What Made You Smile/Laugh Today?

[seela]

Trumpets of the dead.

[DeepGreenEyes]

This. Good Lord.

The good old' US of A is such a mixed bag of awesome trail
mix, with serious nut content when you dig down, about, oh, a millimeter.

[kiwi_submissive]

Making a bet with a friend that I could get a tyre puncture fixed for free. Easiest $50 I have made in ages.

[Sir_Winston54]

Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes

This. Good Lord.

The good old' US of A is such a mixed bag of awesome trail
mix, with serious nut content when you dig down, about, oh, a millimeter.

I think maybe you have a character wrong somewhere, because it comes up with a blank page with the heading "wonkwtte Kentucky."

[Curious_in_Cali]

A great night of catching up with a very dear friend.

[DeepGreenEyes]

Originally Posted by Sir_Winston54

I think maybe you have a character wrong somewhere, because it comes up with a blank page with the heading "wonkwtte Kentucky."

Thanks. Try this:

http://touch.wonkette.com/wonkette/#...4f6789471a1b1a

[IrisAlthea]

Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes

Thanks. Try this:

http://touch.wonkette.com/wonkette/#...4f6789471a1b1a

Thank you, now I'm smiling too!

[Sir_Winston54]

Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes

Thanks. Try this:

http://touch.wonkette.com/wonkette/#...4f6789471a1b1a

Much better. Thanks!

[catalina_francisco]

F's reaction to the last car we test drove today...think a certain salesman will be getting a call on Monday and a certain Master will be salivating while he awaits the arrival of his new baby.

Catalina

[kimuk]

Happy memories

[Aurantica]

A cool shower on a hot day

[gypsy*seer]

A hilarious video my brother posted of my favorite girls in a fashion show
....at the MALL!
Such little hams!

Originally Posted by Aurantica

A cool shower on a hot day

Right there with ya', sister!

Originally Posted by Sir_Winston54

Much better. Thanks!

Still not working for me...what gives??

[kiwi_submissive]

A really funny book about a group of people trying to escape from hell. They are based on the characters from the Breakfast Club and the description of them walking past the Sea of Ejaculation which is where all masterbation deposits go and how it they are worried that it is going to take over hell because of the amount of masterbation that goes on with the advent of internet porn.

Also how there are 2 jobs in hell. Telemarketers and cam sluts.

[DeepGreenEyes]

I like to dance hard and frenetically to loud, fast music.

[kiwi_submissive]

Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes

I like to dance hard and frenetically to loud, fast music.

I would pay to see this

[Curious_in_Cali]

Great day of catching up with old friends wrapping up with a decadent hot herbal soak in an extra large tub while listening to cheesy instramental covers of old classics. Good day!

[kiwi_submissive]

Originally Posted by Curious_in_Cali

Great day of catching up with old friends wrapping up with a decadent hot herbal soak in an extra large tub while listening to cheesy instramental covers of old classics. Good day!

That sounds like a perfect day

[Sir_Winston54]

My brother sends me lots of things, most of which I scan quickly and dump. Every once in a while, though, he finds a bit of a gem. This is one of those rare occasions.

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. (This one might not apply to sadists, like me. )
  
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
  
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
  
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  
• Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
  
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  
• Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
  
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
  
• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
  
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
  
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  
• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
  
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
  
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
  
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
  
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  
• Some people cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
  
• There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
  
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  
• I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
  
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  
• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

[the captians wench]

Two mid to late teen girls recognized me yesterday as "that girl ..." but I didn't make out what it was I had done or where they thought they knew me from as they went dead silent when I walked close to them.

Made me giggle thinking of all the places they could recognize me from.

[midwestyankee]

When I turned on my phone this morning, I got an alert that updates for several apps were available. Including Shakespeare's Complete Works. What happened? Did somebody discover they'd typed "To beet or not to beet/Borscht is the question?"

[Curious_in_Cali]

Garden time that left a huge sneeze of emerald green, crimson red, and pepto pink color in the flower bed where once was just dry brown deadness.

[the captians wench]

finished a dublet for a friend's birthday gift. Cant wait to give it to him.

[Beck31]

Draining a bottle of Duval and not getting too sloshed.

[gypsy*seer]

The explosion of new fall wildflowers...

EVERYWHERE!

[Curious_in_Cali]

Being handed a homeless printer days after my old one died. Welcome home and um...Score!