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Is this what online D/s relationship is all about??

BiaTcHiNFiRe

BiaTcHiNFiRe

lost in my thoughts
Joined
May 30, 2006
Posts
6,790
Hi, i got few questions for all you Dom's and for all you sub's as well. Any help will be apreciated.

I am new in BDSM things but I love it, at least i used to think so....

Few dayz ago I started a topic sayin I am lookin for an online Dom and I was. Well I found one and I thought we will be cool together, but it seems we are not. First few dayz was ok and I loved all we did together, but now he demand things on me wich I don't like and don't wanna do. For many reasons, the bigest reason is cuz its just stupid to do so and I am no dumb sheep to obey ever nonsense I am told to do.

Like for example my master told me I can't chat with any men now, including my friends. WTF!!? Is this what Dom's are about?? Is this really how it works??? Will they want to keep me isolated from all men??? If so, *pffffffffffffffffff*, I can't be bothered with that. I love my friends and I love men. He alowed me chat with women lol. But what should I do when I dont wanna talk with women?? I chat with women just rarely, soz men are more fun lol. I am bi but i still prefer men. I would love to have sex with woman one day but I don't like to be forced to chat to women only. Whats the sense of this??? Someone tell me please cuz I don't get it.

My master told me he wanna help me explore my bi side and that would be nice if he didn't force me to do things I don't wanna do. If i wanted chat with women so bad I would lol. I am not so guess I got no need to do so yet. One day I will surely experience lezbo sex but it will happen when it will happen, don't think it can be forced, not even just online lol. I hate to be forced to do things and I wont. One thing is when my Dom "make" me do things for me - I love that, but other thing is when he's trying to be manipulative dictator - I hate that.

Other thing he told me is that i am not alowed to have sex with my husband more than 3x a week - what I find as a totaly fucked up thing. Its not like I had it more often, I would like too but my man aint itno sex so much as me, but if some mirace happened and he wanted it 7x a week shouldnt I give him??? OMG it's my husband, if i wont give him he will go elswhere. I wont force give him no reason so he could fuck others lol, I am not that dumb! Cuz thats exactely what he would do, he would find himself another one, willing one lol. I wont give him any reason to do so lol, not even cuz of my Dom.

I think theres a big difference between real life Dom's and the online ones. Once you have a online sub, the more if shes married or in serious relatioship, you should understand what she can do and what she can't. I expected online Dom's do undertand that, guess I was wrong lol.

I left my master and atm i am not even sure if i wanna be ever collared again...
 
BDSM is what you make of it. Online or real time.

Sounds like you talked to a few guys... and said ok I'm your sub now, you're my master without really getting to know each other first.

Yet your surprised to find that you two don't necessarily click. I've heard of forced this, that, or the other, then again there is some semblance of balance.

In any case, finding a dom isn't like finding a ripe fruit. Don't just pick the first melon that looks ripe. Spank it, weigh it, smell it, poke it. Do a ritualistic dance if it makes you feel better. Fact is like any relationship, it is generally fairly serious. You didn't just marry the first guy you dated did you?
 
Sounds like this Dom is a bad fit for your sub. That's okay though it may be painful to admit and sever the relationship. It's far better to be honest and say, this isn't what I though it would be like with you. Better yet say, I'm sorry this isn't working for me and make it a clean break IMO.

*HUG*

Fury :rose:
 
Oh dear, I am confused again....I thought you said yesterday he was now your ex-husband. As to getting that involved that quick with a virtual stranger, online especially, you will get what you get. Add marriage or whatever it is into it and you will get even more complications. And then you did advertise for a bi-woman, so that will likely give you even more complications which might speed up the birth of that there baby you are pregnant with.

Catalina :catroar:
 
catalina_francisco said:
Oh dear, I am confused again....I thought you said yesterday he was now your ex-husband. As to getting that involved that quick with a virtual stranger, online especially, you will get what you get. Add marriage or whatever it is into it and you will get even more complications. And then you did advertise for a bi-woman, so that will likely give you even more complications which might speed up the birth of that there baby you are pregnant with.

Catalina :catroar:
Click to expand...


I don't want more complications nooo, got enough lol. The man I am talkin about is still the one Catalina, my husband, then exhusband yet we are back together so i consider him as my husband even without papers ya know.
 
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BiaTcHiNFiRe said:
I did :O

And yes, I told him its not like I thought it will be. I wanted talk with few Dom's first but it's not like they like it lol. Once I say i with some Dom the other ones dont wanna talk to me anymore lol, so how I can I find the "right one"??
Click to expand...

That's an interesting way of going about life... Easy way of talking to more than one dom at a time is to be clear in your position.

I am in talks, I am not owned.

Seriously look at how you go about things, and look at what you get. Go about it the same way, you're bound to get similar results. So.... if you didn't like it. Try something new?
 
For the Dom.. yes it was kinda fast. Well he PM me, we chat and did things together, I thought it will be cool, thought we will be ok as online D/s, well guess i was wrong. He's a nice guy but wanna things from me that I can't and don't wanna do. So i had to let it do yes.

I dunno much about being sub yes. Dunno what can i say to my master and what i cant. Can i have my own opinion? like when he want me to chat with that woman and i dont want too.. is that bad? do i disobeying him as he said? arguing??
Click to expand...

Ummmm...doing things you don't want to do sometimes is part of a D/s relationship. If you only do what YOU want to do, how is he the Dom?
 
BiaTcHiNFiRe said:
I don't want more complications nooo, got enough lol. The man I am talkin about is still the one Catalina, my husband, then exhusband yet we are back together so i consider him as my husband without papers ya know.

For the Dom.. yes it was kinda fast. Well he PM me, we chat and did things together, I thought it will be cool, thought we will be ok as online D/s, well guess i was wrong. He's a nice guy but wanna things from me that I can't and don't wanna do. So i had to let it do yes.

I dunno much about being sub yes. Dunno what can i say to my master and what i cant. Can i have my own opinion? like when he want me to chat with that woman and i dont want too.. is that bad? do i disobeying him as he said? arguing??

I wanted be a good sub for him, i really tryed but i though we can talk about things. Thought i can tell him if i dont like something he's doing... now i am not sure.

With the advertise for a bi-woman... my master told me to do so, so i did. Wanted please him :/ But guess it doesnt work when i really dont want it too right??
Click to expand...

Honestly? You strike me as a velcro-porn-do-me-queen-submissive. You seem to think the idea is hot, and you like everything about D/s when it's all about your wants, your needs and your kinks, but have no interest in anything else... which is totally fine if you want to have an online fantasy based D/s relationship. Just make it quite clear that for you, this is a game, it's fantasy, and nothing more. I'm sure if you take some time to look around, you'll find a horney net geek out there somewhere, who likes the idea of an online submissive, and gets off on the fantasy of it all, just like you do. So- I would file this under imcompatability issues, and move on- but be clear that you are not interested in an online relationship that controls your life outside of the specific times you are cybering with whomever you choose.
 
He seems awfully quick to restrict her in a whole lot of ways with little in the way of conversation. Was there a talk about interests and limits for instance? What kind of Dom throws all these limits at a brand new online person?

*shrugs*
 
FurryFury said:
He seems awfully quick to restrict her in a whole lot of ways with little in the way of conversation. Was there a talk about interests and limits for instance? What kind of Dom throws all these limits at a brand new online person?

*shrugs*
Click to expand...

An idiot?
 
FurryFury said:
He seems awfully quick to restrict her in a whole lot of ways with little in the way of conversation. Was there a talk about interests and limits for instance? What kind of Dom throws all these limits at a brand new online person?

*shrugs*
Click to expand...
CutieMouse said:
An idiot?
Click to expand...
I'll second that motion. All in favor, say "Aye!" All opposed, signify by the same. Motion made, seconded, and carried.
 
Just goes to show you that collars that come on in 2 days usually come off by the 4th day.
 
CutieMouse said:
An idiot?
Click to expand...

That would be my first guess.

Of course we are only getting one side of the story here and someone's bound to bring that up sooner or later.

LOL.
 
My Opinion

Whilst the Dom/sub relationship is "different" and just as "special" as any other if both P/partys are not happy , then its just wrong.
 
Sir_Winston54 said:
I'll second that motion. All in favor, say "Aye!" All opposed, signify by the same. Motion made, seconded, and carried.
Click to expand...

True, but it also takes a "special sub" to accept those demands for more than 5 minutes. Or even maintain a conversation with said person.

It works both ways.

*shrug* for what it's worth.
 
FurryFury said:
He seems awfully quick to restrict her in a whole lot of ways with little in the way of conversation. Was there a talk about interests and limits for instance? What kind of Dom throws all these limits at a brand new online person?

*shrugs*
Click to expand...

A Dom who thinks he or she can find someone to obey his or her orders.

One of the disadvantages of online domination, is that people tend to jump start their relationships. I have found that people who are interested in developing their D/s relationship online are not very patient. It takes time to negotiate a relationship that is satisfactory for two people.

It is even harder when one or both of the parties are not very knowledgable about D/s.
 
BiaTcHiNFiRe said:
Hi, i got few questions for all you Dom's and for all you sub's as well. Any help will be apreciated.

I am new in BDSM things but I love it, at least i used to think so....

Few dayz ago I started a topic sayin I am lookin for an online Dom and I was. Well I found one and I thought we will be cool together, but it seems we are not. First few dayz was ok and I loved all we did together, but now he demand things on me wich I don't like and don't wanna do. For many reasons, the bigest reason is cuz its just stupid to do so and I am no dumb sheep to obey ever nonsense I am told to do.

Like for example my master told me I can't chat with any men now, including my friends. WTF!!? Is this what Dom's are about?? Is this really how it works??? Will they want to keep me isolated from all men??? If so, *pffffffffffffffffff*, I can't be bothered with that. I love my friends and I love men. He alowed me chat with women lol. But what should I do when I dont wanna talk with women?? I chat with women just rarely, soz men are more fun lol. I am bi but i still prefer men. I would love to have sex with woman one day but I don't like to be forced to chat to women only. Whats the sense of this??? Someone tell me please cuz I don't get it.

My master told me he wanna help me explore my bi side and that would be nice if he didn't force me to do things I don't wanna do. If i wanted chat with women so bad I would lol. I am not so guess I got no need to do so yet. One day I will surely experience lezbo sex but it will happen when it will happen, don't think it can be forced, not even just online lol. I hate to be forced to do things and I wont. One thing is when my Dom "make" me do things for me - I love that, but other thing is when he's trying to be manipulative dictator - I hate that.

Other thing he told me is that i am not alowed to have sex with my husband more than 3x a week - what I find as a totaly fucked up thing. Its not like I had it more often, I would like too but my man aint itno sex so much as me, but if some mirace happened and he wanted it 7x a week shouldnt I give him??? OMG it's my husband, if i wont give him he will go elswhere. I wont force give him no reason so he could fuck others lol, I am not that dumb! Cuz thats exactely what he would do, he would find himself another one, willing one lol. I wont give him any reason to do so lol, not even cuz of my Dom.

I think theres a big difference between real life Dom's and the online ones. Once you have a online sub, the more if shes married or in serious relatioship, you should understand what she can do and what she can't. I expected online Dom's do undertand that, guess I was wrong lol.

I left my master and atm i am not even sure if i wanna be ever collared again...
Click to expand...

Do you realize you do not have to be collared to be a submissive and have a dominant you obey?
 
Ebonyfire said:
Do you realize you do not have to be collared to be a submissive and have a dominant you obey?
Click to expand...


No I didnt know that :/ I really love this, I really love obey and do things for the one who says so, for my master for example, I love to be used too much, guess thats why i accepted the guy as my master so fast. He wasnt idiot tho. Its a sweet guy, guess i just expected something different.

Honestly be a sub while i am in realitionship with my husband as well is hard :(
I would love to do things for my Dom but i cant. Or cuz my hubby is around or cuz my lil daughter is. Its just hard and if i get catched while i webcam for my Dom i would be fucked up bigtime.

Maybe i just shouldnt look for any Dom at all, but omg i love that so much! I love to be used, cant help it :(
 
Auraka6669 said:
True, but it also takes a "special sub" to accept those demands for more than 5 minutes.
Click to expand...


yeh it takes a special sub......
 
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BiaTcHiNFiRe said:
Honestly be a sub while i am in realitionship with my husband as well is hard :(
I would love to do things for my Dom but i cant. Or cuz my hubby is around or cuz my lil daughter is. Its just hard and if i get catched while i webcam for my Dom i would be fucked up bigtime.

Maybe i just shouldnt look for any Dom at all, but omg i love that so much! I love to be used, cant help it :(
Click to expand...

Maybe you need to start by being honest with your husband! Take it from someone who wasn't at first...It's kinda important to do that. As far as webcam goes, your Dom should understand that sometimes things just aren't possible because of who is around or whatever. D/s is A LOT more than just sex...
 
Ebonyfire said:
A Dom who thinks he or she can find someone to obey his or her orders.

One of the disadvantages of online domination, is that people tend to jump start their relationships. I have found that people who are interested in developing their D/s relationship online are not very patient. It takes time to negotiate a relationship that is satisfactory for two people.

It is even harder when one or both of the parties are not very knowledgable about D/s.
Click to expand...

That was my thinking. Either he is not very knowledgeable or he was jumping in too quickly with too little information to go on.
 
HottieMama said:
Ummmm...doing things you don't want to do sometimes is part of a D/s relationship. If you only do what YOU want to do, how is he the Dom?
Click to expand...

Just what i was thinking. Although my relationship with my Dom is not online.. nor have i ever had an online relationship. So i can't really comment on the dynamics of an online relationship. But seems to me some of the basics should be the same. My Dom and i discussed all of my limits..soft or hard before we ever played. Even in an online relationship seems to me that should be done first. Communication is key in any relationship.
 
nh23 said:
Just what i was thinking. Although my relationship with my Dom is not online.. nor have i ever had an online relationship. So i can't really comment on the dynamics of an online relationship. But seems to me some of the basics should be the same. My Dom and i discussed all of my limits..soft or hard before we ever played. Even in an online relationship seems to me that should be done first. Communication is key in any relationship.
Click to expand...

I'd have to agree with that. Anytime you compromise your true feelings without communicating about it that damages the integrity and connection of the relationship IMO. You must have a foundation to build that relationship on though.
 
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