Old 04-15-2013, 06:39 AM   #8726
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NaokoSmith

Thank you for being a big part of the humor thread. I know HP and I appreciate it.
Love Ya
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I love you too, sweet thing.
I love this thread, it's fun to pop little bits of humour, er I mean humor, into the day
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Old 04-15-2013, 03:02 PM   #8727
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Old 04-15-2013, 05:57 PM   #8728
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OK NaokoSmith. What are their names? I don't remember any called 'Dildo' or 'The Great Masterbater'.
 

Old 04-15-2013, 06:03 PM   #8729
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OK NaokoSmith. What are their names? I don't remember any called 'Dildo' or 'The Great Masterbater'.
Would you like me to breathe it in your shell-like ear, sweet thing?

Whsper whsp whsper bzzzz whspr whsper woooody. And there's the rabbit, of course .
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Old 04-16-2013, 04:20 AM   #8730
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(This one is especially for Johneb.) LOL.
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Old 04-16-2013, 04:54 AM   #8731
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(This one is especially for Johneb.) LOL.
Love it!

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7316772608/hC87E49CB/
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Old 04-16-2013, 06:24 AM   #8732
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OhmiGod! they've finally discovered how I'm managing to pay for the kittens' new collars.

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Old 04-16-2013, 06:44 AM   #8733
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OhmiGod! they've finally discovered how I'm managing to pay for the kittens' new collars.

Oh my.

I can relate to this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q
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Old 04-16-2013, 06:51 AM   #8734
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Oh my.

I can relate to this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q
I love the scratched bed! Piglet's first cot was like that - except new little teeth marks all along the wooden rail.

Hey, wait a minute! That's going to be my bed when we get the new kitty cat, isn't it!
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Old 04-16-2013, 06:54 AM   #8735
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I love the scratched bed! Piglet's first cot was like that - except new little teeth marks all along the wooden rail.

Hey, wait a minute! That's going to be my bed when we get the new kitty cat, isn't it!
Yes, but you will love the kitty cat so much you won't care. Actually, she will probably just look up at you and say "I know u mad, but I'm so cuuute." Your heart will melt and you will find yourself unable to be angry.
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Old 04-16-2013, 07:00 AM   #8736
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Yes, but you will love the kitty cat so much you won't care. Actually, she will probably just look up at you and say "I know u mad, but I'm so cuuute." Your heart will melt and you will find yourself unable to be angry.
LOL.
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Old 04-16-2013, 02:18 PM   #8737
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said,
'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

One little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
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Old 04-17-2013, 08:34 AM   #8738
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I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

My next crap could spell disaster.
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Old 04-17-2013, 11:29 AM   #8739
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http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/...oy-d61xx7r.jpg
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Last edited by johneb87 : 04-17-2013 at 11:33 AM.
 

Old 04-17-2013, 11:33 AM   #8740
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
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Old 04-17-2013, 11:55 AM   #8741
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That is NOT going to be me.

Although the lawyer lady has a cat who's going to have kittens soon and she already started saying our kitty cat will need a pet cat of its own. And she has my number .

HP - you are teasing yourself now! with the chocolate chip cookies. I bet a kid really did say that!
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Old 04-18-2013, 05:55 AM   #8742
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Old 04-18-2013, 08:57 AM   #8743
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That's pretty funny. Some of those cats are quite famous - Garfield, Nerval, The Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland, Bill from Bloom County, Tom from Tom & Jerry, Sylvester, Felix, Schrek's sidekick, the cat that Pepe LePew thought was a lady skunk, and maybe sone others. I didn't see Lucifer from Cinderella or Arlene, but I might have just missed them.
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Old 04-18-2013, 09:44 AM   #8744
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That is NOT going to be me.

Although the lawyer lady has a cat who's going to have kittens soon and she already started saying our kitty cat will need a pet cat of its own. And she has my number .

HP - you are teasing yourself now! with the chocolate chip cookies. I bet a kid really did say that!
That lawyer lady is dead wrong:
Sooty /Lucky will NOT need a pet of her own.

For Lucifer, see this one:
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Old 04-18-2013, 10:14 AM   #8745
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That lawyer lady is dead wrong:
Sooty /Lucky will NOT need a pet of her own.

For Lucifer, see this one:
LOL, I love Lucifer, Piglet and I cry with laughter watching that slapstick scene when he's trying to catch the mice in the shirt and gets the button on the nose and his nose goes square when he squashes it in the square hole. OK, well one of us actually IS a child so she at least is allowed, LOL.
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Old 04-18-2013, 10:02 PM   #8746
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GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
 

Old 04-18-2013, 10:10 PM   #8747
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Thank you DG, says a guy who has a desert landscape and is frugal with his water using a drip irrigation system and only when the rains do nor come.

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Old 04-19-2013, 12:58 AM   #8748
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Thanks from me too, DG. I've 10,000 sq ft with 11 trees and 50 species of wildflowers...(And some of them even make good eating...)
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Old 04-19-2013, 01:02 AM   #8749
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Originally Posted by Boxlicker101 View Post
That's pretty funny. Some of those cats are quite famous - Garfield, Nerval, The Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland, Bill from Bloom County, Tom from Tom & Jerry, Sylvester, Felix, Schrek's sidekick, the cat that Pepe LePew thought was a lady skunk, and maybe sone others. I didn't see Lucifer from Cinderella or Arlene, but I might have just missed them.
I can't believe you missed Top Cat, Box. Shame, shame.
 

Old 04-19-2013, 01:22 AM   #8750
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I can't believe you missed Top Cat, Box. Shame, shame.
I did see TC. He's wearing a hat and is napping at the end of the sofa. I must have forgotten to list him.
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