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Writing a good BDSM personals ad

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CutieMouse

Meticulously Flighty
Joined
Apr 7, 2004
Posts
8,493
The stuff about personals ad red flags and best of the wrost personals ads got me thinking today... what would your advice be to someone trying to write a kink-friendly personals ad, to improve the odds of finding their own version of Mr/Ms Right (whatever that might be)?
 
Well, if you're a sub don't spend a whole bunch of time outlining ALL of your hard limits and requirements.
 
graceanne said:
Well, if you're a sub don't spend a whole bunch of time outlining ALL of your hard limits and requirements.
Click to expand...

Out of curiosity, why?
 
CutieMouse said:
Out of curiosity, why?
Click to expand...

I don't know - I just know that I see dominants complaining about it constantly. *shrugs* You know - they want to be completely controlled, but on their own terms.

I, personally, wouldn't go with the whole online ads if I were looking. It seems to me that it's rare for anyone who's serious to be looking, it's mostly a playground for HNG's of both sex and persuasion.
 
CutieMouse said:
The stuff about personals ad red flags and best of the worst personals ads got me thinking today... what would your advice be to someone trying to write a kink-friendly personals ad, to improve the odds of finding their own version of Mr/Ms Right (whatever that might be)?
Click to expand...

I did quite a bit of homework before placing my ad and I came to the conclusion that most of the ads of my peers were consistently lacking one thing, humor. So I started my ad off with a little levity. The middle of my ad is about who I am and what I'm looking for; standard stuff. Even here though I tried to keep the tone light and casual. I ended my ad on a humorous note. The response my ad received was a very pleasant surprise. Most women commented that they enjoyed the tone of my ad.
Well, that and the nudie pictures.
 
graceanne said:
I don't know - I just know that I see dominants complaining about it constantly. *shrugs* You know - they want to be completely controlled, but on their own terms.

I, personally, wouldn't go with the whole online ads if I were looking. It seems to me that it's rare for anyone who's serious to be looking, it's mostly a playground for HNG's of both sex and persuasion.
Click to expand...

Hmmm... to me there's a bit of a difference between "I'll only submit on Thursdays between 2 and 4 pm, and don't you dare ask if I have a webcam!" and "My hard limits are breathplay, hoods, pony-girls and diapers."
 
saw_man1 said:
I did quite a bit of homework before placing my ad and I came to the conclusion that most of the ads of my peers were consistently lacking one thing, humor. So I started my ad off with a little levity. The middle of my ad is about who I am and what I'm looking for; standard stuff. Even here though I tried to keep the tone light and casual. I ended my ad on a humorous note. The response my ad received was a very pleasant surprise. Most women commented that they enjoyed the tone of my ad.
Well, that and the nudie pictures.
Click to expand...

Do your homework; be yourself.


Sounds smart to me! :D
 
CutieMouse said:
Hmmm... to me there's a bit of a difference between "I'll only submit on Thursdays between 2 and 4 pm, and don't you dare ask if I have a webcam!" and "My hard limits are breathplay, hoods, pony-girls and diapers."
Click to expand...

LOL I emphasized a word in my head when i was writing it. Couldn't you hear it? :p

When I capitalized ALL I mean the people who have a huge page of hard limits and restrictions. I didn't mean the people who put a quick list of the biggies, so as to weed out the people who can't live without that.
 
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For me, a good personals ad (of any kind) is written as though it's clear, conversational speech. Too flowery... or too full of abbreviations... those both strike me as forced & insecure.
 
I'm re-writing my CollarMe ad currently, and was considering asking this very question here, so thanks, Cutie! :)

I agree, I always enjoy seeing some humor in ads because I want someone with a sense of humor. I've seen a few that are one joke after another; those usually seem forced, or are a turn-off because I also want someone who can be serious and doesn't mind that I'm often serious.

Good spelling and grammar are a must for me - I'm not likely to get along with someone who can't type out "you," proofread their ad, or break up paragraphs so it looks nice and is easy to read. Maybe that's because it gives me the impression of laziness, a lack of effort or seriousness about finding someone on their part. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it I'll pass it by if it's laden with textspeak or errors.

I also want to see a description of who someone is and what they're looking for, or at least enough information to give me something to go on in subsequent conversations. The profiles with a few sentences or "I'll get around to filling this in someday" also show a lack of effort/interest, and therefore repel me.

I'm really interested in what subs/pyls look for - the more specific the better.

And, how would you all let people know you're not too experienced in some things (e.g. giving pain) without sounding like you're not confident or good enough to create an enjoyable experience? Or would you say anything about this at all in your profile?
 
I would also restrict the subject matter to yourself, your experience and your desires. Someone who goes on and on about the site, the other posters, and the BDSM world at large is a person with a chip on his shoulder.
 
(Insomnia is annoying...)

When I wrote my ad, I boiled it down to a few salient points:

How I viewed the D/s dymanic
What I had to offer/was interested in with regards to BDSM
What I wanted in a Lover as a person, not just as a Dominant
What I had to offer as a person, not just a submissive

I also took the 30 minutes or so to fill out the CollarMe profile thing with what I was interested in/limits, and also filled out all the hobbies, etc stuff, because I wanted people to be able to get a feel for who I am... which means my personals ad read like it was written by a kinky prude - which it was. :D tone of my ad set the bar really freaking high, but I was looking to attract a very specific sort of man and hoped the big words and proper sentence structure would confuse all the HNGs, so I figured high standards from the get go would pay off. (and boy howdee did it pay off. :) )
 
CutieMouse said:
(Insomnia is annoying...)

When I wrote my ad, I boiled it down to a few salient points:

How I viewed the D/s dymanic
What I had to offer/was interested in with regards to BDSM
What I wanted in a Lover as a person, not just as a Dominant
What I had to offer as a person, not just a submissive

I also took the 30 minutes or so to fill out the CollarMe profile thing with what I was interested in/limits, and also filled out all the hobbies, etc stuff, because I wanted people to be able to get a feel for who I am... which means my personals ad read like it was written by a kinky prude - which it was. :D tone of my ad set the bar really freaking high, but I was looking to attract a very specific sort of man and hoped the big words and proper sentence structure would confuse all the HNGs, so I figured high standards from the get go would pay off. (and boy howdee did it pay off. :) )
Click to expand...

(Have you tried Melatonin for the insomnia?)

I like the way you organized your ad, and definitely agree with letting one's personality shine through. Something will just click for the right people, as it obviously did for you and J.

This time, I'm adding more HNG repellent. I'm not sure if it'll work, as they often fail to actually read the text, but we'll see. :D
 
Damn CM...you beat me to it! Though my thread was going to be more of a 'pimp your ad thread' *giggles*...this is much more constructive. I'll come back when I have some idea.
I had an ad on here myself. Infact thats how I found my Master, though I was a complete newb and not sure it was very good lol. I'll dig it out :)
 
It is an advertisement after all

Don't be afraid to toot your own horn. Play to your strengths.
 
SweetErika said:
(Have you tried Melatonin for the insomnia?)

I like the way you organized your ad, and definitely agree with letting one's personality shine through. Something will just click for the right people, as it obviously did for you and J.

This time, I'm adding more HNG repellent. I'm not sure if it'll work, as they often fail to actually read the text, but we'll see. :D
Click to expand...

Last night's insomnia was more of the temporary stress of missing J keeping my brain too busy thing, and I didn't get to do my walk because the heat index was too high (which means I wasn't worn out at bedtime).


I swear it's possible to HNG-proof (or at least protect) a personals ad... or maybe I'm a figment of my imagination and an annomoly (which I don't think I spelled right). I had the ad up a month, and the only bad comment I got was after I took all the content down - some guy told me I'd look great covered in cum (from multiple men), after I told him I wasn't looking for a Lover. Ew. Before that email, the worst comments I got were more pompus than offensive. (although *I* found them offenseive LOL)
 
SweetErika said:
This time, I'm adding more HNG repellent. I'm not sure if it'll work, as they often fail to actually read the text, but we'll see. :D
Click to expand...
Have you considered bottling and selling your HNG Repellent? I'm sure the market here at Lit alone would be huge. :D
 
Actually writing personals for some of these cave men could be profitable. Charge $50 and offer a money back guaranty if it gets no results. You could place the same ad in several places.

I can see the first email though.

What R U wearring?
 
I think you have to be realistically specific so that you are articulate about what you're looking for and can give, without narrowing the field too much. I also think subs can worry that being specific about what they want isn't submissive - which is silly and a counter-productive invite to all the "kneel bitch!" HNG "Masters."

A friend of mine who posted an ad here was amazed at the number of responses she got from Americans when she specified that she lives in the UK. I mean really, what do these guys think they stand to gain? She was clear that she wasn't looking for cyber. You really dont have to look far at all for cyber but these guys all sent her horny messages anyway. *sigh*

I'm being quite negative I guess but I really have got a bit jaded where personal ads are concerned. As I'm in a relationship I don't even read them for a laugh anymore because, as saw_man1 pointed out, there isn't much point.

Good luck to anybody brave enough to fish in the cyberpond.
 
WriterDom said:
Actually writing personals for some of these cave men could be profitable. Charge $50 and offer a money back guaranty if it gets no results. You could place the same ad in several places.

I can see the first email though.

What R U wearring?
Click to expand...

*perks up at the income possibilities* :D
 
CutieMouse said:
*perks up at the income possibilities* :D
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Are you sure you'd want to spend all the time interviewing each HNG that would be necessary to write an accurate ad? :p
 
midwestyankee said:
Are you sure you'd want to spend all the time interviewing each HNG that would be necessary to write an accurate ad? :p
Click to expand...

I'd apply my snobbishly narrow standards to clients, and only write for people who wanted to minimize the HNG factor. :D

*brain hamsters start spinning the squeaky wheels*
 
CutieMouse said:
I'd apply my snobbishly narrow standards to clients, and only write for people who wanted to minimize the HNG factor. :D

*brain hamsters start spinning the squeaky wheels*
Click to expand...
I wish you good fortune with both clients. :p
 
Ok, if I were to write a personals ad, I'd probably start with the number one or two things that are VERY important. (In me, that would be that he's a Christian, and likes kids.) Then I'd go over one or two of my HARD limits, because in my case one of my hard limits is health-related, and therefore non-negotiable (no anal). Frankly, I would not want someone who will never be happy without anal sex. Then I'd put a quick blurt about myself, and what I want for life. I'm talking one paragraph, here.

I've noticed that ads that have all a persons personal history and what they want from life, and all their failed relationships and why those relationships failed don't get a lot of hits. I read that the average persons attention span is about 7 minutes, so I'd say keep it brief and to the point. If they need clarification that's what email's for.

I would definately fill out collarme's interests thing, just in case someone wants to know a bit more about me. But people don't look at that part unless the blurt and/or picture catches their eye.
 
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