Naughty Poetry Challenge

So I opened the poetry forum screen just now and my eyes misread a thread title as "NAUGHTY Poetry Challenge" rather than "MONTHLY".

Hm, I said to myself. There's an idea. Seems compatible with the general aim of the site, and all...

But here's specifically what I'm thinking. How about a truly "poetic" treatment of seriously "naughty" sexual acts - whatever that means to you. On the kinky side, or even excessively kinky. The wildest, most out of control thing you've done, or want to try someday. How it was or how you imagine it.

I considered ruling out specifically "normal" acts, like basic hetero intercourse and such, but I just can't be that legislative. Y'all know what I'm talking about, so go for it.

Here are a couple of random parameters that I just made up. I'm not married to them. Pieces should be at least 9 lines long. No pieces submitted before September 17th, and between now and then everyone who wants in on the challenge should say so. Let's make a random final deadline of October 1st for everyone's pieces to be in.

Here's my other weird idea. At some point in here, I'm going to ask for a few genuine "newbies" - let's randomly qualify that as members within the last year and/or fewer than 500 posts, - to be judges. They will be able to judge as well as anyone whether or not a poem makes them totally HAWT in a genuine manner. And I'll ask them to try not to be biased about the actual act described, that is, whether or not they have that particular preference. I think most folks are capable of that. Interested new people may post here or PM me if they want to. Being a judge does not disqualify you from participation.

Whaddya think? Anyone interested? Winners will be offered, among other things, shiny artifacts of questionable origin and titular positions of extreme ceremonial importance in the kingdom of Nymphomania, that is, with the final approval of the Grand Nymph.

Let's get a little action in here, huh? It's been too quiet lately.

bijou

i'll give it a try. i need do more things here, see what sort of stuff i can write.

buahahahaha////D I read that as pieces should be at least 9 inches long. I was thinking, "Good luck with that, then."

champagne1982 said:

buahahahaha////D I read that as pieces should be at least 9 inches long. I was thinking, "Good luck with that, then."

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Seems to be a day for that sort of thing.

It would indeed be a stroke of luck.

bijou

Count me in.

Is there a rule that only one piece from one person — or no limits?

unpredictablebijou said:

It would indeed be a stroke of luck.

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Tsk tsk.

If this shy table be permitted
To write about his humble love,
A bentwood chair whose back is gridded
With fresh caning, I'll write of.

Eluard said:

Is there a rule that only one piece from one person — or no limits?

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I think the concept of no limits is what this challenge is ALL about.

As I say, I'm not even married to the guidelines I posted.

Hell, do a whole garland of sonnets or something. Whatever you're inspired to create.

bijou

ShyErraticTable said:

If this shy table be permitted
To write about his humble love,
A bentwood chair whose back is gridded
With fresh caning, I'll write of.

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Since you're " " "new" " " here and I don't wish to frighten you off, I will refrain from the saucy comments that come to mind right now about my desire to seduce someone while on top of you.

bijou

unpredictablebijou said:

Since you're " " "new" " " here and I don't wish to frighten you off, I will refrain from the saucy comments that come to mind right now about my desire to seduce someone while on top of you.

bijou

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Though dinners have been laid and eaten
On my sturdy surface, there
At times are other meals, sweet ones:
Victuals sweaty, tasty, fair.

ShyErraticTable said:

If this shy table be permitted
To write about his humble love,
A bentwood chair whose back is gridded
With fresh caning, I'll write of.

Click to expand...

Dammit MeetieVeetie, how many alts do you have exactly?

`Table' my ass — more like an Ikea showroom!

Eluard said:

Dammit MeetieVeetie, how many alts do you have exactly?

`Table' my ass — more like an Ikea showroom!

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IKEA! God, how second class!
I am handcrafted, an idea
Wrought lovingly to shape—not crass
Nor Swedish anything, I bea.


'Cept cut-rate poem writer, mea
(culpa).

ShyErraticTable said:

IKEA! God, how second class!
I am handcrafted, an idea
Wrought lovingly to shape—not crass
Nor Swedish anything, I bea.


'Cept cut-rate poem writer, mea
(culpa).

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My royal ass. I just read "& Politics & Sway, Of".

shhh Eluard, don't bust him. He's trying to be all stealthy and shit.

bijou

--and hey. What've you got against swedes? Some of us gave up killing defenseless monks a long time ago.

unpredictablebijou said:

--and hey. What've you got against swedes? Some of us gave up killing defenseless monks a long time ago.

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Or so you claim!

unpredictablebijou said:

My royal ass. I just read "& Politics & Sway, Of".

shhh Eluard, don't bust him. He's trying to be all stealthy and shit.

bijou

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Yes, and I just read the Monty Hall Problem (hey, I've actually written on that!) and a half dozen others.

SET, I want to see you in a good Michael Jackson-style dance-off with MeetieVeetie — and then we'll decide who's second-class.

Eluard said:

Or so you claim!

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It wasn't me. All us swedes look alike, y'know. I was never there.

bijou

Eluard said:

Yes, and I just read the Monty Hall Problem (hey, I've actually written on that!) and a half dozen others.

SET, I want to see you in a good Michael Jackson-style dance-off with MeetieVeetie — and then we'll decide who's second-class.

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oooooooo snap! I think you just got serrrrrrrved.

b

And MeetieVeetie — don't think I don't know that we are all meant to just silently translate 'table' back into 'mensa'. We got your number, man — no place to hide.

ShyErraticTable said:

Nor Swedish anything, I bea.

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And I seea.

Don't look now, El, but I think we're all alone in here.

The table has wandered off. They're always doing that at my house too.

I'm off too, til later. (none o yer cracks, now...) Must go caper about.

Startin' to get excited about this challenge. In a thoroughly literary way, of course.

bj

Eluard said:

And MeetieVeetie — don't think I don't know that we are all meant to just silently translate 'table' back into 'mensa'. We got your number, man — no place to hide.

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That's "mesa", mi amigo.

b

unpredictablebijou said:

Don't look now, El, but I think we're all alone in here.

The table has wandered off. They're always doing that at my house too.

I'm off too, til later. (none o yer cracks, now...) Must go caper about.

Startin' to get excited about this challenge. In a thoroughly literary way, of course.

bj

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Awwww table's sulking!

But, on a serious note bj, I think the existence of alts is a serious problem for picking judges. So I want to suggest that, instead, you go to the author's hangout and ask for three judges from there. They mostly don't know us and it wouldn't be difficult to find three who would be willing and able.

Eluard said:

And MeetieVeetie — don't think I don't know that we are all meant to just silently translate 'table' back into 'mensa'. We got your number, man — no place to hide.

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Fine. Mensa this and Mensa that.
I'm not, though, Mensanistic, quite—
I am too wooden, stable, flat.
For I'm a table. Décor. Slight.

Eluard said:

Awwww table's sulking!

But, on a serious note bj, I think the existence of alts is a serious problem for picking judges. So I want to suggest that, instead, you go to the author's hangout and ask for three judges from there. They mostly don't know us and it wouldn't be difficult to find three who would be willing and able.

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I would agree with you except that I'm not that attached to the whole integrity thing, really, at least not enough to legislate it. If someone is so desperate to be a judge in a contest like this that they'd bring in an alt to do so - I mean, it's a pretend, random, completely meaningless contest in which the prizes are thoroughly hypothetical and the results will probably be obvious regardless of what the judges actually say, - then, as I say, if some old fart wants to go to the trouble to pretend to be virginal (and don't we all dream, sometimes...) I'm inclined to let them.

Egads what a sentence. I don't have time to fix it, sorry. You're just going to have to get a little portrait of the dark carnival in my head. Sometimes it's like a water park designed by DeSade and Rauschenberg in here.

Although soliciting judges from over there might bring a little action into this funky playground. It's been a little understimulating recently.

**sighs for Sara ***

l8r,
bijou