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Online D/s - no criticism

coy_one

coy_one

Literotica Guru
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Posts
3,726
I am curious as to anyone who does online D/s or long distance D/s how do you find it best to substantiate your role?

I've found myself in a position where I have to do more online than offline and I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm not used to it, have even harder time trying to wrap my mind around it.

Or if you've been in such a relationship - what did you find worked? What didn't????
 
Right now, I do D/s online and Long distance. A lot of what I do is in how I behave during the day, sometimes I'm given assignments for writing. It's more in how I present myself. My submission isnt just in tasks but I take it to heart. It's how I think.. would this make him proud of me..
 
I agree with Fi. I am rarely given tasks or assignments, at least at this point in our relationship. There are certain requirements that I have been doing from the very beginning (2.5 yrs ago) that are now very routine (I wear a buttplug all day on Tues for example) The main purpose was to keep my mind focused on him. As he once told me he wants me at 212 degrees, anything less is just hot water, he expects boiling. So I try to do extra things during my day as I am running errands, working, exercising etc that will keep me at 212.

I send him videos whenever I masturbate, for a while I sent him a picture a day that he would have when he woke up in the morning, ..umm little things I guess. I am available to him on-line every night after a certain time.

But as FI said my submission is part of me, not in the tasks that I do. It may take a bit of work especially when our lives gget really busy, but it is worth it. We both put a lot of effort and energy into the relationship and it has been very rewarding.
 
I can't say too much from teh submissive side, for I'm a Dom, but if you want mroe info, you can always check out the Distance Domination Thread, inside you will find a wealth of experiences from people in online/LD relationships. And you may find what you're looking for there.
 
EmpressFi said:
Right now, I do D/s online and Long distance. A lot of what I do is in how I behave during the day, sometimes I'm given assignments for writing. It's more in how I present myself. My submission isnt just in tasks but I take it to heart. It's how I think.. would this make him proud of me..
Click to expand...


^^yeah, that. Totally how i think as well. "What Would Daddy Do?" "What would Daddy want?"
 
becuase of college, A and i are apart a lot.

some things we do are

orgasm control: i am only allowed seven a week, and every time i touch myself i e-mail him right afterwards, whether i came or not

eat healthy. for every day i dont eat healthy (and with my ocd and food issues, healthy means perfectly balanced) i do 50 push ups or 50 situps, alternating each time.

i send him an e-mail every week with a list of "punishable offenses" from that week (i strive for it to be a blank e-mail, but i usually slip up on my eating at least once a week)

i watch a specific web show every day to keep up with technological current events so i can talk with him about it if he likes (A is much more technological then i am)

those are all things that i have been told to do other things i do on my own include sending him pictures, videos, cards or letters, stories, or just im-ing him in the mornign to say hello and goodmorning since i wake up before he does.
 
coy_one said:
I am curious as to anyone who does online D/s or long distance D/s how do you find it best to substantiate your role?

I've found myself in a position where I have to do more online than offline and I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm not used to it, have even harder time trying to wrap my mind around it.

Or if you've been in such a relationship - what did you find worked? What didn't????
Click to expand...

Coy, I have you covered. Ever since I joined back in september (i know, compaired to a few of you I'm so new I still have afterbirth on me) I've tried to start a few threads with the intent to entice, coax, cajole or otherwise milk from the many minds here a simple list of topics to help me and instruct me on things thay've done before to help assist in my attempts.
And I've been about as lucky as a toothless hooker before payday.
Not to contradict Tao lin but I've been through the Distance Domination Thread. All 164 pages of it. It's like burning through a year's subscription of Dear Abby at times with some useful things but too few and far in between for those like Coy and myself who seek a faster, easier reference point.
Call it impatience. Call it "Dominance/Submissive for Dummies". Call it the Dante's Notes of D/s. (Minus the copius inter-connection banter that can extend search time occasionally) I enjoy this banter as well. Makes the room what it is. But it also kills when it has to be sifted through to find a quick answer. I wonder if the Lit Library has anything on it?


Mis....as always, you're on the ball. That's what I was thinking coy was looking for.
" Ma salope intérieure, vous êtes magnifiques." (my inner slut, you're magnifficent)
 
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twysted73 said:
All 164 pages of it.

Call it impatience. Call it "Dominance/Submissive for Dummies".
Click to expand...

I don't have the time for 164 pages. I hate to sound mean, but I don't.

That's what I need. Quick reference guide. LOL
 
When I was with RH, he sometimes had me do tasks for him during the week but all in all it was what I held in my heart- I was his sub- and I would walk naked to the ends of the earth to please him. He would also give me tasks that extended over the weekend sometimes.

The little things I did for him would be to send him a picture of something he had me do, write stories for him and poems, all reminding him that I remembered who owned me, I even sent him videos when I masturbated.

As soon as I got to work, I would PM him to tell him that I arrived, see how his night was, and since he got to work before me, I asked how his day had begun. I also sent him a PM that told him what I had on that day as well as what toys/punishment implements I had with me.

Throughout the day we PM'd back and forth and if he was having a tough day, I'd send him cutesy *tiptoes in with a soda and curls up at feet* PM's.

It really was all in the heart though..still is.
 
I think online D/s relationship is as real as you make it.

For me it's very real and very emotional. I am bound by the love of my Master and I enjoy every second with him, same as I miss him every second he's gone. I try to stay in touch with him as much as possible and usualy inform him about anything I do or about anywhere I go. He always knows whats happening in my life and how do I feel, what do I think.

One of the things I really love to do is to share myself with him. Thro emails, PM's, thro the dreams I dream and then confess to him, thro stories I write for him etc etc, thro pics, webcam or mic or just as we chat. The sweetest thing is when we are both online, usualy late in the night when we are both free and can enjoy each other. He's a special man and I am prode to be his submissive. I hope we can do this for a long long time. :eek:
 
BiaTcHiNFiRe said:
I think online D/s relationship is as real as you make it.

For me it's very real and very emotional. I am bound by the love of my Master and I enjoy every second with him, same as I miss him every second he's gone. I try to stay in touch with him as much as possible and usualy inform him about anything I do or about anywhere I go. He always knows whats happening in my life and how do I feel, what do I think.

One of the things I really love to do is to share myself with him. Thro emails, PM's, thro the dreams I dream and then confess to him, thro stories I write for him etc etc, thro pics, ...or just as we chat. The sweetest thing is when we are both online, ...when we are both free and can enjoy each other. He's a special man and I am prode to be his submissive... :eek:
Click to expand...


That's exactly the way I felt with RH- you said that perfectly enough for the both of us, Sweets :rose:
 
NALA CAYENNE said:
That's exactly the way I felt with RH- you said that perfectly enough for the both of us, Sweets :rose:
Click to expand...
Good Sir's rock isn't it true? *purrrrrrrrr*

:) :rose:
 
coy_one said:
I don't have the time for 164 pages. I hate to sound mean, but I don't.

That's what I need. Quick reference guide. LOL
Click to expand...

Have your submissive read through the thread and give a report on what he gleaned from it. You get quick reference info, some insight into what makes him tick, and set a solid task, all in the same breath.
 
From someone who has been in a serious LDR for four years....

There are three things that have to be paramount at all times

1 Communication
2 Trust
3 When in doubt see above.

There is no way to come up with a crib sheet that will be effective, as I could outline EVERYTHING that we have done in the last four years to make it work, the good the bad, the ugly, the beautiful and it would only relate to how we did it.

This lifestyle, whether its undertaken face to face from day one or long distance is a journey. It is a journey of self discovery for the Dominant as S/He leads the pyl through their journey, as well as it is a journey of self discovery as the pyl explores the world of submission. It is also though this journey that both sides of the coin discover one another.

My best advice, which I am sure is not neccessarily what you are looking for, but here it is: take the time and expiriament and discover what works for you and yours. Find what keeps each other on the journey together and go with it.
 
MasterPhoenix said:
From someone who has been in a serious LDR for four years....

There are three things that have to be paramount at all times

1 Communication
2 Trust
3 When in doubt see above.

There is no way to come up with a crib sheet that will be effective, as I could outline EVERYTHING that we have done in the last four years to make it work, the good the bad, the ugly, the beautiful and it would only relate to how we did it.

This lifestyle, whether its undertaken face to face from day one or long distance is a journey. It is a journey of self discovery for the Dominant as S/He leads the pyl through their journey, as well as it is a journey of self discovery as the pyl explores the world of submission. It is also though this journey that both sides of the coin discover one another.

My best advice, which I am sure is not neccessarily what you are looking for, but here it is: take the time and expiriament and discover what works for you and yours. Find what keeps each other on the journey together and go with it.
Click to expand...


MP..you truly do need to post more. This is great, especially the bolded part. :rose: (Hope you are doing well, btw.)

There is no "bible" for this. What works for us, might not work for another couple, and vice versa.
 
MasterPhoenix said:
My best advice, which I am sure is not neccessarily what you are looking for, but here it is: take the time and expiriament and discover what works for you and yours. Find what keeps each other on the journey together and go with it.
Click to expand...


No, this is awesome advice. I was just looking for ideas to have them do, cause I admittedly was coming up empty in the idea department. LOL
 
Since my dear coy you seem to be looking for more activities than feelings and emotions on the matter, I'll give you a short list of some of mine and see what you think. ;)

As you know Jounar has been overseeing me for the better part of 2 years, while he tends to blank out on the assignment department some times he has given me a few, but mostly we play games when we are together. Anyway, some of the assignments, tasks, and rules he's given me include:
  • no undergarments except while working or with special permission (ie most family functions, church and the like)
    no clothes while I am at home (a collar is all his needs ;) )
    penelties for eating fries or nuggets at work (this was brought on because of a habbit I had developed that I wished to break)
    he has before assigned me to take so many pics in a given time and/or in a certian pose
    and let us not forget orgasm control ;)
I'm sure there are more, but that's all I can think of atm.

Now, my dear sir here has a wonderful time coming up with assignments for me durring the week when we don't get to see each other. Most of these are created to help me better myself and obtain my own personal goals for example to help me become more active, and to achieve my weight goals, he has assigned me an excise to do every day. Or when I have costumes that need to be completed he'll put incentives and penelties in getting those done.
He also enjoys my writing, so I may have writing assignments from time to time.

Just a few ideas off the top of my head. All give me focas, help me to better myself, and keep my mind on those who I have given athority to. Hope this helps :)
 
MasterPhoenix said:
From someone who has been in a serious LDR for four years....

There are three things that have to be paramount at all times

1 Communication
2 Trust
3 When in doubt see above.

There is no way to come up with a crib sheet that will be effective, as I could outline EVERYTHING that we have done in the last four years to make it work, the good the bad, the ugly, the beautiful and it would only relate to how we did it.

This lifestyle, whether its undertaken face to face from day one or long distance is a journey. It is a journey of self discovery for the Dominant as S/He leads the pyl through their journey, as well as it is a journey of self discovery as the pyl explores the world of submission. It is also though this journey that both sides of the coin discover one another.

My best advice, which I am sure is not neccessarily what you are looking for, but here it is: take the time and expiriament and discover what works for you and yours. Find what keeps each other on the journey together and go with it.
Click to expand...

MP... AMAZING and I love it... I am about to embarq on a LDR with my Sir.. I was worried but I know if I follow thru with advice from someone who has made it for 4 years it will work for me too.. Thanks for your advice...
 
MasterPhoenix said:
snip....
From someone who has been in a serious LDR for four years....

There are three things that have to be paramount at all times

1 Communication
2 Trust
3 When in doubt see above.
Click to expand...


You're absolutely, 100%, right on, accurate here!!! I think that goes for D/s or 'nilla relationships, but I find it a bit more important in D/s LDR's. In my opinion, as soon as one of those starts to disappear, there's a problem, and if it's not corrected ASAP, the relationship is probably not going to make it.
 
I dabbled in online D/s quite a while ago and although I never had a 'relationship' as such, I learned quite a lot about what makes my kink tick with the help of a couple of accomplished online Doms. I really got out of it what I put into it, there was a lot of assignment writing, which helped convey my thoughts and experiences in detail to the Dom and was a learning process for me as I explored my thoughts.

Assignments that I wrote about included:
1. Choosing a favourite necklace as a 'collar' as wearing it every day.
2. Keeping a dream/fantasy diary.
3. Only masturbating a certain number of times in a week.
4. Wearing ben-wa balls to work.
5. Writing 'slave' on one breast and a word of my choice on the other. I wrote an assignment about how that made me feel during the day.
6. Wearing specific clothing/underwear when IMing.
7. Telling myself (aloud where appropriate) that I am a collared, deviant bitch whenever I saw my reflection.
8. Texting at specific times of the day and always before and after I masturbated. If possible he would talk to me as I did so and/or join in and masturbate himself.
9. Keeping my pussy/legs/under-arms shaved bald and going no more than 3 days between shaves. Always wearing matching underwear.

Hope some of those ideas are useful. Online D/s can blossom into something special and meaningful if you consistently put the effort in and both parties work on trust. I hope you have a positive experience.
 
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coy_one said:
I don't have the time for 164 pages. I hate to sound mean, but I don't.

That's what I need. Quick reference guide. LOL
Click to expand...

honestly what works for my Daddy and i, will probably not work for you and Your's. you have to figure out what works for you. no one here can tell you what you should do to make it 'easier' and there is no 'quick reference guide' would be wonderful if there was. but the truth is we all live differently. we all do things differently. i can tell you that what helps me is as someone else said in an earlier post, i do everything like i'm doing it for Him, cooking, cleaning, etc...but even still life gets in the way. Him and i have been doing this for 4 years and it's still hard and there are times, especially with our work schedules, that we just dont' have time to 'be together' but keeping in mind our bond and what we are to each other helps.
 
I want to stand and clap but...

VELVET~

I hope not to offend you but when I red your post with the "deviant bitch" everytime you saw your reflection I think just imagining it made my pussy wet. Wow, and I would have never told anyone that except I found it so particularly rightious I had to tell you...

Lovely post Velvet, !

Very Nice...
 
I am glad that my words have inspired...

With work I don't have time to post as much as I would like...

SubKekiLee: I wish you all the best on your endevour in a LDR. It is not an easy path to take, not by a long shot. It requires patience, trust and communication BIG time. My PM box is always open if you need some thoughts as you pursue it.

The biggest thing is to have faith in one another... That is a MUST for a LDR...
 
unfoundiamond said:
VELVET~

I hope not to offend you but when I red your post with the "deviant bitch" everytime you saw your reflection I think just imagining it made my pussy wet. Wow, and I would have never told anyone that except I found it so particularly rightious I had to tell you...

Lovely post Velvet, !

Very Nice...
Click to expand...

Any time hon, us deviants gotta stick together.

Obviously not in some superglue-fuelled sordid encounter. The staff at the ER I used to work in would laugh their asses off... again.
 
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