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Old 07-23-2008, 01:46 AM   #1
LadynStFreknBed
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Erotic Villanelle Challenge

Anyone who has read my poetry has probably noticed my love for villanelles. But, I could never figure out how to write an erotic villanelle. The repetition offers a dramatic emphasis for serious pieces, but what could it do for an erotic one?

So, I'm casting the gauntlet...

I challenge you to write an erotic villanelle.

Here's a link to help you if you aren't familiar with the form:
Villanelle Form
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:14 AM   #2
unpredictablebijou
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I am on this, like white on rice, and it is an excellent challenge. How bout the rest of you? You in it? I will if you will.

bj
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story story essay poem poem
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:22 AM   #3
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If bijou is in then I'm in. I loves me a good challenge. (He says, still smarting from the old pie fight wounds.)
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:38 AM   #4
unpredictablebijou
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eluard View Post
If bijou is in then I'm in. I loves me a good challenge. (He says, still smarting from the old pie fight wounds.)
I'm not promising anything, dammit. But I love villanelles, and well, I'm kinda fond of talking about sex, and anything that gets El all het up is good, obviously.

You'll win, baby, or at least you'll beat me. I'm in the middle of the $*&%*#^!!?! 30 in 30. But I'm glad you're in.


Dammit. If only I weren't posting drunk right now....


bj
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'What is the use or function of poetry nowadays?' is a question not the less poignant for being defiantly asked by so many stupid people or apologetically answered by so many silly people. The function of poetry is religious invocation of the Muse; its use is the experience of mixed exaltation and horror that her presence excites. - Robert Graves

Bienvenue a la bistro!


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Old 07-23-2008, 10:22 AM   #5
champagne1982
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Swirled Down The Drain

I watch the water swirl down the drain
a coreolis effect on the twisting stream
that fades like the memory of such recent pain

bathed away by your touch stroking the mane
of my hair off my neck. Of your kiss I dream
as I watch the water swirl down the drain

it had cleansed the stroke of lash you'd lain
upon my skin. Not the punishment it may seem
before it fades like the heat of remembered pain.

The lick of leather leaves marks and as vain
as I am you caress my back with softening cream
and I lean over. The water swirls down the drain

erasing the blood brought to the surface again,
with each bite of your love the hurt will scream
before it fades from memory. This recent pain

lessens with care and healing; my insane
self-harm vanishes like shadows with a sunbeam
on the water that swirls down the drain
and fades with memory of that unworthy pain.
_________

It's not blatantly sexual, but I don't think eroticism needs to be.
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Old 07-23-2008, 10:36 AM   #6
PandoraGlitters
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Quote:
Originally Posted by champagne1982 View Post

It's not blatantly sexual, but I don't think eroticism needs to be.
I agree. Great way to kick off the challenge, Champagne.
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Old 07-23-2008, 12:22 PM   #7
ShyErraticTable
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadynStFreknBed View Post
Anyone who has read my poetry has probably noticed my love for villanelles. But, I could never figure out how to write an erotic villanelle. The repetition offers a dramatic emphasis for serious pieces, but what could it do for an erotic one?

So, I'm casting the gauntlet...

I challenge you to write an erotic villanelle.
I tried writing one some time ago, though there are some minor variations in the form. The villanelle is not a form I am comfortable with, but I'll see if I can come up with something.
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Old 07-23-2008, 01:29 PM   #8
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The villenelle is one of the more difficult forms, imo. Not as hard as a sestina (or as nutty as a paradelle), but not as easy as a terzanelle.

Here's the first villanelle I ever wrote:

Villanelle Française

Amongst trees on an April night
A hammock sways with lovers’ dance,
Illumed by phosphorescent light.

Their whispers float, their sighs alight
Whilst fingers creep in knowing trance
Amongst trees on an April night.

In drum of heart, limbs shadowed bright
They fall enjoined in circumstance,
Illumed by phosphorescent light.

Their rising calls are born in flight,
Bewitched by breeze, by moon, by France
Amongst trees on an April night.

And thus enwrapped in rapture’s sight
They cry then hush to breath and glance
Illumed by phosphorescent light.

The wax of silence seals the rite
With sibilantly sweet romance
Amongst trees on an April night
Illumed by phosphorescent light.
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:33 PM   #9
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OK, here's a quick try. I think it's pretty close to correct form, and while I haven't checked that the lines are all iambic, they're all ten syllables, anyway.
Villanelle for b.

Not worshipful, but humble, on your knees
before me in my mind's eye—and this more:
hands tied behind your back, your will to please.

Your clever lips and tongue begin to tease,
provoke my still-clothed body. But I swore
not worshipful, but humbled on your knees

you would at last become. Your hair I seize
and force you up, away. Your eyes implore,
hands tied behind your back, your will to please

yet I do not relent. I want your pleas,
unwilling, drawn up from your very core,
not worshipful, but humble, on your knees.

That keening whine, more than your eyes, appease
and you're released, untied. Yet you keep your
hands still behind your back, my will to please.

And please you do. Your knowledge, expertise
amaze. Exotic, Oriental lore—
not worshipful, but humble. On your knees,
hands held behind your back, your Will is pleased.
Now, as to whether it's erotic or not, I have no clue. It's supposed to be, but that's even more tricky than getting the form correct.
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:52 PM   #10
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Bleh. Have to dig out old stuff. No time for new stuff...


offered with restraint

A dark encounter moves into the light,
The black of night begins to lose its hold.
A blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.

No simple passion made her lose this fight
nor is she chattel offered up and sold,
A dark encounter moves into the light,

A tangled web they weave of sex and fright
as she surrenders will for him to hold.
A blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.

Her teeth that offer soft caress might bite.
Restraints that bind can’t stop her feeling bold.
A dark encounter moves into the light,

Submission offered, his control in spite
of her obsession to maintain her hold,
a blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.

They have no need to ponder wrong or right,
the passion that they share will fit no mold.
A dark encounter moves into the light,
a blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:59 PM   #11
Angeline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Fool View Post
Bleh. Have to dig out old stuff. No time for new stuff...


offered with restraint

A dark encounter moves into the light,
The black of night begins to lose its hold.
A blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.

No simple passion made her lose this fight
nor is she chattel offered up and sold,
A dark encounter moves into the light,

A tangled web they weave of sex and fright
as she surrenders will for him to hold.
A blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.

Her teeth that offer soft caress might bite.
Restraints that bind can’t stop her feeling bold.
A dark encounter moves into the light,

Submission offered, his control in spite
of her obsession to maintain her hold,
a blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.

They have no need to ponder wrong or right,
the passion that they share will fit no mold.
A dark encounter moves into the light,
a blindfold keeps light hidden from her sight.
We got you to write a lot of form poetry, M.

Wanna write a villanelle with me? Line by line?
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:01 PM   #12
Sara Crewe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShyErraticTable View Post
OK, here's a quick try. I think it's pretty close to correct form, and while I haven't checked that the lines are all iambic, they're all ten syllables, anyway.
Villanelle for b.

Not worshipful, but humble, on your knees
before me in my mind's eye—and this more:
hands tied behind your back, your will to please.

Your clever lips and tongue begin to tease,
provoke my still-clothed body. But I swore
not worshipful, but humbled on your knees

you would at last become. Your hair I seize
and force you up, away. Your eyes implore,
hands tied behind your back, your will to please

yet I do not relent. I want your pleas,
unwilling, drawn up from your very core,
not worshipful, but humble, on your knees.

That keening whine, more than your eyes, appease
and you're released, untied. Yet you keep your
hands still behind your back, my will to please.

And please you do. Your knowledge, expertise
amaze. Exotic, Oriental lore—
not worshipful, but humble. On your knees,
hands held behind your back, your Will is pleased.
Now, as to whether it's erotic or not, I have no clue. It's supposed to be, but that's even more tricky than getting the form correct.

It's beautiful. Poignant, even. It plays like a violin solo in a full but silent theatre.
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:10 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
We got you to write a lot of form poetry, M.

Wanna write a villanelle with me? Line by line?
Ange, you're the best form-pusher around. You're like the Columbia drug Lord of form poetry. You never let anyone outta the organization once you make 'em.
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:14 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
We got you to write a lot of form poetry, M.

Wanna write a villanelle with me? Line by line?
Is the world ready for an Ange/Fool extravaganza?

Sure, why not. I hope there's lots of lust and double entendres.
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:26 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara Crewe View Post
Ange, you're the best form-pusher around. You're like the Columbia drug Lord of form poetry. You never let anyone outta the organization once you make 'em.
The truth is I hate to suffer alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Fool View Post
Is the world ready for an Ange/Fool extravaganza?

Sure, why not. I hope there's lots of lust and double entendres.
As I recall, there have been a few of those.

You wanna start or should I? PM me a line or I'll pm one to you. Or we can do it here to really shake up the thread. Whatever you like, dear.
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:44 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
The truth is I hate to suffer alone.



As I recall, there have been a few of those.

You wanna start or should I? PM me a line or I'll pm one to you. Or we can do it here to really shake up the thread. Whatever you like, dear.
A sip, a momentary pause, a smile


Your choice, next line in sequence or finish the couplet, then we fill in the blanks.
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:56 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Fool View Post
A sip, a momentary pause, a smile


Your choice, next line in sequence or finish the couplet, then we fill in the blanks.
A sip, a momentary pause, a smile,
a greeting murmured into afternoon
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:20 PM   #18
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So how hard can this be?

I've been checking my book of forms and if one leaves doen't count the redundant refrains its only 13 lines and two rhymes. One less line than a sonnet. Count me in.
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:44 PM   #19
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Quote:
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I've been checking my book of forms and if one leaves doen't count the redundant refrains its only 13 lines and two rhymes. One less line than a sonnet. Count me in.
I predict regret.
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:50 PM   #20
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Line-recycling poems are the devil's Scrabble. I'm so not even trying.
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Old 07-23-2008, 05:12 PM   #21
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Line-recycling poems are the devil's Scrabble. I'm so not even trying.
LMAO... oh, Liar. I love ya!
now, excuse me while I select some different, wooden tiles.
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Old 07-23-2008, 05:22 PM   #22
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I've made a start but I've forgotten how to rhyme!
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They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.
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Old 07-23-2008, 05:53 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
A sip, a momentary pause, a smile,
a greeting murmured into afternoon
A sip, a momentary pause, a smile,
a greeting murmured into afternoon.
Their sense of sinful pleasure worn with style
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Old 07-23-2008, 06:14 PM   #24
darkmaas
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeline View Post
I predict regret.
A quick question O Vanilla Guru. My Forms dictionary states that lines may be any length. ShyErraticTable talks of iambic pentameter. I'd like a clarification before I embark on any regrets.
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Old 07-23-2008, 06:29 PM   #25
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I'm just shy of guru-i-ness but I think the real challenge is to write in iambic feet no matter how many of them you have. I fail miserably at pentameter but I can still toss out a small selection of iambs on occassion.
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