Winter Holiday Contest Reviews

As I'm unlikely to have a pony in this race, considering my muse appears to have taken a vacation without bothering to even leave a note, I thought I might as well put myself in the position to get tomatoes hurled at me.

My votes will be on the upper end of the scale. I don't vote below three -- period. If I can't give something a three, I don't vote. I also tend to vote high overall. A four can serve as a terminal blow sometimes with the inflated voting scale on Lit. I know that just makes me a part of the inflation problem, but I honestly do not see it changing. I may rate a good stroke story high, even though I prefer something with a bit more plot. It's just the way I vote, and I've rarely had any reason to disagree with the overall results of the contests, so it works for me.

Without a pony in the race, I may vote a little more critically than usual. If I'm hovering, there's a greater chance I'll defer to the 4 instead of the 5, etc.

I may point out personal elements that could influence my score that may be irrelevant to other readers. If I'm not fond of an author, and don't give them a high score, I'll point that out. Likewise, if I am fond of an author and give them a high score, I'll point that out as well. If the category isn't one I would normally read, I'll point that out too.

You get the picture.

The reviews will contain the following elements:

• Link to the story, Author name, category, page count. A page count with a + means that while the story goes over into another page, it doesn't go far. For those with limited time or attention span, this might be the difference between opening it or not, so I make a note of it.
• Technical: This has to do with nuts and bolts like grammar and spelling, but also some stylistic elements such as paragraph length, word choice, etc.
• Plot and Characters: Self-explanatory.
• Stroke: 'Zackly what it says
• Theme: Is the story on theme with the contest?
• Final Thoughts: This will be my overall impressions, and score ( if any )

The views expressed by me in this thread are entirely my own. If anyone else wants to jump in, feel free. You're responsible for your own reviews, and I'm not intercepting your tomatoes just because I started the theread!

Here's the first couple of stories I've read. I'll add more as I continue reading.

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Fading Star by sr71plt ( Loving Wives ) -- 1+ pages.

Technical:

Personal squiggle: Virginia Slims never looks right to me, no matter how correct it is. One should be a Slim to me. Hardly relevant overall, but I just had to say it *laugh*

Hours later, after Dave picked up Steve at football practice and returned in time to help Carla finish preparing dinner, to which Janice didn't make an appearance—after he had put Beth to bed while Carla and Steve cleaned up the kitchen—after Carla and Steve had finished their homework and hit the sack—and after Dave had rummaged, as quietly as he could, around in the attic for the Christmas tree, strings of lights, and decorations and somehow managed to assemble the tree in the living room, he mounted the stairs and pushed open the door to the master bedroom, the first time it had opened since Janice retreated up the stairs.

Click to expand...

Here's the opposite direction. I don't care how incorrect this might be, it works. Along with another series of and-and's immediately preceding, this sets a tone that conveys the situation perfectly.

Plot&Characters:

While I don't like Janice, she comes across well. The rest of the characters are given just enough dimension to hold their places in the story, which is really all about Janice. The ending is predictable, but not in a bad way. The one thing that sticks out to me is that the run to the bar with the other man feels a little unnecessary.

Stroke:

Not really applicable. The only scene with any detail is brief, cut off after only a very brief touch, and part of the bar scene mentioned above. The remainder of the sex is taken care of in overview.

Theme:

The connection to the contest theme is clear and central.

Final thoughts:

I think the sex with the husband could have been expanded to up the heat factor of the story without feeling tacked on, but the overview works as well. If you're looking for stroke, this may not be your thing. Most readers of the LW cat are looking for cheating, and the single brief scene isn't really going to wet their whistle. For the few holdouts that truly want a story about a loving wife in the cat, it's going to come down to whether they believe Janice's transformation will stick. Glancing at the comments, it appears that sr71 has navigated the shark infested waters of LW quite well. I see that at least one of the major commenters in the cat has given it a seal of approval. Unfortunately, that's likely to generate a lot of negative comments from those in opposite camps that disagree with the other commenter.

I liked the story, and I gave it a 5.

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A Very Merry Christmas by Tha_Greg ( Erotic Couplings ) -- 2 pages.

Technical:

Some of the paragraphs are a little long for online reading. Height, weight, bra size, etc. may cause a few back-clicks. I see some missing punctuation here and there. I also noticed at least one instance of two people speaking in one paragraph.

Plot&Characters:

This is a stroke story in my opinion, so the P&C really isn't applicable.

Stroke:

The sex is detailed, varied, and copious. I found his virility pushing the edges of believable, but chalked that up to her drawing it out of him with an unusual amount of sensuality, as detailed in the story. It's possible, if not common, and therefore gets a pass. The part about the boxer shorts left me raising my eyebrows. I just find the physics of this a little off, and it took me out of the story a bit. Stand warned that there is a scene where he performs oral on her after coming inside her. If that's going to make you cringe, you might want to skip this one.

Theme:

The theme of the contest is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

The tale is certainly hot as a stroke story. The technical issues and a few peronal squibbles pulled me out of the story a bit, though. Some may consider the mistletoe starter as an overdone theme, but it didn't really bother me.

I gave this one a 4.

Three more before I take a break for the day.

Winter International by hmmnmm ( Romance ) -- 1+ pages.

Technical:

There were a few places where the capitalization was off. The use of metaphor is heavy in this story, and there is little dialogue until near the end.

Plot&Characters:

I get a good sense of him, but she comes across a little weak to me. In the case of a romance story, I feel that both characters need a lot of dimension to make it work.

Stroke:

There is heat to the sex scenes, just enought to carry the story in detail and amount. In truth, this feels more like an E/V story than romance to me.

Theme:

The connection to the contest here is winter, and it feels a little weak to me.

Final thoughts:

This one just didn't capture me. If you're fond of metaphor, your mileage may be far greater than mine.

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Dear Santa, I Can Explain... by MagicaPratica ( Humor & Satire ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumps out at me as off in any way.

Plot&Characters:

The dialogue brings out the characters well. Plot doesn't really come into play except for the story within a story that she's telling Santa.

Stroke:

Not really applicable.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

I love Magica's work, but this one just didn't do it for me. I feel like it needs a heartier punchline to carry the suspension of disbelief in the situation. The story is well written and the characters come across, but it just feels as though it's missing a little oomph in some way.

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Thanksgiving Feast by sweeteuphoria ( Romance ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

There may have been a few things here and there, but nothing that jarred me enough to remember them. The scene is painted well right from the beginning, and that's what pulled me into the story.

Plot&Characters:

While the plot is a bit predictable, it's in a good way. The characters come across well in their dialogue and actions.

Stroke:

Both the dream and the actual sex are both hot and well detailed.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

The only thing that caught me up was her reaction to the job offer by someone from her "previous life". I would have expected a bit more pain in the rememberance.

This is a sweet story with a happy ending that gets a 5 from me.

good for you...

Darkboy! Congratulations…and good luck

From one of the few people in the history of the site who’ve attempted the feat I can only wish your enterprise well.

To see every story through the eyes of one person has the potential to be very insightful.

I’d also love to see other readers post their own reviews of the contest entries. To readers of the thread please don’t take personal potshots at the THREADMASTER. Feel quite free to disagree with his reviews – but keep it civil.

I don’t agree with all your terms of reference but that’s fine.

I also believe leaving out ratings for stories you don’t like is a mistake which takes away from your effort.

One of the things I found was that only having possible scores of 1-5 for some 90 stories didn’t allow me to differentiate enough between contest entries. Cutting it even further back (to just 3, 4, or 5) takes legitimacy away from your work. Remember it is a contest! Every author by submitting a story in the contest is asking to be rated – as long as you score fairly and consistently no one should have a problem with your rating (whether it is a 1 or a 5).

Here’s a comment that was posted on my thread (and not from one of my favorite people by the way) and which reflects my thoughts on this subject: …the reason why this particular reader reads stories in categories he doesn't like is obvious: this is a contest, and he's reading and voting on all stories in the contest, as it should be. If you only vote on stories by authors you know, or only on stories in categories you like, you'll be tilting the results in favour of those you don't know or in categories you don't like. That's the real perversion. Unless, of course, you only vote 5s; in which case, shame on you.

GOOD LUCK… and heck, now I definitely have to write a story for this contest…are you by any chance going to deduct points for elipses? And what about words like cummmmming?

And remember, if you don’t piss off about half the contest entrants (yes, including your friends) you won’t have succeeded. Cause all of us hate any criticism….sure we ask for people to be honest with us…but as any reviewer/critic knows, honest to authors means hearing what a good job we’ve done, not what we’ve done poorly…especially in public!

james r scouries

scouries said:

[And remember, if you don’t piss off about half the contest entrants (yes, including your friends) you won’t have succeeded. Cause all of us hate any criticism….sure we ask for people to be honest with us…but as any reviewer/critic knows, honest to authors means hearing what a good job we’ve done, not what we’ve done poorly…especially in public!

Click to expand...

Wrong. I actually like criticism, as long as it's constructive. I also don't mind recieving it publicly. See, I feel that I can't become a better writer unless somebody tells me what I'm doing wrong. So, speak for yourself, scouries.

I do have to say though, it's good to see you attempting to be nice.

A Succubus for Christmas by hmmnmm ( Erotic Horror ) -- 1+ pages.

Preface: I'm a big fan of erotic horror.

Technical:

Nothing sticks out in my mind.

Plot&Characters:

All the characters come across well, with just the right amount of backstory to give focus to the main thrust of the story. I liked the little twists of this one that differed a bit from most succubus stories.

Stroke:

There's plenty of heat in the sex scenes, with just enough disturbing elements to give the perfect feel for erotic horror.

Theme:

This one feels a little dodgy, but I finally decided that the Christmas present and being alone on Christmas carried the rest of the story as being on theme, as they're the catalyst that brings everything else to pass.

Final thoughts:

This is a hot little story that ends badly, as any good horror story should. Just as a lighthearted story is nice around Halloween, a dark one is nice for the happier holidays. This one is a 5 from me.

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Snowball's Chance by sr71plt ( NonConsent/Reluctance ) -- 2 pages.

Technical:

Nothing jumps out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

The characters come across well, as does the period nature of the story. While it was hard to follow the naming at times ( sad, considering the German ancestory on my paternal side ) it fit perfectly to add to the atmosphere. I didn't expect the outcome of this one, and that's always a bonus. ( more later in final thoughts )

Stroke:

The sex is centered on sensation, letting the reader paint the picture rather than having the picture put before them. It's very well done, and quite hot.

Theme:

This was another one where I questioned theme, but decided in the end that the connection was strong enough.

Final thoughts:

I had to read this one twice. Oddly enough, if you've read my work, I'm not really fond of non-con. The German names also threw me off. Once again, odd considering the oddball names I write in my fantasy stories. Before I reached the ending, those two things kept me from really falling into the story. Once I read the ending, I went back and read the story again. Knowing how things turn out in the end dulled the one problem, and I adjusted to the names. Where the first read failed to capture me, the second pulled me in. I came into this one with one notion, and had it tossed into my face at the end.

A surprising story that gets a 5 from me.

sr71 gets on my nerves hard in the forum, but there's no denying the skill in the writing.

Darkniciad said:

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Dear Santa, I Can Explain... by MagicaPratica ( Humor & Satire ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumps out at me as off in any way.

Plot&Characters:

The dialogue brings out the characters well. Plot doesn't really come into play except for the story within a story that she's telling Santa.

Stroke:

Not really applicable.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

I love Magica's work, but this one just didn't do it for me. I feel like it needs a heartier punchline to carry the suspension of disbelief in the situation. The story is well written and the characters come across, but it just feels as though it's missing a little oomph in some way.

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Click to expand...

Thank you for taking the time to read and write a review. It was a silly story to amuse people so I think I've reached my goal in that regard. I agree it could have used a better punchline but I didn't have one for it. *shrug* Not everything can be a five. I shall keep trying.

Harry Dick and the Xmas Bank Caper by Jenny_Jackson ( Humor & Satire ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

I noticed a couple of typos and a missing opening quote.

Plot&Characters:

You know the characters from the moment they make an appearance. A blend of archetype and farce, you can't help but know them -- including the author, who makes appearances in the story.

Stroke:

Nope. I think someone once said that getting laid isn't funny. Not getting laid is funny.

Theme:

The connection to the contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

Dammit, but I hate to say this. I love these characters and these stories, but there was something missing at the end of this episode. I feel like we should have seen a little of the town turning on Harry, maybe kids hurling things at him or something, and then he sees the newspaper. Maybe at the same time he gets a phone call from his doctor about some test results. I don't think we felt enough of Harry's pain this time out.

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It's a Fucked Up Life by GratefulFred ( Humor & Satire ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

A couple of things here and there. The one that sticks out at me is right at the end, grown instead of groan.

Plot&Characters:

The characters are a dark turn on It's a Wonderful Life, and they pull that off successfully. The plot also follows the original with a dark bent.

Stroke:

Not Applicable.

Theme:

The story is on theme.

Final thoughts:

Everything was fine with this one, right up until the ending. It felt just a little weak to me, althogh the horns on Bill Belichick almost pulled it out as a solid punchline. I just felt the story writing connection to the darker deeds outlined in the rest of the story doesn't hold up.

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Pussy Saved My Brother's Soul by Sarahhh ( Incest/Taboo ) -- 1+ pages.

Technical:

A couple of things here and there. The only really jarring thing was the phonetic vocalizations of moans and groans.

Plot&Characters:

I sort of get the impression of farce here. From that perspective, the characters and the plot don't seem out of place. If looked at without that skewed viewpoint of reality, it's hard to believe the dialogue or the situation at all.

Stroke:

#1, mind the category. #2, there is M-M sex in this one. If you aren't into that, stand warned. There's quite a bit of sex, but I personally was groaning ( and not in arousal ) more than anything due to the euphamisms in the dialogue.

Theme:

Thanksgiving is the catalyst that puts all the characters in place, so it's within bounds.

Final thoughts:

My first thought was that this one was going to really tick off homosexual males. As a serious story, it doesn't work. As farce, it doesn't really have enough laugh out loud moments or irony to work for me. This author has a huge fanbase, but I just couldn't get into this one as the first I've read from her.

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Holiday Auction by MichChick98 ( Erotic Couplings ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

Nothing jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters:

Everyone feels well developed, and the plot has just the right air of believability for me.

Stroke:

Spur of the moment hot sex. Should do the trick

Theme:

The theme of the contest is there.

Final thoughts:

The one thing that jarred me was a sort of dichonomy between parts that felt almost like a romance, and the parts that were more one-night-stand. The main couple just felt like there was a tad too much emotional connection at times, as opposed to pure sexual connection that grew into something more. I feel like that would have worked better here -- at least for me. I wavered on the line with this one, but finally decided on a 4, almost a five.

Darkniciad said:

Harry Dick and the Xmas Bank Caper by Jenny_Jackson ( Humor & Satire ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

I noticed a couple of typos and a missing opening quote.

Plot&Characters:

You know the characters from the moment they make an appearance. A blend of archetype and farce, you can't help but know them -- including the author, who makes appearances in the story.

Stroke:

Nope. I think someone once said that getting laid isn't funny. Not getting laid is funny. Yep. That was me

Theme:

The connection to the contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

Dammit, but I hate to say this. I love these characters and these stories, but there was something missing at the end of this episode. I feel like we should have seen a little of the town turning on Harry, maybe kids hurling things at him or something, and then he sees the newspaper. Maybe at the same time he gets a phone call from his doctor about some test results. I don't think we felt enough of Harry's pain this time out.

Click to expand...

Well, thanks for the review and you are right, Drk. Harry should have felt the pain in the end, however, there is a sequel to this story in progress. He does die again, but only figuratively. He will get to meet up with Louis and actually find out who that dork is, however, at this point I don't know myself.

I wrote the ending first, so I know that Harry gets laid (OMG ) with a humerous outcome. The story falls on New Years Eve but will not be a Contest story because I'm sure I won't have it done in time.

The "well known Porn and Fiction wirter", Jenny Jackson, will play a somewhat different part. It should be interesting.

JJ

Thanks for the review on Holiday Auction. I didn't think you were too harsh at all. I appreciate the vote!

Sheri

On behalf of sweeteuphoria and myself, thanks for the review! We co-wrote the story but the ideas were mostly hers. It's difficult to decide what direction to take the story when collaborating, but we seemed to work it out pretty well without either of us dominating the plot.

Again, thanks for the review and the 5!

Sheri

Thanksgiving Feast by sweeteuphoria ( Romance ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

There may have been a few things here and there, but nothing that jarred me enough to remember them. The scene is painted well right from the beginning, and that's what pulled me into the story.

Plot&Characters:

While the plot is a bit predictable, it's in a good way. The characters come across well in their dialogue and actions.

Stroke:

Both the dream and the actual sex are both hot and well detailed.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

The only thing that caught me up was her reaction to the job offer by someone from her "previous life". I would have expected a bit more pain in the rememberance.

This is a sweet story with a happy ending that gets a 5 from me.

Click to expand...

Thanks for the good review.

The dark nature means I don't stand a chance of winning but it's always fun to put the scare in when people are expecting the nice stories

Darkniciad said:

A Succubus for Christmas by hmmnmm ( Erotic Horror ) -- 1+ pages.

Preface: I'm a big fan of erotic horror.

Technical:

Nothing sticks out in my mind.

Plot&Characters:

All the characters come across well, with just the right amount of backstory to give focus to the main thrust of the story. I liked the little twists of this one that differed a bit from most succubus stories.

Stroke:

There's plenty of heat in the sex scenes, with just enough disturbing elements to give the perfect feel for erotic horror.

Theme:

This one feels a little dodgy, but I finally decided that the Christmas present and being alone on Christmas carried the rest of the story as being on theme, as they're the catalyst that brings everything else to pass.

Final thoughts:

This is a hot little story that ends badly, as any good horror story should. Just as a lighthearted story is nice around Halloween, a dark one is nice for the happier holidays. This one is a 5 from me.

Click to expand...

Back to work, lazy Dark

I'm saving any chaptered stories until the end, in hopes that they'll be complete before I read them.

Holiday Dip by hmmnmm ( Exhibitionist & Voyeur ) -- 1 pages.

Technical:

Some of the unorthodox sentence structure threw me a bit, but it really fits the overall tone, I believe.

Plot&Characters:

The characters come across. Unfortunately, I wasn't really fond of him right from the beginning. The plot is fairly simple, but actually a lot more believable than most E&V stories.

Stroke:

The sex is a little compressed, but there's enough heat in there for a quickie.

Theme:

Christmas party works to stick on theme.

Final thoughts:

I'm afraid that my dislike for the main charcter pulled me out of the story a little. I can't even really say what it was, but I simply didn't like him. Compared to most E&V stories, this one has a high believability factor. Everything seems possible to pull off without getting arrested. Of course, that may cause E&V fans to discount it as not worthy of the category. I personally think it fits, and find a fully believable story in the category a nice change of pace. I think a slightly different attitude from the main character could have made this an enjoyable story for me. If you aren't turned off in the first few paragraphs by him, then you might just like this one.

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Stars and Angels by Mystery_Love_Girl ( Romance ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

Some of the transitions into the memories are a little bumpy, but nothing else really jumps out at me.

Plot&Characters:

I get a good sense of the characters. The plot is a little unusual, which I'll get to in the final thoughts.

Stroke:

There's some heat in here, but some may find that dulled a bit by an undercurrent of taboo.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

First, mind the warning at the beginning of the story. This story crosses a lot of categories, and that's going to make it difficult to find an audience. From taboo to romance to fantasy, the story is a bit of an unusual ride. To me, it feels like there's a bit too many fetishes and fantasies in too small a space. There are several themes in this story that could have developed on their own, but they just don't come together for me when combined. The beginning could have developed into a good reincarnation taboo tale, the middle a romance, and the ending a fantasy story. The author says this is a first story, and I certainly think it shows some potential for stronger stories to come. It's outside the norms, which is good, but I think this first story may be just a little too outside.

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Icebound by dweaver999 ( Romance ) -- 2+ pages.

Technical:

Nothing jumped out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

The main characters are well developed, and there's just enough there even with peripheral characters that you have a good sense of them. This is a story within a story, with one character recounting her romance with her husband to the other.

Stroke:

There's plenty of heat in the story, and a subtle undercurrent of sensuality running through the whole story.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

I really like the way this one is written. There's no jarring whatsoever between the story Valerie is telling and the little interludes between Valerie and Sally. Everything flows well from start to finish. Don't be turned away by the mentions of "Master" in the beginning. While that's obviously a part of the greater story between Valerie and Sally, it's not the central point of this story. It's only mentioned a couple of times, so even if that sort of lifestyle isn't your thing, you should have no trouble moving on to the romance in the story Valerie is recounting. I really liked this one, and gave it a 5

CFNM Sexy Santa Gets Naughty by BOSTONFICTIONWRITER ( Exhibitionist & Voyeur ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

A few things here and there, but nothing major jumps out at me except that naughty santa isn't wearing underwear in the beginning, and yet has on a Rudolph g-string at the end.

Plot&Characters:

Well, you certainly know who Santa is. I always give E&V stories a lot more latitude on the suspension of disbelief part. This one pushes the boundaries a bit there.

Stroke:

Not really applicable. Lots of touchy-feelie, but nothing more.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

I liked the parody of Jingle Bells. I would have written it a little different, but I'm a sucker for a parody. I feel like the beginning gives quite a bit more background information than necessary, slowing down the story a bit, and could have used some tightening. The backstory is a mixture of realistic and fantastic elements that almost feel like they clash a little. Once we're into the scene, it has a touch of humor and a high bar for disbelief suspension to hurdle. I think there's just enough humor to pull it off. What got me on this one was the ending feels a little rushed. With all the backstory and lead-up, I feel like there should have been more of a payoff in the end.

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A Girl's Letter to Santa by slutter_by ( BDSM ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

There are a few common quirks. Please note that the D/s capitalization, while not technically "correct", is a norm for the BDSM category, if you aren't familiar with it.

Plot&Characters:

Plot doesn't really apply. Master's pet feels just a little stereotypical to me, but I'm not a regular reader of the category, so take that with a grain of salt.

Stroke:

There's no real stroke here, but lots of fetish hints that could give a tingle if you're into the lifestyle, or reading about it.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

You almost certainly have to really be into the lifestyle in some fashion to appreciate this one. It is exactly what it says, a letter to Santa from a naughty sub in a D/s relationship. What she wants for Christmas centers on the lifestyle, which means everything is really for both her and her Master. It's a really short read ( probably at the word minimum or close ). I couldn't really get into it, but if you like the lifestyle, you may get more out of it than I did.

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What Came Down Sara's Chimney by mrjones502003 ( Humor & Satire ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumped out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

The plot is a common one with a twist. The characters are perfect for the wittery to come.

Stroke:

There may be a touch of stroke potential here, but I was laughing too much to notice.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

Humor is all about taking something and stretching it, bending it, or warping it a little. That's what this story does. Santa comes down the chimney and falls into a trap, but he's just a bit different than you might expect. I laughed out loud at this one, and gave it a 5

Figure I'd better get to catching up, because I have the feeling there are going to be a lot of stories all post at once very soon.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas by SlickTony ( Exhibitionist & Voyeur ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

There were a few places with two people speaking in the same paragraph, and a couple of slightly large paragraphs. They were right on the border of too long, just squeaking into the range that's readable on a monitor for me. There were a few places where the dialogue felt a little stiff to me. Few and far between, and nothing that really took me out of the story.

Plot&Characters:

I have a good sense of the characters, and while the plot is a common one, it's done well.

Stroke:

There's plenty of stroke potential in this one.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

I liked the earthy feel of this rural historical story. There's a good sense of the period as far as I'm concerned. There's quite a bit of backstory, but it never failed to hold my attention. There's a touch of romance, and a touch of pure sexual attraction that mesh well together in this one. I liked it, and gave it a 5.

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Sissy: That Time of Year Again by caprine ( Erotic Couplings ) -- 2 pages.

Technical:

Nothing really jumped out at me as wrong.

Plot&Characters:

I get a good sense of the characters. The lead-up to the main story kept my
interest, and gave a good frame for what was to come.

Stroke:

There's plenty of heat, with a bit of a slow boil beforehand to get you in the mood.

Theme:

The story is on theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

The only things that stand out to me are a few word choices ( "box" almost always makes me wince except in a few rare situations ) and the speed that the couple moves from the office party food fight to his apartment with obvious connotations. It felt too fast to me, and a little jarring. Once I was over that speedbump, the heat in the rest of the story carried it. I liked this one, and gave it a 4.

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Mrs. Claus!
by royhoffman ( Incest/Taboo ) -- 4 pages.

Technical:

There were a few errors here and there that jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters:

To me, the plot and characters feel a little over the top. Probably due to the theme of the story, which isn't my normal fare.

Stroke:

There's plenty of sex and sexual hints throughout the story.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

Mind the category, and also be aware that this is a grandmother/grandson story. Even for many who like taboo tales, that may be over the line. I couldn't get into this one because of that. I have to admit that if taken out of the family context ( or even changed to an aunt or something ) I probably would have liked this one more. To me, the heat of the sex has to really rise over weaknesses in plot and characters, and it just doesn't do that for me because of the pairing chosen in the story. Your mileage may vary if you can get into a grandma/grandson story, because there's a lot of sex and sexual connotations in this one.

==================

Santa's Present by headtyper ( Humor & Satire ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

I noticed a lot of things in this short story. Odd punctuation, missing words, hard to follow sentences, etc.

Plot&Characters:

Honestly, there's not much. There were a few little touches of humor with the bitter Santa.

Stroke:

This one is a little weak on stroke potential as well.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

While I got a few chuckles from the bitter Santa in the beginning, that was about all for the humor, at least to me. When you combine that with the cliche of the woman waiting for Santa and the technical issues, this one just doesn't do it for me. I think a longer story concentrating on Santa's attitude in the beginning could have made for a better story with a lot more humor, but working any sex into it might have been a major challenge.

=================

Judy's Very Merry Christmas by larson67 ( Group Sex ) -- 2 pages.

Technical:

There are a lot of stats in this one. Inches, cup sizes, etc. There's also a lot of all caps screaming and stuttering consenants. If you're turned off by that, you're not going to like this story much. Grammar problems also pop up throughout.

Plot&Characters:

The plot is a combination of the drunken party turning into a drunken orgy and a disturbing element of the husband arranging a gang rape in hopes that it would open her up to swinging.

Stroke:

There's a lot of sex in this one, but I just couldn't get into it due to other problems with the story.

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

This one got off to a bad start with me when the husband arranges the gang rape of his wife. How this is supposed to open her up to new things is simply beyond my understanding. This feels like the script for a porn flick, more than anything else. The dialogue is a little too unrealistic for me. If you like a porno flick in text, you may get a lot more out of this one that I did. It's most certainly stroke fiction, but it just didn't do it for me.

====================

Time for Grace by sr71plt ( Non-Erotic ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumped out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

The plot of this one is simple, but carries a deep message. The characters are realistic.

Stroke:

N/A

Theme:

The contest theme is central to the story.

Final thoughts:

This may not be for everyone, as it's non-erotic and touches on a theme that many don't want to think about for the holiday season. For me, the main character's emotions come across perfectly. There's a strong moral to this story, and it ends happily. Sr71 scores the triple crown with yet another 5 from me on this one.

Why, Thank You, Darkniciad

Darkniciad said:

There were a few places with two people speaking in the same paragraph, and a couple of slightly large paragraphs.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I noticed that when I looked over the story after it had posted. I use the cut-and-paste method when I submit, because it is preferred by the editors, but when you do that it lands all in a big wodge in the box, so that you have to go back and unstick all the paragraphs. I thought I'd gotten them all but it looks like I didn't. So sorry! Believe me, that's not the way it is in my finished draft that's in my fiction folder on my hard drive. In future, when submitting stories, I'll import them into the submission box in chunks to avoid this sort of thing happening.

Glad you liked it, despite these glitches.

SlickTony said:

Yeah, I noticed that when I looked over the story after it had posted. I use the cut-and-paste method when I submit, because it is preferred by the editors, but when you do that it lands all in a big wodge in the box, so that you have to go back and unstick all the paragraphs. I thought I'd gotten them all but it looks like I didn't. So sorry! Believe me, that's not the way it is in my finished draft that's in my fiction folder on my hard drive. In future, when submitting stories, I'll import them into the submission box in chunks to avoid this sort of thing happening.

Glad you liked it, despite these glitches.

Click to expand...

Hmmm. I cut and paste mine too, but don't have that problem. You do have no paragraph indents but an extra line return between paragraphs before you cut and paste, don't you? That's always worked for me on the story texts.

Whatever possessed me to do this? *laugh* I'm thinking more and more that I'm going too hard on the people I'm familiar with. Back on the stage for the tomatoes with me. I'm committed now, and I'm going to go through with it, dammit!

Little Mandy and Her Daddy's Present by Boxlicker 101 ( Incest/Taboo ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

A few words seem to repeat a bit too often. Slit and Mons are the two that stick in my mind. Other than that, nothing really jumps out at me.

Plot&Characters:

Just a set up and sex, so plot doesn't really apply.

Stroke:

There's plenty of detail and heat in the scene.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

Mind the category, and obviously this is a daddy/daughter story, which may not be your thing even for taboo fans. There is also a mention of roleplay that might give some readers shivers. The characters are a little archetype for my taste, but as this is pure stroke, that's not really important. The main thrust of the story ( pardon the pun ) is hot and well detailed. I just feel like it dropped off a bit too soon. If we'd followed them upstairs, I just might have been able to give this one a five. Coming in with the expectation of smut, I came out wanting more of it after the first taste ( pardon the pun again). I gave this one a 4.

===================

Just What They Wanted by Rumple Foreskin ( Incest/Taboo ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

A couple of little things here and there. A typo early on is the one that sticks in my mind. Nothing that really jarred me out of the story.

Plot&Characters:

There's touches of daily human humor to the characters, although they come across a little bit weak to me at times.

Stroke:

With three pages of heat in various locations, there's sure to be something for everyone.

Theme:

I debated this one a little, but the lead-in and the ending lines sealed it as on theme for me.

Final thoughts:

There's plenty to get your temperature rising here, provided you don't mind a
bro/sis taboo tale. With shower sex, a little dangerous sex in a somewhat public setting, and plenty of different positions, you should find something ( or everything ) to light your fire. For me, there's just a little too much stamina in him, and it feels a bit off. I think it may have been some of the dialogue that left the characters feeling a bit off to me. I'd rather have seen a bit more build-up and an ending with more closure. The bit about Craig near the end had me scratching my head. It left a bit of plotline dangling in my head. I think it was that more than anything that kept me from punching the 5 chad on this one. There's just enough storyline in there with the sex to make me want more plot with the heat. It's a hot story with lots to offer, and I gave it a 4

===========

In Absentia by sr71plt ( Gay Male ) -- 2 pages.

Preface: The only time I read gay male stories is during contests. Needless to say, it's not a regular category for me.

Technical:

One orphan quote mark, and perhaps a couple of places I'd have used commas, but otherwise nothing that jumps out at me, and nothing that interrupts the story.

Plot&Characters:

I get a good sense of the characters and they come off as individuals. The plot is well woven.

Stroke:

I really can't comment on this, because I skimmed the sex. Not really my thing.

Theme:

Right on theme.

Final thoughts:

The nature of the relationship naturally pulls me out of the story a bit. Not my thing, and that makes it hard to rate. What I can say is that I thought the thread with the pill box was damn well done. I get the feeling that if gay male is your thing, you're probably going to like this one.

===========

Oh Holy Hot Tub by zipp2 ( NonConsent/Reluctance ) -- 1 pages.

Technical:

There are quite a few grammar, spelling, misused words, and stylistic quibbles with this one. I can usually read over the top of a lot of things, but the problems with this one pulled me out of the story frequently.

Plot&Characters:

The characters feel flat to me ( and perhaps a bit stereotypical ). The plot is a setup for the sex, really.

Stroke:

There's a nice sized sex scene in this one with some dangerous and interracial elements.

Theme:

I'm really pushing it with calling this one on theme. The few mentions of Christmas are about all that holds it in the season.

Final thoughts:

I couldn't get into this one. The technical problems just kept getting to me. It doesn't really seem to fit the NC/R category either. There's very little reluctance here.

===========

FSD: Floral Sex Delivery by TE999 ( Loving Wives ) -- 2 pages ( pg 3 is only a couple lines ).

Technical:

Ellipses -- but otherwise, nothing stuck out.

Plot&Characters:

The plot is a fairly common one, but with a few twists here and there. I get a pretty good sense of the characters, although the husband feels a little flat and there's a bit of archetype to all of them.

Stroke:

There's plenty of heat in this story, for sure.

Theme:

Another debatable one, but on theme enough for me.

Final thoughts:

It's Loving Wives, so come prepared with that in mind. There's plenty of hot, dangerous sex. I was up in the air on this one. The sex alone is an automatic 4. There's just enough storyline in there that I'm left wanting a bit more of a twist. I kept hovering between 4 and 5, and finally ended up going with the 4.

FSD: Floral Sex Delivery by TE999 ( Loving Wives ) -- 2 pages ( pg 3 is only a couple lines ).

Technical:

Ellipses -- but otherwise, nothing stuck out.

Plot&Characters:

The plot is a fairly common one, but with a few twists here and there. I get a pretty good sense of the characters, although the husband feels a little flat and there's a bit of archetype to all of them.

Stroke:

There's plenty of heat in this story, for sure.

Theme:

Another debatable one, but on theme enough for me.

Final thoughts:

It's Loving Wives, so come prepared with that in mind. There's plenty of hot, dangerous sex. I was up in the air on this one. The sex alone is an automatic 4. There's just enough storyline in there that I'm left wanting a bit more of a twist. I kept hovering between 4 and 5, and finally ended up going with the 4.[/QUOTE]
-------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for the review Dark.

I had a lot of fun writing this one, and I appreciate the 4 rating.

I will admit the characters are a tad archetypical and the husband comes off one dimensional--but I was going for a LW stroker and this is what evolved.

It has been less than well received by the readers, but I fully expected that--and I was curious to see how far I could push the LW envelope. It being such a controversial and vehemently debated category among our readership.

I am bloodied but unbowed, and I have many more stories to tell, so I'm moving on.

Again, thanks for the incisive review.

sr71plt said:

Hmmm. I cut and paste mine too, but don't have that problem. You do have no paragraph indents but an extra line return between paragraphs before you cut and paste, don't you? That's always worked for me on the story texts.

Click to expand...

I guess that's what the problem was--I didn't have extra lines between the paragraphs. I made them afterwards. I guess I'll have to put them in before.

There's plenty to get your temperature rising here, provided you don't mind a
bro/sis taboo tale. With shower sex, a little dangerous sex in a somewhat public setting, and plenty of different positions, you should find something ( or everything ) to light your fire. For me, there's just a little too much stamina in him, and it feels a bit off. I think it may have been some of the dialogue that left the characters feeling a bit off to me. I'd rather have seen a bit more build-up and an ending with more closure. The bit about Craig near the end had me scratching my head. It left a bit of plotline dangling in my head. I think it was that more than anything that kept me from punching the 5 chad on this one. There's just enough storyline in there with the sex to make me want more plot with the heat. It's a hot story with lots to offer, and I gave it a 4

Click to expand...

Darkniciad, I don't know about you being committed to this project, but there's no doubt you should be (committed, that is) for taking it on.

Many thanks for your R, V, and especially the C. I'd hoped bringing up an old boyfriend might help develope her character. But, sad to say, it seems to have added more confusion that clarity.

Thanks again.

Rumple Foreskin

It's a Wonderful Life 1.5 by ninefe2dg ( Non-Erotic ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

Nothing grammar-wise jumps out at me other than the ellipses, but the transitions between scenes are a little rocky.

Plot&Characters:

The characters felt like they were a little flat. The plot is a reprise on the original story.

Stroke:

N/A

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

I couldn't get into this one. Annie just didn't strike me, and the beginning of the story was hard to follow for me. I kept going back and re-reading paragraphs to keep track of things. The code names were a little confusing and odd to me. Things seemed to improve as the story went along, but without that initial hook, I couldn't really appreciate it. I think this one could have done with a little more simmering to improve the flow.

===================

North Shore Santa Whore by ISawYourMommy ( Loving Wives ) -- 3 pages.

Technical:

There are quite a few phonetic cries of passion with repeating consenants.

Plot&Characters:

I suppose the characters are coming across well, because I don't like any of them *laugh* The plot is really just a set up for the sex.

Stroke:

There's a long, detailed sex scene.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

I'm not a big fan of angry sex, so the erotic part of this one is lost on me -- and that's more or less the point of the story. If that sort of thing does it for you, you certainly might get more mileage out of this one than I did. There's plenty of detail to the scene, which should pull you in and heat you up.

===========

An Officer's Christmas by shayshay77 ( Erotic Couplings ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

There were a couple of sentences at the beginning that felt a little off, and a couple of other little things here and there. The main thing that sticks out at me is that the season seems to change part way through the story. There's a mention of summer in there that indicates this story was probably reworked to fit a christmas theme. This one also has one mention of cup size and a few long phonetic cries of passion that might turn you away.

Plot&Characters:

The plot is set-up and sex. He actually comes off pretty well to me at first, although the transition into the sex feels unrealistic. She's a pretty flat character.

Stroke:

There's quite a bit of detailed heat.

Theme:

Questionable, especially with the mention of summer that indicates this was probably rewritten to fit the contest. I almost didn't rate this one because of that question.

Final thoughts:

His dialogue and thoughts through the beginning were enough to get me into the story. The transition between the traffic stop and the sex is pretty rocky and unrealistic. Evaluating it as a stroke story, I can overlook that. The continuity error with the mention of summer gives me a bit of a "wait a minute here..." feeling, and that's hurting the score. I hovered around between three and four, and finally decided to go with a 4 because as primarily a stroke story, that part is pretty hot. Without the drawn out cries of passion, I might have even hovered between 4 and 5.

With the way my free time is going lately, I don't know if I'm going to make it through every entry or not. I start at the top and work my way down to the next story I haven't read, so Lit is determining the order.

I groaned when I saw the first one tonight.

Candy Cane Cocked Cousin... and Mom by scouries ( Incest/Taboo ) -- 4 pages.

Preface: I don't like scouries, and I have yet to find anything he's written that I liked. If I hadn't decided to try to read every story, I'd skip it for sure.

Technical:

Lots of missing commas. Improper and overly used ellipses to denote pauses. Where there should be an ellipse, there's no punctuation at all. Mom not capitalized. If grammar errors turn you off, turn away. Phonetic spelling with repeating consenants and vowels might also put your finger on the back button in a hurry.

Plot&Characters:

The characters are flat and stereotypical. The interaction requires a lot of suspension of disbelief to make it seem plausible. There's no real plot, just a very long setup.

Stroke:

The sex is compressed and not very detailed.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

A story this long needs some sort of payoff. There's no real growth or change in the characters, and the sex is too lackluster to pull it off as a stroke story. Once you combine all the stylistic, grammar, and other issues, there's little to recommend in this story. It boils down to a lot of unrealistic talking in a hard to believe situation with not nearly enough heat to rescue it.

===================

Elf by bassbelly ( Erotic Couplings ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumped out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

The initial description of the character is a stark contrast to the story. The plot is fairly thin.

Stroke:

Most of the story is the sex, with some detail.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

This one just didn't capture me. It felt almost more like a humor story than a serious one, but didn't have any laugh out loud moments. Taking the bookends of the beginning and ending, I think there's some potential here for a sweet story about Santa rescuing a woman who's spent her whole life enduring ridicule. The sex in the middle just seems out of character, and a bit unbelievable ( even when you consider the other character is Santa )

===================

Coffee Shop Magic by odlum ( Erotic Couplings ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Some of the paragraphs are a little long for online reading. The scene transitions are rather jumpy and hard to follow.

Plot&Characters:

I don't really get a sense of either character. I get that Kris is supposed to be a Santa archetype, but he doesn't really come across that way.

Stroke:

There's a short, compressed sex scene.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

The rocky transitions and the long paragraphs in the beginning pulled me out of this story, and the characters just didn't have enough dimension to draw me back in. With limited heat in the sex, it doesn't really qualify for a stroker either.

===================

Christmas Candy by jadeQ ( Lesbian Sex ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing really jumped out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

Really just a setup and sex. Both characters feel that they're lacking some dimension, but I wouldn't really call them flat. They just needed a touch more fleshing out.

Stroke:

There's a nicely detailed scene with plenty of heat.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

There were a few places where the use of proper names in the sex scene felt a little off and pulled me out of the scene a bit. The main thing this one says to me is "part 1". With all the mentions of the party, I almost feel we need to see that party to give the story some solid closure. I feel like the story is unfinished, and that makes it hard to rate. I certainly think it has some potential, and the sex is pretty hot. I debated between a 3 and 4 ( leaning 4 ) on the sex alone, but decided that I couldn't really do that with the other questions in my mind.

Thanks for the review of Little Mandy. You're right about the role playing. This was intended to be the second of a series about a man and his daugter, and they like to pretend she is very young. "Little Mandy and Her Daddy" was the first, and will be the only one with the pretending, because this is now against the Lit. rules.

Several PC and emails had the same complaint - it was too short. Those posters and you, apparently, wanted a more detailed sex scene, with the two people doing a lot of fun things together. I could have done that, but it would have meant about ten thousand or so words to put in all the details I like to include, and I didn't want to take the time.

Across the Way by starrkers ( Exhibitionist & Voyeur ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumps out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

I get a good sense of her, and the other characters through her.

Stroke:

The sex is compressed but quite hot in context with the length of the tale and the subtle buildup.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

The theme may be common and the ending predictable, but this one works. First off, it's believable, which is a rarity in the E&V cat. That's automatic points in my book. It's not an easy cat to write a fully believable story in. Put in that heat with a touch of danger, and this one is a 5 in my book.

===================

A Christmas Dream by MagicaPractica ( Romance ) -- 1 page.

Technical:

Nothing jumps out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

Everyone is bright, vivid, and three dimensional. The plot works perfectly.

Stroke:

Lovemaking cloaked in a dream. Plenty of heat for me.

Theme:

On theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

This one is powerful, and has just the right touch of heat. I'm not going to say much more so I don't spoil it. Just read it. This one really grabbed me, and I'd give it higher than 5 if I could.

===================

Ghost of Christmas Past by l8bloom ( Romance ) -- 2 pages.

Technical:

Nothing jumps out at me as off.

Plot&Characters:

Well done touch of mythology grounded in science, a neat little approach you don't see very often. The characters come across well.

Stroke:

The heat is there.

Theme:

The theme of the contest fades a bit as it goes along, but it's the genesis of the story, so that's on theme to me.

Final thoughts:

I'm automatically hooked by the unique way Charles is handled. Very well done. There's a lot of emotion packed in this one from everyone, and I gave it a 5

Darkniciad...

thanks for the positive review of my 2007 holliday contest entry.



Sissy: That Time of Year Again by caprine ( Erotic Couplings ) -- 2 pages.

Technical:

Nothing really jumped out at me as wrong.

Plot&Characters:

I get a good sense of the characters. The lead-up to the main story kept my
interest, and gave a good frame for what was to come.

Stroke:

There's plenty of heat, with a bit of a slow boil beforehand to get you in the mood.

Theme:

The story is on theme for the contest.

Final thoughts:

The only things that stand out to me are a few word choices ( "box" almost always makes me wince except in a few rare situations ) and the speed that the couple moves from the office party food fight to his apartment with obvious connotations. It felt too fast to me, and a little jarring. Once I was over that speedbump, the heat in the rest of the story carried it. I liked this one, and gave it a 4.