Daddy relationships...

My husband said that a daddy/little girl relationship isn't all that different from a regular D/S relationship...


Do you agree or disagree and if you disagree why? I am trying to rationalize the roles in my mind, and seperate everything and have it make sense...

I have decided to submit to him 100% instead of fighting on my switch tedencies.. its been causing alot of relationship drama because we cannot get along with us both fighting for "control".. I have more sub qualities then he does so I have come to the conclusion that its the best if I do that role.

Personally, I don't see most of the "subsets" of D/s as being all that different from one another. I'm not into the D/g thing, but I totally geek out on mentoring style relationships. If anyone expected me to use Master or Sir with any great regularity, I'd lose my breath from laughing, and I'd never *ever* identify myself as "slave" material... but at the same time, when I was with J, what he wanted, he got - to the point that I anticipated his needs, made sure he never waited or wanted for anything, and pretty much said "Of course, Darling" then did whatever he asked of me.

Meh... I'm not a big fan of catagorizing who I am, who I'm with, or what we have. It's too limiting...

*edited to add - we also had a very affectionate, playful, smart ass sort of relationship, with lots of cuddles, and he does call me Baby, but our relationship couldn't be described as D/g in the least. So what we had/have(?) crosses all sorts of walls and boxes, which works quite well (IMO), and probably explains why I think most "styles" of D/s overlap signifigantly.

It CAN be just another role in life, just the same, I would keep a watchful eye if you have kids, or if he ever seems to want "alone" time out of the house, even with friends. Call once during, all nice and flirty, maybe mentioning that your playing with yourself while thinking of him, as guys kinda tend to love that idea. Imply that you can't wait for him to get back home soon, so he can fuck you.

Basically use it as a turn on for him as well as a safety measure. Just make sure to actually give him time with friends and not smother him. Being able to tell his friends hes going home a bit early to have sex with you CAN be a powerful motivator.

Remember, imagining is only one step away from doing (and doing is VERY illegal) If you must do that, make sure it stays in the legal range.

Elengil said:

It CAN be just another role in life, just the same, I would keep a watchful eye if you have kids, or if he ever seems to want "alone" time out of the house, even with friends. Call once during, all nice and flirty, maybe mentioning that your playing with yourself while thinking of him, as guys kinda tend to love that idea. Imply that you can't wait for him to get back home soon, so he can fuck you.

Basically use it as a turn on for him as well as a safety measure. Just make sure to actually give him time with friends and not smother him.

Remember, imagining is only one step away from doing (and doing is VERY illegal) If you must do that, make sure it stays in the legal range.

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Umm... no offense, but what the hell are you talking about?

SheDevilShay said:

My husband said that a daddy/little girl relationship isn't all that different from a regular D/S relationship...


Do you agree or disagree and if you disagree why? I am trying to rationalize the roles in my mind, and seperate everything and have it make sense...

I have decided to submit to him 100% instead of fighting on my switch tedencies.. its been causing alot of relationship drama because we cannot get along with us both fighting for "control".. I have more sub qualities then he does so I have come to the conclusion that its the best if I do that role.

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For me, your husband is absolutely correct. Then again, my Dom and i operate in both D/g and M/s modes. i don't see the need to separate things that much, and as long as the dynamic or dynamics work for the two of you that's all that really matters.

SheDevilShay said:

My husband said that a daddy/little girl relationship isn't all that different from a regular D/S relationship...


Do you agree or disagree and if you disagree why? I am trying to rationalize the roles in my mind, and seperate everything and have it make sense...

I have decided to submit to him 100% instead of fighting on my switch tedencies.. its been causing alot of relationship drama because we cannot get along with us both fighting for "control".. I have more sub qualities then he does so I have come to the conclusion that its the best if I do that role.

Click to expand...

I don't think a daddy/little girl is that different from a D/s relationship, from my point of view. For me, the point is really that he actually knows what's best for me and is not afraid to tell me what he thinks I should do no matter what I say. But I always end up agreeing with him anyway, because my guy has never been unreasonable and has only been the opposite. Everything he says is only for the best and if I think different, I tell him. Sometimes the things I tell him changes his mind. The important thing is that he is an understanding and reasonable person and listens to everything I say.

It sounds like you are having a kind of crazy time right now because you don't know how your relationship will pan out. Just take it day by day and everything will be fine.

@CutieMouse
"Imagining is only one step away from doing" refers to the fact that if he's imagining doing it with her, what's to stop him from acting that same thing out for real (Just saying to be careful with that area of BSDM, as it treads awful close to where the law would be required to interfere)

Not saying don't do it, just to be careful and make damned sure it stays in the 18+ range.

Elengil said:

@CutieMouse
"Imagining is only one step away from doing" refers to the fact that if he's imagining doing it with her, what's to stop him from acting that same thing out for real (Just saying to be careful with that area of BSDM, as it treads awful close to where the law would be required to interfere)

Not saying don't do it, just to be careful and make damned sure it stays in the 18+ range.

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What are you talking about? I don't think you have a clue.

Elengil said:

@CutieMouse
"Imagining is only one step away from doing" refers to the fact that if he's imagining doing it with her, what's to stop him from acting that same thing out for real (Just saying to be careful with that area of BSDM, as it treads awful close to where the law would be required to interfere)

Not saying don't do it, just to be careful and make damned sure it stays in the 18+ range.

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http://www.vanilla-not.com/basics/daddydom.html


Daddy/girl relationships have NOTHING to do with incest/underage play. PLEASE do not insult all the Daddy Doms here with accusations of pedophile/incest tendencies.

Please read the link i provided and educate yourself.

I think that Elengil is refering to a rl Daddy/LG relationship, as in biologically.

Anyhow...Back to the question. For me D/s and Daddy/LG are one and the same. Daddy is a Daddy Dom and I am both his little girl or daughter if you would and his slave. (I'm not about to try and explain the difference between a Daddy, a Dom and a Daddy Dom, lol.) For me at least, his word is final. What Daddy says go. For us there really isn't a difference in it. I call him Daddy and he owns me. I view it as a much more loving, tender, intimate sort of relationship than a strict D/s. Its more of a guidance for me to be the best I can be with his help in every way possible.

I honestly don't think I could be in a relationship w/out it being a Daddy/LG.

Perhaps some of that might help.

Elengil said:

@CutieMouse
"Imagining is only one step away from doing" refers to the fact that if he's imagining doing it with her, what's to stop him from acting that same thing out for real (Just saying to be careful with that area of BSDM, as it treads awful close to where the law would be required to interfere)

Not saying don't do it, just to be careful and make damned sure it stays in the 18+ range.

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I suspected that was what you were implying.

99.9% of the people who engage in a Daddy/girl dynamic, haven't a pedophilic bone in their body, and don't necessarily even view the D/g dynamic as one of age play. It is symbolic of a more nurturing form of BDSM, rather than the bad ass strict "Me Masterful Master God/you lowly sub-human slave thing" concept. One can have a D/g dynamic without ever even thinking of an underaged lover, much less wanting one.

Your comments also presume the OP's relationship is non-monogomous, which she hasn't commented on one way or the other (to my knowledge), which renders your "warnings" even more pointless.

Elengil said:

@CutieMouse
"Imagining is only one step away from doing" refers to the fact that if he's imagining doing it with her, what's to stop him from acting that same thing out for real (Just saying to be careful with that area of BSDM, as it treads awful close to where the law would be required to interfere)

Not saying don't do it, just to be careful and make damned sure it stays in the 18+ range.

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Uh, maybe because he's attracted to grown women in a role. I have to wonder about people who would even connect that with anything else. It's like saying I want to fuck dogs because I told my slave to bark.

Elengil said:

@CutieMouse
"Imagining is only one step away from doing" refers to the fact that if he's imagining doing it with her, what's to stop him from acting that same thing out for real (Just saying to be careful with that area of BSDM, as it treads awful close to where the law would be required to interfere)

Not saying don't do it, just to be careful and make damned sure it stays in the 18+ range.

Click to expand...

What stops most people, even if they may have fantasies, is a sense of right and wrong.

And, I'm not trying to be mean here, but we've already got three or four threads on the first couple of pages about Daddy/little girl. Hasn't it been discussed to death already?

I have talked to "little girls" that were 50+ in actually age and that wanted to act a lot younger.

Daddy/little girl has little to do with age play or incest. It is about how you feel. It's about nurturing, teaching, caring, loving, and protecting my little girl.

It's about my little girl wanting to please me and make me happy. I want to see my little girl be successful to make me proud of her accomplishments and to know that she is pleasing me with her actions.

Is it THAT much different than regular D/s? Some will say yes others will say no. Much like life it's all about personal opinions.

Daddy2mylilgirl said:

I have talked to "little girls" that were 50+ in actually age and that wanted to act a lot younger.

Daddy/little girl has little to do with age play or incest. It is about how you feel. It's about nurturing, teaching, caring, loving, and protecting my little girl.

It's about my little girl wanting to please me and make me happy. I want to see my little girl be successful to make me proud of her accomplishments and to know that she is pleasing me with her actions.

Is it THAT much different than regular D/s? Some will say yes others will say no. Much like life it's all about personal opinions.

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this is how we feel....Or my husband and I feel..

and to the OTHER poster... we are in a monogomous relationship and my husband doesn't have "buddies" he hangs out with.. he goes to work, and he comes straight home. He see's no need for "other" people on any level... (though I wouldn't stop him on any level from having outside friends, but we are both faithful and sex outside of our marriage isn't right for us, so we don't do it.)

As for age play.. well I am 13 years younger then my husband... I am 22 and he's 35... the nuturing aspect is already there and the Daddy/LG as explained the daddydom website (which is one of the sites I did my research on) I think fit us beyond the d/s roles... This is just a lot for my to consider.. when I asked my husband to collar me, it didn't sink into my brain in reality what I was giving up to him until I did all the research on it.. and hence my person questions about things, because I yearn for it, I think and I want information and education, and to talk about it... I don't have anyone else I can talk to about it... i've already had more than one person tell me to "seek counselling"... (Not from this site, but from my mom only sex/relationship group thinking they'd be able to help me...)

This is hard for me, because I have to learn how to be a sub from the ground up as I've always had switch tedencies and its gotten me in trouble a lot with my husband, so I need to relearn and find a different focus for my "dom" tedencies that isn't fighting with him.



and sorry if we discussed this to death previously, I am new to the board and am not going to go digging back 10,000 threads trying to see if its been discussed before, I don't have that kind of time with children (to the poster above who said that statement.)





And here's my new question....

My husband and I would like to come up with a name thats appropriate in public for me to refer to him as... I.e. he doesn't want me to use Master or Sir and daddy probably wouldn't be appropriate in public.

While I learn and get accustomed to my new role, I felt it was best that I have some specific things in place as a constant "reminder" to me of my place. I.e. The collar and what it symbolizes to us in our relationship. A specific name that I have to referto him as while we learn our new roles together to help remind me of my place as a submissive wife and lover to him.

Any other feed back on this would be appreciated... however if the idiot who suggests anyone's a pedophile for understanding the psychology of the roles and doesn't get that its not about age play, I am going to recommend someone giving him a swift kick in the nuts for that idea... you have no idea how much that pisses me off....

Here's a nother question, I will keep all my questions in this thread so I don't start 100000 of them....



But would getting the punishment I feel I need, be bad? or would that be what I would need to help remind me of myplace? I remember one time when my grandmother forced my to lay down on the bed so she could spank me with a belt, and while at the time it wasn't sexual, it made an impression on me I've never forgotten, and I think maybe thats what I "need" which is why I crave it... Its the one and only time she ever did that to me. I started self spanking at the age for 4-5 years old... and spankings are the only thing that ever truely worked for me and my grandparents were really anti spanking for the most part... but they didn't know what else to "do" with me.



So my question is, if a punishment is something I am craving as part of my consistant routine, and need it to respect my Dom, or "daddy" in this particular case...


Would this work as a suggestion? I am not sure "chores" or removal of priviliages etc will make a lasting impression on me, as they never did growing up, I had no respect or care, because I felt like they didn't earn or demand it from me, and I am so strong willed I need him to be "tougher" then me.

SheDevilShay said:

This is just a lot for my to consider.. when I asked my husband to collar me, it didn't sink into my brain in reality what I was giving up to him until I did all the research on it.. and hence my person questions about things, because I yearn for it, I think and I want information and education, and to talk about it... I don't have anyone else I can talk to about it... i've already had more than one person tell me to "seek counselling"... (Not from this site, but from my mom only sex/relationship group thinking they'd be able to help me...)

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My advice? Take a step back, do your research so y'all can seriously discuss what this means to each of you, research, THEN do the whole woo-woo collar submit fully thing. (all available through amazon.com or greenerypress.com)

The New Topping Book
The New Bottoming Book
The Loving Dominant
Consensual Sadomasochism

... all are good starting places.

This is hard for me, because I have to learn how to be a sub from the ground up as I've always had switch tedencies and its gotten me in trouble a lot with my husband, so I need to relearn and find a different focus for my "dom" tedencies that isn't fighting with him.

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Whenever people talk about having "always had switch tendencies", and they are newly researching things, I find myself wondering... is it that you have switch tendencies, or that you're a strong, together, opinionated person? Being submissive doesn't necessarily mean automatically giving in 24/7, or that you have to stop being all the "unsubmissive" parts of you, in order to get the secret decoder ring...

And here's my new question....

My husband and I would like to come up with a name thats appropriate in public for me to refer to him as... I.e. he doesn't want me to use Master or Sir and daddy probably wouldn't be appropriate in public.

While I learn and get accustomed to my new role, I felt it was best that I have some specific things in place as a constant "reminder" to me of my place. I.e. The collar and what it symbolizes to us in our relationship. A specific name that I have to referto him as while we learn our new roles together to help remind me of my place as a submissive wife and lover to him.

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Pick an endearment that you both acknowledge is meaningful to the relationship. When I was visiting J, I usually called him Sweetheart. *What* I call[ed] him doesn't matter nearly as much as how I treat[ed] him... just food for thought.

But would getting the punishment I feel I need, be bad?

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That depends on why you're getting it, how you're seeking it, and what you do with it.

or would that be what I would need to help remind me of myplace?

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See above.

So my question is, if a punishment is something I am craving as part of my consistant routine, and need it to respect my Dom, or "daddy" in this particular case...

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Look into Domestic Discipline/Head of Household type stuff... the heavy handed (pun intended) Christian overtones tend to send me running and screaming, but it works for some.

Taken in Hand

Would this work as a suggestion? I am not sure "chores" or removal of priviliages etc will make a lasting impression on me, as they never did growing up, I had no respect or care, because I felt like they didn't earn or demand it from me, and I am so strong willed I need him to be "tougher" then me.

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I have no clue if it would "work" or not; I know it wouldn't work *for me*. I don't grasp why punishment need be metted out to force one to be a cooperative loving spouse. If you trust him, if you know he's not going to ask you to do something illegal, unethical, immoral, or overall bad for the family unit/relationship, and you want him to take on those responsibilities, why are you fighting the authority? Just because you can? No offense, but that would be a swift path to the definition of immature pain in the ass, in my world. J hasn't gained my submission because he earned or demanded it, he was graced with it because I desired to give it to him.

I have no clue if it would "work" or not; I know it wouldn't work *for me*. I don't grasp why punishment need be metted out to force one to be a cooperative loving spouse. If you trust him, if you know he's not going to ask you to do something illegal, unethical, immoral, or overall bad for the family unit/relationship, and you want him to take on those responsibilities, why are you fighting the authority? Just because you can? No offense, but that would be a swift path to the definition of immature pain in the ass, in my world. J hasn't gained my submission because he earned or demanded it, he was graced with it because I desired to give it to him.[/QUOTE]


And that is why you and I are different.. I want him to make me submit to him, and I enjoy pain, and punishments that go beyond it.. I expect him to demand it from me... I would think less of him if he did not..

SheDevilShay said:

And that is why you and I are different.. I want him to make me submit to him, and I enjoy pain, and punishments that go beyond it.. I expect him to demand it from me... I would think less of him if he did not..

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Ahhh... but is that what he wants from a submissive partner?

CutieMouse said:

Ahhh... but is that what he wants from a submissive partner?

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As a dom who's learning how to submit I would expect nothing LESS of him... if he wants me to respect and trust him he needs to break me first and mold me back up how he wants me... if he does not do this, I will keep challenging him for the dom position.

right now, this is a power struggle, this is not about what he wants, or even what I want, its about establishing where we both belong... he knows whats expected and needed of him, and vice versa... but if he wants my respect, he has to make me do it. I trust him, but trust and even wanting to please are totally different.. I do not fear punishment. He has to break me.

SheDevilShay said:

As a dom who's learning how to submit I would expect nothing LESS of him... if he wants me to respect and trust him he needs to break me first and mold me back up how he wants me... if he does not do this, I will keep challenging him for the dom position.

right now, this is a power struggle, this is not about what he wants, or even what I want, its about establishing where we both belong... he knows whats expected and needed of him, and vice versa... but if he wants my respect, he has to make me do it. I trust him, but trust and even wanting to please are totally different.. I do not fear punishment. He has to break me.

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Good luck with that.

SheDevilShay said:

My husband said that a daddy/little girl relationship isn't all that different from a regular D/S relationship...


Do you agree or disagree and if you disagree why? I am trying to rationalize the roles in my mind, and seperate everything and have it make sense...

I have decided to submit to him 100% instead of fighting on my switch tedencies.. its been causing alot of relationship drama because we cannot get along with us both fighting for "control".. I have more sub qualities then he does so I have come to the conclusion that its the best if I do that role.

Click to expand...

I usually don't post in D/lg threads, but I want to this time because your query sounds like you're interested in doing more than getting a rise out of everyone who worries about incest play ....

I think of D/lg as a particular kind of D/s relationship, just as M/s is a form of it.

I am the Daddy to my girl, Pita, because she needs help in fulfilling her potential as a human, a woman, and a submissive, and I appreciate (and find fulfillment) in nurturing her growth.

We have a target date in mind at which point her education (she returned to school to complete some unfinished business at age 40), her job search, her parenting, and so on will be completed ... at least in their most demanding aspects (i.e., parenting never ends!) ... and then she will be "free" to submit in a way which we will find more complete and consistent than it can be now, M/s.

I thought I was pretty much alone in segmenting D/s this way until I found that Guy Baldwin (w/"a grateful slave" in Slavecraft) does the same thing, explaining that a "Master" is only interested in a slave who is "strong" (his word) while a Daddy is interested in nurturing and supporting the growth in a submissive who is "weak" (his word) in some way/s.

I'm sure lots of folk will disagree with this ... as I said, I don't talk about it much because a lot of folk find it provocative in ways I don't intend ... but I share it to answer your query -- yeah, a little girl is a kind of submission, and being a daddy requires a dominant with a particular set of tastes and abilities and skills. How you feel it relates to others in the lifestyle will require you to find your own way.

Best wishes. REspectfully,
ST

My idea of role-playing is going on a cruise where decorum requires me to wear a coat and tie for dinner. Otherwise I dont do much thinking about my lifestyle. A lifestyle is a lifestyle.

For me, getting the outcome I want is the prize. I believe dom's should have this attitude.

All the other stuff is kink.

And kink is okay.

Wanting someone to want something is really a losing proposition.

He may not want what you want him to want. The only thing you can control is what you're going to do about it. You seem pretty sure that you can't respect him if he doesn't want what you want him to want. Are you sure of that?

Or are you respectful of what he DOES want?

SheDevilShay said:

As a dom who's learning how to submit I would expect nothing LESS of him... if he wants me to respect and trust him he needs to break me first and mold me back up how he wants me... if he does not do this, I will keep challenging him for the dom position.

right now, this is a power struggle, this is not about what he wants, or even what I want, its about establishing where we both belong... he knows whats expected and needed of him, and vice versa... but if he wants my respect, he has to make me do it. I trust him, but trust and even wanting to please are totally different.. I do not fear punishment. He has to break me.

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I used to think I might be a switch then I finally decided I just wasn't such a great sub but I'm definitely sub, although a reluctant one a lot of the time.

I am insanely jealous you are getting to go on this adventure with your husband but it also must be really hard to change the dynamic so drastically in a relationship already forged. I think about introducing my husband to D/s ALOT and I'm pretty sure if I put in the effort required I could get him to see how good it would be and how well it would fit both of us but deep down I am scared shitless of letting him know that side of me.

Its one thing to submit online to someone I never have to see again or to let my submissive side out once in awhile during rough sex, its something else entirely to admit to him I really WANT to be submissive all the time and then have to deal with him when he expects me to be that way. I DO want it but I know I would be like Shay and would want him to make me. In fact I would want him to make me over and over until I was absolutely positive I could count on him to be the dominant I needed whether he was tired, angry, bored, irritated, whatever..or whether I was any of those things.

I've been in control of who gets to see this side of me and when for 33 years and to tell someone they can have it 24\7 is HUGE but he knows now so there's probably no going back for you, especially if he knows you really well and really is the Dom you need.

I have a rebellious and pretty disorganized mind, smart but disorganized. I also have problems with guilt which it sounds like Shay might as well as she craves regular punishment. I NEED someone to take that in hand on occasion and purge the guilt and bring me to that submissive place where I no longer hate everything and everyone but asking for it or admiting to the person who can give me relief I need it...no way.

You all have probably already read them but I have found the stories at the site below extremely insightful for me personally. I feel like I might be able to trade skins with this woman. Her need for a Daddy and punishment is the same as well as her irrational rebelliousness and inability to ask for what she wants.

http://www.thespankingcorner.com/stories/bookbabe/index.html

This one speaks to the part of me that needs to be made to submit: http://www.thespankingcorner.com/stories/bookbabe/turning_on_light.html

This one speaks to my irrational and rebellious emotions: http://www.thespankingcorner.com/stories/bookbabe/hair_cut.html

And this one speaks to my deep desire for a loving Daddy who will punish me and chase my demons away: http://www.thespankingcorner.com/stories/bookbabe/coming_home.html