i walked into a full scale interventnion this morning!!

for those of you who dont know, i had a therapist for many years who i saw again after many months earlier this week. for one reason or another, it was very important i told her about the nature of my relationship, which i had kept hidden from her for over a year and a half becuase i was pretty sure she would have a bad reaction. bad reaction is an understatement.

she scheduled an "emergency meeting" this morning, which i was very nervous about going to because of how she reacted the other day, but i had hoped that given time to digest the idea, we would be able to talk about me relationship. nope!!! i was as wrong as one could get.

i walked in there and was immediatly told that i was highly at risk and in a very abusive relationship, that my situation was not healthy at all, and that she wanted to help cure me. she told me that anybody who wanted to be controlled was sick in the head and anybody who would take that control over another was not only sick in the head but cruel and twisted as well.

i tried explaining that i was in a loving and caring relationship, but she would have none of it. everything i said got twisted and i soon found myself in tears trying to make her understand that the basis of my relationship wasnt "incurably cruel".

the worst thing was she took it upon herself to consult with other doctors about my "abusive situation" before talking to me. she shared personal information of mine, including some facts about my relationship i would prefer to keep out of the eyes of those who i dont know, with several people i dont even kno AND one of my other doctors. now i am going to have to face this other doctor, who i know and liked and respected, and know that they know things about my relationship that i did not willingly share with them. this iwas a violation of trust and i did not in any way tell her she could talk with others about me.

she then then took it one step further and told me i could either bring my parents into the room to discuss this further (they happened to be with me this morning, normally this is not the case), or if i refused she would call them up and arrange to talk to them without my knowledge. now, my parents know i am in abdsm relationship and while not thrilled have always been supportive of me. they do not, however know details and both of us prefered to keep it that way. well, they came in the room with me and my therapist proceeded to share with them all manner of things which my parents and i had decided would remain "personal". everything she told them she twisted and took very out of context to make me look like i was being abused. this was another violation of trust and a sharing of information i did not want to be shared.

i had to sit there and listen while repeatedly i was told i was brainwashed, i was being abused, i was twisted and sick, that only sick people could want this, that my relationship could not possibly be legitamite, , that i could not be trusted with my own safety, and that i should be cured.

then she brought around the subject of the type of person that would take control of another in any way, and i had to sit and listen to her say how A was a horrible person, how he was cruel, and how he could not possibly really love me. i figured it was better to know what was being said then to leave and be in the dark, but i hated sitting there and having to listen to all of this.

i feel furious, betrayed, and vulnerable. i will never step foot in that office again.

*hugs, and I don't cyber hug*
I am SO sorry. Please don't hate therapy, just realize that this therapist is no longer for you, and don't go back.

Welcome to why I gave up on therapy for a long time. M managed to find a therapist who does harm-reduction based work with sex workers - I was VERY reluctant to go to therapy because I had a similar experience (You must be very angry to want that...) and I was doubly uninterested in being saved from my profession of prodomination.

Well this therapist was totally supportive of my then job when I go with M to session. I'm blown away by how hip and considerate she is of our sexuality stuff - even if she's a little confused by the notion that some problems in a D/s relationship are addressed with mandates and not compromises, she listens to us.

It's like dating - the right ones ARE out there. Really. Good luck and don't let any of this get to you or make you doubt yourself.

OMG I would sue. I know for a fact that in the US it is AGAINST THE LAW for her to talk to anyone about your personal information, unless you are going to harm yourself or another. That includes, ESPECIALLY, your parents. Unless you're underage and all that. She can talk to your parents if you're underage. *hugs* I'm so sorry, honey. I personally would write her a letter letting her know how you feel. Then find yourself a shrink who's supportive of your lifestyle.

How are your parents? Are they still supportive?

graceanne said:

OMG I would sue. I know for a fact that in the US it is AGAINST THE LAW for her to talk to anyone about your personal information, unless you are going to harm yourself or another. That includes, ESPECIALLY, your parents. Unless you're underage and all that. She can talk to your parents if you're underage. *hugs* I'm so sorry, honey. I personally would write her a letter letting her know how you feel. Then find yourself a shrink who's supportive of your lifestyle.

How are your parents? Are they still supportive?

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Well in her fucked up little brain this is probably some kind of imminent self harm fantasy. A wet dream of savior assholes everywhere.

graceanne said:

OMG I would sue. I know for a fact that in the US it is AGAINST THE LAW for her to talk to anyone about your personal information, unless you are going to harm yourself or another. That includes, ESPECIALLY, your parents. Unless you're underage and all that. She can talk to your parents if you're underage. *hugs* I'm so sorry, honey. I personally would write her a letter letting her know how you feel. Then find yourself a shrink who's supportive of your lifestyle.

How are your parents? Are they still supportive?

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well, she said she did think i was in danger and in harms way which was why she spoke to other people. we just diagree with the "im in danger" part. and im 19. even though im over 18, im under 21, which makes this underage thing tricky.

my parents now are a bit worried, how can the not be after hearing all this bullshit and convoluded logic, but they told me they think she got freaked out by the kinky part and dont think my relationship is inherently evil. but they are now telling me they hate A.

myinnerslut said:

well, she said she did think i was in danger and in harms way which was why she spoke to other people. we just diagree with the "im in danger" part. and im 19. even though im over 18, im under 21, which makes this underage thing tricky.

my parents now are a bit worried, how can the not be after hearing all this bullshit and convoluded logic, but they told me they think she got freaked out by the kinky part and dont think my relationship is inherently evil. but they are now telling me they hate A.

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According to HIPAA it doesn't. It really doesn't. You are a day over 18 I would call around to some lawyers.

BDSM is NOT on the DSMV any longer, also, and the current going idea is that a behavior is a problem if YOU think it is. If A was keeping you from going to work or functioning and you were pissed about it, THEN your therapist is there to help, not just because she doesn't like your relationship style. Where do they FIND these people?

To be fair to your parents:

No one wants to think about their girl being hit by her BF. Even on the ass. Even if she loves it. My dear mother, who is FINE with my identity and choices and gear and whatnot, was NOT fine with tales of me bottoming early on. Not at all. I figured that out quickly. You will have to talk to them calmly and rationally and convince them that A has you on a pedestal and do some damage control. Which I totally think you can do - I think if they really are confronted with you being happy they'll be OK, but details and mental pictures are not good.

Holy freaking crap, mis! Sue her bony ass off. Breaking of doctor/patient privilege is serious shit. Furthermore, you're an adult, so there's no reason for her to tell your parents anything.

All therapists are not like this. Yes, a good number of them went into that line of work because they're fucked up, too. (I was a psych major as an undergrad, so I know ALL about the fucked up ones.) My advice to you is to hit up Evil_Geoff's list of Kink-Aware Professionals and find yourself a therapist who doesn't have a God complex.

While you're at it, I'd find an attorney from that list, too. Most attorneys will do the initial consultation for free, and some of them will even not bill you unless they win your case. At the very least, you can see what kind of options are available to you. I know you probably don't want attention drawn to what happened, but you could help keep this incompetent idiot from doing that to someone else.

I'm so, so, so sorry you had to go through this. *Great big hugs and lots of chocolate*

Netzach said:

According to HIPAA it doesn't. It really doesn't. You are a day over 18 I would call around to some lawyers.

BDSM is NOT on the DSMV any longer, also, and the current going idea is that a behavior is a problem if YOU think it is. If A was keeping you from going to work or functioning and you were pissed about it, THEN your therapist is there to help, not just because she doesn't like your relationship style. Where do they FIND these people?

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Exactly. They can talk to others about suicide or murder, AND THAT IS IT. They do not get to decide to break the law everytime they don't like a relationship.

As for your parents, give yourself some time to calm down and tell them everything IN CONTEXT.

BiBunny said:

I know you probably don't want attention drawn to what happened, but you could help keep this incompetent idiot from doing that to someone else.

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thats just it. im an elementary ed major. not only do i not want other people knowing about it, the wrong people knowing will ruin my future career faster then you can snap your fingures. i cant make a big deal about it for the sake of my future. the best i can do is just not go back.

myinnerslut said:

well, she said she did think i was in danger and in harms way which was why she spoke to other people. we just diagree with the "im in danger" part. and im 19. even though im over 18, im under 21, which makes this underage thing tricky.

my parents now are a bit worried, how can the not be after hearing all this bullshit and convoluded logic, but they told me they think she got freaked out by the kinky part and dont think my relationship is inherently evil. but they are now telling me they hate A.

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Netz is right. You're over 18 and therefor HIPAA makes it very clear that she has no right whatsoever to discuss your personal information with anyone. If she believed you were in an abusive relationship she is required to report it to the police and give them the evidence of such abuse but like Netz said as well BDSM is no longer listed as a mental disease in the DSM so she had no real medical excuse for what she did.

This woman violated your doctor/patient confidentiality rights...call a lawyer and sue her ass back to the stone age. If you can manage have her license ripped from her as well. I'd also find out what ethics committee (will depend on what sort of licensure she has) can pull her license and report her there as well.

Shocking, Outrageous, Unethical and Illegal!!!

MIS,

What you experienced is shocking, outrageous, highly unethical and completely illegal.

Under HIPAA, no medical professional has the right to share your medical information without your prior, explicit and signed permission.

Failing to do so is not only unethical but illegal.

Consult an attorney and even if you don't sue, bring the therapist up on charges with her state licensing board.

An incompetent idiot like that needs to be stopped. Not every patient is going to take it as generously as you have my dear!

K

*****

myinnerslut said:

thats just it. im an elementary ed major. not only do i not want other people knowing about it, the wrong people knowing will ruin my future career faster then you can snap your fingures. i cant make a big deal about it for the sake of my future. the best i can do is just not go back.

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Aah. True.

Well, either way, I'd write her a letter. Even if you don't mail it to her, it will help you. It'll let you vent at her, and get some of your feelings and thoughts out. *hugs* If you need to talk or vent, PM me and I'll send you my YIM.

myinnerslut said:

thats just it. im an elementary ed major. no only do i not want other people knowing about it, the worng people knowing will ruin my future career faster then you can snap your fingures. i cant make a big deal about it for the sake of my future. the best i can do is just not go back.

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I can understand that, but I'd still talk to someone nonetheless. If nothing else, I'm pretty sure said attorney can get this moron fired (and you a settlement if you so desired) without ever seeing the inside of a courtroom and without it ever going past the ears of the people in charge. Businesses, particularly doctor's offices, don't want people knowing that they have people who think it's ok to break the law working for them.

Edit: Yeah, you can probably have her license removed, too, without any resulting fallout.

myinnerslut said:

thats just it. im an elementary ed major. not only do i not want other people knowing about it, the wrong people knowing will ruin my future career faster then you can snap your fingures. i cant make a big deal about it for the sake of my future. the best i can do is just not go back.

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I think most lawyers are more ethical about confidentiality than she is, but you're prudent to just not ever go back and tell people looking for a shrink not to go to her. I'd still talk to a lawyer and find out if it has to go to court, be public, etc. One good letter on letterhead talking about a federal mandate and removal of her license and I guarantee her day will suddenly be worse than yours.

Again, the right therapist is out there. I've lucked out by finding out how they are about GLBT, poly, TG, and assorted umbrella sexuality issues. It's not failsafe - the shrink who wrote me off was very GLBT friendly, but it's a jumping off point. I'd find out if they subscribe to the notion of "if I don't have a problem with something in my life outside the mainstream, do you still think it's a problem for me?"

CutieMouse said:

Who are these other doctors she's told/what is the plan from this point forward? Why did she start pulling in the big guns and what are you supposed to do (in her eyes) from this point forward?

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one is supposed to be a big athuroty on teens with mental illnesses and did the official phsycological test on me to diagnose me many years ago, and one is the one who takes care of my medicines. that last one is the one i respect and like, and thankfully he didnt look at this as a big deal, much to my therapists dismay. they other one thought this was a huge red flag and i was obviously brainwashed and abused. guess which one she listened to.

Actually, either way, I'd contact HIPAA. You don't have to file a lawsuit, but they won't make it public, and they WILL fine her.

*****

thanks all for your support. im going to talk to my parents tommorrow and figure out where to go from here. right now what i really need is sleep sincei have to work tommorrow all day.

CutieMouse said:

Honey it doesn't have to be a big public scene, but request your records, remove yourself from the practice, and have a lawyer draft a letter to her licensing board/the head of the department where she has hospital privlidges/etc. It'll be worth the $50 or so to stand up for yourself and have it done.

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Yep, what the Mouse said.

Go talk to an attorney. I'm pretty sure measures can be taken without anything ever getting out about your relationship. I wanna go to law school, but I'm not there yet, so I don't know the extent of those measures, but an attorney damn sure would.

*****

myinnerslut said:

thats just it. im an elementary ed major. not only do i not want other people knowing about it, the wrong people knowing will ruin my future career faster then you can snap your fingures. i cant make a big deal about it for the sake of my future. the best i can do is just not go back.

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MYS,
I am terribly sorry to hear about this kind of thing happening to good people. I understand your issue with raising a red flag due to your chosen field of study...BUT, you must do what is right in this situation, which is contact an lawyer and get this moron out. This breech of paitent/doctor priviledge is outragous. Think of it this way...you can sue for mental damage, plus loss of future income. Belive me there are many, many places that one can become a teacher. If you don't take action, think of the next person that this idiot does somethig like this to. {{HUGs}}

Wow, that is absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

*HUGS*

mis...i am SO sorry you are going through this. No matter what, it was a blatant violation of trust.

Two small things no one has brought up yet.

If the Dr's that she told about your situation were HER superiors in the practice, and she is required to report on her cases to them, you cannot sue her for violating Dr/patient confidentiality...at least in the case of talking about you to the other Dr's.

As far as becoming a teacher, you already have a mental health record. While it may not look "great" if all of the BDSM allegations come out, the fact stands that you already may have a more difficult time due to you past/present mental health needs. Depends on the school/state, but when they do a complete background check it will come up.

i'm not trying to be a wet blanket on the "go sue" crowd, and i think you have a case, but this issue is not as clear-cut as others are making it out to be.

Take Care of yourself.