Kinda Worried

Im a female submissive, but have only had one online relationship with a D, but im kinda worried that because im bigger then normal for my age and that no body will want me, this is a fear of mine since childhood but i wondered if D's actually like girls that arent skinny/muscly and stuff like that

Sub and Dom perspectives are most welcome!!!

rachy91 said:

Im a female submissive, but have only had one online relationship with a D, but im kinda worried that because im bigger then normal for my age and that no body will want me, this is a fear of mine since childhood but i wondered if D's actually like girls that arent skinny/muscly and stuff like that

Sub and Dom perspectives are most welcome!!!

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Doms are human. all Doms are attracted to whatever they are attracted to just as any other person in the world. it varies from person to person *shrugs* i'm not sure what kind of answers you are looking for, but i wish you luck

You know what! im not sure either haha, but even in the workplace i get snide remarks about my appearance from those who havent a brain and need to grow up but, i wonder what the men (and women) think so ya

No worry i am sure there are Dom's who won't mind ur big, some might even like it and some even prefer big women, i know many men like that so do not worry about this!! *hugs*

I am a big woman by myself and i have a Dom who loves me the way i am, fat, crazy and all lol . I understand your worries tho cuz i have the same fears, but there are men who prefer different things than look, so relax and enjoy ur life. Its not about being thin and sexy, eventho its deffo nice to look like that, oh well, guess all of us just cant look models

Aww thank you so much, this makes me feel better alot hehe, Have a nice day/night [wherever you are in the world!!] everybody

ps. its fun to be fat and crazy! it messes with people, haha

rachy91 said:

Aww thank you so much, this makes me feel better alot hehe, Have a nice day/night [wherever you are in the world!!] everybody

ps. its fun to be fat and crazy! it messes with people, haha

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What really messes with people is being chunky and being comfortable in your own skin.

I've always been a larger gal, does that stop me from showing some skin and wearing tight jeans to show just how spankable my ass is. Hell no!

Some guys are into curves, some aren't. I don't have a problem finding guys that I'm atracted to that love my body, and I'm sure you won't either. Not every guy wants to hold a twig when he squeeses his woman.

Thats so true, but ive been put down in some way almost every single day since as long as i can remember, so its hard to brake that habbit, as im sure somegirls can relate to, but thank you foryour support!

the captians wench said:

What really messes with people is being chunky and being comfortable in your own skin.

I've always been a larger gal, does that stop me from showing some skin and wearing tight jeans to show just how spankable my ass is. Hell no!

Some guys are into curves, some aren't. I don't have a problem finding guys that I'm atracted to that love my body, and I'm sure you won't either. Not every guy wants to hold a twig when he squeeses his woman.

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rachy91 said:

Thats so true, but ive been put down in some way almost every single day since as long as i can remember, so its hard to brake that habbit, as im sure somegirls can relate to, but thank you foryour support!

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She's right.. don't let society and the media fuck with your head...

I am not fat, but I am not a size 0... and it makes me feel fat... *shrugs* but honestly.. chances are your prettier then 90% of actresses and models with out all their gunk and air brushing on....

Dont' let it get to you, your Dom will love you for YOU.

So you're talking about sex appeal?

And you asked for D-type input?

Your attitude is far more important. The pleasure and fulfillment you find in service -- however you define that, and however the top-of-your-choice defines that -- need to match up a lot more than the physical ideal.

Sure, there are D-types who look for a physical ideal -- I know a woman, for example, in her late fifties who is interviewing for a service submissive (men) and she won't look at any guy over 30 (she has a number of applicants) -- but there are also many who look at person, peronality, intellect, hobbies and interests, and confidence and drive, all before checking out your bod.

I enjoy being around women who are confident of their sex appeal and "know" they are beautiful, even if they are not magazine cover type beauty. It's important for y ou to like yourself and, when you look in the mirror, to see the beauty that you want this D-type to see .

I mean, if you don't project it, how is he going to see it?

In terms of actual figure, my own preference for play is a woman with curves rather than angles, with an emphasis on flesh rather than bone ... and a woman who doesn't check herself out in every mirror she passes.

I have no idea if I speak for others, but as I said, the focus is on attitude. If you read the forum here for long, you'll find a number of people, both men and women, who present themselves with confidence and are, as a result, attractive.

Respectfully,
ST

I've noticed that there is a high number of chubby/fat/chunky/plush gals in the BDSM scene. Maybe it's because the people involved are more open-minded... I dunno. However, being a fat lady myself, I can tell you that, while you are still going to be turned down here and there by a D, because of your weight (happened rather recently, in my case), there are lots out there who will love you for what you bring to the table, weight aside.

the captians wench said:

What really messes with people is being chunky and being comfortable in your own skin.

I've always been a larger gal, does that stop me from showing some skin and wearing tight jeans to show just how spankable my ass is. Hell no!

Some guys are into curves, some aren't. I don't have a problem finding guys that I'm atracted to that love my body, and I'm sure you won't either. Not every guy wants to hold a twig when he squeeses his woman.

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I think this is the most important thing, being happy being you. I've been both overweight and underweight due to medications I've needed to take during my life and I've been forced to accept that, whatever I look like, I won't have a lot of fun unless I learn to love myself.

What a D usually finds sexy is self assurance. That's not to say you should wear tight clothes if you're not comfortable in them but make the best of what you've got and enjoy it. If you walk down the street you'll see loads of girls who are bigger or less pretty than you, just as many as you'll see thin, pretty girls.

Also if you check the amateur pic threads here you'll see that many larger ladies post pics of themselves and get a lot of positive replies. That should assure you that there are plenty of men out there who love a girl with curves.

The only other thing I'd say is that you should always be honest about yourself. It's always tempting to tell little white lies when online thinking 'who's going to know?' Kudos to you for coming on here and being truthful about yourself and your worries.

Plush gals rock. Sure, it's not what I look for in porn, but whatever. I don't have to feel rib bones and hip bones when I am looking at some gal on the net. When it comes to real women, well, real women should be soft to the touch. No, I don't go for huge women, and I don't have a weight fetish. I don't go for any specific type of look. I look for what is in head and heart first.

And, well, I like for my hands to be more pleased with how her body feels and yields more than my eyes to be pleased with how she looks. I spend a LOT of time touching, so, well the hands get preference. This means that I don't generally find skinny gals as attractive in RL. Apologies to all the skinny gals out there, but, hey, there's probably more men that like that look than the reverse. Frankly, I'm a large dude, and always look at the little women as too breakable. A plush gal can simply take it better.

"v" comes from sturdy Slavic farm girl stock. She can take everything I can dish out, and I LOVE that. She has always been sturdy. She was a competitive swimmer for years, and has solid muscles underneath the plush. That helps greatly. And, no, she doesn't look mannish at all, just solid. And she has a GREAT ass. Rawr.

"w" was a a skinny gal in high school, and just never lost weight from her pregnancy. This is rough on her, as she has slender bones, wrists, and ankles, and thus has issues carrying around the extra weight she has. But, well, she carries herself well, and projects confidence when she wants to. And she is beautiful in my eyes, and, more importantly, to my hands. That's all that mattered to me. She could've been 400lbs, and the way she looked at me and bit her lip with naked lust would've still gotten me rock hard.

To the OP, worry less about what you think, and worry more about what your Dom thinks. Whenever "w" was feeling low, fat, unnattractive, I would put my hands on her elegant neck, tell her to look in my eyes, and see her as I saw her, not how she saw herself. That's all it took.

If your Dom is any kind of good, he will make you feel incredible, desirable, sexy, etc (assuming that you have that sort of relationship. I see it as my responsibility to build my ladies up, not tear them down). I know that I've had times when my gals would've walked right out the door and into the street basically naked because I'd made them feel so damned SEXY. That, my friends, is a worthwhile goal.

I actually had to tell "w" to put a robe on once when she asked for a cigarette break during some ropework. She was strutting around in my rope "dress" like a runway model because it made her feel beautiful.

You can be both big and sexy as hell. just look at what Captain's Wench posted, or BiBunny's avatars. Have you seen those? I don't care about anything else - that wicked look in her eyes... Rawr. The brain is the primary sex organ. Make use of that fact.

EDIT: Homburg = honest. Don't be insulted by me stating a preference.

Plush gals rock, especially when they're confident in their own skin.

Softouch911 said:

So you're talking about sex appeal?

And you asked for D-type input?

Your attitude is far more important. The pleasure and fulfillment you find in service -- however you define that, and however the top-of-your-choice defines that -- need to match up a lot more than the physical ideal.

Sure, there are D-types who look for a physical ideal -- I know a woman, for example, in her late fifties who is interviewing for a service submissive (men) and she won't look at any guy over 30 (she has a number of applicants) -- but there are also many who look at person, peronality, intellect, hobbies and interests, and confidence and drive, all before checking out your bod.

I enjoy being around women who are confident of their sex appeal and "know" they are beautiful, even if they are not magazine cover type beauty. It's important for y ou to like yourself and, when you look in the mirror, to see the beauty that you want this D-type to see .

I mean, if you don't project it, how is he going to see it?

In terms of actual figure, my own preference for play is a woman with curves rather than angles, with an emphasis on flesh rather than bone ... and a woman who doesn't check herself out in every mirror she passes.

I have no idea if I speak for others, but as I said, the focus is on attitude. If you read the forum here for long, you'll find a number of people, both men and women, who present themselves with confidence and are, as a result, attractive.

Respectfully,
ST

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What he said.

Rachy91, I can understand your concern but I think that as you gain more experience in the bdsm lifestyle you'll see that it's more or less unfounded. My personal experience, though limited as anyone's must be, is that people in this lifestyle are a genuinely open-minded bunch of folks. Sure, there are exceptions but they're rare and avoidable.

You might find this thread, "Why is obesity so prevalent amongst bdsm practitioners?" to be a useful read. There are well over 500 posts in this discussion.

Also, some research that came out a few weeks ago shows that people tend to be attracted to those whose body composition is similar to their own. In other words, chances are you'll find someone - probably several someones during your lifetime - who are attracted to you not despite your size but because of it.

Enjoy!

VelvetDarkness said:

I think this is the most important thing, being happy being you. I've been both overweight and underweight due to medications I've needed to take during my life and I've been forced to accept that, whatever I look like, I won't have a lot of fun unless I learn to love myself.

What a D usually finds sexy is self assurance. That's not to say you should wear tight clothes if you're not comfortable in them but make the best of what you've got and enjoy it. If you walk down the street you'll see loads of girls who are bigger or less pretty than you, just as many as you'll see thin, pretty girls.

Also if you check the amateur pic threads here you'll see that many larger ladies post pics of themselves and get a lot of positive replies. That should assure you that there are plenty of men out there who love a girl with curves.

The only other thing I'd say is that you should always be honest about yourself. It's always tempting to tell little white lies when online thinking 'who's going to know?' Kudos to you for coming on here and being truthful about yourself and your worries.

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One thing I've noticed. When I was in high school I went from a 16 to a 10 over night and no one knew why. When I got back up to 16 thru no change in diet or daily activity (don't know what my body was doing but I had a few medical problems they never did figure out at that time) I was miserable. I didn't have any confidence, I felt fat, and I spend most of my time depressed. I never got a head turn or a second look. When all was said and done I ended up a 24. When I started loosing weight again, and got back down to a 16 I was full of confidence. I was proud of my body and happy in it. I actually have walked down the mall and made guys stop in their tracks and look at me. I catch the eyes undressing me all the time and they blush and turn away when I just give them a little wink to let them know I caught them.

my momma always told me, flaunt it if you got it.

the captians wench said:

What really messes with people is being chunky and being comfortable in your own skin.

I've always been a larger gal, does that stop me from showing some skin and wearing tight jeans to show just how spankable my ass is. Hell no!

Some guys are into curves, some aren't. I don't have a problem finding guys that I'm atracted to that love my body, and I'm sure you won't either. Not every guy wants to hold a twig when he squeeses his woman.

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I agree with you wholeheartedly Wenchie I even used to model.

Rachy be patient and don't settle for less than you deserve. As long as you love you and how you look, the confidence you project will bring the right Dom your way

BTW, Wenchie love the AV

Big Girls are Better

Give me a big girl any day!

There is big and there is unhealthy - lets not confuse the two.

My preference is anyday for a bigger, older woman. (Hint - I am taking applications)

the captians wench said:

What really messes with people is being chunky and being comfortable in your own skin.

I've always been a larger gal, does that stop me from showing some skin and wearing tight jeans to show just how spankable my ass is. Hell no!

Some guys are into curves, some aren't. I don't have a problem finding guys that I'm atracted to that love my body, and I'm sure you won't either. Not every guy wants to hold a twig when he squeeses his woman.

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I'm with you on this one.

I think that confidence and spark are what men are most attracted to in a woman no matter what size they are. If you are comfortable with yourself, those around you will sense it.

It doesn't really matter in the end though. There is someone out there who is looking for you. You just need to find them.

Everyone!

Guys [and gals ] you people who have posted have been the sunshine in my world, the darkness is gone, after reading these i feel so happy in knowing that some day ill find my Dom who will love and cherish me, for me and as stated above ill take no less then i deserve. All of you have been an inspiration, wenchie you most of all i know exactly how you would of felt, and i just want to give you the biggest hug you have ever had!!!

Thank you So much everyone who has posted, and has ever stuck up for someone being bullied , when they were at school, or even in the workplace or maybe in family, Kudos to you all

Rachy

I'm a big girl.. working on losing weight though, for my health, but both Master and my husband tell me I'm sexy and I'm gorgeous all the time. And I agree.. confidence is the biggest aphrodisiac. I'm my worst critic and my worst enemy as far as that goes because I just dont see what they do... but I'm learning to..

I think the most important thing is that you're happy with your body. Confidence and being comy with yourself is attractive and sexy as hell. You'll find the right person for you and they'll love and lust after you for everything about you that rocks - the least of which being what size blue jeans you've got hanging in the closet.

Attitude Is Everything

"Your attitude is far more important" Enough said.

Softouch911 said:

So you're talking about sex appeal?

And you asked for D-type input?

Your attitude is far more important. The pleasure and fulfillment you find in service -- however you define that, and however the top-of-your-choice defines that -- need to match up a lot more than the physical ideal.

Sure, there are D-types who look for a physical ideal -- I know a woman, for example, in her late fifties who is interviewing for a service submissive (men) and she won't look at any guy over 30 (she has a number of applicants) -- but there are also many who look at person, peronality, intellect, hobbies and interests, and confidence and drive, all before checking out your bod.

I enjoy being around women who are confident of their sex appeal and "know" they are beautiful, even if they are not magazine cover type beauty. It's important for y ou to like yourself and, when you look in the mirror, to see the beauty that you want this D-type to see .

I mean, if you don't project it, how is he going to see it?

In terms of actual figure, my own preference for play is a woman with curves rather than angles, with an emphasis on flesh rather than bone ... and a woman who doesn't check herself out in every mirror she passes.

I have no idea if I speak for others, but as I said, the focus is on attitude. If you read the forum here for long, you'll find a number of people, both men and women, who present themselves with confidence and are, as a result, attractive.

Respectfully,
ST

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Im beginning to see a trend i think

"Attitude is far more important" i think i get that one now

But that is probably the hardest one for me, because i think so badly of my physical appearace and im very self concious especially out in public, For example someone will look at me for about 3 seconds and ill automatically think the worst of what there thinking even if they think nothing.

For those who will say "Just dont think about it" and similar such things, you cant know until you have been there and gone through it, its easy to tell someone, dont think like that but some people cant and dont understand how hard it is to just say one day "im so beautiful" to yourself and mean it

the raw truth is, Im NOT proud of my body, because NOBODY has ever given me a reason to think like that.

Thats just my personal vent, and in no way directed at anybody

-Rach

rachy91 said:

Im beginning to see a trend i think

"Attitude is far more important" i think i get that one now

But that is probably the hardest one for me, because i think so badly of my physical appearace and im very self concious especially out in public, For example someone will look at me for about 3 seconds and ill automatically think the worst of what there thinking even if they think nothing.

For those who will say "Just dont think about it" and similar such things, you cant know until you have been there and gone through it, its easy to tell someone, dont think like that but some people cant and dont understand how hard it is to just say one day "im so beautiful" to yourself and mean it

the raw truth is, Im NOT proud of my body, because NOBODY has ever given me a reason to think like that.

Thats just my personal vent, and in no way directed at anybody

-Rach

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**HUGS**

I am very much like you. Years of hearing, "You'd be so pretty if only you'd lose weight..." has really hampered my ability to believe anyone when they give me a compliment.

I was dangerously overweight, but I've lost about 100lbs in the past year. I'm approaching the "fluffy" stage. But my husband has been with me as I gained weight and now we're dieting together. My Master has been with me from my heaviest to as I am now and both are frequent to tell me how beautiful the think I am. Master calls me his exotic princess or exotic goddess. (Who could not love a man who says that about you even when you wake up with morning bedhead??)

But still, no matter how many times they tell me I'm beautiful (and they tell me often) and no matter how many compliments I get from people at my office for the weight loss (my nickname at the office is the Incredible Shrinking Woman)... I still.. STILL .. have the voices in my head telling me how ugly.. how hideous I truly am. Or, I'll catch sight of a stranger's glance and realize to some, I'm ... well there are tons of stereotypes about heavy people and I can see the thoughts on their faces. Sometimes, though, I overcome them and I see what Master and my husband see. And sometimes, I get damn cocky about it. When I do, I get rewarded by this look of pride from Master and my husband's smile.

One thing I do.. and it helps.. it's a song by Bette Midler called "I'm Beautiful"

I'm not too short, I'm not too tall,
I'm not too big, I'm not too small.
Ooh, don't lemme start lovin' myself!
I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful, damn it!

It's my mantra and sometimes, it's all that gets me through.

The hardest thing to do is get past all the negative things that have been said about you and throw them out and hold on to the beauty others see... but together we can do it

EmpressFi said:

I was dangerously overweight, but I've lost about 100lbs in the past year.

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I actually know this feeling well. I went from 316# in april of last year, down to about 230# in december. I'm 5'11" and have a stocky build normally, so 230# was actually a bit on the sickly side. I lost a lot of muscle getting down to that point, and started lifting again to fix that. I'm around 258# right now, and feel pretty good. I'd like to lose a bit more fat, as I still have something of a gut, but I'm pretty happy.

That said, I still feel like a fat guy inside. It's not as bad as it was, but I still feel that way. Oddly enough, while I talked about "w" and her body issues, and how I tried to help her overcome them, she is the one responsible for me making huge strides in that area. She looked at me with raw, naked physical lust, and saw me as virile, manly etc. She made her observations about my "hot bod" known with regularity. I always waved off those statements because I'm not really the sort of person that thinks "rawr, I'm seggsy", but it really helped.

Like I said, find the right partner, and believe them when they say that you are beautiful.