caveman/hair pulling/rough sex...

I met a woman and she told me "I like wild caveman sex... I like the man to take control. I like to have my hair grabbed and pulled tight and I like to be bitten but not too hard."

I've had savage urgent sex, but I've never had sex like this. I know she and I need to talk about this and communicate, but could someone tell where I should start trying to pleasure her like this ?

She has long beautiful hair. She is a gorgeous woman. I have visions of being a bit rough with her, like playfully throwing her down and fucking her hard, holding her head while I guide my cock in her mouth, that sort of thing. Pulling her hair while I take her from behind. Am I on the right track ?

I don't have ANY problem with that. I'm hard thinking about it. I just wonder where the boundaries are ?

Where can I bite her ? I love to bite... and then kiss and lick it better...

You might find a lot of information in the BDSM section.

The main thing is to sit down with her and discuss with HER where the right places are to bite, and what her limits are.

We can tell you all kinds of different things to do, but they may not be what she likes. Everyone is different. You really need to find out what SHE enjoys and what exactly SHE wants you to do to her.

Ask her....

Definitely ask her, I rather enjoy having my shoulders nibbled on during, but nibble on my neck and I fall over giggling madly.

Seriously I do. In talking to other women I have met a few who love to get hickey's, others love giving hickey's, one loved him trying to bite her nipples off. Hmmm well that one I am not so sure I rather think she was teasing us. I know two that don't want anything but their toes sucked on. Only area they admit brings them pleasure. I am sure the standard ones still are enjoyable, but they get off on toe's being sucked.

Oh yeah there was a point, women are all different, ask her what she wants.

I will ask her, don't worry. But please give me some ideas of what to expect.

Have you ever participated in rougher sex and if so, what went on ? Do any of the women here like their hair pulled, being taken roughly ? What do you find pleasureable and what is downright painful ?

Thanks.

again, you'd really probably do better in the BDSM forum. Just read some of the stuff there for an idea about rough sex.

Yes, a lot of women here like having their hair pulled. What some people find purely painful others find extremely pleasurable. It's seriously, seriously going to vary from one person to another.

I could tell you MY personal preferences, but I have a HUGE pain tolerance, so what I say is probably not going to line up with your chicks. Another woman might respond a different way because she can't stand any sort of sensation like that. Everyone is totally different.

newbie_dom said:

I met a woman and she told me "I like wild caveman sex... I like the man to take control. I like to have my hair grabbed and pulled tight and I like to be bitten but not too hard."

I've had savage urgent sex, but I've never had sex like this. I know she and I need to talk about this and communicate, but could someone tell where I should start trying to pleasure her like this ?

She has long beautiful hair. She is a gorgeous woman. I have visions of being a bit rough with her, like playfully throwing her down and fucking her hard, holding her head while I guide my cock in her mouth, that sort of thing. Pulling her hair while I take her from behind. Am I on the right track ?

I don't have ANY problem with that. I'm hard thinking about it. I just wonder where the boundaries are ?

Where can I bite her ? I love to bite... and then kiss and lick it better...

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The only way to know her boundaries is to ask her what they are.

I'd also strongly suggest agreeing on a safeword beforehand, so you know when you need to check in with her (which you should do periodically anyway) and to stop. We use "yellow" for 'I'm approaching my limit/you need to check in with me' and "red" for "Stop!/I've reached my limit/we need to end all play immediately," though you two should pick something that's easy to remember, won't be said in the course of regular play, and makes sense to you.

Ask her if she likes the idea of spanking, having a hand over her mouth or around her throat (obviously not enough to choke or make her pass out, unless you agree that's okay beforehand, but it can be a very powerful and erotic gesture), being ordered to tell you what she wants/likes in detail, namecalling (but ask if anything's off-limits, and start with more mild names like "bitch" or "slut"), humiliation, etc.

As for biting, generally safe areas are the nipples and breasts, earlobes (the cartilage in the upper ear is often painful, and not in a good way), thighs, ass and labia. Just about anywhere that's fleshy can be pleasurable for someone who likes a little pain; clearly you want to start out more gently (think nibbling), especially on the more sensitive areas, like the breasts and labia. Some women like having their clit sucked harder or gently nibbled, whereas others hate it, but you're probably safe starting very lightly and increasing it if she responds well.

You might want to consider how you're going to start the encounter. Is she interested in being restrained in any way (even with just your hands or body weight)? What about wearing clothes that could be ripped off of her?

I'm seconding Chicklet's suggestion to read up on the possibilities in the BDSM forum. Start with the "BDSM Library" sticky at the top, then do some searching on what you're interested in. There's certainly a lot of info on rough sex, forced seduction/mock rape scenes and the like around here already that are packed with great ideas.

I don't know if I'd ask her too much. If she likes the guy to be in charge, she'll probably be turned off by too much asking. Try stuff. Try it lightly, wait for moan, try it harder. I like it good and hard and what would feel like pain outside the moment feels like pleasure inside the moment. The more in the moment she is, the more she can take. Do what feels sexy to you and let her tell you if it's too much. If she got up the guts to tell you she likes to be treated roughly, it's probably not too much.

I agree, Chris. I thought the same thing. That's why I am asking here.

I just emailed her a safeword. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

newbie_dom said:

I agree, Chris. I thought the same thing. That's why I am asking here.

I just emailed her a safeword. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

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Wait, are we talking about cybersex/roleplaying, or the real thing, here?

It's just common sense to agree on safewords and limits beforehand. With that info, plus an idea of fantasies and dislikes, an exciting AND SAFE scene can be created. It reduces the risk of the scene ending badly because someone feels they've been harmed, harmed another or cries assault. A little creativity can make getting the information just as hot as the events it will be used for.

Roleplaying.

newbie_dom said:

Roleplaying.

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your a man dam ha

Too much asking is a huge turnoff for me. And I don't think at this level a "safeword" is necessary, although it might be if continued on to the next level.

I recently discovered (in the last few months with a new partner) that I like it rougher than I thought I did. It sort of happened randomly as we were making out and he pushed me up against the wall and pinned my hands above my head. Suddenly ... WOW!

So he began to play with it and I've discovered some of the following are really arousing for me:
Twining his hands in my hair (which is short, but not supershort) to pull my head back/restrain me while he kisses me and kisses/bites my neck.
Doing the same to hold my head up and back as he takes me from behind, especially if I"m bent over a piece of furniture.
And again to control me as I give him a blowjob - and yes, part of that is having him "fuck" my mouth and taking the control from me to a degree.
(As a side note: at this point even having him gently tug my hair in public is enough to get me going because it makes me think of other things!)
Pinning my hands/arms above my head during sex, especially while I"m on my back and he's above me, sort of looming.
Pressing me up against a wall or a piece of furniture and using his weight/size to immobilize me while he uses his mouth, and hands, and fingers on my nipples and pussy.
Being forceful about what he wants, which includes doing things like pushing me down on the bed, pulling my panties off, pushing my legs apart, etc.

Another thing that is hugely arousing is when he doesn't completely undress me or allow me to undress before fucking me. When he grabs me, pushes me down on the bed, pulls my pants/panties down, pushes my shirt up ... and then takes me quickly while I"m still half clothed.

Telling me what he's going to do is also a big turn-on. Calling me on the way over and telling me to take my panties off and stroke myself, to be ready when he gets there, that he is going to do ... whatever ... to me. Not "do you want this" but "I am going to ..."

None of it is the type of thing that requires a "safe word" and if we were to discuss it ahead of time, it wouldn't be nearly as much fun or as arousing for me.

Just some ideas to get you started.

Great ideas, PhotoChick. Thanks.

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newbie_dom said:

Roleplaying.

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You probably should have mentioned you're trying to get ideas for cyber/roleplay as opposed to real-time sex in your OP. There are different standards for fantasy and reality - obviously, things like safewords, listening to and watching your partner's reactions don't apply to what amounts to masturbation.

Just cause they're role-playing doesn't mean they're not role-playing in real life.

To me, the difference between rough sex and BDSM is that rough sex isn't about tolerating pain. It's about pain that feels like pleasure. So I don't think she should need a safe word because no, stop, don't, and ouch should really mean no, stop, don't, and ouch. Otherwise, press on.

One thing I love is being handled like an object. Like if we're watching TV and he starts toying with my nipple but ignoring me otherwise, or he yanks my legs apart and fingers me while he's on the phone. It blows my mind to be simultaneously aroused and ignored.

Then there's the ass-smacking while you're fucking her from behind thing. It's not my favorite (no subtlety) but it's very popular. Talk to her about anal too. Now that's something I would talk about first. Tell her it'll hurt so good.

P.S. I think the BDSM thread is getting you off track. I don't see where she said she was into spankings or being treated like her opinion doesn't matter. Rough sex does not equal BDSM. Careful you don't lose a good thing.

There is a word for this and it's passion. Which is something completely different from the things that will be suggested in the BDSM forum, so IMHO there is a difference!

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Yes, I agree with this.

I also agree that rough sex does not equal BDSM.

My guy and I talked about this once and one of the things we discussed is the whole concept of being "ladylike" and that "nice girls don't". Sometimes I just want to be taken - with authority. I *want* to subsume myself to my man's will. And that may be anti-feminist and it may offend some people, but it is what turns me on.

Not always. Sometimes I want to be in charge. Somtimes I want it to be mutual. But a lot of the time I want to feel desired to the point that my guy loses control (whether for real or in a little bit of role-playing) and can't help but throw me down and take me. That I cause him to lose control to that extent.

Huge, huge turn-on for me when I can feel that my guy wants me that much.

rough

role play works for us.....we go into charity shops looking for 2nd cheap dresses & blouses. one thing my g/f loves very much is to have clothing ripped & torn from her body & having it hanging from her body in shreds as i ravage her animalistically.

hafta agree

with what's been said with regards to there being huge difference between BDSM and "rough sex". For me the difference is quite crucial and I would bet that unless your significant other actually expressed an interest in BDSM by name the difference will be crucial to her as well.
Personally I can't tolerate BDSM. I find it to be entirely to much. Rough sex on the other hand can be quite thrilling. I stumbled upon my admiration for it quite accidentally. While having sex with my then partner he got rough and bit down on the soft skin between my neck and shoulders hard enough to make me wince. The pain at any other time would have sent my foot squarely up his rear end but at that moment it was unbearably pleasureable. I was fortunate enough to be with a man who took notice of my reaction and took it upon himself to explore things further. He and I were both pleasantly suprised to discover that I found it insanely arousing to have a little bit of pain, to relinquish a little bit of control, to be ravished for lack of a better word. Some of the best sex we ever had was rough sex.
It sounds to me like what your SO is looking for is for you to take charge. I know that's what turned me on about rough sex. It was the first time I had ever seen my partner at the time be anything other then a perfectly chivalrous gentleman. I guess the best way to explain it is the whole "lady on your arm, whore behind closed doors" scenario. Sometimes women want that too. We want our guy to take care of us but we also like to see the more wild and primitive side at home. I know I LOVED having him walk thru the door and without so much as a hello just bend me over the couch and fuck me silly, or the time he woke me up after coming back from a trip by literally ripping my nightgown off my body before fucking me so hard and fast I didn't have time to even think about protesting (not that I would have. )
Try some things out and gauge the reaction. You'll know if you're on the right track.

newbie_dom said:

I met a woman and she told me "I like wild caveman sex... I like the man to take control. I like to have my hair grabbed and pulled tight and I like to be bitten but not too hard."

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Some of the most intense sex I've ever had in my life has been what you refer to as 'caveman sex.' I love it, and simply talking about it makes me nostalgic for my past ltr (and gives me a boner tsk tsk ).

How did it start? Much like how things are likely to start with you, newbie_dom. I was with a submissive woman who described what she wanted. You will never get a hotter gift in life than having a woman describe what she wants, and having it match up with what you want to do

So I took her broad guidelines and met them as judiciously as I could. Don't bite too hard... bite a bit and gauge her body language. Don't pull her hair too hard, but yank it till you get the signal to do more. With physicality, be an astute judge of body language.

But with use of words, definitely have a discussion. I was with one woman who LOVED being called a "fucktoy" when we played, but didn't like being called a "slut." We talked about it extensively, so I could find the hottest verbiage that was also the most emotionally safe.

Soon I was yanking hear head back and hissing hot nothings in her ear, slapping her face gently and fucking her hard. It was, in a word, heaven. This kind of sex can totally transport you. And then, when the intensity fades, there were loving sessions of holding and cradling and kissing.

Good luck, newbie_dom! May your horizons open up, and may you find bliss through caveman sex

I guess I should update this...

We had a date the other night. We spent some time together outside and then sat down to watch a movie. I sat in the corner of the couch, she leaned back into me. We both knew something was going to happen. For the week prior to this, I wrote and sent her some caveman erotica and she responded that she loved all of it.

I started playing with her beautiful hair. Its funny, I've never been turned on by a woman's hair before, but I love playing with hers. I proceeded to touch her neck with one hand and play with her hair with the other. Then I started kissing her neck and licking her ear and intermingled with all this I was deep kissing her and playfully biting her lip a bit. And then I was lightly and then firmly tugging on her hair.

All this got her extremely hot... hips involuntarily squirming, nipples erect, moans, etc.

At some point we lost the bra and her shirt was hiked up over her breasts. I was playing with her nipples and biting her ear and pulling on her hair. I softly whispered nice things and dirty things into her ear.

By this time she was kind of laying back between my legs in front of me. I hooked my feet inside her ankles and spread her. I then commanded her to touch herself which she did.

Things became a blur after that. I would play with her hair, tug it back quite tightly, bite her ear and pinch her nipple very hard and she would build to a near orgasm complete with moans and screams and lifting her ass off the couch and lots of furious handwork in her pants. Then I would back off and she would come down. Then I would do it all over again. And again and again. It was darn intense and very erotic.

I asked her if she had orgasmmed and she said no. But they looked pretty dam real to me. I was wondering if we were going to wake the neighbors. I kind of think one or two were real orgasms.

After probably an hour of that, she was lying in my arms very content, having come down from a rather big one. She complained about her hair being all tangled up, which it was of course. Beautifully messed up. I asked her to get me a hair brush and I gently and lovingly brushed her hair and spoke softly to her. It was beautiful, one of the most touching moments I have ever had with a woman.

Then, just to show her who the master was, I repeated my caveman actions for another hour and she had several more near orgasms. She was totally spent ! Then I lovingly brushed her hair again.

We haven't been going out that long and we didn't want to have full blown sex yet, so I kept my clothes on. Bloody miracle, let me tell you.

Then we got up from the couch and played in the kitchen. I pinched both nipples and licked her lower back. That drove her nuts. I guess it didn't help when one of my hands went lower and I caressed her clit through her jeans.

I also swatted her ass really hard twice. She liked that.

All in all, a great night.

I was surprised at how hard she wanted to be bitten and tugged and pinched. The harder I did it the more intense her pleasure. She told me the next day her nipple was sore, and I playfully suggested that I should kiss it better. She liked that idea.