Old 11-05-2017, 04:37 PM   #1
SimonDoom
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Metaphors and similes

I saw a thread recently entitled "Inappropriate metaphors." I'd thought I'd go in the opposite direction: what's a metaphor or simile that you've included in a story that you've written that you especially like? It can be comical or serious.
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Old 11-05-2017, 06:56 PM   #2
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Hmm... I don't go in for a lot of elaborate phrase-turning in my writing. Not intentionally anyway. Let me see what I can find...

Ok, here's a simile that worked out pretty well. I don't know that it is particularly eloquent, but it certainly saved me a lot of time trying to translate what was happening in the narrator's head.

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...It left my head spinning. My stream of consciousness was more like a raging torrent, and I didn't even try to contain it. I just let it flow over me and before I knew it,...
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Old 11-06-2017, 08:31 AM   #3
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Old 11-06-2017, 09:34 AM   #4
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One of my favorite similes, albeit a little over-the-top ('Cold Shock', the story it comes from, is way over-the-top) the description follows the two women felching ejaculate from the heroine's anus with a straw, followed by a cum-kiss:

When their lips met in a frantic, mauling kiss, cum flowed down their cheeks, dripping onto their tits as they undulated in the slippery cream, their slimy tongues thrashing like alligators wrestling in a milk pond.

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Old 11-06-2017, 10:20 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by latecomer91364 View Post
One of my favorite similes, albeit a little over-the-top ('Cold Shock', the story it comes from, is way over-the-top) the description follows the two women felching ejaculate from the heroine's anus with a straw, followed by a cum-kiss:

When their lips met in a frantic, mauling kiss, cum flowed down their cheeks, dripping onto their tits as they undulated in the slippery cream, their slimy tongues thrashing like alligators wrestling in a milk pond.
It's over the top, but creative. I like it.
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Old 11-06-2017, 10:22 AM   #6
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Here's one I wrote, in a story that was written in an intentionally over-the-top style throughout:

"My respect for him, low already, disappeared like steam over bad coffee."
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Old 11-06-2017, 06:20 PM   #7
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I guess my butthole panicked on it's own 'cause it really tightened up on him like it was trying to pinch off one of those hard turds you get after eating a lot of cheese.
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He sounded like a kitten when you drop a refrigerator on its tail. I was so scared.
I thought those inscribed the situation pretty good and stuff.

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Old 11-10-2017, 01:06 PM   #8
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I like using similes for describing body parts. Much better than using numerical measurements:

"His cock was as long and hard as a pipe bomb and twice as dangerous."

"Her pubic hair was trimmed into a tidy patch, as neat and triangular as Lenin's beard." (spoken of a beautiful female Russian spy)

"Her breasts hung on her chest like two ripe cantaloupes, with just the perfect amount of sag. Her nipples pointed straight forward, as stiff and brown as two wine corks."

"His hips continued their relentless thrusting, vibrating like a paint mixer in a hardware store. His thumb flicked back and forth on her clit like a telegraph operator with epilepsy."

(These are all from my spy spoof, Femme Fatale).
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Old 11-10-2017, 01:18 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Carnevil9 View Post
I like using similes for describing body parts. Much better than usung numerical measurements:

"His cock was as long and hard as a pipe bomb and twice as dangerous."

"Her pubic hair was trimmed into a tidy patch, as neat and triangular as Lenin's beard." (spoken of a beautiful female Russian spy)

"Her breasts hung on her chest like two ripe cantaloupes, with just the perfect amount of sag. Her nipples pointed straight forward, as stiff and brown as two wine corks."

"His hips continued their relentless thrusting, vibrating like a paint mixer in a hardware store. His thumb flicked back and forth on her clit like a telegraph operator with epilepsy."

(These are all from my spy spoof, Femme Fatale.
Excellent! Those must have been fun to write. Still chuckling.
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Old 11-11-2017, 04:25 AM   #10
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Not in writing but I have never forgotten an old Yorkshireman's description of a very mouthy opinionated young man.

" Eee lad. You're like a young thrush, (small bird) all beak and asshole."
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Old 11-11-2017, 12:50 PM   #11
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This is from a story I'm currently working on. The whole point of the story is that the language is supposed to be... odd... and this is my fun way of describing earbuds.

"Bees buzz in his earsóMusic soothes the soulóbut are silent in hers, as she becomes distracted by their cacophony."

If you get the reference here, a million points to you.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:09 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ishtat View Post
Not in writing but I have never forgotten an old Yorkshireman's description of a very mouthy opinionated young man.

" Eee lad. You're like a young thrush, (small bird) all beak and asshole."
One of my favourite Australianisms: "he couldn't pour beer out of a gumboot with instructions on the heel".
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:29 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bramblethorn View Post
One of my favourite Australianisms: "he couldn't pour beer out of a gumboot with instructions on the heel".
Similar to, "He'd starve in restaurant, be celibate in a brothel."
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Old 11-13-2017, 05:47 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonDoom View Post
I saw a thread recently entitled "Inappropriate metaphors." I'd thought I'd go in the opposite direction: what's a metaphor or simile that you've included in a story that you've written that you especially like? It can be comical or serious.
the entire scene this quote comes from was hugely over written but i couldn't bear to delete a word of it

"Connie picked up the statement and held it up, like a discarded sock she'd found underneath one of the beds and handed back to Andrea. "Things might be different this time?" The incredulity in her voice was hard to ignore. "He's changed?"
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