The Appeal of Pain

So I woke up with a splitting headache this morning and it was NOT fun at all. Anyway, it got me thinking about pain. What exactly is the appeal of pain? I know that not all subs are painsluts, but if there are any painsluts here I'd be curious to hear from you.

Personally, I do not enjoy pain at all. But the thought of a dominant woman inflicting pain on me is exciting to me. But only if I can tell she's enjoying it.

Here's another example. I take kung fu lessons and my instructor occationally gives me some hard smacks across the chest. I don't enjoy that. For one thing he's a guy and I'm straight, but even if my instructor was a woman I still don't think I'd enjoy it. But if a woman was getting turned on by smacking me, I think the excitement and arousal I'd experience would help me bear the pain.

If there are any experienced painsluts on here, I'd be curious to hear from you. Do you enjoy pain just for the sake of pain? Do you enjoy pain that's inflicted by someone regardless of whether or not they are into it? Or do you only enjoy pain if it's inflicted by someone and they're getting off on it?

Sorry for rambling.. I'm just writing stuff down as I think of it..

I guess I'm moderately a painslut. I think I can take more than your average non-kinky person, but I can't take nearly the amount of pain that I've heard a number of people on this board talk about.

It's rare that I crave pain just for pain's sake, but sometimes I do. By "sometimes," I mean maybe two or three times a year. The rest of the time, I consider it a necessary thing to get to the kind of satisfying orgasms that I need. The more pain I can endure, the harder I cum. It's as simple as that. I don't get pleasure just from enduring the amount of pain a sadist can give me "just to please him." If I'm pushed beyond what I consider pleasurable, I hate every second of it, and there's no thought of "I'm going to endure this to please him" in my mind. I'm a selfish bitch.

I only like the kind of pain that comes with an adrenaline rush and I have to know that the one inflicting pain is enjoying it very very much. It's the adrenaline rush I get off on, the pain just helps very much.

Since I am relatively new to this I'm looking forward to reading the responses you get.

For me, I don't like normal pain. I have had a couple major surgeries and that morphine pump afterwards was my best friend..lol I get migraines frequently--I can't say I like those either.

I know for over 25 years in my fantasies I have really gotten off on watching spankings/floggings/canings and getting them myself--in my fantasies.

I know 10 yrs ago or so my husband in an effort to satisfy my desire to be spanked-- spanked me. But it just hurt, no pleasure at all. Just pissed me off. He didn't want to do it, so maybe that was it. Or maybe it was because I had to ask for it?

I know that the first time I met my Dom and I was caned it hurt a bit right then but made me smile, and mostly got me in the mood for what he had planned for the rest of the evening. It did also hurt ALOT the next couple days too and made me think what did I get myself into?

I also know that one of the most intense, most emotional, most intimate sexual experiences we shared came immediately after I was beaten as a punishment, not just for fun. That was truly painful, but it also opened me up and made me feel vulnerable, surrendered and completely his. I had never felt so much a part of someone else in my life.

I have read about the endophin rush etc and theoretically why pain is supposedly pleasurable on a physical level but I think (emphasis on think, because I really don't know) that for me is is all mental. He enjoys it but I don't honestly think that is a major factor in what I get from it. For me it is directly related to sex. I have to have that sexual connection immediately after. The last time we were together I had an orgasm just from an OTK spanking. I never thought that would happen but the mindset was just right.

I don't know yet how much pain is too much for me. Everytime we get together I get pushed a little further. Before each time we meet I am excited yet a bit scared, but always thrilled when I see him.

So, as you can see I haven't figured out the whole what is the appeal of pain but I do know I want to continue to experience it but just with my Dom.

BiBunny said:

The more pain I can endure, the harder I cum. It's as simple as that. ... If I'm pushed beyond what I consider pleasurable, I hate every second of it, and

Click to expand...

... therein lies the razor's edge that can be oh so appealing. http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

AngelicAssassin said:

... therein lies the razor's edge that can be oh so appealing. http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

Click to expand...

Exactly. I know from experience that I'll do most anything for the man who can find that edge and keep me there.

Ages and eons ago (long before I even admitted to a kinky side, much less knew I enjoyed pain), friends and aquaintences thought I was a pain slut, because I chose to give birth unmedicated... which I always thought was a rather silly argument, as I did *not* particularly *enjoy* labor. *chuckles*

When I first started to sort out the idea of being submissive, I was quite insistant that I was not a pain slut... until I was introduced to the spiderwebs which sometimes connect pain and pleasure. Why I enjoy the painful sensations is multi-layered and depends quite a bit on where I'm at emotionally, mentally, physically, etc.

Firstly, I must agree with Bunny- at it's basic elements, pain is pleasure because the climax is so much sweeter when I'm a begging, tense, sobbing, aching mess. (ahem ))

Then there are those moments when pain helps take me "out of my head"... I tend to think far more than is good for me sometimes, and end up wound more and more tightly, until I feel like I might crack. Pain can be a welcome release under those conditions.

The only other "big" appeal that pain has for me, is with regards to contrition. I happen to be blessed (cursed) with a very deep "good girl" complex. When I screw something up, it is difficult for me to move past it without some sort of punishment. Painful experiences sometimes help me move past the guilt of being less than perfect (although it doesn't necessarily require a painful event to do so).

CutieMouse said:

Then there are those moments when pain helps take me "out of my head"... I tend to think far more than is good for me sometimes, and end up wound more and more tightly, until I feel like I might crack. Pain can be a welcome release under those conditions.
.

Click to expand...

Oh, yes, I can so relate to this. When I need to get "out of my head" is when I crave pain for pain's sake the most.

I guess my journey with pain in a SM-D/s sense has been a strange one at times, frustrating to say the least. I definately do not like health related pain but have lived with it daily for most of my life since childhood. I also do not like pain inflicted by someone who is not into it for a number of reasons. First one is I do not believe in trying to get someone to do something which is not them, especially when I believe with the wrong person it could be damaging to them; I also don't enjoy the feeling of someone doing something simply to please me in some way; and most of all I believe that if the other person is not into it the necessary connection for all the good outcomes of SM is lost in the exchange.

Fortunately for me my introduction to SM from the first experience was with experienced sadists who did not have any problem starting in hard and working up from there. I didn't have time to ease myself in or get worried about what I was getting into, I was just left black and blue and craving much more. These days I do not mark easily, and the rare mark I get tends to disappear within hours, a day or 2 at the most....is most frustrating for him and definately removes the idea of using that as a signal of how much damage has been done and what is safe. It doesn't always have to end in a sexual encounter, though often it does...the primary thrill is the painplay which then brings out sexual needs more often than not. Sometimes though it is just about a pure exchange of pain just for pain's sake.

SM pain for me has always been a way to release tension, deal with depression, and until recent times was always a positive experience even when it went beyond what I believed I could endure or enjoy. The moments it moves beyond pleasureable kicks in another pleasure which derives its thrill from not being catered to, being pushed beyond where I want to be, and basically emphasising how little it matters if I want it or not. The last couple of years have encountered some problems with handling the pain in the way I had previously which I believe comes down to partly being a symptom of approaching menopause, partly due to the fallout from my father's death. Both have combined to making my pain threshold unreliable, and also presenting unreliable outcomes. It is getting better and easier to predict the chances of a positive experience, but is still frustrating beyond belief. Regardless, I find I still cannot survive without SM being a large part of our lives.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/376615023_0ab3a34b3f_t.jpg Catalina

Sir_Winston54 said:

Sorry - I just couldn't resist!

Click to expand...

Dork.



(typo fixed)

CutieMouse said:

Dork.



(typo fixed)

Click to expand...

Too late...your deepest darkest desire is out!! http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1214/540933636_d106285135_s.jpg

Catalina

I'm also new to this, and enjoying reading the responses.

I originally abhored the idea of receiving any pain, and then began to fantasize about it more and more. Though I still think that for me it's more about the power exchange. Pain is just a really good way to feel that power!

I have a long history of living with pain related to arthritis and all the lovely surgeries that go along with it. I don't enjoy that pain but do have an extremely high tolerance for it. But like some of the other folks posts, I need the pain to push me out of my head. It helps to quiet me down. I crave the pain from a severe caning/flogging - I will physically experience body symptoms if I haven't had a release (I get low grade body aches in my lower back which disappears immediately after a session). I love feeling the pain over the next couple days - constant reminders which continues to keep me centered. I love having my "limits" pushed and enjoy the power exchange when D decides to do so.

Although I prefer the person yielding the instrument to find some degree of pleasure or enjoyment out of the scene, honestly it isn't necessary. Maybe this is because of the episodic vanilla years I have had over time, where you get the pain fix however you can get it (ie biting, hair pulling, rough sex versus canes/flogs/crops). I know D had no experience in dealing with a pain slut and for him it was a learning experience. He did not get anything out of it initially other than he did draw pleasure out of seeing my response (and took what he wanted from that). But over time, D has definitely found the ability to channel some of his energies and demonstrated he is quite capable of being sadistic (and had clearly kept it buried because it was considered "too dark"). Pain isn't used as punishment in our household since D figured out withholding it was a much larger punishment. It is more of a reward (or a de-stressor).

~kierae

Byakuya said:

If there are any experienced painsluts on here, I'd be curious to hear from you. Do you enjoy pain just for the sake of pain? Do you enjoy pain that's inflicted by someone regardless of whether or not they are into it? Or do you only enjoy pain if it's inflicted by someone and they're getting off on it?

Click to expand...

i enjoy pain for the sake of it, it makes me feel better, it provides a release for my pent of emotions, it makes me cum and cum HARD, i hate sex WITHOUT pain and humiliation, i'd rather not have sex at all if you're not going to inflict SOME kind of pain on me and if nobody's around i'm quite adept at inflicting my own pain to orgasm.

i can't imagine enjoying pain inflicted by someone who's not really into it. it would still hurt and it would be "OK" but i would find it rather boring, i'd probably say, "nevermind, i'll do it myself"!


pet

catalina_francisco said:

Too late...your deepest darkest desire is out!! http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1214/540933636_d106285135_s.jpg

Catalina

Click to expand...

Double Dork.

I am relatively new to erotic pain and was totally surprised at my response to it as I had always insisted that pain was not an interest. Now I find that it makes me close in on myself to the point that my whole existance centers on withstanding the pain and the longer I withstand the pain, the more aroused I become, until I am straddling the seesaw of pain/pleasure, feeling the fulcrum move ever so slightly from one side to the other ... experiencing that struggle to balance ... until it finally tips completely and takes me with it.

CutieMouse said:

Dork.



(typo fixed)

Click to expand...

Woohoo! I have the same rank as EG! I'm so proud!






Oh, no... EG and I are only half as rank as Cat.

For me, the eroticism of pain is almost completely linked to Dragon. It is not that i have clover clamps on my nipples or a cane is falling on the backs of my thighs. It is that Dragon put the clamps on my nipples (and keeps tugging on the chain connecting them -- sorry drifted off for a moment) or is weilding the cane. If anyone else did it, the end product would not be pleasurable. At a party once he ordered me to let another Dom paddle me and that was erotic, but not because of the paddling, it was because HE told me to do it.

I agree with those who've said that pain from a medical condition is not the same as pain (or as I like to think of it, sensation) that is done sexually.

I'm unhappy with one, very happy with the other.

The worst pain I've ever had was kidney stones which unlike labor doesn't come and go, it's simply stays with you.

I did think about sex during that time and BDSM. I'm incorrigible that way.

I also agree with those that say they like their brains to quiet for a bit.

The bliss of that is wonderful for me as well.

FurryFury said:

I agree with those who've said that pain from a medical condition is not the same as pain (or as I like to think of it, sensation) that is done sexually.

Click to expand...

One of the odd things for me, is that going through eleventy-million unmedicated births meant getting really in tune with how my body deals with pain... which means if I focus, I can play with how much pain I take take. At times, it's simply a matter of remembering to breathe in a particular manner or visualize something that helps eroticise the pain; of course I have to be careful with doing that, because it messes with my ability to cry, and crying is part of the release... so if I allow a corner of my mind to remain focused on managing the pain for too long, it just ends up frustrating everyone.

As I said on a previous thread, I feel my pain appreciation is born from living with medical pain and having to 'get over' it, also love he endorphin rush I get when I experience a rally of short sharp shocks!!!

Previous thread for your interest.

Hmmmm..thinking about medical pain vs erotic pain.

I really enjoyed giving birth. With both my children I did have an epidural but it only worked on one side of my body. So on one side was no pain at all and the other side was very intense pain. It was so beautiful. Such a wild different feeling. (ok, so during one birth I was on a little Demerol,too) Feeling parts of my body have sensations (even painful ones) that I have never felt before was awesome.

One other thing--sort of personal but--I had to have a hemmoroid removed. I was awake during the procedure. There was the doctor and a nurse in the room. Having to lay down in that kind of position and have that kind of procedure done was fun in a submissively/humiliating kind of way. (I on the other hand have never ever been turned on by GYN exams at all)

BiBunny said:

Oh, yes, I can so relate to this. When I need to get "out of my head" is when I crave pain for pain's sake the most.

Click to expand...

Maybe I am being a little ignorant, but isn't the "getting out of my head" thing and the craving of pain in that fashion very similar to some people who self harm? I know this topic comes up quite alot in these instances, but this comment made me connect the two straight away.

naxalite0906 said:

Maybe I am being a little ignorant, but isn't the "getting out of my head" thing and the craving of pain in that fashion very similar to some people who self harm? I know this topic comes up quite alot in these instances, but this comment made me connect the two straight away.

Click to expand...

I've had that fleeting thought before, as well. I've never been a cutter, I'm not a cutter now, I'll never be a cutter- in part because I've always understood the mentality behind cutting to be very destructive/tied up in self-loathing (hence why many cutters hide their activies) or an inability to release oneself from "thinking too much" in an acceptable and healthy way.

Yes, pain takes me out of my head, probably in a similar manner as it does with a cutter, but I have a lot of other coping mechanisims to accomplish the same thing. I control how I deal with those tightly wound feelings- journaling, exercise, talking with a friend, ice cream, therapy, BDSM... each are tools I may occasionally use for dealing with life's stress; however, the vast majority of the time, pleasureable pain is just pleasureable pain.