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How important are tears during spanking?

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palanna

Virgin
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May 14, 2007
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Hallo everybody I'm new in this forum.

My boyfriend and I like spanking a lot and we find it very erotic.
After reading many stories and watching many movies, we undestood that many women can be reduced in tears during a hard spanking.

The problem is that I refuse to break down and I always fight very hard against tears. I hate the idea to be seen sobbing like a baby with a red bottom, but my boyfriend gets frustrated and begins spanking harder and harder. The result is a sort of challenge to see who the first who gives in, very painfull and sometimes not really exciting, at leats for me.

I know that pain can make me cry: it happened some month ago after I broke my big toe under a bowling ball, but I'll never allow anybody to hurt me so much for fun!!!!
Because we practice spanking only for fun and not for punishment.

So my question is: what shall I do? Being less proud and let my tears flow more easily, allow him to be even more painfull or trying to persuade him that tears are not so important in spite so many beautiful movies we both have enjoied?

How do you behave during a spanking?

Thank you for your suggestions!
 
Spanking stories and movies, like most porn, are not accurate representations of everyday life. Just because the chick in the movies cries when she's spanked doesn't mean you have to do it. Porn does not equate with reality.
 
I have yet to really cry during a spanking. I have orgasmed. I have screamed a little. I have laughed (out of joy, not because I wasn't getting spanked hard enough) Mostly I smile and relish the pain and pleasure. If my Dom ever wanted to spank me until I cried I think it would take a very long time and not be enjoyable for either of us. (though by really crying I mean sobbing, tears do come to my eyes but I wouldn't call it crying)
 
I guess it depends on exactly why he wants you to cry. I know when we first got together F was not a fan of crying, which for me was fine because I didn't cry from the pain he was delivering at that time, or anyone had delivered to that point. Somewhere along the way tears happened.....if you were on the receiving end of some of what he is capable of delivering you would know that no amount of pride was going to prevent them....and F found he actually found it a turn on to see my tears. It has grown from there to the point it matters nil why I cry, it instantly turns him on more than many other things can come close to doing. I have learned to allow him that pleasure, though it is still difficult until he turns the heat up to the levels and activities he knows will achieve it, and I have learnt to enjoy the release. Perhaps your partner also has this sort of fascination for tears and wants to experience it for real.

Catalina :catroar:
 
Like catalina my Master enjoys the tears he can produce with a spanking or cropping...It turns him on and he enjoys that fact that he has brought tears to his sluts eyes
 
I think your boyfriend should back off the flogger and work more on your head. I'm told its a combination of excitement pain joy and emotion all rolled into a package. As far as the importance of tears... I wouldn't say they are necessary but they are a reward for a job well done. You can't produce the tears I look for with a whip alone..

Really good sex is about 40% physical and 60% mental..
 
Have been on both sides of this. The Ex used to enjoy making me cry for varying reasons. Tears caused from a scene were often for 2 reasons: either simply from pain or sometimes an emotional release from a place i had reached mentally and it was the only way i knew to "come down". i do not think they were necessary for him but he enjoyed them, and he was not moved by them in the sense they encouraged him to stop. More i think they fascinated him and he wondered what other things he could do to provoke them. i think to him, bringing me to the point of tears showed my willingness to express a great vulnerability to him and trust too he would keep me safe. On the other hand, i know with my current partner if i were to cry anything we were doing would immediately stop. To him that would be an indication he had, in his mind, gone too far. We are still learning, growing together. It has taken a long time to get to the point where i can express a painful response but not want him to stop, and he trusts now that i mean it when i say yes it hurts but please don't stop.

Just my .02.
 
i've never cried during sex play, but the guy i'm seeing now has a deep desire to reduce me to tears. we'll see how it goes, and what my reaction is. i personally can't envision myself enjoying something that makes me cry - tears are reserved for misery. but, the sadist wants to make me miserable ;) as i said, we'll see how it goes.
 
I have been spanking my wife .....it turns me on when she screams ...i get wild seeing her tears....
 
Other than the tears that for me, come with my gag reflex during deep throating, I have never cried during any sort of sex or BDSM. I don't particularly want to either.

The pain of a spanking is NOTHING like the pain of breaking a leg. I'd suspect, as someone else said already that you'd have to get into the mind and emotions of many to get them to cry.

Fury :rose:
 
i know i have cried before during/after spankings that are punishments given by my Master. it is never from the pain though, although it will hurt. my tears come from the fact that i have not pleased my Master and have broken a rule and deserve the punishment. i would not be opposed to being reduced to tears even in enjoyment, tears are proof of emotion, and i don't think sex can be all that good without emotion. i am not sure if Master has seen them or not, but i have had happy tears roll quietly down my face during sex, but that isn't quite the same (plus they get mixed with all the sweat)
 
I have a hard time letting myself cry in general and I don’t know that that would change under the influence of a spanking. I don’t think it would be anything consciously deliberate, but something more automatic since it’s such an ingrained behavioral pattern.
 
I get turned on when my pyl cries for me, she gets turned on when she cries for me. So it's a win-win situation for us :D
 
Tears, for me, are kinda like the last thread of myself, that I cling to at all costs. I understand the psychology behind it, for me, but suffice it to say that in my world, crying never did me any good. I would have to really REALLY trust someone to let that go. In fact, it is one of MY only rules in all this, to not cry. I did, a little, when w/ my Sir last time, but it wasn't the same, as an all out real good deep down soul cleansing. I doubt he'll ever see that. I can see it being a threat tho, as it amazes me the mental and emotional as well as physical release that being submissive brings me. (No, I did not say that in my out loud voice) What an interesting thread. I love hearing everyones viewpoints. Chicklet, you're a hoot. You rock!
 
I have not long experienced my first ever Spanking, Sir had said previous that it would sting and i would cry, but even though it did hurt me, i could not cry. I giggled alot but i think that was due to me being nervous. I really thought i had let Sir down with NOT Crying, But he said everyones reaction is different, and not to worry about it. He was proud with how i dealt with the Spanking. That made me feel so much better. Maybe it will be different next time, who knows?
 
Wow... I'm a bit taken back at the high % of sub's that don't cry. Its always been my experience that most do.

Never something I really looked for it just happens.
 
Ice2000 said:
I think your boyfriend should back off the flogger and work more on your head. I'm told its a combination of excitement pain joy and emotion all rolled into a package. As far as the importance of tears... I wouldn't say they are necessary but they are a reward for a job well done. You can't produce the tears I look for with a whip alone..

Really good sex is about 40% physical and 60% mental..
Click to expand...

I pretty much agree with this. good sex, good relationships (whether purely physical or otherwise) all require good communication.

I cannot say what the answer is to your scenario, but I can relate my experiences.
crying is not something I wanna do, or see, when sex is involved.
I'm not into super serious BD/SM. for my wife and I, its probably generally considered more roleplay of a BDSM flavor. usually i'm more dominant, but we have a fairly vanilla relationship that's simply adventurous.

but we like to trade roles and she spanks me and plays with my butt, teasing my cock, etc...I enjoy the frustration because the more frustrated i get, the harder I eventually orgasm. when i'm spanked, she's lucky to get a sigh or grunt out of me, because we don't take it that hard. no bruises, just a pink ass.
 
I've never cried during any kind of scene before - like some of the other folks have said, I'm usually reveling in the pain and get lost in my scene-space, too emotionally-detached to actually do something as openly-emotional as cry.

On the other hand, we are meeting a new couple to play this weekend; the lady is an extremely creative and imaginative dominant. Though not very experienced, she is quite adept at reading and controlling emotions (mine, anyway). This much we've already determined through emails, IMs, phone calls and personal meetings. I suspect she will be even more adept at it when I'm bound and helpless at her mercy at, say, 9:00 p.m. Saturday night. :) One of her stated goals is to beat me until I whimper (not too hard, I'm NOT a pain slut!), then make me cry. :eek:

I will report back. :D
 
Not sure what the OP means by spanking, and has she has not returned I can't ask her *sigh*

I hate hand spankings, I never used to; I used to dislike them, but Andante has a really hard hand! I can be on the verge of tears if he even talks about a hand spanking, if actually he does it then I cry. almost instantly (I think).

It is a different type of crying to when he uses an implement on me.
Then there is a build up to the tears, they are mixed with erotic pleasure and the 'Damn, that hurts' feelings.

Hand spanking tears are because it hurts, but I also find it humiliating and mortifying that he is doing it. So they are 'poor me' tears as well. Nothing erotic, just embarrassment.

I don't like crying but if he continues to hurt me when I do cry, I can move through that state into a place where I am very relaxed. I would not call it sub-space, but it is a place of peace and feeling in the 'right' place and frame of mind. This does not happen when he hand spanks me, I am often yelling and crying and begging him to stop.

Tears, are not a form of a safe word.

I am glad of that, if they were we would do very little.

But I hate that I end up in tears.
 
gingermango said:
I've never cried during any kind of scene before - like some of the other folks have said, I'm usually reveling in the pain and get lost in my scene-space, too emotionally-detached to actually do something as openly-emotional as cry.

On the other hand, we are meeting a new couple to play this weekend; the lady is an extremely creative and imaginative dominant. Though not very experienced, she is quite adept at reading and controlling emotions (mine, anyway). This much we've already determined through emails, IMs, phone calls and personal meetings. I suspect she will be even more adept at it when I'm bound and helpless at her mercy at, say, 9:00 p.m. Saturday night. :) One of her stated goals is to beat me until I whimper (not too hard, I'm NOT a pain slut!), then make me cry. :eek:

I will report back. :D
Click to expand...


That sounds interesting.

I am looking forward to hearing how it was and how you felt about it all afterwards
 
If spanking would be to inflict pain or a punishment then I guess tears could be a "measure" how well it works.

But as you said you find spanking erotic I would imagine the goal is not really to have spanked one shaking and crying. That's hardly erotic for both - I think. Maybe your boyfriend is a bit sadist while you arent that masochist.

Being breaked up - to point where you cant hold tears anymore can be a very emotional experience. Is that what you are after in spanking?
 
shy slave said:
That sounds interesting.

I am looking forward to hearing how it was and how you felt about it all afterwards
Click to expand...

We have had to reschedule and delay our plans for a week. I'm looking forward to the experience and I will share at the appropriate time.
 
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