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Online / Distance Domination

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Frosty_Dom

Virgin
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Posts
13
So, if online / distance domination truly works (which i believe it does) how do those of you who are lucky enough to have a sub earn their trust from such a distance?

I am truly interested in trying this out as i am quite new to this scene and i certainly feel it`d be a way of exploring and evolving as a dom without feeling embarassed or `messing things up.` What do people think? Are there any subs out there who have never met their masters/doms but still willingly do anything they say?

Sorry to cover such a broad spectrum and i hope i have not offended anyone by jumping in at the deep end and asking sub`s their opinions on such matters!!

Cheers
Frosty
 
Ok. I'll be brave and say...

that when I had an online Dom, it was all about the communication (and I'm sure that many others will tell you the same thing).

He and I found a natural rhythm with each other and communicated about everything even down to me following his orders. I should also add that we started as friends first, more so than jumping right into an online D/s relationship.

The trust between us was built along the way due to our being able to discuss eveything...no matter what it was...that's what made me comfortable with him and that's what eventually led me to doing whatever he asked because even though we were online only, I knew that he would never have me do anything to myself at risk. He tested my limits, sure, but he truly cared about my safety. And he was sincere in his feelings and thoughts.

While he had a great relationship online, and he will always be my first, I can say that I know I would need at least minimal RL contact with my Dom- at least to be able to see the pleasure on his face when I do something that he asks of me.

Hope this adds at least a little something to your thoughts as you look for your sub.

Kisses and welcome:rose:
 
Yeah, an honest opinion always helps,.....

I understand the whole need to have trust and what better than to be friends but how can you go about meeting "friends" who have the potential for such activities! I don`t know, perhaps i am looking to hard and rushing!!

Frosty
 
While this is not how my Dom and I started, I would suggest placing an ad in the personals saying what you are looking for. In addition to that, take an active role in the boards so that folks can get to know you naturally.

I met my Dom by simply giving him a compliment on one of his stories. What began as a simple "damn your story was hot!" turned into me asking him questions about the the ins and outs of D/s. I just felt comfortable talking to him. A few weeks after we met, we playfully tried some online scening and we both liked it. It snowballed from there and I regret nothing about our relationship...as a matter of fact, I think it made our friendship more solid as we are right back where we started.
 
My D/s relationship began as online but always knowing that we would eventually meet IRL. We have been together for almost three years now, and I think of it more as a LDR than on-line. But most of our communication is by IM/phone.

My Dom and I began as friends. We were both on the same message board (not this one) and I got to see how he interacted with others. Also when we did first talk off the board both by IM and phone I felt a chemistry between us immediately. It still took about 5 months or so before I became his submissive. I don't promise total obedience easily. :)
 
Thanks for the excellent advice. I`ll try posting a personal ad and take it from there. I know the amount of trust that goes into one of these relationships has to be soo high which is why i guess it takes time!

Now, how to word that ad!! Hmmmmm

Frosty
 
The more you post in forums like this, the more you give others, perhaps online subs seeking Doms, the chance to see what you are like. You might get PMs from that. Those could lead somewhere.

In any case, good luck.

:rose:
 
A couple of things I would add are to earn trust, you have to be prepared to open yourself up, which at times, especially when you are new to it all, can feel embarrassing and/or vulnerable. The other thing is that if you believe you are not going to make mistakes, stuff up along the way, you are fooling yourself. It is a journey, and there are going to be times when you choose B instead of A and get it wrong. What makes a Dom is being able to accept and admit you have stuffed up and learning from it, as well as doing what you can to improve the situation. Online does not lessen the chance of these things happening, if anything it can increase the odds things will go wrong from time to time.

Catalina:catroar:
 
I fully appreciate things are going to go wrong, i wouldn`t expect it any other way. That is kind of why i`m thinking about looking for someone who`s just as new to this as me, so we can explore & evolve together rather than a more experienced sub getting bored or annoyed with my mistakes.

What do you think? Good idea or not??
 
I suspect most online subs are not very experienced. If they were experienced they'd have probably moved on to RL/RT and/or given up on online for various reasons.

I could be wrong. It's been known to happen occasionally but that's my guess.

:rose:
 
I know for me it was a good place to start...less frightening than an all out RL experience. Not to mention, having a vanilla hubby that is totally against the lifestyle and doesn't know about me made online a better place to be.
 
NALA CAYENNE said:
I know for me it was a good place to start...less frightening than an all out RL experience. Not to mention, having a vanilla hubby that is totally against the lifestyle and doesn't know about me made online a better place to be.
Click to expand...

I agree with you.

:rose:
 
NALA CAYENNE said:
I know for me it was a good place to start...less frightening than an all out RL experience. Not to mention, having a vanilla hubby that is totally against the lifestyle and doesn't know about me made online a better place to be.
Click to expand...

That`s a very valid point on both sides. The last thing i`d want to do is to try it in RL and mess it up badly at some point and lose everything. I`d much rather get some experience doing it this way than explore it and see if it is something i want permanently in my life!!

Does that make sense??

Thanks for all the good advice

Frosty
 
Makes sense just be careful in how you approach it. Even if you do find someone who is inexperienced, as a submissive, we tend to give our all to the Dominant that we can trust with our lives. It can be damaging if you decide you don't want this permanently.

I'm glad I can help.



Frosty_Dom said:
That`s a very valid point on both sides. The last thing i`d want to do is to try it in RL and mess it up badly at some point and lose everything. I`d much rather get some experience doing it this way than explore it and see if it is something i want permanently in my life!!

Does that make sense??

Thanks for all the good advice

Frosty
Click to expand...
 
Once again, Nala and i seem to be sharing the brain...

i really can't add anything new that she hasn't already said.
 
A and i are LDR when we are in college. i admit we had an advantage since we live close to each other and were together six months before starting to turn D/s. all i can say is communicate like hell and trust your gut.
 
Frosty_Dom said:
So, if online / distance domination truly works (which i believe it does) how do those of you who are lucky enough to have a sub earn their trust from such a distance?

I am truly interested in trying this out as i am quite new to this scene and i certainly feel it`d be a way of exploring and evolving as a dom without feeling embarassed or `messing things up.` What do people think? Are there any subs out there who have never met their masters/doms but still willingly do anything they say?

Sorry to cover such a broad spectrum and i hope i have not offended anyone by jumping in at the deep end and asking sub`s their opinions on such matters!!

Cheers
Frosty
Click to expand...

The only way to earn trust is through (as everyone else has stated! lol) communication. Don't go in expecting a sub to do everything you say when you say it just because they have expressed an interest in a D/s relationship. Trust comes with time and communication. If you take the time to get to know someone, the trust will come. Doesn't matter if it's in RL or online.

Hope that helped some :)

And good luck!:rose:
 
I can only echo what everyone says.

I always start out with offering a friendship to potential Doms or subs and then seeing how it goes from there, on messenger (MSN or Yahoo) It will take time, communication and honesty.

Good luck.
 
Chemistry and communication. We met via phone and we communicate most heavily via phone. If I need a friend he's there, if he needs a friend I'm there - it's a really strong foundation for all the kinky stuff we do finally get to do when we get together.
 
It's a way to wade in the water to see if you like it. But you're better off finding a group setting that does demos and such. You can be well intentioned and a nice guy but once you get a sub in real life and the only experience you have is online, you can hurt someone out of ignorance. Especially if she has no experience. And most experienced subs want experienced Doms.
 
As everyone else has said thus far, communication is the key.

I have been in a LDR for over four years. We have met in person, and plan to be together real time in the near future. It was a while into our relationship when we finally got to spend time together face to face. Prior to that she did submit to me fully, despite the distance because we built up a fortress of communication and trust.
 
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