A 'Fake' Dom remembers[Humor]

Colton_White

Literotica Guru
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Posts
803
I've been going on bored since few weeks, so I've now decided to get myself occupied writing stories.
I'm writing pieces of my online life, together they'll make 'an autobiography of a tired, exhausted member of Lit.'

Here is a piece of it.
once again, the bureaucrates haven't even yet gave apporval to previous story [size=+1] Lady finder a.i. Chat autobot [/size] that's why I'm posting the whole story here.
======================
'A Fake dom/master remembers'

Some 3 years ago, I was surfing on a free porno site. They had a BDSM section, first I thought it was some porn movie company, upon clicking on its link, seeing the videos and
pics I figured out it had something to do with the black leather uniform, handcuffs and spanking.

So, curiously I searched more of it, and landed on a site called TSR [The Slave Register.]
And on my surprise it was literally filled with countless lady profiles seeking 'wanting to be sub/slave of the master'
I felt like being a kid in the candy shop. What else could I do? immediately created a free profile. Added my body description, Y! id, and penis photos.
They accepted other things but rejected 'explicit images of erect penis' ..damn, if you're so concerned about the rules then why the hell you allow photos of women showing boobies
in their profiles? Well to keep the male population entertained. otherwise no one would join ha..ha. ha..

Anyways as further I ventured in the dark woods I came to know more about 'myself'
that I was mentally a Dom, in the sense I’d like to be dominant in the relationship, calling the shots, taking care of her,etc. but
I figured out that anything dealing with blood/urine/scat/rape/animal-play/ locking her into cage/etc. etc. etc. pervert stuffs were a big turn off for me.
I came to know that I respected ladies, and it made me uncomfortable to call them bitch/slut/cunt/hooker etc. or humiliate them, even when asked by them to do so.

So they started labeling me as a 'soft fake vanilla dom'
hmm... well If these ladies are so obsessed with 'hard sadistic masters' then why don't they migrate to some African / Middle east country? serve in the harem of some old man there, and produce lot kids for him.
and in return they should send the oppressed women from those countries back to the first world, so the 'balance of country wise population and ration of female to male' remains status quo.

I also came to know that ...

#BDSM ladies have a thing for mature/experience/older master but I'm too boy scout to lie and cheat about my age/xp.

#BDSM has various sub-divisions like vampires,goth,hun,vandal,vikings,warewolves,aliens etc. and everyone have their separate terminologies like gorigan kajira and stuff like that.

#There are a lot ladies 'willing to relocate' to your place, but most of them are from eastern Europe or Asia trying to migrate to USA/UK/Canada/Australia via 'marriage route' or regular hookers or drug addict/criminals needing someone to give them shelter and pay for their lawyer's fees, debts & bail-bonds.

#There are lot 'fake couples' = older jerks getting themselves photographed with professional hookers in BDSM costumes and then putting a profile [of the fake girl claiming to be his slave] and then seeking to add '3rd woman in their relationship' and bragging about being an 'experienced master'

#There are lot 'lazy old man' who get more pleasure in insulting and labeling the online newbie as 'Fake' rather then enjoying fucking with their so called 24/7 [imaginary] harem of at least 4 sexy girls in 18-21 age bracket at home.

#most people talk in third person philosophical stuff that was hard for common people to understand.

#90% of lady profiles have written in it ‘still learning’, but rarely any male profile there says ‘I’m still learning/ willing to learn’ – reason – ladies don’t give chances to an inexperienced guy, and males think like “what the heck is there to learn? I’m horny lets fuck”

#Most master are selfish, they 'claim' to have 4-12 slaves In their harem [both online and off line], but still they and their ladies are further looking to add more ladies in it. I mean Jesus, if you already have your plate full of sweet food, then leave something for others cause there already is a big shortage of women.

# On every BDSM board, the senior members are very very welcoming and courteous to the newbie. But only if the newbie is lady, otherwise if its a male [esp. wanna be master/dom], then everyone [esp. the so called experienced masters] start taking him as a threat & compititior, and start labeling him as fake. same way the so called mistress and dom-ladies also start nagging him, cause those ladies want to remain in the cartel - the aristocrat online BDSM society, so they've to play according to the tunes of the leaders of the cartel, if they don't agree with other 'experienced' male doms, its taken as 'indiscipline', ha ha ha.

#in short there is no place for newbie dom with self-esteem to remain in BDSM lifestype, unless you compromise your self-esteem for a while, keep flicking your tail on their tunes to get yourself in the cartel, which was impossible for me. so I left.

despite of my lot honest efforts
no lady give me a chance cause I didn't have any experience, and further deprived me of gaining any experience. So in the end, I figured out its a big cycle, I came back to where I had started -
the same lonely life, all I gained is some wisdom and few bdsm terminology words.
Finally I left the BDSM life for a better, easier, more peaceful, comfortable life called 'wanking over the porno stash in your computer!'.

Some Funny Quotes
[size=+1] Does ‘TONGUE’ size really matter? [/size]
[size=+1] My story- Lady finder a.i. Chat autobot [/size]
 
Last edited:
You come off as immature, generally intolerant and slightly racist. If you're writing as a character it's brilliant, you've captured the mind set of an emotionally insecure teenager perfectly. If your not I have a guess about why you're left jerking off to porn.

The constant changes in size, bold, underline and text color are nothing but irritating. Also that's not so much a story as it is a list of complaints and what appear to be hastily formed opinions.

However, I did find the "I also came to know . . ." section amusing.
 
You come off as immature, generally intolerant and slightly racist. If you're writing as a character it's brilliant, you've captured the mind set of an emotionally insecure teenager perfectly. If your not I have a guess about why you're left jerking off to porn.

The constant changes in size, bold, underline and text color are nothing but irritating. Also that's not so much a story as it is a list of complaints and what appear to be hastily formed opinions.

However, I did find the "I also came to know . . ." section amusing.

I'm not a teenager,
immature no more,
intolerant ..nope I'm fed up
it wasn't racist, I'm not racists. I mean if I talk about the oppressed women in Africa and middle east, Asia does it make it racist? no, there was no intention of hurting someone feeling, but there are some bitter truths. my apologies if I hurt someone.

The constant changes in size, bold, underline and text color are nothing but irritating.
Agree, in my original story post at Literotica.com i've posted it plain and simple,
but here in the forum, in order to save time of the readers I did some formatting bold/underline stuff.
but looks like i overused it.
=========
However, I did find the "I also came to know . . ." section amusing.

thanks a lot :D
and once again ,thanks for taking time in reading and replying to this thread :D
 
I'm not a teenager

Sure you're not . . . j/k

immature no more,
intolerant ..nope I'm fed up

That may well be true (I have no idea who you really are) I'm simply giving you my impression of the piece.

it wasn't racist, I'm not racists. I mean if I talk about the oppressed women in Africa and middle east, Asia does it make it racist? no, there was no intention of hurting someone feeling, but there are some bitter truths. my apologies if I hurt someone.

References to sadistic harems in the Mideast and Africa comes off as at least a little bit racist to me.
 
References to sadistic harems in the Mideast and Africa comes off as at least a little bit racist to me.

ok,
I'd refrain from discussing more on that topic, cause it'd be a racism debate magnet here. no i don't want, i was only pointing an observation abt. the bad condition of women in that region.
 
My overall impression is you are trying to be funny. That doesn't work. I know. I write humor and have for a long time. Rather than trying to amuse and laff, you should be looking at the humor in terms of -
1. Does this scene set-up work?
2. What makes this funny?
3. Who and how many readers will be insulted by this?
4. Does the timing work?
5. What kind of humor am I writing? Satire? Slapstick? What?

Trust me. I never see the humor in a piece until after it's completed. There is way too much concentration on maintining a good, tight story, character development, POV, scene set-up and letting the characters do what would be natural for them without letting them romp too far from the story line I have in mind.

Nice try, but you need to go back to basics. Look at what you are doing. And learn to be very critical of your work.
 
Heh well that was kinda funny :)

Interesting point of view your writing from though I can see some of that generalisation!
 
My overall impression is you are trying to be funny. That doesn't work. I know. I write humor and have for a long time. Rather than trying to amuse and laff, you should be looking at the humor in terms of -
1. Does this scene set-up work?
2. What makes this funny?
3. Who and how many readers will be insulted by this?
4. Does the timing work?
5. What kind of humor am I writing? Satire? Slapstick? What?

Trust me. I never see the humor in a piece until after it's completed. There is way too much concentration on maintining a good, tight story, character development, POV, scene set-up and letting the characters do what would be natural for them without letting them romp too far from the story line I have in mind.

Nice try, but you need to go back to basics. Look at what you are doing. And learn to be very critical of your work.

thanks for taking your time reading and replying to my thread.
1. this is my 3rd story, so I'm still not mature writer of humor stories like you are.
2. I was bored and wanted to write something.. this stuff came in my mind and I wrote it out,checked the spelling mistakes and posted.

in fact this one is still better , easier to understand and less boring than my previous story
[size=+1] Lady finder a.i. Chat autobot [/size]
 
Schadenfreude? In a person who hates the lifestyle? Now that's funny.

I think I should create an Alt. and post in the BDSM cafe, drawing their attention to this thread,
otherwise those aristocrats will die in ignorance about the finest dom who left the lifestyle. lol :D

I forgot to add one point in the 'I also came to know that ...'

# On every BDSM board, the senior members are very very welcoming and courteous to the newbie. But only if the newbie is lady, otherwise if its a male [esp. wanna be master/dom], then everyone [esp. the so called experienced masters] start taking him as a threat & compititior, and start labeling him as fake. same way the so called mistress and dom-ladies also start nagging him, cause those ladies want to remain in the cartel - the aristocrat online BDSM society, so they've to play according to the tunes of the leaders of the cartel, if they don't agree with other 'experienced' male doms, its taken as 'indiscipline', ha ha ha.

#in short there is no place for newbie dom with self-esteem to remain in BDSM lifestype, unless you compromise your self-esteem for a while, keep flicking your tail on their tunes to get yourself in the cartel, which was impossible for me. so I left.
 
Last edited:
I think I should create an Alt. and post in the BDSM cafe, drawing their attention to this thread,
otherwise those aristocrats will die in ignorance about the finest dom who left the lifestyle. lol :D
That would be extremely childish.

So far everything you've said is totally one sided. How did you present yourself? How many boards did you visit? How long did you actually stay? Did you ever consider making some concessions in order to fit in? Did you see anyone else experience what you did? Details and context are everything. Moving away from labeling it humor might be a good idea too, this isn't terribly funny but it is interesting.

in short there is no place for newbie dom with self-esteem to remain in BDSM lifestype, unless you compromise your self-esteem for a while, keep flicking your tail on their tunes to get yourself in the cartel, which was impossible for me. so I left.
All forums, BDSM related or not, are inherently elitist. The type of concessions you refused to make are ones that most people make any time they are new to a forum.
 
That would be extremely childish.

nope it may childish but not 'extremely'


So far everything you've said is totally one sided.

I didn't get the grapes so they're sour.

How did you present yourself?
Very nicely like a gentleman. and respecting others.

How many boards did you visit?
I think about 4.

How long did you actually stay?
about 6-8 months

Did you ever consider making some concessions in order to fit in?

I mentioned ago, I'm not into humilation,blood,urine,etc.
and they didn't not give me any concession for being 'newbie'

Did you see anyone else experience what you did?
sorry I didn't get what you're trying to ask in this one?

Details and context are everything.
yes I spammed every lady ad [seeking online dom] on those sites, with detailed description about my physical and mental appearance. I also tried communicating with others in the messege boards but its kinda cartel system, if a newbi male posts his opinion..all the seniors will stop their 'third person language philosophical trash' and start hovering ovre him for not having 'experiance' lol

Moving away from labeling it humor might be a good idea too, this isn't terribly funny but it is interesting.
no problem..
it is helping me killing my lonely boring time.
 
I think I should create an Alt. and post in the BDSM cafe, drawing their attention to this thread,
otherwise those aristocrats will die in ignorance about the finest dom who left the lifestyle. lol :D

I forgot to add one point in the 'I also came to know that ...'

# On every BDSM board, the senior members are very very welcoming and courteous to the newbie. But only if the newbie is lady, otherwise if its a male [esp. wanna be master/dom], then everyone [esp. the so called experienced masters] start taking him as a threat & compititior, and start labeling him as fake. same way the so called mistress and dom-ladies also start nagging him, cause those ladies want to remain in the cartel - the aristocrat online BDSM society, so they've to play according to the tunes of the leaders of the cartel, if they don't agree with other 'experienced' male doms, its taken as 'indiscipline', ha ha ha.

#in short there is no place for newbie dom with self-esteem to remain in BDSM lifestype, unless you compromise your self-esteem for a while, keep flicking your tail on their tunes to get yourself in the cartel, which was impossible for me. so I left.



You know I'm not entirely convinced. Sure it's easier for women to be liked regardless of their personality cause they are pretty and all. Who cares what they say?
I understand that thinking but it's not totally true.

Usually online, like on forums or playing games or just surfing the net I like to be one of the "guys" even in real life.
Many people mistake me for being a boy and I kinda like that he he. Unless I throw alot of hints around.

I think guys can easily be likable in new communities, it's all about having a passive and nice attitude without being a ass kisser or seeming desperate with obvious hidden agendas. It's hard to like someone when they act like they are superior and your not worth their time from the word go! like their after something. I get this feeling from alot of guys I talk too.
It's like some guys expect to have respect in the start, and when they don't they dont feel appreciated and complications occure!

I'm usually liked where I go, regardless the average age or community interest just from saying nice things, making jokes that arent too offensive and stuff!

And I think the guys that do get alot of attention are the ones who do that right.

Hm maybe I drifted alittle off but hope that shared some insight! :eek:
 
I think about 4.


about 6-8 months

Okay, that a reasonable amount of time. It seemed to me that you'd spent like a week on one board.

I mentioned ago, I'm not into humilation,blood,urine,etc.
and they didn't not give me any concession for being 'newbie'

I'm talking about social concessions. Interest in certain things is totally irrelevant.

As I said, forums are elitist. It would be strange to expect concessions for being new.

sorry I didn't get what you're trying to ask in this one?

You're making generalities. To make them in good conscience you'd have to see someone else have the same sort of experience you did.

yes I spammed every lady ad [seeking online dom] on those sites, with detailed description about my physical and mental appearance.

Well that's a bit creepy . . .

I also tried communicating with others in the messege boards but its kinda cartel system, if a newbi male posts his opinion..all the seniors will stop their 'third person language philosophical trash' and start hovering ovre him for not having 'experiance' lol

If you came in with the attitude that they're talking about 'third person language philosophical trash' I imagine it would seriously color the persona you created. Did you try finding information outside of forums before you went to forums?

it is helping me killing my lonely boring time.

Same here.
 
Um, not wanting to come across as offensive, but what exactly was this supposed to be?

once again, the bureaucrates haven't even yet gave apporval to previous story

There are some points here that could be funny / true but it reads like a bored teenager having a whine on a forum board. That's not going to get accepted even at somewhere as easygoing as Lit.

What you have here isn't a story, but it could be.

You have a list of bulletin points that need to be cloaked in a narrative. All you need to do is take your main character and document their various interactions with people on forums (and be careful to make sure it doesn't read like a whole list of cut'n'paste chat conversations). You need to create the other characters so that the reader can easily see they're a 'lazy old fantasist' or 'desperate East European' rather than just telling us that's what you've encountered. I think it could probably be quite a funny story if told properly.

And, not wanting to be snarky anything, please use a spell checker and drop the bold font. My eyes hurt :)
 
You're making generalities. To make them in good conscience you'd have to see someone else have the same sort of experience you did.
its hard to find such people. either they fed up and left
or they're still 'in' may be got someone,
or may be still faking to have an 'online/offline harem' of atleast 4 sexy girls in 18-25 age bracket.

Well that's a bit creepy . . .
yes it is.
If you came in with the attitude that they're talking about 'third person language philosophical trash' I imagine it would seriously color the persona you created. Did you try finding information outside of forums before you went to forums?

nope after getting fed up, I now call it 'third person language philosophical trash'
[grapes are sour cause i couldn't get them]
i lurked many forums and guide web pages to gather up as much knowledge as I can before posting there.
 
Um, not wanting to come across as offensive, but what exactly was this supposed to be?

There are some points here that could be funny / true but it reads like a bored teenager having a whine on a forum board. That's not going to get accepted even at somewhere as easygoing as Lit.
.................

thanks for taking time and reading the story and giving me a valuable output.
but here are the things..

1. I only wrote this story not cause I want to 'establish' my self as a humor author..but just cause I wanted to spit out the venom and hatred I've for the BDSM people.

2. You're right it could have been better if told in narrative form rather than to the point bulletines,
but Its my personal liking that It takes a lot quality to make a narrative type of humor stories 'click in the mind' I mean I've read a lot, but in most I get bored after second paragraph cause i don't see any humor. and I don't want that trouble in mine, so i told it in 'condensed short form'

it could have been a lot better, but i only wrote it the way i did cause i wanted reader to have quick fun.

thanks for the advice, someday, I'll try to write it narrative with characters ,acco. to your advice. thanks for it, i'll keep that in mind

sorry for the bold letters.. its reason i explain in some previous post.
in order to save time of the readers I did some formatting bold/underline stuff.
but looks like i overused it.
sorry for your inconvinience
 
I think guys can easily be likable in new communities, it's all about having a passive and nice attitude without being a ass kisser or seeming desperate with obvious hidden agendas.
that's not true, In BDSM world the senior males start feeling insecure with entry of new males, thinking they'll lure and take away their subs.
It's hard to like someone when they act like they are superior
yes and its even harder cause they keep bragging abt. how much 'xp' they've got, and how many ladies they've in their harem. and when i doubt it over their claims in the thread..they start hovering over me labeling me as 'fake dom'
It's like some guys expect to have respect in the start, and when they don't they dont feel appreciated and complications occure!
yup.
Hm maybe I drifted alittle off but hope that shared some insight! :eek:[/QUOTE]

thanks for sharing. !
 
Hey Colton,

Erotic Humor is pretty much all I write and you should just keep it going. Pay no attention to Jenny J or anyone else trying to damper your enthusiasm.

Keep writing more stuff and you'll find your style. Read some of my stuff as it may help.
 
Hey Colton,
Erotic Humor is pretty much all I write and you should just keep it going. Pay no attention to Jenny J or anyone else trying to damper your enthusiasm.
Keep writing more stuff and you'll find your style. Read some of my stuff as it may help.

thanks a lot for coming to my thread
really great advice you gave to me.

I'll keep that in mind, and I'll be reading your stories soon

Have a nice Sunday :D
 
1. I only wrote this story not cause I want to 'establish' my self as a humor author..but just cause I wanted to spit out the venom and hatred I've for the BDSM people.

...it could have been a lot better, but i only wrote it the way i did cause i wanted reader to have quick fun.

What exactly is fun about listening to you whine about a group of people you don't like and have decided to hate simply because they didn't appreciate your attitude towards their lifestyle? I fail to see who besides yourself could possibly appreciate this or find humor in it. It comes across as immature and prejudiced, neither of which really tickle my funny bone, personally.
 
ha ha ha

What exactly is fun about listening to you whine about a group of people you don't like

and have decided to hate simply because they didn't appreciate your attitude towards their lifestyle?
They didn't appreciate me cause I didn't have any xp. and I raised several valid questions which were bitter truth for them, That's why they didn't appreciate my attitude.

I fail to see who besides yourself could possibly appreciate this or find humor in it.

Looks like you've not read the full thread and other posts ,
let me copy paste other people's opinions:-

The_Fractal_King said:
I did find the "I also came to know . . ." section amusing.

maybenicegirl said:
Funny as hell and so true! Thanks for the laugh tonight!

ParrishP said:
Heh well that was kinda funny,Interesting point of view your writing from

manyeyedhydra said:
I think it could probably be quite a funny story if told properly.

GratefulFred said:
Pay no attention to Jenny J or anyone else trying to damper your enthusiasm.

FYI all the above state people are real genuine people and none of them is my alt. Profile.
so you need to get your eyes checked if you fail to see who besides myself could possibly appreciate this or find humor in it.
 
Back
Top