Does society train us to be switch?

Society, in a way trains us to be both dominate and submissive (in the loosest sense of the word). For example in middle management you are expected to oversee people or a project and work diligently untill work is completed without much help from anyone, yet when you are done and presenting what work you've done you are suppose to gravel and kiss up to the client/boss that is paying for your services. Its a total personality change within one day–on a day to day basis.

After a long day at work I usually feel the opposite of what I have done for the majority of the day. Seems to be quite the trend lol. Does this analysis hold true for most people? (I have a pretty good idea that it does but I could be surprised!)

This really is just a rant, if anyone has something they want to add go for it, and if this post goes around un-noticed I'll continue to lurk around hehehe.

I believe there is switch in all of us. Some more than others.

I agree with Alt. I didn't realize it until I was almost 30, but despite my generally submissive tendencies I do have a bit of switch in me depending on the context. When I walk down a street generally I imagine all the dommes out there. But when I'm on campus these days it can be different. This may sound a little lecherous, I suppose, but I am a college professor and when I started teaching I was suddenly surrounded by a sea of lovely young women. Many of them are in serious need of some spanking over my desk - something I had never fantasized about before (and would never actually do for ethical reasons!).

I think the idea that society trains us to take on both roles is exactly right - but until I began to play a role that emphasizes dominion/mastery over others, I had never been encouraged to see myself that way. Now even though I am still mainly a sub at heart I have a much easier time finding the dom in me. Probably also helps that I'm a parent of three kids - after you've been a parent I don't care how submissive you are you know how to run somebody's life!

OV

oh geeze, i posted this a while ago I thought it had gotten deleted or lost

I think I was in one of those moods where I was trying to connect things as a whole. The kid example does a great job of that!

Seriously though what teacher hasn't thought about spanking a misbehaving child? Thats normal right? Well not so much for college teachers...I never fantasized about any of my college professors, but then again they aren't the same as half dressed girls running around campus.

Really love the connection of having children making you more assertive, wonder if that has ruined an relationships in the past, with the subbie getting more dominate... hmm

precious105 said:

I think I was in one of those moods where I was trying to connect things as a whole.

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You were on to something. Many people I've talked to who claim to be assertive in the more mundane aspects of life have the desire to be less so behind closed doors. While that doesn't always translate into a dominant personality yearning to submit, for some that just might be what it entails.

To each their own, ...no matter how they get there.

I hope it works that way - my wife and I are sort of figuring out whether we can work out a way to play where she is the dominant one despite generally having seen herself as submissive (though in a non kinky way). I don't think we could even be having the conversation if she had not been a parent - she has become far more confident in herself over time.

I hope that hasn't ruined relationships, though I guess I could see how it might if it really turned the switch on for them, so to speak

OV

haha, "turned on the switch" I think I have a new catchphrase.

I'm sure she will probably want to explore it more if you keep putting the ideas in her head. Who knows she might surprise you one day and sweep you off your feet ... (you can only hope right?)

precious105 said:

Society, in a way trains us to be both dominate and submissive (in the loosest sense of the word). For example in middle management you are expected to oversee people or a project and work diligently untill work is completed without much help from anyone, yet when you are done and presenting what work you've done you are suppose to gravel and kiss up to the client/boss that is paying for your services. Its a total personality change within one day–on a day to day basis.

After a long day at work I usually feel the opposite of what I have done for the majority of the day. Seems to be quite the trend lol. Does this analysis hold true for most people? (I have a pretty good idea that it does but I could be surprised!)

This really is just a rant, if anyone has something they want to add go for it, and if this post goes around un-noticed I'll continue to lurk around hehehe.

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I see your point, but I have found that, in here (BDSM board)anyway, a switch is viewed with some contempt. I personally like the role, best of both worlds! I too like to come home from caring for others all day to have someone care for me for a change. Tristan was my favorite character in Anne Rice's Beauty Series!

Did society make me into a switch? No, I think my relationships did more than anything else. I get tired of being the one always in control, but then again, I get bored easily. I need change in my sex life to keep it interesting. Having a woman control for the night or moment is a huge fantasy of mine. But then if your read The Night For Her you will see that.

Good luck.
H

Yes, I know the term "switch" can be held in contempt on here at times, but really I don't think there is anyone that hasn't atleast toyed with the idea of changing it up.

My first statement refers more to how people outside of your relationships (people in general) view you. The expecactations put there by "society" for lack of a better term.

For example: Lets say there's a girl, who's completely submissive, wants nothing more than to get into a job involving the graphic arts. It works out, she has the whole persona of wanting to please her bosses etc and things go well for a while. But the roles shift when the workload changes and she is now directing a large project, it is a bit out of her comfort zone. But you gotta do what what needs to get. So anyway she's gained some skill in how to control a situation. It wouldn't have been something she had ever thought to do without the job pushing her in that direction. So with some of the managment skills she learned on the job she now wants to try them out at home. Not something she would have ever tried if she had never gotten the job etc.

And I'm not saying that she would like the role reversal or that she would even have the courage to do it.

This could work with the whole mom scenario that was brought up earlier.

Make sense?

Maybe not... the whole scene could go the other way and she's just more forcibly submissive not liking the responisbility she was given at work.

Haha, well for every reason there's a contradicition but it makes sense in some odd way to me. But I guess thats because I like to be a bit out of my comfort zone.

News to me that switches are held in contempt here....we have quite a few, many of them being among the most proficient and respected members of the forum...go figure. Then again, I also don't see society as training us to be switches, in fact I think it is a common event for many to begin analysing everyone they meet and categorising them into submissive, Dominant or Switch groups and forgetting some people are just who they are and have no knowledge or interest in the world of kink, they just are human.

Catalina

catalina_francisco said:

News to me that switches are held in contempt here....we have quite a few, many of them being among the most proficient and respected members of the forum...go figure. Then again, I also don't see society as training us to be switches, in fact I think it is a common event for many to begin analysing everyone they meet and categorising them into submissive, Dominant or Switch groups and forgetting some people are just who they are and have no knowledge or interest in the world of kink, they just are human.

Catalina

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There have been quite a few threads with people saying someone is either dominate or submissive with no shades of grey, but hey they are usually swamped with switches putting in their two cents too.

Its not so much an analysis on dominate/submissives/switch but what in life affects how you are/ what you can relate to.

precious105 said:

For example: Lets say there's a girl, who's completely submissive, wants nothing more than to get into a job involving the graphic arts. It works out, she has the whole persona of wanting to please her bosses etc and things go well for a while. But the roles shift when the workload changes and she is now directing a large project, it is a bit out of her comfort zone. But you gotta do what what needs to get. So anyway she's gained some skill in how to control a situation. It wouldn't have been something she had ever thought to do without the job pushing her in that direction. So with some of the managment skills she learned on the job she now wants to try them out at home. Not something she would have ever tried if she had never gotten the job etc.

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Precious, I definitely think that you've expressed your thinking well on this. However, I would have to respectfully disagree, if only because how people present themselves publicly often has so little to do with how they are wired sexually. I am shy by nature even though I learned many tricks long ago to overcome it. I am switch, but tend towards dominance (at least right now) and did things as young as 8 or 9 that presaged this. A couple of my partners have been very powerful in their public/professional lives and greatly enjoyed handing everything over to someone else in the bedroom. (I know that I am not the only one to have ever said that here.)

Actually, if truth be told, in the U.S. I would agree with one of my mentors (who was born and raised in Europe) who says that we have a "Top" culture. North American culture values only those who control and encourages us to learn how to do so. I believe that it is related to our penchant for "winning" at all costs; submission or "service" is not valued nor to be sought. I realize that this is a broad generalization, but when was the last time you saw a Hollywood movie that celebrated someone who not only desired but got great satisfaction out of service? "Remains of the Day?" That was a British film... I think it takes great strength of character to embrace that which is service-oriented (submissive) in oneself under such circumstances...

Neon

Actually, if truth be told, in the U.S. I would agree with one of my mentors (who was born and raised in Europe) who says that we have a "Top" culture. North American culture values only those who control and encourages us to learn how to do so. I believe that it is related to our penchant for "winning" at all costs; submission or "service" is not valued nor to be sought. I realize that this is a broad generalization, but when was the last time you saw a Hollywood movie that celebrated someone who not only desired but got great satisfaction out of service? "Remains of the Day?" That was a British film... I think it takes great strength of character to embrace that which is service-oriented (submissive) in oneself under such circumstances...

Neon

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About time, that is what I am getting at through this thread. Thank you for writing it in.

I still think there is some sort of environmental factor that affects us all, but it really can't be generalized or pigeon holed which is why this may just be a stupid thread lol (but hey its been fun right?). Not to mention everyone reacts to different situations in their own way.

I do agree that USA has a winning mentality and that if your not on top then you might as well not exist. Going through school all we heard was tomorrows leaders etc. We never learned about the workers being the backbone of any corporation, thats just one step you have to take before getting the head position.

switch--in the genes

Precious
I think you could be right. But I personally think its in peoples genes. Kids tend to show dominant tendencies at early ages (or submissive).

Sci. Frontiers did a show a few years back on behavior and some chick rated kids tendency to dominance by counting how many times they exhibited dominant behavior in play. For example how many times they bit or acted agressive.

Basically it showed kids dont learn to be dom or sub.

seems like that relates to your question....

checkov

PS several questions arise, for example what happens if two submissives get together, does one become dom?

I identify as a submissive but if I'm with another submissive person, I'm the one that takes control and I do it easily. I don't enjoy it as much as I do being submissive, but I can do it. I'd rather just be with someone dominant enough to dominate me. I don't know if this makes me a switch or not.

Lily

neonflux said:

Actually, if truth be told, in the U.S. I would agree with one of my mentors (who was born and raised in Europe) who says that we have a "Top" culture. North American culture values only those who control and encourages us to learn how to do so. I believe that it is related to our penchant for "winning" at all costs; submission or "service" is not valued nor to be sought. I realize that this is a broad generalization, but when was the last time you saw a Hollywood movie that celebrated someone who not only desired but got great satisfaction out of service? "Remains of the Day?" That was a British film... I think it takes great strength of character to embrace that which is service-oriented (submissive) in oneself under such circumstances...

Neon

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Being in a Service industry, I do no know that I totally agree with you statement that service is not valued or sought. But I do agree that it does take character to embrace this role.

"Patch Adams" was a great movie about someone who got more from Giving that being in control. "Pay it Forward" is another that speaks about the power of giving.

Not that I think that our society does not hold winners, who take control up on high pedestals! It is just that we also need service fokes.

checkov said:

Precious
I think you could be right. But I personally think its in peoples genes. Kids tend to show dominant tendencies at early ages (or submissive).

Sci. Frontiers did a show a few years back on behavior and some chick rated kids tendency to dominance by counting how many times they exhibited dominant behavior in play. For example how many times they bit or acted agressive.

Basically it showed kids dont learn to be dom or sub.

seems like that relates to your question....

checkov

PS several questions arise, for example what happens if two submissives get together, does one become dom?

Click to expand...

haha, well as a kid I was really quite bossy, it was either my way or no way at all. I think I grew out of that, but I do still like to get my way

I'm not so worried about two submissives getting together, its two dominates that scare me...what happens when your subbie wants to top you....I can only imagine...kinda scary really.

Horus_rules said:

Being in a Service industry, I do no know that I totally agree with you statement that service is not valued or sought. But I do agree that it does take character to embrace this role.

"Patch Adams" was a great movie about someone who got more from Giving that being in control. "Pay it Forward" is another that speaks about the power of giving.

Not that I think that our society does not hold winners, who take control up on high pedestals! It is just that we also need service fokes.

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Different way to look at service roles....givers rather than takers.....although I'd classify dominance as giving rather than taking.

You know the wild subbies out there just need to take it as much of "it" that they can take ... lol ok ok bad joke time is over.

I should comment seriously just a bit here.

Service roles can be really fulfilling as a job, but often times you don't get the gratitude you diserve (take nursing for example your patients are so doped up that they don't even realize your taking care of them) I think this has something to do with why service positions aren't as highly valued, you really don't get any recognition. If you go home and are the dominate partner, you know your sub is paying attention to you and trying their hardest to please you not the other way around. Kind of a nice change .

(I really (more often than not) think peoples day jobs are the opposite of what their sex drive is (don't really know why that is though). We choose our jobs just as we choose our preference in roles there may be something to that but maybe not

lilyandthelion said:

I identify as a submissive but if I'm with another submissive person, I'm the one that takes control and I do it easily. I don't enjoy it as much as I do being submissive, but I can do it. I'd rather just be with someone dominant enough to dominate me. I don't know if this makes me a switch or not.

Lily

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I don't think that really makes you a switch...you'd have to enjoy it. To me that just shows that your more of a "pleaser" than your submissive partner/s. Doing anything to make them feel more at ease. Haha, but thats just my view on things, you might see it differently.

precious105 said:

Different way to look at service roles....givers rather than takers.....although I'd classify dominance as giving rather than taking.

You know the wild subbies out there just need to take it as much of "it" that they can take ... lol ok ok bad joke time is over.

I should comment seriously just a bit here.

Service roles can be really fulfilling as a job, but often times you don't get the gratitude you diserve (take nursing for example your patients are so doped up that they don't even realize your taking care of them) I think this has something to do with why service positions aren't as highly valued, you really don't get any recognition. If you go home and are the dominate partner, you know your sub is paying attention to you and trying their hardest to please you not the other way around. Kind of a nice change .

(I really (more often than not) think peoples day jobs are the opposite of what their sex drive is (don't really know why that is though). We choose our jobs just as we choose our preference in roles there may be something to that but maybe not

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I agree about nurses not getting that recodnition, but it depends on what role of nursing they play. There are dominate nurses who do not take crap from anyone. There are also nurses who will say okay to anyone.

I am aggressive at work and I tend to me dominate in sex too, but I do have that softer side too. I love to give up control once in awhile.

So I do not fit that opposites of roles.

haha ok so I could just be the odd one out in that! Oh well wouldn't be the first time I've been odd.

Anyone can do anything. The whole "I could never submit to anyone" flies out the window when that person's stopped at a traffic light. It's more an issue of what lights your fire when no one's looking.

I also think that it is news that switches are held in contempt. I think that perhaps the issues were with the personalities involved, not their orientation.

I wouldn't hold a Dom or sub or switch or vanilla in contempt for being what they are.

Do what makes you happy and don't give a fuck about what people think.

In an organization, unless you are the guy or gal writing the checks, you'll have people above and below you. If you accept a management position that is. But I don't see what that has to do with bdsm. It's like saying potatoes are subs and Corn Husks are Dom because taters are below and Corn is above.

WriterDom said:

I wouldn't hold a Dom or sub or switch or vanilla in contempt for being what they are.

Do what makes you happy and don't give a fuck about what people think.

In an organization, unless you are the guy or gal writing the checks, you'll have people above and below you. If you accept a management position that is. But I don't see what that has to do with bdsm. It's like saying potatoes are subs and Corn Husks are Dom because taters are below and Corn is above.

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WD your kitty is sure cute!