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Old 02-24-2014, 08:02 PM   #1
mikoli5763
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This probably

isn't the right forum for this thread, but after looking at the other forums, this one was the one I was more comfortable coming to.
I am experiencing a difficult period in my personal life and am struggling with all the mixed emotions I'm having.
My wife and I have both been dealing with her Crohn's disease for our entire married life together and the reality that it was worse than we'd been led to believe has taken a toll on both of us.
I still love her with all my heart, but due to her illness, it looks like we are headed toward a sexless marriage and I'm sad one minute and angry the next.
We have had a fairly good sex life and the probability of it coming to an end is hard for me to fathom.
Masturbation doesn't even come close to satisfying me even when her hands are the ones doing it.
I get angry at myself for wanting what we had in the past and then feel guilty when I do. My rational mind knows its not her fault and there's nothing she can do about her illness, but the selfish dirty, old man inside me wants to blame somebody and she's the one that's here.
How do I stop thinking this way?
Please, understand, I'm not asking for a pity party or any of that "Be a man and not a wuss" crap, but actual concerned advice about how to deal with not only this but the possibility that the woman I've loved for the past thirty three years may die at any moment.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:06 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikoli5763 View Post
isn't the right forum for this thread, but after looking at the other forums, this one was the one I was more comfortable coming to.
I am experiencing a difficult period in my personal life and am struggling with all the mixed emotions I'm having.
My wife and I have both been dealing with her Crohn's disease for our entire married life together and the reality that it was worse than we'd been led to believe has taken a toll on both of us.
I still love her with all my heart, but due to her illness, it looks like we are headed toward a sexless marriage and I'm sad one minute and angry the next.
We have had a fairly good sex life and the probability of it coming to an end is hard for me to fathom.
Masturbation doesn't even come close to satisfying me even when her hands are the ones doing it.
I get angry at myself for wanting what we had in the past and then feel guilty when I do. My rational mind knows its not her fault and there's nothing she can do about her illness, but the selfish dirty, old man inside me wants to blame somebody and she's the one that's here.
How do I stop thinking this way?
Please, understand, I'm not asking for a pity party or any of that "Be a man and not a wuss" crap, but actual concerned advice about how to deal with not only this but the possibility that the woman I've loved for the past thirty three years may die at any moment.
Sorry to hear of your difficult situation. You have a right to be frustrated, angry and frightened.

I would take this to the "how to" forum. In fact I believe I have seen similar situations there.

There is an occasional idiot over there, but for the most part there are some good people over there that give some great advice.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:07 PM   #3
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Advice, I don't have. Anything I offered would be opinion, not true advice. But I read your post and didn't want to ignore it.

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Old 02-24-2014, 08:09 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikoli5763 View Post
isn't the right forum for this thread, but after looking at the other forums, this one was the one I was more comfortable coming to.
I am experiencing a difficult period in my personal life and am struggling with all the mixed emotions I'm having.
My wife and I have both been dealing with her Crohn's disease for our entire married life together and the reality that it was worse than we'd been led to believe has taken a toll on both of us.
I still love her with all my heart, but due to her illness, it looks like we are headed toward a sexless marriage and I'm sad one minute and angry the next.
We have had a fairly good sex life and the probability of it coming to an end is hard for me to fathom.
Masturbation doesn't even come close to satisfying me even when her hands are the ones doing it.
I get angry at myself for wanting what we had in the past and then feel guilty when I do. My rational mind knows its not her fault and there's nothing she can do about her illness, but the selfish dirty, old man inside me wants to blame somebody and she's the one that's here.
How do I stop thinking this way?
Please, understand, I'm not asking for a pity party or any of that "Be a man and not a wuss" crap, but actual concerned advice about how to deal with not only this but the possibility that the woman I've loved for the past thirty three years may die at any moment.
Youre self absorbed and pathetic. Grow the fuck up.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:17 PM   #5
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UP above is the aforementioned occasional idiot.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:24 PM   #6
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UP above is the aforementioned occasional idiot.
But I have an idiot license and 30 years experience pulling heads from asses.

The son of a bitch cares about his pee pee more than his sick wife. Lets send him a WOUNDED WUSS tee shirt and a Trace Adkins ROCK AROUND REHAB cd.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:41 PM   #7
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You didn't say how much of this you are discussing with your wife. It may clear the air and lead to some surprising agreements if you feel you can do this.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:53 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikoli5763 View Post
... My rational mind knows its not her fault and there's nothing she can do about her illness, but the selfish dirty, old man inside me wants to blame somebody and she's the one that's here.
Quit blaming your dying wife you piece of shit and either do without, jerk off or hire a prostitute. Just don't tell your wife, asshole--she's sick and dying.

For once I agree with JBJ.
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:56 PM   #9
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I still love her with all my heart, but due to her illness, it looks like we are headed toward a sexless marriage...
I did a quick Google after "sex" and "crohns" and it looks to me that regardless of how bad it gets, if there is a will there is a way...
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:06 PM   #10
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My first thoughts on this are to start a lot of research googling on sex without intercourse. Learn what the two of you together can do without being inside her.

My second thought on this is for your sexual needs alone alone. There are dozens of male sex toys out there that are very nearly the same feeling as being in a woman. Get some research on them. Do this part together, don't exclude her. Ask her what she would be comfortable with using to help you get what you need. There are some very good one that will thrill ya in manillya.

Hands are not the only options for a guy. Between the two of you I'm sure you can find something that will do it for you, with her help.

And third... talk. The greatest sex organ you have is your brain. Put it to work.

Remember the marriage said in sickness and in heath, well you've had the good now comes the tough part. Work it out together.
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:32 PM   #11
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I'm afraid that I'm with Teach on this one. So I guess I'm with JBJ too.

Pretend you're on a desert island and the only thing you have is one playboy. Some edition with some unknown pretty thing and that's all you have to while away the hours of loneliness.

Of course if you no longer love your wife, then there is divorce if you feel you can't violate you marriage vows.

Otherwise...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Edward Teach
Quit blaming your dying wife you piece of shit and either do without, jerk off or hire a prostitute. Just don't tell your wife, asshole--she's sick and dying.
I guess I'm an insensitive bastard, huh?
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:46 PM   #12
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To the raving loons I read the post twice and do not see where he is saying he is blaming her or is looking to cheat.

he is pissed off and frustrated and has a right to be. It doesn't mean he is going to lay a guilt trip on her or be unfaithful. I imagine if he were going to cheat he wouldn't be so upset.

Do you people kick dogs when you're walking down the street?

Pay attention and stop gun jumping.
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Old 02-24-2014, 09:56 PM   #13
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To the raving loons I read the post twice and do not see where he is saying he is blaming her or is looking to cheat.

he is pissed off and frustrated and has a right to be. It doesn't mean he is going to lay a guilt trip on her or be unfaithful. I imagine if he were going to cheat he wouldn't be so upset.

Do you people kick dogs when you're walking down the street?

Pay attention and stop gun jumping.
Only if they're trying to bite me.

We all have problems, we all deal with them. I for one wouldn't come here to deal with my personal problems, of which I have many.

First, they are none of your business.

Second, I would never air my dirty laundry here.

The very first place he should have gone is to a doctor. A trained professional. Not a bunch of us, who have no training...I doubt anyone has the training to handle problems here...on this board.

I really don't know what he was looking for and personally, I have my own thing to worry about. And to me, my worries trump anyone else's.
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Old 02-24-2014, 10:35 PM   #14
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I have to say I agree with suggestions of seeing a doctor, and probably a therapist or counselor. And it should be done with his wife.

I see nothing to indicate he's mad at her or doesn't love her. He just says that unfortunately she's the only one around while he's upset and we've all taken things out on people who didn't deserve it. He's in a bind and needs help.
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Old 02-24-2014, 10:37 PM   #15
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I'm not a fan of airing one's dirty linen on an Internet discussion board either. But (A) I think the best response to it is either to do what MistressLynn did here or just to butt out of the thread altogether and hope it just stops without getting "oh gawd." And (B) from observation, it seems that this is tolerated more by female-named posters than male. (We have such a "give me sympathy" thread running elsewhere now and I don't see any who object to this one objecting to that one.) I roll my eyes at the "give me strokes" posts equally no matter what the apparent gender of the poster is.
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:46 PM   #16
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To the raving loons I read the post twice and do not see where he is saying he is blaming her or is looking to cheat.

he is pissed off and frustrated and has a right to be. It doesn't mean he is going to lay a guilt trip on her or be unfaithful. I imagine if he were going to cheat he wouldn't be so upset.

Do you people kick dogs when you're walking down the street?

Pay attention and stop gun jumping.

Maybe you should read the post the third time. He plainly states, "...the selfish dirty, old man inside me wants to blame somebody and she's the one that's here."

I seriously doubt that you know anything about Crohn's Disease or a sick wife who can't have sex.

I know about both.

You either put the wife first or yourself first and if you put yourself first, you're an asshole. It ain't rocket surgery.
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:48 PM   #17
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Maybe Mikol should have cried out for a pirate to save him.
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:55 PM   #18
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You either put the wife first or yourself first and if you put yourself first, you're an asshole. It ain't rocket surgery.

Rocket surgery?

okay going to go think about that one more than I should.
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Old 02-25-2014, 12:21 AM   #19
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Maybe Mikol should have cried out for a pirate to save him.
That might be understandable. Instead he cried out for advice from any and all. I gave him advice.

You didn't. You simply stirred shit as you usually do and tried to sound profound. Now behave like your usual petty self and keep this going.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:02 AM   #20
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JBJ, you are a bully, You grow up! i am so sick of your shit. Why don't you merely shut up if you have nothing constructive to say?
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:08 AM   #21
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I am probably the wrong one to take advice from. If it were I, i would figure out a way to have a little something on the side, or use prostitutes if you can afford it. Guilt would then be yours to accept or reject. Personally, I gave up guilt for lent 45 years ago.

Another option: Ask for her permission. Maybe wait until she is more acclimated to the future.

One last suggestion: Have you spoken to her doctor and yours about this? How about support groups for persons with the same or similar diseases. i suspect your sex life might have to be merely amended, not cancelled. There are many ways to enjoy sex. Hang in there. it is never as bad as it seems.
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Old 02-25-2014, 01:09 AM   #22
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Rocket surgery?

okay going to go think about that one more than I should.
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Old 02-25-2014, 02:29 AM   #23
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That might be understandable. Instead he cried out for advice from any and all. I gave him advice.

You didn't. You simply stirred shit as you usually do and tried to sound profound. Now behave like your usual petty self and keep this going.
Tilt. I gave him advice. Look up the thread and stop being such a sanctimoneous ass.
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Old 02-25-2014, 02:56 AM   #24
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You didn't say how much of this you are discussing with your wife. It may clear the air and lead to some surprising agreements if you feel you can do this.
Reads like a statement to me not advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sr71plt View Post
I'm not a fan of airing one's dirty linen on an Internet discussion board either. But (A) I think the best response to it is either to do what MistressLynn did here or just to butt out of the thread altogether and hope it just stops without getting "oh gawd." And (B) from observation, it seems that this is tolerated more by female-named posters than male. (We have such a "give me sympathy" thread running elsewhere now and I don't see any who object to this one objecting to that one.) I roll my eyes at the "give me strokes" posts equally no matter what the apparent gender of the poster is.
Perhaps you should take your own advice and just butt out of the thread. However, being the shit stirrer you are, you are going to do as usual and spend as much time as it takes to get in the last word believing that twisting facts and getting in the last word wins arguments.

What Does The Fox Say

I ain't got time to continue this for days with you.
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Old 02-25-2014, 05:32 AM   #25
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JBJ, you are a bully, You grow up! i am so sick of your shit. Why don't you merely shut up if you have nothing constructive to say?
I didn't steal his lunch money or stick his tongue to the frozen flag pole.

Lets put it in perspective, the mans wife has a serious medical issue and his winky-dinky is his primary concern. THAT spells self-absorbed ass-hat momma's boy to me. She gets my sympathy, not him.

You remind me of a clinical professor I had. My patient was gang-raped by blacks, and during our first session she referred to them as goddamned niggers, well! my professor didn't care that she was raped, he came unglued that she called them niggers. He wanted me to chastise her for it. I don't think so.

Do this, go one-bomb my stories and spare me your sissy opinions.
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