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Struggling with submission

OrgasmicleBunny

OrgasmicleBunny

Literotica Guru
Joined
Jul 2, 2005
Posts
514
I am new to being submissive, I'm still learning. This is something that has always come naturally to me, but I can at times be willful and difficult. My Daddy knows that about me, but I really am trying to be better and want to know some of the things I can do to be a better submissive.
 
What are the sorts of things you're struggling with? Are there extenuating circumstances that make it difficult to submit?
 
OrgasmicleBunny said:
I am new to being submissive, I'm still learning. This is something that has always come naturally to me, but I can at times be willful and difficult. My Daddy knows that about me, but I really am trying to be better and want to know some of the things I can do to be a better submissive.
Click to expand...


If you are brand new, go easy on yourself. Consider yourself in training. As you said you are still learning. After 2.5 years with my Daddy I still am learning. You will make mistakes, learn from them and go on. Enjoy it, it is a beautiful way of getting to know yourself and your Daddy.
 
Just go with it sweetie. If you are a "natural" as you say, in time it just comes.

You blossom in the hands of your Dom/Master and become all that you are.
 
CutieMouse said:
What are the sorts of things you're struggling with? Are there extenuating circumstances that make it difficult to submit?
Click to expand...

no, I don't think so?

as much as I want to be submissive, I find myself being defiant and testing limits, almost subconsciously at times. My Daddy calls me on it and I do get punished if I go too far. Sometimes I might just be being playful and silly and saying "no" and then Daddy interprets it as me not obeying.

What can I do for those times like that?
 
OrgasmicleBunny said:
no, I don't think so?
Click to expand...

Hmm... I asked, because I thought I remembered posts of your's from the How To forum, so I went back and checked. I'd gently suggest that there might be stuff going on that is getting in the way of being a "better submissive". Since July, you've brought up depression effecting the relationship, needing to find a hobby, that you'd only been living together a few months, and that he's feeling pressure to preform because of what value you place on sex in your relationship. That's kinda some big underlying emotional/communication type stuff that may impact a power dynamic.

as much as I want to be submissive, I find myself being defiant and testing limits, almost subconsciously at times. My Daddy calls me on it and I do get punished if I go too far. Sometimes I might just be being playful and silly and saying "no" and then Daddy interprets it as me not obeying.

What can I do for those times like that?
Click to expand...

I'm a big fan of figuring out why you behave the way you do, in order to figure out if it's a problem, and how to fix it.

How is your dynamic defined? Are you "acting out" because of unresolved relationship issues, or are you (possibly subconsciously) "acting out" in order to get "punished" (attention)? Have y'all discussed "style" for lack of a better term? Some D/s relationships are more playful and being a bit bratty is acceptable, some are instant compliance based, some are somewhere in the middle. How's the communication? Do you sit down regularly and talk about how things are going, just face to face as people, not Daddy/submissive, and tweak things as needed? If he's thinking flat out obedience, and you're thinking playful, at some point there will be a train wreck, it's just a question of when. (I am presuming he's a smart enough man to not be asking anything outrageous/porn based D/s of you...)

I know I'm asking questions more than giving answers, but (IMO) there really isn't a "make coffee at 8am sharp; blow him while he reads the newspaper" answer for things like this...
 
IMHO the best thing you can do is talk openly and honestly with your partner about how you feel, what your fears and questions are, and their ideas on where to go from there because a lot of the time people feel inadequate when it is not how their partner expects them to feel or even sees reason for them to feel that way. Also, as long as you are aware of behaviour and have an honest desire to correct it, you will find a way. That all being said, I suspect there are many of us who have our less than submissive moments for a variety of reasons...don't fall for the 'perfect sub' stories you might hear about and/or read online...it is the ideal, not necessarily the reality.

Catalina :catroar:
 
catalina_francisco said:
don't fall for the 'perfect sub' stories you might hear about and/or read online...it is the ideal, not necessarily the reality.

Catalina :catroar:
Click to expand...


You really should take the above to heart. There is no such thing as a "perfect sub." You are human, with all sort of flaws and wonderment. Be who you are, keep growing, keep learning, and be realistic with your goals.

I have been living with my dom for 18 months, and learning to be fully submissive where obedience is automatic, instantaneous, complete, and unconscious is going to be lifelong journey where I may never see complete fulfillment. My Daddy says that as long as I am giving my best effort I'm being a good gurl. :)
 
the part of your story that struck a chord with me is the part about being playful and acting out. i am very much a playful sub. i cant stand on ceremony all the time, it bores me and i get frustrated with my situation, and not good frustrated. playfal banter for A and i is another way of flirting, and i call him "dork" as often as i call him anything else. if i were doing it in a disrespectful way things would be different, but as things are im just playful. its part of my personality, part of who i am at this moment. if A had a problem acceptig this the we would not be together.

im not saying you cant be with your PYL becuase you act out in this way, but i am saying to talk to him about it, especially if you find its a reoccuring theme in your behavior.
 
Is there anyone who doesn't at times, have a struggle with submission? Isn't that part of what makes is worth doing and interesting?
 
FurryFury said:
Is there anyone who doesn't at times, have a struggle with submission? Isn't that part of what makes is worth doing and interesting?
Click to expand...
Is there anyone who doesn't sometimes simply struggle with life and being oneself? Without struggle and effort and incremental success, life would be boring as could be.
 
midwestyankee said:
Is there anyone who doesn't sometimes simply struggle with life and being oneself? Without struggle and effort and incremental success, life would be boring as could be.
Click to expand...
I don't struggle with being myself but many people struggle with me being myself.

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHa

so true...
 
A Desert Rose said:
I don't struggle with being myself but many people struggle with me being myself.

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHa

so true...
Click to expand...
There's one in every crowd. :rolleyes:
 
CutieMouse said:
I'm finding that out, too... I think I've reached a place where I either impress people (unintentionally and without reason), or I make them uncomfortable. :confused:
Click to expand...

Ha! Me too!
 
CutieMouse said:
I'm finding that out, too... I think I've reached a place where I either impress people (unintentionally and without reason), or I make them uncomfortable. :confused:
Click to expand...
This is making you sound a helluva lot more domly than you might like. :p
 
You too huh?

I know this one.

CutieMouse said:
I'm finding that out, too... I think I've reached a place where I either impress people (unintentionally and without reason), or I make them uncomfortable. :confused:
Click to expand...
 
Marquis said:
Just do whatever you're told.

It's really not that fucking hard.
Click to expand...

hehe :D

That depends on what you are told to do! If i am told to simmer i fuking struggle with that LOL.

When someone works me up and then tell me i am not allowed to cum, i am not really happy about it and do anything possible to show my discontent. I always do what i am told, but i still protest alot. Its time when i have to REALLY watch my damn mouth lol.

I have bright whiles when i just submit to it, but i can get proper pissed off and frusty on this as well. :rolleyes:

Dom's....... *sighs*
 
CutieMouse said:
I'm finding that out, too... I think I've reached a place where I either impress people (unintentionally and without reason), or I make them uncomfortable. :confused:
Click to expand...

You generally impress me AND make me feel uncomfortable Cutie. Its a good thing.
 
CutieMouse said:
Hmm... I asked, because I thought I remembered posts of your's from the How To forum, so I went back and checked. I'd gently suggest that there might be stuff going on that is getting in the way of being a "better submissive". Since July, you've brought up depression effecting the relationship, needing to find a hobby, that you'd only been living together a few months, and that he's feeling pressure to preform because of what value you place on sex in your relationship. That's kinda some big underlying emotional/communication type stuff that may impact a power dynamic.



I'm a big fan of figuring out why you behave the way you do, in order to figure out if it's a problem, and how to fix it.

How is your dynamic defined? Are you "acting out" because of unresolved relationship issues, or are you (possibly subconsciously) "acting out" in order to get "punished" (attention)? Have y'all discussed "style" for lack of a better term? Some D/s relationships are more playful and being a bit bratty is acceptable, some are instant compliance based, some are somewhere in the middle. How's the communication? Do you sit down regularly and talk about how things are going, just face to face as people, not Daddy/submissive, and tweak things as needed? If he's thinking flat out obedience, and you're thinking playful, at some point there will be a train wreck, it's just a question of when. (I am presuming he's a smart enough man to not be asking anything outrageous/porn based D/s of you...)

I know I'm asking questions more than giving answers, but (IMO) there really isn't a "make coffee at 8am sharp; blow him while he reads the newspaper" answer for things like this...
Click to expand...


I appreciate your response and you make some good points.

I'll elaborate more later.
 
Marquis said:
Just do whatever you're told.

It's really not that fucking hard.
Click to expand...

Yes.

And in the absence of being told to do anything, just chill.

It really *isn't* that hard. People make it really hard.
 
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