What do you think dominants want in an online forum?

Here is a question for submissives mostly, but all feel free to chime in.

I am sure there are many reasons, but I think it would be interesting to take a pulse from those of you who identify as submissives as to what you think in this regards.

What are some of the things you believe dominants want or like about being part of an online community? Why do you think a dominant would choose to be a part of or particpate in an online community?

Conversely what things do you think would tend to cause the reverse effect of this as well?

Hi RJ

Like you said there are many reasons why a dominant may want to be a part of the online community. I participate on four BDSM forums and from my own personal observation, I see dominants in mostly two camps.

There is the dominants who like to talk, educate, and share their opinions. They usually come across as intelligent and articulate, with good insight into lifestyle issues. I assume they are part of the community because they want to be with other like mind people where they can learn, share, and have fun.

The other type is the wannabe or newbie dominant. They can be sincere in seeking knowledge, but often speak before thinking, or are just complete assholes. I think they often join the community as a way to try to fit in and find their place. They have also been known to drone on and on with no more depths than a mud-hole.

I think a dominant would leave the online community if he/she found it to cease being fun for them. The dominants I know do things because they see a purpose in it. Doesn't have to be a life changing purpose, but they do not believe in not wasting their time.

A good heap of SM related distraction while working full tilt holiday season?

I would guess that most dominants are actually on those forums to educate/get educated, to meet friendly like minded people, have intelligent discussions as well as for entertainment and distraction.

I think for some online forums can be an outlet for feelings they can not express in their current relationship.

For some the forums also offer the opportunity to present themselves in their best way or to present themselves as the person they would like to be.

Some also appear to join sites like this primarily to look for sexual relationships.

I may be over simplifying things, but humans are basically pack animals. We like to gather in groups, for safety, and for socialization. In terms of safety, any group of people will suffice (usually) regardless of the amount of social interaction.

Socially, we need to be able to identify with traits that are predominate in the group. Some people like to identify traits as shallow as skin color, gender or geographic area, while others go deeper and identifly with education, interests, and social outlook.

Very few people are comfortable with a social vacuum, and being labeled as 'different' helps to create that vacuum. And while most people are okay with being labeled 'different' in some groups, I'm sure it would be impossible to function if they were labeled 'different' in ALL the social groups they interact with. So I believe that, on some level, all anyone wants is at least one community where they can express more of 'self' without being labeled 'different'

I may be wrong, but that's my opinion.

My experience has been most experienced PYL's, especially of the male variety, want somewhere they can discuss things related to the lifestyle, chill and chat, without a lot of BS being thrown in. Unfortunately that means that we get a shortage of them posting, thus disrupting the balance a lot. F no longer posts here, doesn't even look in, and a few male Dominants I let know about the forum, including the one who mentored me in the first place and those I played with, also decided it is not for them.

Of course then you also get the PYL's who like to flirt, see what they might be able to crack on to, chat up pyl's, compare conquests or acheivements, get a good dose of ego stroking or/and generally just hang out. Just as in all things in life, I don't think it is possible to make a list of what PYL's look for and have it apply to all, but it can help define which forum works for whom. Personally, I think male PYL's just are not as a rule given to talking on a forum...I know of a closed list forum which was only for experienced and male PYL's who were in D/s relationships which has now ended simply due to lack of postings etc. If we could find a way to get them to open up more, I am sure the mainstream population would also want to know how.

Catalina

I'm not sure that I should answer this question because truthfully in all the years that I have been involved in BDSM this is the first forum I've been to that focuses on that. I should say that what I have done is approach being here much like I have approached being at a lot of other forums because the same crap goes on. I am also here for the same reasons that I have gone to any other forum. I'm here looking for fun and converstation with like minded people.

What I've seen in the months lurking here and then subsequently posting is that the Doms are here for fun or good conversation. I don't see them as "looking" for a sub necessarily all though I know these relationships go on behind the scenes.

What do you think dominants want in an online forum?

*blinks*

Um, I dunno.

I have NO understanding of what dominants want or how they think in general, much less in an online forum.

*looks lost*

If I did have an understanding I could perhaps write from that POV. That would be nice. I don't though. I suspect I'll never "get" them.

*blinks*

HornyBabe1965 said:

I don't see them as "looking" for a sub necessarily all though I know these relationships go on behind the scenes.

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LOL, there have been a couple who thought this was their personal pick up joint.....needless to say, when they appear, you can almost always guess before too long they will be posting those same nice overtures about PMing them etc., to new and inexperienced subs, or those who have recently had a bad experience, and often quickly followed by an online collaring though some subs are smarter and avoid them.

Catalina

Wouldn't that depend on the dominant? It's not like they're all the same, each is as individual and different as us subs, and even the switches. So obviously each would want something different from a forum. *shrugs*

Though I neither label myself as submissive or dominant, I still say I'm qualified to answer since I'm a little of both.

I look for intelligent discussion, a form of distraction, a good dose of procrastination fodder, and a bit of education thrown in. Plus, I've made some really good friends here.

Can't. Stay. Away.

CutieMouse said:

Thankfully that doesn't happen all that much around here... at least not that I notice, anyway.

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It's been awhile.

Catalina

graceanne said:

Wouldn't that depend on the dominant? It's not like they're all the same, each is as individual and different as us subs, and even the switches. So obviously each would want something different from a forum. *shrugs*

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Cookies, check, retellable jokes, check, how to ginger fig someone check....

Netzach said:

Cookies, check, retellable jokes, check, how to ginger fig someone check....

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LOL Yep, that covers what I come here for.

As for myself...

I come here for the education, interaction and sharing of experiences, thoughts, ideas and connection often found with other like-minded people. I look for pointers to help improve myself and my "bag of tricks" so to speak. It's a source of invaluable, intelectual, experience-based interaction.
But I've also come to find something else. A renewing of "faith" so to speak.
Not anything based on religon mind you. I speak of moments when a brand new, doe-eyed pyl comes in and wants to know an answer to a question that's been giving her/him anguish and /or emotional torment because he/she doesn't feel they can turn anywhere else and get a well thought out and genuinely informative/helpful/guiding answer.

Many of you answering this perticular string have been one of those people who have helped. Sometimes it's a thankless "job" you perform but I see the differences your words make.

RJMasters said:

Why do you think a dominant would choose to be a part of or particpate in an online community?

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to get subs to mail their panties to him



or maybe not.....

Knowing this band of pirates, they likely want guidance and gentle direction from the subs.

BiBunny said:

Can't. Stay. Away.

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and its a good thing too.

as for the question, id gues doms would want the same thing subs do. a sense of community.

Really, I don't come because I'm a Top or to be a Top, I just happen to be a Top. I came here because I needed to have some sort of BDSM connection in my otherwise vanilla life. What I found here is a place that is alive in so many ways that I have come to feel at home here - friends, connection, fun, stretching conversations, education, acceptance, silliness, available 24/7.

That is why I stay.

Shank

JAMESBJOHNSON said:

Knowing this band of pirates, they likely want guidance and gentle direction from the subs.

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*Laughing*

I like pirates I once had an online job has a cod piece cleaner, it suited me very well.

I think it has been pointed out recently that the subs in Lit are gentle with all Doms. After all no-one would want them to cry, would they

Thank you one and all for your answers.

Normally I would respond individually to each one, but in this case I am asking for what your thoughts are and I am grateful for those who have shared thiers.

I think, like many who have shared that the reasons or lack there of as to why dominants would want to particapate is laregly an individual thing. Perhaps there might be some value in discussing these, then again perhaps not beause it boils down to...it is what it is. But I do think there is value in just asking this type of question to one's self. I think an equally good question would be for Dominants to ask the same question in regards to why they think submissives want to participate in a community like this as well.

I think that is why I liked a post ADR made not too long ago, where she stated that one of the things she really likes is to hear a male dominant's point of view of things. That got me to thinking....I bet there are other submissives who enjoy that as well and is part of the reason they like to come here. Were there not to be any male dominants expressing their opinion, I would think that would be a reason why some submissives would just stop coming here or come here to particpate to begin with.

As I was thinking further about this, I also realized that the reverse is true of me as well. One of the reasons I come here and particpate is because I have an appreciation for and an attraction to being able to hear female submissives/slaves express thier point of view on things. If that stopped, then that would be a big reason for me to question why I would come here.

What things do you think dominants want from an online forum? Why do they come? What attracts them in being here? What do they get here that they can't get in other forums, or for that matter in other general areas of mainstream life?

What do you think makes it worth it for them?

SHY SLAVE

We can have a huge philosophical debate about the nature of dominants and subs.

One of my ancestors was a for-real pirate. He was a little bitty thing, looked like Michael J. Fox. He was probably 5 foot nothing. And smarter than God. He made a fortune fucking everyone, especially governments. His mansion was out in the middle of the woods, and when the Seminoles were on the warpath, killing and plundering his neighbors, they left him alone. They didnt want the problems he was capable of producing.

deleted

shy slave said:

deleted

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yes I am sure that some dominants would like nothing better than to be deleted.