LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

This was NOT what I meant by orgasm denial!

notalwaysweak

notalwaysweak

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 20, 2007
Posts
722
I went out today with friends but made a point of coming home early so I could have dinner with my husband when he got home from work. He got home as I was about to shower and shave my Yeti-riffic legs, and asked if he could join me in the shower. I said that was fine, and we squeezed into our stupidly tiny shower stall together. Playtime ensued, as it does when you're naked and wet... he went down on me for about a minute and I didn't come at all, though I did nearly fall over due to awkward positioning. Then I went down on him: he came, dried off, and disappeared into his study to go online., leaving me to go *blink blink* and wonder exactly how he thought that was fair!

He came and apologised later for thinking that maybe he'd been a bit selfish, and I told him he was right, and he said he was sorry... and then went back to the computer. By that time I couldn't be bothered chasing after him and telling him to get his act together, because he's done this before a few times (not so many that it's a major ongoing problem, just a few incidents), and I'm sick of telling him it's okay when it's not.

End rant. Sorry to whine, but this isn't something I feel I can bring up elsewhere, and I just need to quietly bitch about it. I'll talk to him in the morning (he's gone to bed already) and explain exactly how I feel, but I needed to blow off some steam in the meantime.
 
Taken for Granted

Not really any other way we can slice it here.

*scratches head*

I find it very VERY difficult to understand why this could happen. But my reasoning is because I have an oral fetish (and a secret compulsion) for beautifully shaved and willing pussies. (especially when they're, well, wet)

I shake my head in wonderment when I see guys hauling arse for a computer/television/bar when they have a deliciously willing and playful partner RIGHT THERE.

Ok, I feel a need to walk away from this thread before I end up ranting too.
 
Sugared_Insomnia said:
I went out today with friends but made a point of coming home early so I could have dinner with my husband when he got home from work. He got home as I was about to shower and shave my Yeti-riffic legs, and asked if he could join me in the shower. I said that was fine, and we squeezed into our stupidly tiny shower stall together. Playtime ensued, as it does when you're naked and wet... he went down on me for about a minute and I didn't come at all, though I did nearly fall over due to awkward positioning. Then I went down on him: he came, dried off, and disappeared into his study to go online., leaving me to go *blink blink* and wonder exactly how he thought that was fair!

He came and apologised later for thinking that maybe he'd been a bit selfish, and I told him he was right, and he said he was sorry... and then went back to the computer. By that time I couldn't be bothered chasing after him and telling him to get his act together, because he's done this before a few times (not so many that it's a major ongoing problem, just a few incidents), and I'm sick of telling him it's okay when it's not.

End rant. Sorry to whine, but this isn't something I feel I can bring up elsewhere, and I just need to quietly bitch about it. I'll talk to him in the morning (he's gone to bed already) and explain exactly how I feel, but I needed to blow off some steam in the meantime.
Click to expand...
The way your hubby left you SUCK!! I can relate to you cuz my man doing this to me all the fukin time. If theres someone cuming here, it's always him, only him. Oh well, shits happens.

Hope your husband will treat you better next time!! *hugs*

:rose::rose::rose:


oh and yes, this is NOT orgasm denial. Not at all. This is just men being selfish fuckers!!
 
Last edited:
Sounds fairly average for someone in a D/s relationship who likes to tweak their submissive this way into remembering where the focus should be, but from your reaction I take it you're not D/s, or perhaps not on the same page as to what goes when etc., as your partner might be.:confused:

Catalina:catroar:
 
catalina_francisco said:
Sounds fairly average for someone in a D/s relationship who likes to tweak their submissive this way into remembering where the focus should be, but from your reaction I take it you're not D/s, or perhaps not on the same page as to what goes when etc., as your partner might be.:confused:

Catalina:catroar:
Click to expand...

I was essentially thinking the same thing. If my gal complained about something like this, I would think she's lost her mind.
 
again, it's dependant upon their relationship and what's been determined between them.

Of course, I've always been lucky enough that the men I was with got off on getting me off first. Of course, with my first husband, it taught me to fake it well because that was the only way to get him to leave me alone.

Malin and Master know that I rarely reach orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and that my more powerful, mind-blowing, body-racking orgasms are from direct clitoral stimulation. So either oral or manual stimulation or masturbation takes place first. It's almost as if.. there, now that that's out of the way, focus on me. Well at least in my head it is.

If they're not in a D/s situation, that's definitely not cool (the orgasm denial) and even if they are, their relationship isnt like anyone else's so who knows what their stance on orgasm denial is. Different does not invalidate. It's just different.

If you're feeling hurt or at least frustrated, this is something you really should discuss with him. Even if it was something previously agreed upon. One of the things I love most about my relationship with Master is that we're constantly communicating and reevaluating what parts of our relationship work and parts that need to change so that all of our needs are met. Even if it's something that still happens.. discussing between the two of you about maybe why you feel frustrated or angry when it does .. can be done without it taking away from the D/s thing.
 
As much as I understand what you mean and that the focous should be on the PYL of course, I still think that men who treats women this way SUCK + I don't really think a good caring Dom would treat someone this way either, dunno.

Maybe at times? if he likes to see her simmer for him or something like that, but surely not all the time.

There is a HUGE difference for me in the "WHO" leaves me unsatisfied/needy? If its my ex, I get pissy cuz he doing that all the time LOL. If it's my Sir, I comply cuz I know it's just up to HIM if I cum or not and I take it that way. I get pissy as well with my Sir, if the need is too strong and I get mouthy, can't say it helps. *chuckles*

My Sir is very clear with the WHO runs the show. Kinda like it or not, take it or leave it. I can comply to my Dom when I am not allowed to cum, but when it comes to my vanilla man I would slap him all over the face when he get off and leaves me fired up. :rolleyes:

I know where my place is with my Dom and I comply to his wishes easily usualy. As for my man, I want back the same I am giving. He cums - I wanna cum too. Can't say it helps or that he cares, but it would be nice. *LOL*
 
EmpressFi said:
again, it's dependant upon their relationship and what's been determined between them.

Of course, I've always been lucky enough that the men I was with got off on getting me off first. Malin and Master know that I rarely reach orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and that my more powerful, mind-blowing, body-racking orgasms are from direct clitoral stimulation. So either oral or manual stimulation or masturbation takes place first. It's almost as if.. there, now that that's out of the way, focus on me. Well at least in my head it is.
Click to expand...

That's what I was saying, it depends on the relationship agreements, but from my experience and perspective, if it is a D/s relationship it is neither an unusual circumstance and is a lesson many learn about what submission is about in that it is not about getting the needs of the submissive met first and foremost, then their feeling grateful enough to return the favour if it so suits them. I guess it is where your focus in D/s is also but for me it has never been about me and my expectation to have my desires and/or needs met first and to feel outraged and shocked if this is not how things go. If F chooses to do so that is fine, but I would never presume this is what should happen and if not it be my place to 'talk to him' about WTF he thinks he is doing leaving me hanging. Submitting to me is about submitting to the other, not having them serve me and if they don't, requiring an explanation and of all things an apology from them for their behaviour. If I had been living in that illusion, I would not be living in this house with F.

Catalina:catroar:
 
BiaTcHiNFiRe said:
As much as I understand what you mean and that the focous should be on the PYL of course, I still think that men who treats women this way SUCK + I don't really think a good caring Dom would treat someone this way either, dunno.

Maybe at times? if he likes to see her simmer for him or something like that, but surely not all the time.
Click to expand...

I didn't get the sense it was an all the time thing, but if it were it would need to be discussed before agreeing to submit I imagine. A good caring PYL can act any way they like, and this by no means is abusive. I remember when I was searching for the one for me, I came across many PYL's who were tired of submissives who felt it was all about them, having their needs met, and above all felt it was about sexual gratification for them. It is about submitting and if a PYL feels it is necessary to leave their pyl unsatisfied for whatever reason, that is part of why they are the PYL and the other the pyl.

It may be OK to express how one feels about it, perhaps ask if it is a form of punishment etc., but I would not feel justified in demanding or expecting an apology and the PYL agreeing to in future conform to what I felt was appropriate, especially when it comes down to the outrage being because the pyl was not given what they felt they deserved. Perhaps this is exactly why it happened...maybe the expectation had been obvious in other areas and the PYL felt this was one way to make a point that would hit home about who was the PYL and who was the pyl.

Catalina:catroar:
 
That wouldn't fly with me, either, but I'm no slave.

I've had many men ignore a naked and horny me in favor of video games or the computer. I don't get it at all.
 
i can sum up my feelings with:

i dont get it. i certianly dont like it. i dont have a say in the matter.
 
catalina_francisco said:
That's what I was saying, it depends on the relationship agreements, but from my experience and perspective, if it is a D/s relationship it is neither an unusual circumstance and is a lesson many learn about what submission is about in that it is not about getting the needs of the submissive met first and foremost, then their feeling grateful enough to return the favour if it so suits them. I guess it is where your focus in D/s is also but for me it has never been about me and my expectation to have my desires and/or needs met first and to feel outraged and shocked if this is not how things go. If F chooses to do so that is fine, but I would never presume this is what should happen and if not it be my place to 'talk to him' about WTF he thinks he is doing leaving me hanging. Submitting to me is about submitting to the other, not having them serve me and if they don't, requiring an explanation and of all things an apology from them for their behaviour. If I had been living in that illusion, I would not be living in this house with F.

Catalina:catroar:
Click to expand...


Actually that wasnt where my head was at at all. Firstly, Malin and I arent in a D/s relationship in any way, shape, or form. And if Master wanted to leave me without an orgasm, I'd probably hate it..but would live with it, because I love him and it's his rule.

The first part of what I said was there more of my own realization that: every man I've ever been with has brought me to orgasm first, before taking their own and that it was my supposition... or my feeling ... that sometimes they have done so as if THEY were thinking inside their minds, "well that's done now.. she can focus on me".

I dont honestly know what they're thinking or why both Malin and Master take care of my orgasm first. Maybe it's because it's such an ego boost to either watch me or stimulate me to such a strong orgasm and know they did it. I dont really know why they do it the way they do.

My submission is so much more than who gets to come first, if at all
 
Last edited:
EmpressFi said:
Maybe it's because it's such an ego boost to either watch me or stimulate me to such a strong orgasm and know they did it. I dont really know why they do it the way they do.
Click to expand...

LOL, for many men it is about ego boosting...for some it is simply because it gives them and fuels their pleasure.:)

Catalina:catroar:
 
Hehehe...

I love this kind of thing with my guy. Love when he brings me right to the edge, then stops and wanders off, or worse, smacks my butt and tells me to get dressed so we can go out somewhere.

And when I say worse, I mean better. I mean, worse. I mean, TORTURE. UGH! I love it!

:eek:
 
BiBunny said:
I've had many men ignore a naked and horny me in favor of video games or the computer. I don't get it at all.
Click to expand...

Nekkid BiBunny, computer game. Nekkid BiBunny, computer game. Hard choices! :devil:

Okay, a slightly serious response on the end here: I'm addicted to several computer games, World of Warcraft in particular. I also spend a lot of time online socialising, so that adds to it as well.

The thing is that it IS an addiction. And for some people, their computer time is a serious addiction, and we are talking like similar to alcholism or drugs.

If this is a relationship issue that is pissing you off, you need to sit down and talk it over. Seriously. Because it won't just magically go away. You need to set limits, guidelines. And for gods sake, get over that crap attitude of "he should just know how I feel", because no one does. You have GOT to open communication channels to get across how you feel. Never assume that your partner "just knows" (I don't care whether you are a man, woman or other: that whole thing of your partner knowing exactly what you feel without you saying anything is a myth.)

So here's a rule: if something is bothering you about your partner, talk to your partner about it. Don't go running off to bitch to everyone else. That is not respectful of your partner. Everyone has failings. You don't need to address them in an open/public forum. Go sort them out in private, and show some respect. I don't care whether you are BDSM, D/s or vanilla. Relationships are founded on love, respect and communication. So go do those.
 
EmpressFi said:
If they're not in a D/s situation, that's definitely not cool (the orgasm denial) and even if they are, their relationship isnt like anyone else's so who knows what their stance on orgasm denial is.
Click to expand...

If it isn't D/s, why post about it here? Seriously. My core assumption with the vast majority of posts is that the poster is speaking from a D/s standpoint, unless they say otherwise. No, not saying a non-D/s person can't post here, but, dead honest, why would you want to post about something like this unless it was a D/s thing? What good is the feedback you get if the folks you're getting it from are in circumstances VASTLY different than your own?

And to you people that are getting wound up over this, make sure you are dead clear in your negotiations that you don't actually want to submit control of your orgasm to your PYL. Negotiation is your friend, especially if you are expecting such a sharp restriction on the activities of the person you are supposed to be submitting to.

And whatever you do, don't get into a relationship with someone like me. While I can count on one hand the number of times I've done something like this is 15+ years, if I had a submissive whining about this, you can bet your ass it would become a regular thing.

I'm not trying to dump on people here, but, damn, submission is submission. If you aren't going to be focused on your PYL's need in preference to your own, call yourself a bottom, and leave the descriptor "submissive" to folks that submit. It ain't like you get a special badge for being a submissive over a bottom.

And, lemme tell ya, a lot of the "submissives" out there are anything but. They're bottoms, plain and simple. Frankly, if they got that fact, wow, life would be easier for em, IMO. For some reason, "submissive" is the hotness, and "bottom" is old and busted.

(The flip side of this is that a lot of dominants are tops or control freaks, not dominants, but that's a whole other can of worms.)
 
For me, an orgasm isn't necessary for me to enjoy sex. I like to focus on pleasing Him, and that is where my pleasure comes from. There will be times when He will drag me into the bedroom to give Him a blowjob, and I enjoy that just as much as the times when He gets me off as well :)

I'm never denied an orgasm. He loves to see me twitching and shaking afterwards. He will tease, and make me wait, but never for long :cattail:

However, if I felt I was being ignored in favour of the computer or TV or anything else, that would start to make me feel resentful. My ex husband did not even try to please me :rolleyes: It set up a vicious cycle of resentment, anger and passive aggressive behaviours that still, even now, sometimes surface.:(
 
Homburg said:
If it isn't D/s, why post about it here? Seriously. My core assumption with the vast majority of posts is that the poster is speaking from a D/s standpoint, unless they say otherwise. No, not saying a non-D/s person can't post here, but, dead honest, why would you want to post about something like this unless it was a D/s thing? What good is the feedback you get if the folks you're getting it from are in circumstances VASTLY different than your own?

And to you people that are getting wound up over this, make sure you are dead clear in your negotiations that you don't actually want to submit control of your orgasm to your PYL. Negotiation is your friend, especially if you are expecting such a sharp restriction on the activities of the person you are supposed to be submitting to.

And whatever you do, don't get into a relationship with someone like me. While I can count on one hand the number of times I've done something like this is 15+ years, if I had a submissive whining about this, you can bet your ass it would become a regular thing.

I'm not trying to dump on people here, but, damn, submission is submission. If you aren't going to be focused on your PYL's need in preference to your own, call yourself a bottom, and leave the descriptor "submissive" to folks that submit. It ain't like you get a special badge for being a submissive over a bottom.

And, lemme tell ya, a lot of the "submissives" out there are anything but. They're bottoms, plain and simple. Frankly, if they got that fact, wow, life would be easier for em, IMO. For some reason, "submissive" is the hotness, and "bottom" is old and busted.

(The flip side of this is that a lot of dominants are tops or control freaks, not dominants, but that's a whole other can of worms.)
Click to expand...

Ok, I'm a bottom. My orgasm is mine and not to be fucked with. Good enough?
 
Homburg said:
And to you people that are getting wound up over this, make sure you are dead clear in your negotiations that you don't actually want to submit control of your orgasm to your PYL. Negotiation is your friend, especially if you are expecting such a sharp restriction on the activities of the person you are supposed to be submitting to.
Click to expand...

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

Just sayin'.

I quite regularly refer to myself as a masochistic bottom, because my submission is extreeeeeemely rare; however, i could give less of a shit what other people refer to themselves as, as long as we understand what the game is before we start to play.
 
Last edited:
BiBunny said:
Ok, I'm a bottom. My orgasm is mine and not to be fucked with. Good enough?
Click to expand...

You're a switch, silly Cuntwitch. You said so yourself.

But, yes, eminently fine to be a bottom. I'd rather play with an honest bottom than a pseudo-submissive any day.

And all this statement realy makes me want to do is fuck with your orgasm. Not sure if it is because I'm a sadist, or just because I'm a bastard :D

--

Chicklet said:
I agree with this wholeheartedly.

Just sayin'.

I quite regularly refer to myself as a masochistic bottom, because my submission is extreeeeeemely rare; however, i could give less of a shit what other people refer to themselves as, as long as we understand what the game is before we start to play.
Click to expand...

See, I don't tend to care what people ID themselves as. It's their business. I care explicitly when they identify themselves in a dishonest/incorrect fashion and I find this out during play. I played with a woman once who described herself as a serious 24/7 service submissive, and she turned out to be the worst do-me bottom I've ever seen, with no clue what service was. That is when the labels piss me off.

And, honestly, when I see someone posting that identifies themselves so blatantly incorrectly, and dispenses advice in regards to that ID, it grates on me. And that stands for subs, doms, etc.
 
Last edited:
Homburg said:
If it isn't D/s, why post about it here? Seriously. My core assumption with the vast majority of posts is that the poster is speaking from a D/s standpoint, unless they say otherwise. No, not saying a non-D/s person can't post here, but, dead honest, why would you want to post about something like this unless it was a D/s thing? What good is the feedback you get if the folks you're getting it from are in circumstances VASTLY different than your own?
Click to expand...

Because it wasnt expressly mentioned and there are many here who have lurked because they're interested in BDSM or D/s, etc but arent actively in that type of relationship yet. "If" is a wonderful word and keeps one from making an ass out of themselves by "assuming".

Homburg said:
And to you people that are getting wound up over this, make sure you are dead clear in your negotiations that you don't actually want to submit control of your orgasm to your PYL. Negotiation is your friend, especially if you are expecting such a sharp restriction on the activities of the person you are supposed to be submitting to.
Click to expand...

I believe that is the point others are trying to make.. negotiation and communication.

Homburg said:
And whatever you do, don't get into a relationship with someone like me. While I can count on one hand the number of times I've done something like this is 15+ years, if I had a submissive whining about this, you can bet your ass it would become a regular thing.
Click to expand...

I dont honestly see anything the OP said was whining. But again, just demonstrates the differences between us. I dont need to reiterate what's already been said. But for fuck's sake, there's a difference between communication and whining.

Homburg said:
And, lemme tell ya, a lot of the "submissives" out there are anything but. They're bottoms, plain and simple. Frankly, if they got that fact, wow, life would be easier for em, IMO.
Click to expand...

Master calls me his pet, his slave, his submissive. I call him my Dom and Master. It's not up to you or anyone else to determine what labels we apply...
 
EmpressFi said:
Because it wasnt expressly mentioned and there are many here who have lurked because they're interested in BDSM or D/s, etc but arent actively in that type of relationship yet. "If" is a wonderful word and keeps one from making an ass out of themselves by "assuming".
Click to expand...

Feh, why go to a wine board and gripe about football? Why post on a cat-lovers board how awful your parrot's cage smells? If you post on a BDSM board, it is reasonable to assume that you are looking for answers from BDSM'ers. This means BDSM answers.


I dont honestly see anything the OP said was whining. But again, just demonstrates the differences between us. I dont need to reiterate what's already been said. But for fuck's sake, there's a difference between communication and whining.
Click to expand...

Communication, in this case, is what you do with the person with whom you have a problem. When you go on about it to total strangers like this, it's more whining than communication.


Master calls me his pet, his slave, his submissive. I call him my Dom and Master. It's not up to you or anyone else to determine what labels we apply...
Click to expand...

And none of what I said, aside from the specific D/s portion at the start, was directed at you.

But insofar as labels are concerned, I can call myself "an olympic gymnast" all day long, and still not be able to turn a cartwheel. Yup, there's plenty grey areas here, and I can't define you for you, but when I see someone calling themselves a submissive and going on about submissive concepts in a manner that makes me scratch my head and wonder why they are calling themselves a submissive, I begin to think that bottom might be a better term.

Like to get spanked and maybe bossed around a bit? You may well be a bottom.

Like to get spanked, bossed around, and place the needs and welfare of a specific person above yours? You might be a submissive.

Neither of these is exhaustive definitions by any stretch, but are useful in illustrating the difference between the two labels.
 
Homburg said:
You're a switch, silly Cuntwitch. You said so yourself.

But, yes, eminently fine to be a bottom. I'd rather play with an honest bottom than a pseudo-submissive any day.

And all this statement realy makes me want to do is fuck with your orgasm. Not sure if it is because I'm a sadist, or just because I'm a bastard :D
Click to expand...

Question: Does holding the switch card make me exempt from all the usual Dom/sub requirements? 'Cause if it does, I want someone to make me a Switch Card to go in my sig line. :p

I never claimed to be much of a sub, and I admit it freely. Honestly, I've been in too many 'nilla relationships where I cried myself to sleep at night because I was being taken for granted and my needs weren't being met. Not going to go through that again. I know some people say, "Well, it's different," but it's not different to me. At least I'm honest about it.

Now, orgasm control is another thing. "No, don't cum, nope, not yet, not 'til I tell you to...ok, now" is fine. And, yes, you're just an evil old sadist--takes one to know one. :devil:
 
BiBunny said:
Question: Does holding the switch card make me exempt from all the usual Dom/sub requirements? 'Cause if it does, I want someone to make me a Switch Card to go in my sig line. :p
Click to expand...

A Switch Card would be so very damned awesome. Dude, I would look into getting them printed up on heavy cardstock or something. Somebody give syou lip, you play the Switch Card and tell them to fuck off. :D

I never claimed to be much of a sub, and I admit it freely. Honestly, I've been in too many 'nilla relationships where I cried myself to sleep at night because I was being taken for granted and my needs weren't being met. Not going to go through that again. I know some people say, "Well, it's different," but it's not different to me. At least I'm honest about it.
Click to expand...

And that is all I personally hope for. I really don't care what someone calls themselves, so long as it is accurate.

I'll tell ya, the whole thing makes me twitch sometimes. I see people talk about how they "struggle with submission". I don't get it. You submit, or you don't. Struggle? Aroo? Maybe struggle with the decision to submit. Maybe struggle over whom to submit to. Certainly struggle with difficult orders. But struggle with submission overall? Why not just call yourself a bottom, get your ass spanked red, and be happy with yourself?

And I'm not talking about those days that everyone has where they struggle to maintain a properly submissive mien, or whatever. I'm talking about folks that struggle with submission chronically. Yeesh, call yourself a bottom. Simpler.

Now, orgasm control is another thing. "No, don't cum, nope, not yet, not 'til I tell you to...ok, now" is fine. And, yes, you're just an evil old sadist--takes one to know one. :devil:
Click to expand...

Old?!? OLD?!? You... YOU...

*looks at all grey chest hairs*

Yeah, okay, I'm old.
 
Whoa there's a lot going on in this thread. I am chilled with the premise of not being allowed to reach orgasm. I am also chilled with being freelance. I have not in recent years ceded to that kind of specific control . So I have to say my views remain flexible, mainly as it's the man ( read dom, I do not complicate my life for non D/s relationships ) I love/desire/am attracted to serve first, the predilections in regards to orgasm control will be whatever they will be. Knowing the types of dominants I tend to gravitate towards the 'rules' in regards to orgasm control will change often anyway. Keeps me nicely on my toes. Quite seriously, to side step a little, being denied my own and witness to a dominants pleasure at peak, does something quite wonderful for my soul ( incredibly hawt , Lordy that's almost a full circle huh ). Come on the 'ache' sates another kind of masochism right ?

I've covered the game thing before, I think it's potentially amusing and hawt being passed over that way. Boorish can't be a factor, I wouldn't be in service to a man that included boorishness as an intrinsic part of his nature.

I deliberately haven't quoted anyone, it's an interesting discussion and I simply wouldn't know where to start.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

satanicbubblegum
when you accidentally date a narcissist
2
Replies
41
Views
1K
RoperTrace
R
Liberia
Newbie has some questions / Am I a sub?
2 3
Replies
71
Views
2K
Liberia
Liberia
DrHappy
Anyone switch after his orgasm?
Replies
11
Views
1K
Ash999
A
L
Do subs struggle not to laugh? What happens when they do?
Replies
22
Views
1K
HarleyQuim
H
Ciceri
Scared for Safety
Replies
6
Views
910
SomeBliss
S
Back
Top