AphroditeReborn View Post
I am trying to decide: Author’s Hangout or Playground. Both do have their advantages. One is intellectual. The other can be described as playful. Literotica has many forum genres that are stimulating. My mind will determine where this goddess shall play.


After reading and editing several times... someone please tell me it was done correctly.
it was. did you enjoy it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AoNoDoY View Post
Morgan sits on one window sill, Niko takes the other. Watson Street interests them today. Dan chops onions in our kitchen, his eyes moistened by tears. Oscar's room is locked as usual, nobody knows him. Thinking about showering, I type these phrases instead, discovering six sentences are difficult without my favorite word: a. Next we'll try for more complicated clausal connections.
nice alliteration at the end.

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Originally Posted by lowflykiwi View Post
Author's Hangout or Playground? Both have their attractions. One for fun, the other research. Myself frequenting them many times during a day. Studying, playing, researching, joking. I leave it in your hands to name which is best.
hi lowflykiwi. thanks for joining in. (nice to see another NZer around )
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Old 09-15-2008, 06:48 AM   #20
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it was. did you enjoy it?
I did - it was a GOOD challenge
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:06 PM   #21
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It was a Monday when the flowers died. I wept in brief spurts as he lay with me. China fell and cracked, unable to defy that enigmatic but inevitable force. My breasts pressed into his chest, thighs stitched together. Another calming earthquake soothes imminent ennui.

More of an image cluster than a story, but I hope it will do.
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:08 PM   #22
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False alarm. Don't mind me. Nothing to see here. Anyone know anything about deleting posts? Woops. Reason for editing: I'm an idiot. Hey, that's six.

Last edited by AoNoDoY : 09-15-2008 at 11:15 PM. Reason: Yo soy un idioso
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:10 PM   #23
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nice alliteration at the end.
Thanks. It has been changed slightly. Reason for editing: I'm neurotic. Writing teachers say revisions are like a bee's knee smashed in an elephant's elbow. This writer liked your magazines strewn on blue carpets. Though he's not sure why floored periodicals trip his tried true trigger.

Last edited by AoNoDoY : 09-15-2008 at 11:28 PM.
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:52 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AphroditeReborn View Post
I did - it was a GOOD challenge
try another only this time, see how few words of four letters or less you can use.

Quote:
Originally Posted by La_soumise View Post
It was a Monday when the flowers died. I wept in brief spurts as he lay with me. China fell and cracked, unable to defy that enigmatic but inevitable force. My breasts pressed into his chest, thighs stitched together. Another calming earthquake to soothe imminent ennui.

More of an image cluster than a story, but I hope it will do.
it does. except you've a double up 'to'.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AoNoDoY View Post
False alarm. Don't mind me. Nothing to see here. Anyone know anything about deleting posts? Woops. Reason for editing: I'm an idiot. Hey, that's six.
or seven

Quote:
Originally Posted by AoNoDoY View Post
Thanks. It has been changed slightly. Reason for editing: I'm neurotic. Writing teachers say revisions are like a bee's knee smashed in an elephant's elbow. This writer liked your magazines strewn on blue carpets. Though he's not sure why floored periodicals trip his tried true trigger.
thank you. and, you're one up on me. i can't converse via six sentences. not in a million years. actually. it might be possible.

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Old 09-16-2008, 12:24 AM   #25
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Dammit. That's bad editing for you.
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