Old 07-28-2009, 12:00 AM   #3826
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Q; what do you call a man who has posted three pages straight of misogynistic "jokes?"

A; A man who is ignored, I bet, as much in real life as he is online.
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Old 07-28-2009, 12:02 AM   #3827
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DG Hear View Post
White Kid
>>>>>>
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
oh oh... now u've not just pissed off SB.. u made a whole continent mad.. rotflmao
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:08 AM   #3828
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
Q; what do you call a man who has posted three pages straight of misogynistic "jokes?"

A; A man who is ignored, I bet, as much in real life as he is online.
wow SB honey.. your ranks are swelling...
u just got a surge being flown in by a black pilot and airdropped right in the middle of the funny farm...
Did you get Obama to send in reinforcements after the joke about the white kid..?
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:10 AM   #3829
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Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?

A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:11 AM   #3830
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
Q; what do you call a man who has posted three pages straight of misogynistic "jokes?"

A; A man who is ignored, I bet, as much in real life as he is online.
Stella, he's just a guy posting jokes. He knows he can raise the dander of some and at the same time make others smile. I had to look up 'misogynistic'. It said a hater of women, Crude may post jokes about women but I don't think he hates them. Heck, I'll ask him.

Crude, do you hate women? Be nice in your reply, we don't want to lose Stella as a reader and poster to our thread.
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:11 AM   #3831
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An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him. After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.
"I can't do this," she said. "I have acute angina."
The old guy says, "God, I hope so. You've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:14 AM   #3832
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crudebug View Post
An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him. After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.
"I can't do this," she said. "I have acute angina."
The old guy says, "God, I hope so. You've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."
Sorry all, but that made me laugh. Me bad!
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:16 AM   #3833
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DG Hear View Post
Stella, he's just a guy posting jokes. He knows he can raise the dander of some and at the same time make others smile. I had to look up 'misogynistic'. It said a hater of women, Crude may post jokes about women but I don't think he hates them. Heck, I'll ask him.

Crude, do you hate women? Be nice in your reply, we don't want to lose Stella as a reader and poster to our thread.

okie dokie..
Sorry Stella..
I ain;t a misogynist.. remember.. I told SB we had a something in common..
Both she and me like pussy.. lmao..
Where the heck is our prudish patrol? Doncha miss her ranting?

Stella, u ain't being baited.. just someone with perpetual PMS who has nails for breakfast when she visits this thread...
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:27 AM   #3834
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A doctor finishes his examination of a woman, takes the husband aside and says, "I don't like the look of your wife at all."

''Me neither doc," replies the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:29 AM   #3835
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A beautiful girl is lying in a hospital bed about to undergo minor surgery. Soon after she is wheeled into the corridor by a nurse, then left alone. While the nurse is away, a young man in a white coat approaches the girl, takes the sheets away and starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and starts examining her. When a third man comes over and begins to examine her body, the girl begins to grow impatient. "All of this examining is great, you guys are really thorough," she says. "But when will I be having my operation?"
The first man shrugs his shoulders. "Beats me. We're just painting the hall."
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:37 AM   #3836
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A woman decides to cook a fancy tea and sends her husband out for a bag of snails. She tells him that if he dares to go to the pub on the way back there will be hell to pay.
The man buys the snails and goes straight to the pub, where he stops until closing time. Feeling thoroughly refreshed he staggers home and rings the bell.
The wife, furious as thunder, stomps out of the kitchen and throws open the front door. She finds her husband in the driveway on his knees, the snails scattered around him in all directions.
He glares at them, throws out his arm and shouts, "Come on you bastards! Hurry up!"
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:41 AM   #3837
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What do you call a man who posts three straight pages of misogyny-- and then says he 'likes pussy?'

A misogynist. Or a moron who actually thinks women can't see what's right in front of their faces for crissakes.

You can stop trying to bait SB now. She has both you and DG on iggy and this thread does not exist to her any more. And all of your little jokes paint the portrait of a man who really doesn't like women.
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Old 07-28-2009, 12:46 AM   #3838
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:49 AM   #3839
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_Omega View Post
What do you call a man who posts three straight pages of misogyny-- and then says he 'likes pussy?'

A misogynist. Or a moron who actually thinks women can't see what's right in front of their faces for crissakes.

You can stop trying to bait SB now. She has both you and DG on iggy and this thread does not exist to her any more. And all of your little jokes paint the portrait of a man who really doesn't like women.
When can I book my next appointment for a session on your couch.. sexyshrink?
Could u cure my moronic misogyny?
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:53 AM   #3840
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Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?

A: They don't have time.


sighhh.. now I guess I will get the label for the male version of misogyny for this anti-male joke...
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:56 AM   #3841
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Quote:
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Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?

A: They don't have time.


sighhh.. now I guess I will get the label for the male version of misogyny for this anti-male joke...
What would that be, do you think?
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Old 07-28-2009, 12:56 AM   #3842
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A couple were sitting up waiting for their fifteen year old son to come home from a social engagement when the boy comes into the house with a big smile on his face.
"Hi Mom! Hi Dad! he said breathlessly. "Guess what? I've just had sex for the first time and it was wonderful."
His mother turned bright red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him." Then she left the room.
The father said, "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by buying you that ten-speed bike you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till pay-day to get it".
"That's OK Dad," said the boy. "I couldn't ride it right now anyway. My ass is too sore.
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:57 AM   #3843
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What would that be, do you think?
kinda balance the tide I guess... duh uh
 

Old 07-28-2009, 12:59 AM   #3844
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A train hits a bus load of catholic school girls and they all perish. They all wind up in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Karina, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the queue. When she reaches the front St. Peter says, "Sharon! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to do it before Mandy sticks her ass in it."
 

Old 07-28-2009, 01:00 AM   #3845
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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber's chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut.
The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."
"I know," she replies. "I'm gonna get tits too."
 

Old 07-28-2009, 01:02 AM   #3846
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Q: Why do men fart more than women?

A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
 

Old 07-28-2009, 01:04 AM   #3847
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Q: Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair?

A: If you dragged them by the feet they filled with dirt.
 

Old 07-28-2009, 01:06 AM   #3848
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Sex Guide

1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshiped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top, where your face should be, not two-thirds of the way down.

2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like, "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences.

5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.

7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises without thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.

8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

10.CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever, even think of saying, "Are you going to come soon?" If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skilful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy.

14.NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your snatch look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favoured by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging.

15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savouring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like, "I love it when you come in my mouth," makes for a happy finale to fun and games.

16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you, especially if a) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or b) you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man' s role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVOURS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favours or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask, "Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain - prostitution.
 

Old 07-28-2009, 01:08 AM   #3849
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EVOLUTION of ROMANCE

Brian and Sarah are staying in a hotel and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settle down, Brian, not quite ready for slumber, leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy doops, your little hubby wubby isn't quite weddy for nighty-nighty yet."
Sarah takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Brian jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone, "Oh my precious little honey bunny, is your nosey wosey all righty?" No harm is done to her nose so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours.

Afterwards, Sarah goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Brian looks over and grunts, "Clumsy bitch."
 

Old 07-28-2009, 01:11 AM   #3850
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One day, a bloke with no arms and no legs was on a beach sunning himself, when he saw three beautiful women approaching him.
The first lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Excuse me, have you ever been hugged before?" He replied, "No," and with that she gave him a big hug.
The second lady bent down and asked, "Have you ever been kissed before?" Again he replied, "No," and she gave a big, juicy kiss on the lips.
The third lady bent down and asked him, "Have you ever been fucked before?" For the third time he replied, "No," eyes alight.
"Well you are now," she said. "The tide's coming in!"
 
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