LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

BDSM and children

J

jedihibbler

Virgin
Joined
Nov 19, 2006
Posts
24
I acknowledge that it is ultimately a personal decision, but I would like to get some thoughts from the more experienced D/s community.

How can children fit into a BDSM relationship?
For those of you who have children, how do you handle them with respect to your lifestyle?

any comments or thoughts on the topic are welcomed.

thanks in advance
 
jedihibbler said:
I acknowledge that it is ultimately a personal decision, but I would like to get some thoughts from the more experienced D/s community.

How can children fit into a BDSM relationship?
For those of you who have children, how do you handle them with respect to your lifestyle?

any comments or thoughts on the topic are welcomed.

thanks in advance
Click to expand...

Very simply...they ARE not involved....will NOT be involved...and over my dead body would anyone GET them involved.
 
Even simpler--I don't want kids, ever. My Master is sterile, so he can't give me kids, even if I actually wanted them. No problems here. :)
 
I would imagine the same way you'd handle your children in a vanilla relationship... they are kept out of your bedroom and your bedroom affairs?

I don't have kids myself, but I was raised to believe that my parent's bedroom was their sanctuary and what went on in there was none of our business... (I only learned as I got MUCH older just how kinky they really were... :) ... they always felt that we should make up our own minds about our sexuality and not be influenced by their own, so they kept their sex life secret from us kids) If I were a kinky parent, so to speak, I'd imagine I'd handle it the same way...
 
ok, I guess I was a bit misunderstood.

I did not mean to ask how to involve children in a BDSM lifestyle. what I mean to ask was, "how you deal with children and keeping them seperate from your lifestyle?"

sorry for the misunderstanding :(
 
jedihibbler said:
ok, I guess I was a bit misunderstood.

I did not mean to ask how to involve children in a BDSM lifestyle. what I mean to ask was, "how you deal with children and keeping them seperate from your lifestyle?"

sorry for the misunderstanding :(
Click to expand...

Well, as a teenager, I always wondered why their bedroom was soundproofed! ;) The only suggestion I can think of is what my folks did... BAN US FROM THEIR ROOM... They were not a 24/7 D/s couple, so I think that made it much easier to hide their kinky behaviour.... hell - they'd probably kill me for posting this.... :p
 
jedihibbler said:
ok, I guess I was a bit misunderstood.

I did not mean to ask how to involve children in a BDSM lifestyle. what I mean to ask was, "how you deal with children and keeping them seperate from your lifestyle?"

sorry for the misunderstanding :(
Click to expand...

That's very easy for me right now, as i do not live with my PYL. i just need to be careful of the words i use on the phone, because my 3yo is smart as a whip and would run around the house imitating me in a heartbeat. (kinda hard to explain why he's running around saying "daddy" when no males live in the house and he doesn't "know" his father.) So "titles/terms of endearment" are reserved for private conversations, and His proper name is used when my son is within earshot. It's worked well so far.
 
Ok. I have three children, ages 8, 5, and 4. I also babysit up to three other children, ages 9, 8, and 7. Plus neighborhood kids. How do I handle it? Rather like anyone else would, keep the kinky stuff in our bedroom. *shrugs* Beyond that, I call him by his first name (not sir or master, etc.). I'm helpful and run things by him, but it's not caused alarm bells in anyone. Partly, I think, cause we're also on the conservative side of Christianity, and if anyone asks stuff like 'why do you have to ask your husband before you go out?' I tell them that the bible says 'wives submit to your hsubands'. I might get a roll of the eyes or a 'that's fucked up', but nothing like what I'd get if i said 'cause if I don't he'll beat me ass'. LOL

Actually, I only tell people that if they're being rude or I want to shock someone. To tell the truth if someone asks I say 'it's common courtesy', and give them a look. Normally said courious (sp?) person drops it.
 
HottieMama said:
That's very easy for me right now, as i do not live with my PYL. i just need to be careful of the words i use on the phone, because my 3yo is smart as a whip and would run around the house imitating me in a heartbeat. (kinda hard to explain why he's running around saying "daddy" when no males live in the house and he doesn't "know" his father.) So "titles/terms of endearment" are reserved for private conversations, and His proper name is used when my son is within earshot. It's worked well so far.
Click to expand...

Actually, three year olds without a father figure, will quite often start to call any many in the vincinty 'daddy'. My heart child called my husband daddy until her mother got in a long term relationship and gave her a daddy. Of course that asshole abandoned them. :mad:
 
sound issues?

how difficult is it to sound proof a bedroom?

thanks to everyone so far :nana: woohoo! input!
 
jedihibbler said:
sound issues?

how difficult is it to sound proof a bedroom?

thanks to everyone so far :nana: woohoo! input!
Click to expand...

Dunno. We rent, and therefore can't do things to our room.

Thank god for pillows and gags. :D Plus we keep two fans going in our room, and if necessary, the radio.
 
When the kids were young we were kinky but mostly what I'd consider vanilla. We kept our sex in our bedroom and away from the kids.

Now that the kids are teenagers and we are doing some BDSM activities, they are aware because our room is NOT sound proof of a few things.

We say, after our walk mom and dad are going to have some adult time then I can play pool or what have you. So they know we value adult time.

Sometimes my son complains about the impact sounds, giggling and how long it takes us to be done.

I tell him he should count his blessings that his parents are that into each other when most of his friends parents are divorced.

One night he said that he could have masturbated a dozen times in the time it took us. LMAO!

I said, really? I bet you'd be sore if you did. We both broke up laughing.

There is nothing we can't talk about but there are some things I don't think the kids NEED to know. My son is very curious. Sometimes he asks me things I do not think he needs to know, specifically about our sex life, when that happens I tell him so.
 
Last edited:
Kids being kids - you can guarantee they will go thru your bedroom at some point or another when you aren't home. If there is something locked, they might be industrious enough to try to figure out how to open it. That being said, when our kids were younger, we just locked toys up in a trunk (and put spare blankets on top of it...lol). At one point there was a bag of toys under the bed which we realized my son (who was a teenager at the time) had seen - he had tipped himself off by some comment that made us aware. Taught him a lesson about going to snoop for christmas gifts!

We have been fortunate to always have the kids bedrooms in the opposite part of the house. So sound proof wise - it has been the use of a stereo and being fairly quiet ( no screaming, flogger/caning stops if there is someone coming upstairs). They just learned to not come up the stairs if the stereo was coming from the bedroom. Over time they figured out the parental units were kinky as hell but this really didn't come as a surprise. Their exposure to alternative lifestyle choices started at an early age so they are very open.

~kierae :rose:
 
graceanne said:
Actually, three year olds without a father figure, will quite often start to call any many in the vincinty 'daddy'. My heart child called my husband daddy until her mother got in a long term relationship and gave her a daddy. Of course that asshole abandoned them. :mad:
Click to expand...


i understand that gracie...but in the interest of discretion i would rather not exacerbate the issue.
 
I think it's important to get your kids involved in all aspects of your lifestyle, including BDSM.

When I have children, spankings will be dealt out with the same kind of love and care their mother receives. Punishment for skipped homework or neglected chores will be doled out with fine leather in a florentine pattern.
 
Marquis said:
I think it's important to get your kids involved in all aspects of your lifestyle, including BDSM.

When I have children, spankings will be dealt out with the same kind of love and care their mother receives. Punishment for skipped homework or neglected chores will be doled out with fine leather in a florentine pattern.
Click to expand...

be happy you're not a father in denmark.....spanking your children is a fellony here....what a mess that would be, huh...? ;)
 
Marquis said:
I think it's important to get your kids involved in all aspects of your lifestyle, including BDSM.

When I have children, spankings will be dealt out with the same kind of love and care their mother receives. Punishment for skipped homework or neglected chores will be doled out with fine leather in a florentine pattern.
Click to expand...

It's also convinient to have restraints around for when they're naughty. Corner time gets a whole new meaning. TIE them with their nose in that corner!
 
We're not 24/7 so we don't have to worry about the issue of how they might view such a relationship as something they should emulate (which is an issue that some people worry about).

As for the rest of it, it stays in the bedroom. Any scenes (as opposed to minor play) take place long after the kids have gone to bed. Our bedroom is on one side of the house and their bedrooms are on the other side.

Doesn't mean we haven't had the odd instance where we've been walked in on, but that happens in vanilla relationships as well. I think we're all supposed to be scarred like that at some point. (We now have a hook and eye on our door since it would seem the lock does not always hold and they aren't quite grasping the concept of "knock first" and THEN open the door as opposed to knocking and opening the door at the same time.)
 
my parents are kinky.

i know theve experimented with BDSM, but as a game, not as a lifestyle. they know that im submissive, and i know that they arent vanilla. it was never really a problem with me or my younger brother.
 
jedihibbler said:
sound issues?
how difficult is it to sound proof a bedroom?
thanks to everyone so far :nana: woohoo! input!
Click to expand...

Well, as a musician - I've always soundproofed at least one room in my house so that I can practice without disturbing the neighbours or the rest of the household. This has always been professionally done (as was my parent's room) where ceiling & walls are lined with corrugated foam and then resealed with dry-walling - but this can get really expensive. I think having the bedroom carpeted (as hard floors resonate sound terribly) with thick, lined drapes on the windows and a heavy solid door should do the trick... The suggestion of playing the stereo while you're busy is also not a bad idea... ;)
 
I have known many children who have been raised in lifestyle homes with not ill effect (including my own daughter).

How do you conduct a vanilla sex life or social life when you have children?

You keep your private business to yourselves. The principle is the name.
 
timaea said:
be happy you're not a father in denmark.....spanking your children is a fellony here....what a mess that would be, huh...? ;)
Click to expand...

There are a few people around here from DK.

In the UK it is also against the law to spank your children.

My sons were teenagers before I discovered BDSM, the weirdest conversation I can ever recall was the day my eighteen yr old made me sit on my bed as he said 'Now Mum, I know your a submissive....'

Overall I have tried not to talk specifics about my sex life, but they are not stupid. If a man stays overnight, he is hardly here for a nice cup of coffee in the morning!
 
shy slave said:
Overall I have tried not to talk specifics about my sex life, but they are not stupid. If a man stays overnight, he is hardly here for a nice cup of coffee in the morning!
Click to expand...

Exactly.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

K
A Beginner's Introduction to DD/lg
2 3
Replies
67
Views
3K
FrenchLopBunny
FrenchLopBunny
Aisline2007
Newbie Trying to Explore Hidden BDSM Desires
Replies
20
Views
1K
Goldenh123456789
Goldenh123456789
C
A complex question around Prostitution, forced sex, and subspace.
2
Replies
26
Views
2K
subbyclarajane
subbyclarajane
IrisAlthea
On trust and bears and men…
Replies
21
Views
1K
nakedmanmeat
N
Lumiere_Amie
Should I change the category?
Replies
1
Views
245
PaxNurgle
P
Back
Top