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Old 12-16-2011, 08:19 PM   #14551
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattypuss View Post
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate, she never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over 'To check my sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me and she couldn't overcome them any more. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".

Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom. If you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment. Then I turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door; I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, the entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son.'


And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.
That one always makes me laugh
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Old 12-17-2011, 10:00 AM   #14552
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I thought this was cute; but believe 'naughty' too tame a word, at least for me. Still, might garner a quirk of the lips to someone out there.

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Old 12-17-2011, 11:34 PM   #14553
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Originally Posted by Babyslave View Post
I thought this was cute; but believe 'naughty' too tame a word, at least for me. Still, might garner a quirk of the lips to someone out there.

LOVE IT! (tame? yeah, riiiiight! )

(forwarding to someone who might notice....)
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Old 12-18-2011, 12:51 AM   #14554
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I tied down a tree and denied it orgasm.
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Old 12-18-2011, 01:14 AM   #14555
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babyslave View Post
I thought this was cute; but believe 'naughty' too tame a word, at least for me. Still, might garner a quirk of the lips to someone out there.

Well done Babyslave I am sure Santa admires that
 

Old 12-18-2011, 10:40 AM   #14556
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gypsy*seer View Post
LOVE IT! (tame? yeah, riiiiight! )

(forwarding to someone who might notice....)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ravi64 View Post
Well done Babyslave I am sure Santa admires that
Grinning gleefully, gypsy. Thank you, ravi. I think I could use the word naughty...if I threw a Wickedly in front of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes View Post
I tied down a tree and denied it orgasm.
So DGE, was the tree shamelessly leaking copious amounts of sap down its trunk? Were its branches quivering and trembling?

(I don't think I've ever watched a tree orgasm before...)
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Old 12-18-2011, 10:35 PM   #14557
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Originally Posted by Babyslave View Post
So DGE, was the tree shamelessly leaking copious amounts of sap down its trunk? Were its branches quivering and trembling?

(I don't think I've ever watched a tree orgasm before...)
She (?) was screaming for releaves, and begged to have her knotholes chrorophylled.
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Old 12-18-2011, 10:58 PM   #14558
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Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes View Post
She (?) was screaming for releaves, and begged to have her knotholes chrorophylled.
This made me laugh.

She. Of course, she. Birds and bees, Mother nature, cross pollination. Girls trees and boy trees. You Dommed a girl tree.
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Old 12-18-2011, 11:36 PM   #14559
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Originally Posted by Babyslave View Post
This made me laugh.

She. Of course, she. Birds and bees, Mother nature, cross pollination. Girls trees and boy trees. You Dommed a girl tree.
Now, I don't think he has revealed her species yet, but I have faith in my buddy DGE that he didn't take the easy way out and dom a Weeping Willow.
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Old 12-19-2011, 01:27 AM   #14560
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Old 12-19-2011, 05:55 AM   #14561
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Dragons attacking my sewing/library room:

I made her based off of a pattern on deviant Art and I'm pretty proud of her. It's a present for a friend of mine. Got to love the progressions from "screw finding a prince, you need a Khal" to "Khaleesi's need dragons! Oh, idea!"

Now to the next one in purple and safety-cone orange. Two year old kids have strange favorite colors.
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Last edited by Vixandra : 12-19-2011 at 05:55 AM. Reason: Pic
 

Old 12-19-2011, 06:31 AM   #14562
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Now, I don't think he has revealed her species yet, but I have faith in my buddy DGE that he didn't take the easy way out and dom a Weeping Willow.
Congratulations, MWY. You've garnered the first out loud laugh of my day.

(I also choked on my coffee, but I'll overlook that)
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:09 AM   #14563
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Damn. That would make just about anyone smile! Congrats!

Quite a few years ago, I was broke, had an electric bill overdue (the company about to turn off my power), had next to nothing to eat in my shabby little apartment, and no check due for almost two weeks. Late one night, I was lying in bed reading a book I bought a couple months before at a garage sale (so no way in hell to figure out where or who), and found three hundred dollar bills individually folded in half between different pages of the book. That money paid off my power bill, put food in the freezer and cupboards, and bought me gas to get to work for the next two weeks.

It was the night before Thanksgiving, and let me assure one and all, I was *extremely* thankful the next day when I built and ate my sliced turkey sandwiches and canned yams, freshly purchased at a local grocery.

I also carefully checked each and every garage sale book I hadn't yet read, in wild hopes that there might be more!
WOW! Reading this gave me chills. What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing this!
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Old 12-19-2011, 09:16 AM   #14564
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Standing on my balcony, watching the sunrise, thinking about another sunrise on another balcony, and another smile.
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Look ye to this woman, verily, as an example to all ye aspiring cocksuckers.

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Old 12-19-2011, 03:39 PM   #14565
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Originally Posted by Babyslave View Post
Congratulations, MWY. You've garnered the first out loud laugh of my day.

(I also choked on my coffee, but I'll overlook that)
Thank you very much. I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your server generously.
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Old 12-19-2011, 03:59 PM   #14566
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No matter how many times I watch this, I laugh out loud
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G6Hp76Ha9g&sns=em
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Old 12-21-2011, 05:05 AM   #14567
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixandra View Post
Dragons attacking my sewing/library room:

I made her based off of a pattern on deviant Art and I'm pretty proud of her. It's a present for a friend of mine. Got to love the progressions from "screw finding a prince, you need a Khal" to "Khaleesi's need dragons! Oh, idea!"

Now to the next one in purple and safety-cone orange. Two year old kids have strange favorite colors.
Okay, so what does it say about me that the first thing I thought of when reading this was "Cool, time to get a new Shout!" ? Bloody Skyrim...

My smile for today? Getting to sit down with my guitar for the first time in a while, and having both my daughters sit in rapt silence at this new noise making thing that daddy can do. Truly, they are the best audience I've ever had
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:53 AM   #14568
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Originally Posted by Babyslave View Post
This made me laugh.

She. Of course, she. Birds and bees, Mother nature, cross pollination. Girls trees and boy trees. You Dommed a girl tree.
She had a trunk that would make a man embark on a woodland management plan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by midwestyankee View Post
Now, I don't think he has revealed her species yet, but I have faith in my buddy DGE that he didn't take the easy way out and dom a Weeping Willow.
All I know is, when she boughed, it made my xylum perenially woody.
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"A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men."
---Willy Wonka

~ Some poems

~ Save second base
 

Old 12-21-2011, 12:11 PM   #14569
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Originally Posted by DeepGreenEyes View Post
She had a trunk that would make a man embark on a woodland management plan.



All I know is, when she boughed, it made my xylum perenially woody.
DGE, you always have something pithy to say, without getting sappy.
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Old 12-21-2011, 01:31 PM   #14570
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DGE, you always have something pithy to say, without getting sappy.
Fir sure!
 

Old 12-21-2011, 02:03 PM   #14571
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This could have gone into the politics thread but it's seasonal and has much wider appeal.

How the Gingrich Stole Christmas
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Old 12-22-2011, 05:52 PM   #14572
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finding the pcolada daq, i'd forgotten was in the fridge
 

Old 12-22-2011, 06:25 PM   #14573
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:30 PM   #14574
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A co-worker bringing her dog to work. Whenever she brings him to the office, he always sneaks away to come find me. It always makes me smile when I turn around and see him sitting there, just waiting to be loved.
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Old 12-22-2011, 09:13 PM   #14575
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"... female dominatrix ..."
Oy vey!
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