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Old 08-30-2014, 10:50 PM   #1
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Define: "She made him her bitch."

A flip line spoken by a character today has me worried I'm about to write myself into a corner I don't want to visit.

The set-up:
Though their sex is consensual, she's questioning their relationship during sex. He responds by giving it to her harder. Here's an abbreviated excerpt:

. . . Tell me,” he demanded, fucking her hard enough to make the couch rock. “Tell me my cock doesn’t feel good inside your pussy.”

“Feeling good doesn’t make it right,’ she said. He put his hand on her chin, stopping her from looking away and kissed her again. Her lips moved with his. When his tongue entered her mouth to dance, her tongue accepted the invitation. . . .

More sex ensues. After she's completely ravished and truly satiated, she says to him: “Before this summer is over, I will make you my bitch."

Um - what's that mean to you? As it stands in the story, for now, his raw sexuality has possessed her with its allure. She wishes to turn the tables on him and make him lust after her with the same aching need. But is that the same as making him "her bitch?"

As it stands right now, the story is NOT a femdom story. I don't have plans of him being pegged or made into a sissy of any sort. Has my character misspoken?
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Old 08-30-2014, 11:59 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by BuckyDuckman View Post
A flip line spoken by a character today has me worried I'm about to write myself into a corner I don't want to visit.

The set-up:
Though their sex is consensual, she's questioning their relationship during sex. He responds by giving it to her harder. Here's an abbreviated excerpt:

. . . Tell me,” he demanded, fucking her hard enough to make the couch rock. “Tell me my cock doesn’t feel good inside your pussy.”

“Feeling good doesn’t make it right,’ she said. He put his hand on her chin, stopping her from looking away and kissed her again. Her lips moved with his. When his tongue entered her mouth to dance, her tongue accepted the invitation. . . .

More sex ensues. After she's completely ravished and truly satiated, she says to him: “Before this summer is over, I will make you my bitch."

Um - what's that mean to you? As it stands in the story, for now, his raw sexuality has possessed her with its allure. She wishes to turn the tables on him and make him lust after her with the same aching need. But is that the same as making him "her bitch?"

As it stands right now, the story is NOT a femdom story. I don't have plans of him being pegged or made into a sissy of any sort. Has my character misspoken?
I was thinking pegging.
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Old 08-31-2014, 12:49 AM   #3
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As it stands right now, the story is NOT a femdom story. I don't have plans of him being pegged or made into a sissy of any sort. Has my character misspoken?
Yep. Your character has misspoken if she doesn't mean pegging him. It doesn't have to go the Femdom route—straight-up Dominatrix will do--but making him her bitch is heading in at least a tit-for-tat direction there.

But you know, sometimes characters have a mind of their own. Why not ask her what she meant? Just imagine her there sitting with you having coffee. Ask her if she was serious about that...and how she plans to do it.

You might be surprised at how hot a story you get. Sometimes, it's best to let the characters tell you the story than trying to tell it to them.
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:12 AM   #4
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Maybe she just wants to make him nervous.

"Yeah, RIGHT," he thinks. He figures he can have her any time he wants.

She shows him how wrong he is. Eventually he is so frustrated and horny he's willing to do whatever she demands.

Then she shows mercy and doesn't do anything weird to him after all.

The End
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:19 AM   #5
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:36 AM   #6
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Interesting.

First of all, I don't know enough about femdom, or much of anything else that isn't vanilla (with a few sprinkles). I think the writing is excellent, though. My problem is that when she says I'll make you my bitch, it doesn't correlate to the previous action. It seems out of left field. Maybe I'm missing something, or maybe there's not enough context given. Just my two cents.
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:45 AM   #7
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Interesting.

First of all, I don't know enough about femdom, or much of anything else that isn't vanilla (with a few sprinkles). I think the writing is excellent, though. My problem is that when she says I'll make you my bitch, it doesn't correlate to the previous action. It seems out of left field. Maybe I'm missing something, or maybe there's not enough context given. Just my two cents.
I'm thinking she was reluctant about entering into this liaison. Apparently there is something illicit about it.

But somehow she is convinced to submit, and although of course she is determined not to enjoy it, she can't help herself...so then she's thinking, "Oh God he's going to think I'm such a slut," and she decides to demonstrate to him that he's just as slutty as she is.

Or something like that.
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:49 AM   #8
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I'm thinking she was reluctant about entering into this liaison. Apparently there is something illicit about it.

But somehow she is convinced to submit, and although of course she is determined not to enjoy it, she can't help herself...so then she's thinking, "Oh God he's going to think I'm such a slut," and she decides to demonstrate to him that he's just as slutty as she is.

Or something like that.
I don't think there's enough information given in the op to know this. Good try though.
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Old 08-31-2014, 01:59 AM   #9
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I don't think there's enough information given in the op to know this. Good try though.
As it stands in the story, for now, his raw sexuality has possessed her with its allure. She wishes to turn the tables on him and make him lust after her with the same aching need.

I think it would be more appropriate for her to say, as he is leaving, while she still lies limp and exhausted on the couch, "Before this summer is over I will make you beg to kiss my hand."

He scoffs, "I'll have you whenever and wherever I want you. I just proved that."

She smiles mysteriously. "You wish."
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Old 08-31-2014, 02:15 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by jacktar48 View Post
As it stands in the story, for now, his raw sexuality has possessed her with its allure. She wishes to turn the tables on him and make him lust after her with the same aching need.

I think it would be more appropriate for her to say, as he is leaving, while she still lies limp and exhausted on the couch, "Before this summer is over I will make you beg to kiss my hand."

He scoffs, "I'll have you whenever and wherever I want you. I just proved that."

She smiles mysteriously. "You wish."
You know, that is pretty damn good. Very nice. Although, maybe instead of "Before this summer is over I will make you beg to kiss my hand" it could be, "Before this summer is over, I will make you beg... over and over and over again."
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Old 08-31-2014, 02:38 AM   #11
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You know, that is pretty damn good. Very nice. Although, maybe instead of "Before this summer is over I will make you beg to kiss my hand" it could be, "Before this summer is over, I will make you beg... over and over and over again."
He finishes dressing and walks to the front door of her apartment, only a few steps from the couch where she lies naked. He opens the door and a chill wind blasts into the small room. He hesitates in the open door.

"From now on you will never wear panties in public. The next time I see you I'm going to check."

He walks out, leaving the door swinging in the breeze.

(This guy is kind of an asshole, but of course she lusts after him anyway.)

She lies there shivering for long moments, remembering his rough treatment of her reluctant body. She should hate him. But she can't help wanting him. He will have her again; there is no doubt about that. But it will be on her terms.

She crawls off the couch and goes to the door, her nipples stiff and aching in the frigid air, her knees trembling. She hopes he is out there in the shadows, watching, hoping to see her scuttle to slam the door. She poses there in the doorway for a moment, letting him see that she is not intimidated, then softly closes the door and locks it.

She goes to the shower, runs it very hot, and steps in with a sigh of pleasure. As she washes herself she remembers his hands, his lips, his tongue...caressing her most sensitive places, convincing her body to betray her mind. He needs to know how it feels.

And she is already planning a way to show him.
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Old 08-31-2014, 02:45 AM   #12
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He finishes dressing and walks to the front door of her apartment, only a few steps from the couch where she lies naked. He opens the door and a chill wind blasts into the small room. He hesitates in the open door.

"From now on you will never wear panties in public. The next time I see you I'm going to check."

He walks out, leaving the door swinging in the breeze.

(This guy is kind of an asshole, but of course she lusts after him anyway.)

She lies there shivering for long moments, remembering his rough treatment of her reluctant body. She should hate him. But she can't help wanting him. He will have her again; there is no doubt about that. But it will be on her terms.

She crawls off the couch and goes to the door, her nipples stiff and aching in the frigid air, her knees trembling. She hopes he is out there in the shadows, watching, hoping to see her scuttle to slam the door. She poses there in the doorway for a moment, letting him see that she is not intimidated, then softly closes the door and locks it.

She goes to the shower, runs it very hot, and steps in with a sigh of pleasure. As she washes herself she remembers his hands, his lips, his tongue...caressing her most sensitive places, convincing her body to betray her mind. He needs to know how it feels.

And she is already planning a way to show him.
Excellent. (Although the idea of him in the shadows watching is creepy. To keep the flow of reading for female readers who don't like the creep factor, I would delete this, although I'm sure there are women who would like--or wouldn't mind-- the creep factor.)
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Old 08-31-2014, 02:56 AM   #13
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Excellent. (Although the idea of him in the shadows watching is creepy. To keep the flow of reading for female readers who don't like the creep factor, I would delete this, although I'm sure there are women who would like--or wouldn't mind-- the creep factor.)
Maybe he's standing just around the corner, so she steps out and gives him a swift kick in the sack. Lesson One.

But the violent stuff is not terribly appealing to most people, including me.

She heard his car door slam, the engine crank and start, the headlights come on and illuminate her doorway with a lurid glare.

She arises from the couch unsteadily and goes to the door, taking care not to hurry; she doesn't want him to have the satisfaction of thinking she's frightened.

As his car pulls out of the parking spot, she raises her middle finger at him and slowly closes the door.
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Old 08-31-2014, 03:53 AM   #14
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Its boring like Quickie Mart egg salad sandwiches.
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Old 08-31-2014, 04:04 AM   #15
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Its boring like Quickie Mart egg salad sandwiches.
Hey, you might think they're boring, but about 3 hours later when the salmonella get revved up in your intestinal tract...things are going to get really interesting.
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Old 08-31-2014, 04:57 AM   #16
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Would you experts object to this ole' twit's questions please?

1. Please define what is meant "to be a bitch."
It's a piece of language I have never fully understood, unless it is referring to a female canine.
I'm not even sure of it when I hear it spoken by a gay male.

2. What's 'pegging' ? (as in 'being pegged').
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Old 08-31-2014, 07:13 AM   #17
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Would you experts object to this ole' twit's questions please?

1. Please define what is meant "to be a bitch."
It's a piece of language I have never fully understood, unless it is referring to a female canine.
I'm not even sure of it when I hear it spoken by a gay male.

2. What's 'pegging' ? (as in 'being pegged').
1. In this context, a.) making a man feminine in some way and b.) making him a submissive, a follower not a leader. (If those two elements aren't going to be present in the story I wouldn't make her deliver that line.)

2. Anally penetrating a man (maybe a woman too, I'm not sure), generally with a strap-on dildo.
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Old 08-31-2014, 07:29 AM   #18
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More sex ensues. After she's completely ravished and truly satiated, she says to him: “Before this summer is over, I will make you my bitch."

Um - what's that mean to you? As it stands in the story, for now, his raw sexuality has possessed her with its allure. She wishes to turn the tables on him and make him lust after her with the same aching need. But is that the same as making him "her bitch?"

As it stands right now, the story is NOT a femdom story. I don't have plans of him being pegged or made into a sissy of any sort. Has my character misspoken?
To me it implies dominance over him, without necessarily meaning any particular sexual act. Being pegged would certainly be one possibility, but giving oral without reciprocation would fit just as well.

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Would you experts object to this ole' twit's questions please?

1. Please define what is meant "to be a bitch."
It's a piece of language I have never fully understood, unless it is referring to a female canine.
I'm not even sure of it when I hear it spoken by a gay male.
I think that's kinda the point of this post, trying to figure out how other readers would define/interpret it. It's one of those versatile words that can mean a great many things depending on context, e.g.:

- Somebody who is unpleasant and mean-spirited ("She wouldn't give you a refund? What a bitch!") - usually applied to a woman or a gay man
- Faux-insult as an affectionate expression of envy ("You got to meet Barry Manilow? You bitch!")
- Sexually submissive partner

Funnily enough it can mean either an assertive woman or a submissive one...
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Old 08-31-2014, 08:04 AM   #19
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A flip line spoken by a character today has me worried I'm about to write myself into a corner I don't want to visit.

The set-up:
Though their sex is consensual, she's questioning their relationship during sex. He responds by giving it to her harder. Here's an abbreviated excerpt:

. . . Tell me,” he demanded, fucking her hard enough to make the couch rock. “Tell me my cock doesn’t feel good inside your pussy.”

“Feeling good doesn’t make it right,’ she said. He put his hand on her chin, stopping her from looking away and kissed her again. Her lips moved with his. When his tongue entered her mouth to dance, her tongue accepted the invitation. . . .

More sex ensues. After she's completely ravished and truly satiated, she says to him: “Before this summer is over, I will make you my bitch."

Um - what's that mean to you? As it stands in the story, for now, his raw sexuality has possessed her with its allure. She wishes to turn the tables on him and make him lust after her with the same aching need. But is that the same as making him "her bitch?"

As it stands right now, the story is NOT a femdom story. I don't have plans of him being pegged or made into a sissy of any sort. Has my character misspoken?
Sounds like a line straight out of femdom, like she is going to give it to him just as hard at some point. So its the right line if she is going to turn the tables on him as you just said.
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Old 08-31-2014, 08:16 AM   #20
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Yep. Your character has misspoken if she doesn't mean pegging him. It doesn't have to go the Femdom route—straight-up Dominatrix will do--but making him her bitch is heading in at least a tit-for-tat direction there.

But you know, sometimes characters have a mind of their own. Why not ask her what she meant? Just imagine her there sitting with you having coffee. Ask her if she was serious about that...and how she plans to do it.
Royal idea!

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Maybe she just wants to make him nervous.

"Yeah, RIGHT," he thinks. He figures he can have her any time he wants.

She shows him how wrong he is. Eventually he is so frustrated and horny he's willing to do whatever she demands.
Good thought, too. She certainly wants to right the imbalance she feels in the relationship.

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I'm thinking she was reluctant about entering into this liaison. Apparently there is something illicit about it.
Remarkably insightful! There definitely IS something very illicit about their relationship.

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You know, that is pretty damn good. Very nice. Although, maybe instead of "Before this summer is over I will make you beg to kiss my hand" it could be, "Before this summer is over, I will make you beg... over and over and over again."
Another good line, thanks!

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To me it implies dominance over him, without necessarily meaning any particular sexual act.
That's certainly what I meant it when I wrote it, but . . .

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Originally Posted by Bramblethorn View Post
I think that's kinda the point of this post, trying to figure out how other readers would define/interpret it.
You're very correct and based on the thoughts expressed so far, I may need to back up and reconsider if her words are too aggressive. Currently, there's an imbalance in the relationship that can't continue for long, which is an important subplot within the story. The more his male ego prompts him to press his (temporary) advantage, the more difficult their relationship becomes. The relationship cannot become whole again until they once more become equals. (Shit, did I just describe the plot of "50 Shades" or something? ) It's a SUBPLOT element, but a nice little layer bubbling beneath surface of the primary story. I'll soften up what she says or have them talk the femdom element out of it.
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Old 08-31-2014, 08:17 AM   #21
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Sounds like a line straight out of femdom, like she is going to give it to him just as hard at some point. So its the right line if she is going to turn the tables on him as you just said.
Thanks LC - I think you're right, too.
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Old 08-31-2014, 09:18 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Serafina1210 View Post
1. In this context, a.) making a man feminine in some way and b.) making him a submissive, a follower not a leader. (If those two elements aren't going to be present in the story I wouldn't make her deliver that line.)

2. Anally penetrating a man (maybe a woman too, I'm not sure), generally with a strap-on dildo.
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Originally Posted by Bramblethorn View Post
To me it implies dominance over him, without necessarily meaning any particular sexual act. Being pegged would certainly be one possibility, but giving oral without reciprocation would fit just as well.

I think that's kinda the point of this post, trying to figure out how other readers would define/interpret it. It's one of those versatile words that can mean a great many things depending on context, e.g.:

- Somebody who is unpleasant and mean-spirited ("She wouldn't give you a refund? What a bitch!") - usually applied to a woman or a gay man
- Faux-insult as an affectionate expression of envy ("You got to meet Barry Manilow? You bitch!")
- Sexually submissive partner

Funnily enough it can mean either an assertive woman or a submissive one...
Thank you, people.
Pegged?
I thought the word was "Buggered", but perhaps that's too English.

The use of a 'softer' word to describe some sexualy act has always fascinated me.
I mean - why bother ?
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Old 08-31-2014, 09:25 AM   #23
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Thank you, people.
Pegged?
I thought the word was "Buggered", but perhaps that's too English.

The use of a 'softer' word to describe some sexualy act has always fascinated me.
I mean - why bother ?
Have to be careful with Pegged.

Here its a woman fucking a guy with a strap on, but in other regions, Australia for one, pegging is putting clothespins on a person's nipples or other areas.

Ever see a zip line?
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Old 08-31-2014, 09:26 AM   #24
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Thank you, people.
Pegged?
I thought the word was "Buggered", but perhaps that's too English.

The use of a 'softer' word to describe some sexualy act has always fascinated me.
I mean - why bother ?
If I understand "bugger," it describes anal sex with a penis. Pegging is done with a toy. I should have been more explicit about that.
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Old 08-31-2014, 09:31 AM   #25
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If I understand "bugger," it describes anal sex with a penis. Pegging is done with a toy. I should have been more explicit about that.
Yup, my grandfather....he'd say things like "Yeah, up in P-town all those queers go up there and bugger each other."

Bugger
Pegging
Dogging.

We should have a lit vocabulary test some day...
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