Review of the BDSM guide books

I am not sure if this is done already, if so, just point me in the direction of the other thread, and forget about this thread altogether!

I wanted to ask about different guide books about BDSM, relationships and love etc and which book you would recommend and why. I also wanted to know what you think of different books I have mentioned and whether if you liked it or not, and why. Basically, I wanted your reviews!! AND also any other books you would recommend for me and any other newbies & experienced people to get.

I have 5 books at the moment;

The new Bottoming book by Dossie Easton & Janet W.Hardy

This was the very first book I bought, and I thought it was a really good book. Lot of what D.E and J.W.H said in the book made sense to me, I thought, and I loved reading different examples of different scenes they have been in, and some others too. When I first read it, I realised that I was not the only one who felt like that or that. It was a brilliant book, and I would recommend for newbies and experienced alike.

The new Topping book by Dossie Easton & Janet W.Hardy

I bought this book when I begun to think more about being a PYL. It did help me greatly, and also helped me to look inside myself and seeing that it was okay for me to be a PYL, and that it was okay for me to "control" & "abuse" my sub friends, if and when I get to play with them.

Sexually Dominant Woman by Lady Green

It is a really brilliant book for those who might be starting out as a Domme. It gave some advice on how to be a good Domme, and how to look after subs, both in the scene and the aftercare too. It also gave some examples of scenes and it had a good first scene that some Dommes might use, for their first time as a PYL. Once again, I would recommend this book for any females who might be considering becoming a PYL, along with the new Topping book.

The Loving Dominant by John Warren

A good book, but for me personally, not as memorable as the other books I mentioned as above. I don't know why. Although I might need to re-read it again to give a better review. So for now, I won't comment any further on this book.

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

A very very good book, I enjoyed reading it very much. It gave me a realistic view of what is BDSM in generally, and also had some good chapters on different areas of BDSM, including flogging, bondage and many more. I would recommend this book for anyone.

So that's the five books I have at the moment.

But I have 3 other books coming; they are Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples; The Ethical Slut: Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities and When Someone You Love Is Kinky.

Did you read any of the three books (including the five books I have already), and what did you think of them?

I will be back to give my thoughts on the three new books as when they arrive. Looking forward to it.

Now its your turn!

I have read all those and they are good choices. SM101 is the best for learning technique. The people who did Topping Book and Bottoming Book have some more on specific topics like spanking and fisting too.

Add to your list Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon

Hello Miss Caz,

Try this link that I made a month or so ago. It may help as a 'Master List' in relation to this thread. I have several books on a fringe exploring sadism and masochism from a clinical non BDSM marketed perspective I'll add them in later for you. I also have several opinions ( shock horror ) on some of the reading material often recommended though I'll desist until I am feeling better and can trust my own powers of diplomacy once again.

Seriously hope this thread takes off, it will make a great resource for ummm the Library

@}-}rebecca---- said:

Hello Miss Caz,

Try this link that I made a month or so ago. It may help as a 'Master List' in relation to this thread. I have several books on a fringe exploring sadism and masochism from a clinical non BDSM marketed perspective I'll add them in later for you. I also have several opinions ( shock horror ) on some of the reading material often recommended though I'll desist until I am feeling better and can trust my own powers of diplomacy once again.

Seriously hope this thread takes off, it will make a great resource for ummm the Library

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Thank you, Miss Rebbecca.

And I certainly hope that this thread will take off too!

I've read all of them except The Ethical Slut...started to but forgot it at Ma'ams so will read it next time I'm Home.


I wasn't really overly impressed with any of the other books. I can't really say why, but my judgement may be clouded....as I read most of them a few years into my explorations, so the extreme basicness of it kind of annoyed me. Great for beginners, all of them....but beyound that I didn't feel they offered much. The writing was good on some of the books...lighthearted, to the point. But to me so much of it was common sense so I couldn't relate.

I would like to see a book that is a bit more broad...a book that covers the very basics to the more extreme and experienced. I think it would give people a more realistic view. I feel like the books tend to give a more "bedroom play" view on BDSM.

I think I will be more impressed with The Ethical Slut, from what I've already read of it, which wasn't much.

I do have a copy of The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book if anyone is interested in purchasing them from me.

The one thing I loved about those two books was they follow my long-held like of the word "Top" and "bottom" as catch-all words for well, tops and bottoms. None of this label or "PYL/pyl" crap. It makes so much more sense and is so much simpler.

Good books, I would recommend reading them. I know a few of the authors myself and they are amazing, solid people with excellent knowledge. I'm still looking for a book that really covers BDSM from a deeper angle though.

serijules said:

I've read all of them except The Ethical Slut...started to but forgot it at Ma'ams so will read it next time I'm Home.


I wasn't really overly impressed with any of the other books. I can't really say why, but my judgement may be clouded....as I read most of them a few years into my explorations, so the extreme basicness of it kind of annoyed me. Great for beginners, all of them....but beyound that I didn't feel they offered much. The writing was good on some of the books...lighthearted, to the point. But to me so much of it was common sense so I couldn't relate.

I would like to see a book that is a bit more broad...a book that covers the very basics to the more extreme and experienced. I think it would give people a more realistic view. I feel like the books tend to give a more "bedroom play" view on BDSM.

I think I will be more impressed with The Ethical Slut, from what I've already read of it, which wasn't much.

I do have a copy of The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book if anyone is interested in purchasing them from me.

The one thing I loved about those two books was they follow my long-held like of the word "Top" and "bottom" as catch-all words for well, tops and bottoms. None of this label or "PYL/pyl" crap. It makes so much more sense and is so much simpler.

Good books, I would recommend reading them. I know a few of the authors myself and they are amazing, solid people with excellent knowledge. I'm still looking for a book that really covers BDSM from a deeper angle though.

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I think Screw The Roses might be more the sort of book youre looking for.

MzChrista said:

I think Screw The Roses might be more the sort of book youre looking for.

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I think that is one I haven't read....but the reviews on it gave impression it's just yet another basics book, so I never bothered to get it.

Only so many times you can review things you've been living for 10 years without getting a bit bored.

serijules said:

I think that is one I haven't read....but the reviews on it gave impression it's just yet another basics book, so I never bothered to get it.

Only so many times you can review things you've been living for 10 years without getting a bit bored.

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I hear ya. Its been years since I read it but I remember it as being closer to talking about bdsm as I know it than anything else I had read. maybe if I read it now Id say "yeah yeah yeah been there done that".

I'm kind of fond of Sexual Majick by Pat Califia and Slavecraft by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin. They get more into the meat of SM and power exchange relationships... Think of them as 201/301 level books.

I have 6 of your 8 books in my personal library, caz, and I like them all as learning resources, especially for people new or early in their involvement in BDSM. They are all useful, valuable 101 level books. The ones I don't have on your list are Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, and The Sexually Dominant Woman by Lady Green (who, if I'm remembering my pen name trivia correctly, is in fact Janet Hardy of Greenery Press... ).

And like others who have already mentioned it... Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller and Devon is by far my favorite BDSM 101 source book. It approaches the subject in a light hearted, fun, accessible way, but always stays grounded in reality.

serijules said:

I've read all of them except The Ethical Slut...started to but forgot it at Ma'ams so will read it next time I'm Home.

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When you've finished reading the Ethical slut, do come back and tell us, I will be very interested to hear/read your thoughts on it.

I would like to see a book that is a bit more broad...a book that covers the very basics to the more extreme and experienced. I think it would give people a more realistic view. I feel like the books tend to give a more "bedroom play" view on BDSM.

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*nods* having read some of your posts, I know that the books I have recommended might be a bit on the "lighter" side, and the books certainly does not cover some extreme sides, like what you are looking for with your PYL, so I do appreciate your opinions.

The one thing I loved about those two books was they follow my long-held like of the word "Top" and "bottom" as catch-all words for well, tops and bottoms. None of this label or "PYL/pyl" crap. It makes so much more sense and is so much simpler.

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Yeah, that's what I love about reading the two books, they don't use labels as such as Master etc, that's what it is so good about the books and the authors. It made reading more easier AND that way I could form an opinion about what I describe myself as, etc. Brilliant written, I think!

MzChrista said:

Add to your list Screw The Roses Send Me The Thorns by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon

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Evil_Geoff said:

And like others who have already mentioned it... Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller and Devon is by far my favorite BDSM 101 source book. It approaches the subject in a light hearted, fun, accessible way, but always stays grounded in reality.

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Great, thank you both for recommending this book, I will certainly keep this book in mind for the next time I order some more books.

Evil_Geoff said:

I'm kind of fond of Sexual Majick by Pat Califia and Slavecraft by a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin. They get more into the meat of SM and power exchange relationships... Think of them as 201/301 level books.

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Mmmm, I will consider the 201/301 level books you have recommended, for when I am getting "more involved" in the BDSM lifestyle (I could not think of better words!) and at a later stage, where it gets serious. Thank you very much, EG!

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton & Catherine Liszt

A brilliant book, I would certainly recommend it to anyone who is in a poly / multi-partner relationship, or someone who might be considering to go into a poly relationship (like me!) It have given me food for thought, and also some things in the book have been a huge revelation to me, especially at this time, where I will be seeing a guy on Tuesday, and he does have a Domme who he sees twice a year and on the chapter of jealousy, it have made me realise something inside me and it gives some really good advice which I will be taking, if it gets serious between me and my guy!

When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton & Catherine Liszt

It is an okay book, in my POV, I think it is because it have mentioned a few things that I already know from the other books and from my experiences. However, it does have some really good examples of "coming out" letters to friends, workmates or family. I am thinking of writing one and put it in with the book, and just writing the letter out, along with my emotions and feelings, I believe would help me a lot. As for giving the book to my family, I am not too sure, as I feel the book reveals quite a lot about kinky activities, which I feel is a bit too much, in my POV. But I am seriously considering lending the book to my vanilla friend who already knows about the kinky me.

((((bump))))

Anyone want to share their opinions on the books I have read, or recommend any good guide books?

Come on, we need your opinions, my views doesn't count on its own!

Share with us!

The grandaddy of the current generation of pansexual SM books is Different Loving by Brame, Brame & Jacobs (Not to be bragging but my copy is signed by both Gloria and Wil Brame, neener-neener-neeeeener! Jon Jacobs passed away before I got the opportunity to meet him and get it signed! Okay... so maybe I AM bragging just a bit... )

Different Loving is an academic book, a kind of "survey of different sexual practices" that presents information about the particular fetish or kink, and then vignettes of different practitioners and how/what they do with it. It is not detailed with "how to" instructions, it's more of a "This is what people are doing and enjoying and how they feel about it." Different Loving presents our lifestyle in a positive/neutral light, and can give it's readers a broad overview of what's available to them in their love and lifestyles.

I seriously need to read the Ethical Slut, strange thing though ( present company excluded ) , people I have known to tout the book at the strongest level always seemed to me, to have a really good handle on a tangible lack of ethics . Maybe there is something in that : smiles : Oh well, live and learn

seri, you might like Jack Rinella. I think he gets a little more into the "head" of things.

Netzach said:

seri, you might like Jack Rinella. I think he gets a little more into the "head" of things.

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I will check him out, I'm looking for some interesting reads right now. I've been melting my brain on my guilty pleasure; crappy, mindless Star Trek Voyager novels.

Evil_Geoff said:

Different Loving is an academic book, a kind of "survey of different sexual practices" that presents information about the particular fetish or kink, and then vignettes of different practitioners and how/what they do with it. It is not detailed with "how to" instructions, it's more of a "This is what people are doing and enjoying and how they feel about it." Different Loving presents our lifestyle in a positive/neutral light, and can give it's readers a broad overview of what's available to them in their love and lifestyles.

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Okay, thank you, will certainly look it up and probably will be ordering that as well as "screw the roses" or something along these lines.

Thank you, EG! (are you sure that you are purely evil??? You sound like a sweet man!! *blush*)

Netzach said:

seri, you might like Jack Rinella. I think he gets a little more into the "head" of things.

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Will have to look him up as well, thank you!



Anyone else wanna share their opinions/recommendations?

Sexual Majick by Pat Califia : I have just finished this one . Awesome Book!! I truelly enjoyed it. It was helpful and was well written. I found that He wrote with a down to earth tone. I have shared it with my SO, and after only reading the first 2 chapters he says we have to add it to our personal library( I borrowed it from my local library, as money is very tight atm, so can't afford to spend $$ on somethign that isn't worth it. )