The Process

(Please not that this is a closed thread for Esmeralda Tate and myself. Comments are welcome by PM)

London in November was not a very pleasant place. The city seemed to be draped in a grey shroud, and the constant raining and the long nights made it almost uninhabitable. She ought to have taken a week off, flying down to the south of France instead. Unfortunately autumn proved to be the the most hectic time as far as her work was concerned and while money was not an issue, reputation was and it would reflect rather poorly on her own professionalism had she decided to leave at this particular time.

She glanced up to meet her reflection in the mirror, seeing Rebecca Meadows look back at her in a noncommitant manner. Examining her face critically for a few moments. The make-up was subtle and served the purpose of enhancing her good features as well as covering the ones whom she wasn't entirely pleased with. Nodding at herself as she picked up the keys and the umbrella and stepping out on the street. Hurrying her steps to her Land Rover and getting in just before another gust of wind drove the raindrops to hammer against the windscreen. She turned the stereo on, opting for the Brandenburg Concertos instead of the chirpy presenter at BBC 1. Rebecca wasn't an afficionado of classical music per se. The cd:s having been a gift rather than something she'd bought herself. She considered herself to be rather eclectic in her tastes. The music filled the interior of the car as she negotiated the heavy traffic. Rush hour in London was not for the faint hearted. She could easily have taken a cab or even the bus, but there was a certain appeal not to be reliant on others. Perhaps a strange thing to say given her profession. She had trained at Oxford to become a M.D and specialising in psychiatry. It was to be expected, both her parents were doctors and it had been all she ever aspired to. Rebecca had wanted to become a surgeon, but her interest in the maladies of the mind, as one of her lecturers had referred to it, had led her to persue a career focused on psychiatry.

Parking her car outside the Victorian building that housed her practice, locking the doors and hurrying across the pavement so to avoid the rain and stepping inside the hall. Her practice was rather small, four rooms all in all, the reception and behind it the kitchenette. Her own study was situated to the left and divided into the office space and the are designated for her consultations. She was being greeted by her secretary/receptionist Honor who just poured the statutory cups of tea for the two of them. With the usual quiet efficiency she had placed the folder containing the day's appointments at the table giving Rebecca an overview of the day. She skimmed through it, two regulars having appointments scheduled for the afternoon. The morning was empty save for one client. Brianna Livingston. Rebecca sipped her tea as she looked through the notes she'd made in the folder. American student, her father had been adamant that she would see her. Multiple diagnoses and rather far gone, just out of hospital for what for all intents and purposes had been described as an attempted suicide.

Rebecca had made a name for herself within cognitive and behavioural psychology, and she had became, if not an authority, then at least a frequently cited reference. She had kept up with the recent developments and made sure to submit both papers and articles on a general basis to the leading journals on psychology. In a way it was a double-edged blessing. On the one hand it had given her a certain amount of fame which in turn merited a constant flow of clients. On the other hand it also meant that a fair number of people thought her a miracle worker. The problem lay not in the application of the theories nor the therapy in itself but rather in the fact that so many of her clients seemed to believe that it was her job to fix them. Mr Livingston seemed to belong to the latter category by proxy. Rebecca vividly recalled the conversation she had had with him over the phone the previous week. "Cure her, money is not an issue". That had in short been the message relayed and it seemed to Rebecca that a lot of the explanation to Ms Livingston's problems were to be found in it.

She glanced at the clock on the wall and finished her tea and nodded to Honor. It was only a few minutes before Ms Livingston's appointment. Sitting down at her desk as she glanced through the mail before she was interrupted by the polite knock on the door, and she got up from her desk as Honor gently ushered a young woman into the study. She was petite, and with a less than healthy pallor. Rebecca smiled as she extended her hand.

"Helle Brianna, I'm Rebecca Meadows. If you don't mind I think it's better to skip the titles. Now if you would be so kind to step this way."

She indicated for her to take a seat in one of the armchairs by the window, and she got down opposite from her. Brianna was curled up, her left leg pulled up and her arms hugging it as she gave Rebecca an expressionless look.

"Now I want you to know that everything that is said here will be treated with confidentiality. If you feel that something is getting a bit to much then you'll tell me and we either take a break or discuss something else."

She smiled again as she sat back.

"I'm going to ask you the hardest question first, namely how you feel Brianna."

Brianna Livingston sat in the back of her fathers car watching the scenery go by with little to no expression on her face. She was feeling numb inside. Everything had been such a blur lately and things were spinning out of control. She needed help, that she knew but she was afraid to seek it. Her father sought the attention of a well known Psychiatrist and made an appointment for her. She didn't know how that would help her since nothing had in the past. She had recently been released from the hospital after a bad bout of depression and a suicide attempt. Here she was now vunerable and torn inside at the mercy of yet another doctor to cure her.
Brianna hated the ugly gray skies of London. The darkness seemed to aggitate her already frazzled mind and she found it hard to get out of bed in the mornings. Not that it was any better back home in the United States but here in London she was new, and it had been hard for her to get used to things. Her father moved around alot and took her here almost 6 months ago. She enrolled in a prestigious college to take up Veterinary medicine and found that her grades were good, however she struggled to maintain them because of the demons that plagued her mind.
Her mother had died less than a year ago from breast cancer and it was hard to come to the realization that she had nobody else except her father. She craved somebody to reach out to her. Somebody to be there. She had a hard time trusting and so she remained alone for most of the time until she met her boyfriend Justin..She couldn't think about him right now. She had to think about the doctor she was about to meet.
She took a deep breath as they neared the building. She began to scratch at her arms and she was glad that she wore a long sleeve shirt. She couldn't let the doctor see the scars that were carved into her skin intentionally.
Brianna was only 21 years old and was a small girl of only 5'4" tall. Her hair was down to the middle of her back and framed her angular face. Her eyes were wide and cautious as she looked around the small office. She sort of cowered a bit as her father talked with the receptionist. Ater a few minutes her father looked to her and told her he would pick her up once the session was over. She was now alone as a doctor by the name of Rebecca Meadows approached her. Brianna scanned her face not wanting to like her but she found her eyes to be open and calm. She followed her into her office and sat down in the soft comfortable chair she motioned towards. She then curled up and pulled her leg up, her arms hugging it as she looked at the doctor opposite her. She listened to her speak. It was a soothing voice. Still she wouldn't allow herself to show any emotion. Not yet at least. As soon as Dr. Meadows asked her how she was feeling she just shrugged and looked out the window. There was a long silence. The doctor's eyes were probing hers.

"How do I feel? Well if you must know I feel like shit" she said and smirked. Her american accent completely stood out as she spoke for the first time. "How do you think I feel? My father dragged me here because he thinks I need to be cured. Cured of what?" She was becoming quite defensive and she pulled her leg tighter to her body. "He will spend all the money in the world just so that I don't end up in the hospital again. He thinks you can fix me. Well they didn't fix me in the hospital. Nobody can fix me." She then looked down. A first sign of emotion played on her face. There was obvious pain in her eyes..

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

Rebecca sat back, her poise one carefully rehearsed, conveying that she would not pose a threat to the client. Brianna was not the first young woman who had taken on a similar response to the question. On the one hand utterly defensive, verging on aggressive almost, and at the same time so utterly vulnerable. Rebecca allowed for her to regain some composure before she addressed her softly.

"Your father was wrong Brianna, I can't fix you." She gave the younger woman a nod to underline that this was the truth to the matter, meeting the look of surprise she was given. Rebecca cursed inwardly; too many therapists were all too keen on promising the definite method to 'fix' whatever illness the client were suffering from. "That is up to you, but if you allow me then I will do what I can to help you."

She sat back again and smiled softly as she watched Brianna again. She looked younger than her age. Petité verging on skinny even, most probably a result of an eating disorder. The clothes she was wearing were non-descript black a good two sizes too large for her, creating an overall effect of a young woman who was long past the point of caring. Brianna had still not replied to her statement, but at least she had stopped staring out the window. It was a start, although Rebecca surmised that this would take considerable time to get behind the walls that Brianna had erected around herself.

"It seems to me Brianna, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that you are feeling inadequate, angry but most of all that you are sad." Rebecca sought her eyes again as she continued. "There are surprisingly many women who resort to cutting themselves in order to gain some measure of control Brianna." She kept her features neutral as she continued "that is the most acute reason to why your father thought it necessary for you to come here today. We will address the issue of cutting yourself later should you decide that you will be able to trust me to continue our sessions. This is about you Brianna and it is up to you to make the decision whether we shall continue this."

Rebecca smiled encouragingly at Brianna, seeing the look on the younger woman's face. It may seem irresponsible to let a client such as Brianna determine whether she was in need of therapy or not, but in Rebecca's experience it was much more efficient to let the client be given a choice. Especially clients like Brianna. There was an almost inperceptible nod as Brianna gave her assent to the proposal, and for the first time during the session there was a shadow of a smile playing on her lips. Rebecca returned it as she shifted her position, assuming a more authoritative posture, although being careful not to appear threatening.

"I think you made the right decision Brianna, although I must stress how important it is that you will be honest with yourself during our sessions. It is imperative that you do not shy away or try to conceal even the things that you feel ashamed about. What is being discussed in this room stays in this room Brianna and I will not lie to you, it will be taxing for you, but if you are determined then we will work our through that."

She looked intently at Brianna, watching for the signs that she might pull back from the deal but there was nothing that bespoke such actions there. Rebecca nodded encouragingly as she sat back again.

"Perhaps you can tell me for how long you have been feeling like you do and what you think have brought it on."

Tentatively Brianna began to recount her upbringing, she did so matter of factly, clearly struggling to keep her emotions in check. The only time she faltered was when she told Rebecca about the guilt she had been experiencing ever since her mother passed away. Rebecca had sat through hundreds, if not thousand of similar confessions, and had always prided herself with her rigid adherence to the ethos of her profession. Now however there was a sudden impulse surging through her that almost made her stand up and embrace her client. There was something about this particular woman that touched her on a deeper level than anyone had previously done. Perhaps it was the mere fact of her petite frame and that she looked more vulnerable as she told Rebecca about what had passed.

Rebecca had always prided herself with her ability to act and argue from a logical point of view, and she filed the thoughts as being nothing more than maternal instincts. At 35 she was still unmarried and children seemed a very distant prospect indeed. But she was aware that biology could play havoc with reason. She looked at the clock seeing that the session neared it's end and gently interrupted Brianna.

"I'm afraid that the time is up for now, but if you speak to Honor she will schedule your next session." She stood up, straightened her skirt, and pushed a strand of her blonde hair from her face before extending her hand to Brianna. "I'll look forward to see you again."

Brianna seemed reluctant to leave but after a moment's hesitation she nodded to Rebecca and quietly slipped out the door, leaving her therapist to her own thoughts. She took a new folder from the file cabinet and labelled it Brianna Livingston. It was not a journal per se, more of notes to keep herself updated with the person. She scribbled it down by hand rather than using her computer. It was a quirke, but somehow it seemed more respectful to the client to take the extra time and write down what she needed to remember by hand than using an impersonal word processing programme.

The rest of the day offered less excitement, a few of her regulars to keep her busy but nothing that merited much in the way of personal involvement. She was rather thankful that most of her clientele consisted from people with rather minor problems and with too much money on their hands. It was not that she was insensitive to their situations, but sometimes she wondered if it was strictly necessary for the majority of them to need the extensive therapy that she was offering. It did pay the bills though and she was practical enough to know not to bite the hands that fed her.

Rebecca left just after 5, stopping on the way to pick up some groceries and a bottle of wine. She was not an extensive drinker but she enjoyed the occasional glass with her dinner. Even though she was single she had been very disciplined when it came to cooking, she would not allow herself to live of ready-made meals or take-aways. After she had done away with the dishes she reclined on the settee, opting for a novel rather than the medical journals that usually kept her busy.

She awoke around 1 AM, curled up on the sofa by the door bell ringing. Still a bit dozy she got to her feet and went to the hall, hesitating a moment before opening the door. The neighbourhood was quiet enough and there had not been any instances of burglary for as long as she could remember. Thus it was rather alarming that someone would come calling at this time of night. She had installed a security chain to the door and making sure it was attached, she slid the door open to find Brianna standing outside.

Brianna looked at the doctor with a shocked expression on her face when she told her that she couldn't fix her. She was confused and her lips contorted as if to speak. She didn't though, not at first. She was too dumbfounded to voice her feelings. She just sat there staring into the doctor's eyes. She was told that it would be up to her to try and fix herself with the doctor's help. She then sighed and looked away shaking her head. Was she looking for a quick fix? One could never tell. There was an obvious look of frustration on the young womans face once she finally found the nerve open her mouth.

"I don't know if I know how to fix myself." Maybe in a sick masochistic way she didn't want to get better, or perhaps she was afraid. She had lived with emotional pain for so long, it had sort of become her friend over the years. If she was suddenly better, then her friend of misery would be gone. She wasn't sure if she was ready to cut those ties yet, but she knew deep down that she needed relief. She needed a way to cope with her life.

Dr. Meadows asked her a question. She pondered it a bit before responding. "Yes, I am feeling angry, sad and inadequate. All of those." She wrung her hands together nervously and nodded after admitting her faults to this woman. She was not prepared however for the doctors next words and she immediately went into defense mode once again. "Cutting? Who said I cut myself?" She couldn't help it when subconciously her hands rubbed her arms protectively. She never told the doctor about her secret cutting. Was it her father who gave it away? Was it already in her chart? It had to be her father. Damn him. Brianna felt defeated and her shoulders sort of slumped once her secret was realized and revealed. She felt ashamed and humiliated. It was then that she agreed to see the doctor again. She hoped this woman would be able to bring out everything that was so troubling her. "Fine, I will consent to seeing you again. My father must have told you everything about my life. You must find me to be one hell of a messed up girl" She sniffled as tears threatened to fall. She had to keep them in check. She couldn't break down now. The urge to cut was growing strong inside of her as control was being stripped away. She was beginning to feel trapped inside of herself and very overwhelmed with everything. If she could only find something to pierce her skin and watch the blood ooze. It would release her pain.

Brianna looked at the doctor again. There was something about her that made her want to trust her. She needed a female to confide in. She needed somebody to listen to her. "I will try and be honest about things during our sessions. I must warn you however that there are things that I am even afraid to think about let alone admit it to somebody else." She couldn't help but think that in time this doctor would become frustrated and just leave her. Everybody leaves her. Especially women. Just like her mother did.

The doctor wanted to know about her life and what brought her to this point. She watched as she sat back and allowed her to speak. It took her a few seconds but after collecting her thoughts she began. "Well, I'm an only child. I'm a daddy's girl. I've never been close to my mother. I tried. I wanted her love and affection but I was never good enough. She told me that I should have been a boy. I was never good enough as a girl. She expected too much out of me. I had to be perfect. I could never be what she wanted. I tried so hard to give her what she wanted but I only got a slap on the face. I began to resent her. It turned to hate." Her lips trembled slightly as she recounted the next events. "She then got sick. She had to see a specialist. It was Cancer. She was dying. She needed both her breasts removed but it was too late. It had spread to her entire body. She died about a year ago. I can't express to you how much guilt I feel over this. I stayed away from her when she was sick. I tried to remain stoic because I felt that if I got too close it would be hard for me to say goodbye, so I thought that if I was indifferent her death wouldn't affect me. I was wrong. I feel so haunted. I feel that maybe if I would have forgiven her for everything she has done to me that maybe the Cancer would have left her body. I wasn't with her the night she died. I never got to say goodbye" Her eyes were becoming moist but she quickly blinked them away.

"I turned everything inwards. I felt so alone. I hated myself and how I looked. It was then that my Obsessive-Compulsiveness overtook me. Everything had to be perfect around me. Nothing could be out of place in my room. I went crazy if somebody moved anything around. I would repeat things and count things. It consumed my life." She then began to think of her weight. "I am so fat. If I stop eating then perhaps I can regain some of the control that I feel I have lost." She then took a deep breath. It was apparent to Rebecca that this was very difficult for her to talk about. "It's been rather difficult moving here to England. Because of my fathers job we move around alot. I didn't know anybody here. The only person I have is my boyfriend Justin" She then chuckled a bit as she thought about him. "I love him but he drinks alot. It's not his fault when he hits me. He can't help it. Its the alcohol that makes him angry. He tries to correct me. He just wants whats best for me. Hes all I have" She then looked at the doctor in hopes that she would understand.

Brianna had talked the entire hour. Her session had expired and it was now time to schedule another one. She stood up and a hint of a smile played across her face. Confessing all that she did actually made her feel less anxious and the urge to cut was dissipating. "Thank you, I will talk to Honor in the lobby" She shook the doctors hand and noticed how soft and warm she felt. She stood there for a few seconds before leaving her office. Her father was waiting for her and after she made another appointment she left the building. When her father asked her how it went in the car she shrugged and said it was fine. She didn't want to say too much. She wanted it to be between herself and the doctor.

The rest of her day was spent with her boyfriend Justin. She went to his house to find him already drinking with a few of his friends. Justin was 22 years old and played in a garage band. He was quite tall. Just about 6'3" and had a thin frame. His hair was long, just past his shoulders and was dyed pitch black. He had a very dominant personality and liked to be in control. Brianna didn't have to think much when she was with him. He made all the decisions for her. Today was much like any other day. He was wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt with some bands picture on the front of it. He had blue eyes and donned a few piercings and tatoos on his body. He was quite hip with the London underground music scene. Brianna noticed that he was already a bit buzzed from the alcohol he had been drinking. They spent the afternoon and most of the evening together. His drinking was getting worse and so did his mood. Things began to turn ugly. She felt frightened and needed an outlet. "You want some pain? Come on baby, I can give you some pain. I know you want it" Justin hit her. It didn't stop there. She felt as though she would be alone but then thought about Rebecca. She rifled through her purse once she left his house and found the doctors card. Her business phone and address was on it along with her home information. She caught a taxi and told the driver to take her to this address.

Brianna acted on an impulse. She knew what time it was yet she needed a person to listen. She had been crying a bit and had scratched at at her arms in an attempt to break the skin. Ringing the doctors doorbell she stood there and paced back and forth on the porch until the door was opened. She looked into the doctors face and her eyes pleaded with her. "I..I know how late it is. I'm sorry. I found your address from your card. I didn't know what to do. I need to talk. I will understand if you send me away" In fact Brianna thought for sure she would be sent away. She was always being discarded. "I can come back tomorrow". There was a sense of vunerability from Brianna as Rebecca looked at her through the door. She then stood there hoping and waiting..

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

Rebecca's first impulse was to send Brianna on her way. It was unacceptable for a client to show up at her doorstep, especially at a time like this. She was about to tell her to leave but something stopped her from doing so. The younger woman looked thoroughly dishevelled and there was a pleading tone to her voice that bespoke that something out of the ordinary, and most probably, not very pleasant had taken place. Rebecca was not privy to Brianna's relation but it took no special skills to understand that her boyfriend was the abusive type and while her father loved her deeply, the two of them had grown estranged and wouldn't be her chosen confidant at a time like this. She bit her lip as she considered the options. It would be acceptable to listen for an hour or so and then send her home in a taxi. She would need to cancel the next scheduled session of course. The practical side to her also thought about what mark up she'd make on the fee.

"It's really quite inappropriate Brianna but since you're here you can just as well come in."

She gave her what she tought was a suitably although not too disapproving a look as she held the door open and closed it behind her, once again attaching the chain. "I'll make us some tea, you can wait in the living room." She ushered Brianna into the living room and cursed herself for letting her see the half empty bottle of wine on the table. Rebecca had always been careful only to show what she had labelled her 'public face'. To her clients she was the therapist, a person whom they would never know anything about except of what she presented during the sessions. It was not that she thought Brianna to be too daft not to realise that there was a person behind the mask, or that indulging a glass of wine would diminish the client's confidence in her, but it also brought them closer and would potentially mean that the professional relation would be compromised. She quickly grabbed the bottle and the glass as she nodded for Brianna to take a seat and retreated to the kitchen. This was not a good idea at all, but she had given the younger woman her word and thusly she was bound to honour it. In addition there was something in her that had been stirred by Brianna's appearence. Rebecca couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, and right now she was feeling somewhat out of balance. She busied herself with the kettle and placing it together with two cups and the pint of milk on a tray and carried it out to the living room where Brianna was waiting.

Rebecca noticed that the younger woman looked at her, even now in her rather upset state Brianna seemed to smile at Rebecca's choice of clothes. Instead of the conservative skirt and jacket she'd worn she was now in rather low-cut sweatpants and a hooded shirt sporting the badge of the Oxford University Fencing Club. All in all quite far from the image of cool detachment that she usually tried to convey. It was nothing to do about it now and she would just have to compensate for it by her actions.

"Now Brianna I do hope that you understand that this is highly irregular for a client to show up like you just did. Usually I would not have received you but it seems you had quite the ordeal. Have you cut yourself?"

She looked straight at Brianna who was curled up in the corner of the settee, only a few feet away from the armchair where Rebecca was seated. Knowing that she needed to be careful not to further agitate her by being overly dissentful but still enough to convey her own views on the act. Even though she had worked with women who shared Brianna's diagnosis for years it was still a mystery how anyone could put herself through that particular ordea. Of course she knew the explanations, gaining control of the emotional stress, giving the pain an outlet that you could actually see. It was logical a reaction but at the same time something that she could never understand on a personal level. She knew that she had an elitist streak to her that almost verged on the Narcissistic. Not that she despised the women who took to self mutilation, but on one level she considered some of them to be nothing but attention seekers. Rebecca recalled the saying that people who ventured into the field of psychology did so in order to battle their own demons, and God knew Rebecca had enough of such. Watching as Brianna nursed her cup, seemingly not in any great hurry to divulge what had progressed during the evening. In contrast to herself Brianna was brittle, every obstacle she encountered would be cause enough to plunge further down the spiral of self-destructive behaviour and would, if not checked in time most probably lead to her death. Abuse, neglect, betrayal. Those were the usual explanations to why her clients turned to become self-destructive, and while she could understand the motivations she did not accept it. For all her compassionate and professional posture there was a small part of her that rebelled at the thought of listening to them. Bubbling just beneath her controlled surface lay the images that she had kept in check for so long.

Rebecca shook her head, ostensibly to clear her thoughs before listening attentively to Brianna, but the real reason was to push back the memories that had became all too vivid for her to handle. She took a deep breath and sat back, assuming the position she usually took while listening to her clients when they were to recount some particularly painful event. Brianna began to hesitantly tell her about what had transpired since last they'd met. Apparently her boyfriend had outdone himself and even though Rebecca had heard a thousand clients tell her similar things this got to her in a way that she would never have allowed any other to do. She waited until Brianna had finished, giving her a Kleenex that she kept in a box by the settee. Making sure to keep her voice as neutral as possible as she next spoke.

"It seems to me that this Justin is excercising too much control over you Brianna and that he further seems to think of you as less than a companion worthy of his love and affection, but it also occurs to me that you may crave the pain and humiliation. I am not saying that you encourage him, nor that you are responsible for his behaviour although I would like you to ask yourself the question whether you, on some level, desire to be subjected to such things. You display some alarming signs of sexual masochism. Had your relation to Justin been a healthy one I would not say anything about it, but I fear that if you allow this to continue it may well spiral out of control."

She sat back again and looked straight at Brianna, noticing how the colour began to rise on her cheeks. It was never easy to have one's sexual preferences dissected, and even less so when they tended to be of the more extreme variant as was the case with Brianna's. Rebecca had never had a personal interest in the more specialized sexual practices but she could understand the motivations, both Brianna's and Justin's, and the thought was not only the cool professional assesment of a psychiatrist. She made a show of looking at the clock as Brianna had finished speaking, trying to decide a cause of action that would not leave the younger woman to her own devices. She guessed that even if she did go home to her own flat there was a strong possibility that she'd end up with Justin anyway, and from what she had heard it was not to be recommended.

"As I said earlier, I do not usually allow clients to visit me at home but this is rather an extraordinary situation Brianna. I am of a mind to either have you remitted to a psychiatric ward for observation, but I know you would not accept that. However I don't think it wise to let you wander of on your own right now. I have a guest room you can stay in." She gave Brianna a smile as she stood up. "Just don't make it a habit to come round. It's not that I don't want to see you but you understand that it will be very hard to maintain a professional relation for both of us."

Brianna was looking at Rebecca with pleading eyes but as soon as she heard her say that it was inappropriate for her to have come, she put her head down and sighed heavily. She was ready to receive her rejection. It always came. She even almost turned around to leave but then the doctor opened up her door for her. She returned her gaze back at Rebecca and smiled softly. "Thank you" she said in a soft voice.

Once inside she immediately looked around and found her home to be rather charming. She sat down in the settee that Rebecca motioned towards and then watched her go into the kitchen to prepare the tea. She did notice the bottle of wine that Rebecca ushered away and Brianna couldn't help but smile. It made the doctor seem more human instead of just a robot who listened to problems. She made herself comfortable and curled her legs up under her as she continued to look around. She immediately liked it here. When Rebecca returned with the tea she reached up for her cup and took a sip. It was very soothing and she held it tightly in her hands to keep her warm. She noticed the doctors choice of clothes. They were nice and she smiled yet once again.

"Yes I know this must be unusual for a client of yours to arrive at your house this time of the night. I am sorry. I didn't know what to do". When Rebecca asked her if she had cut herself she hesitated in answering but then soon nodded and looked away. "I had to" she simply said. "It made me feel better." She then debated if she should confess to the doctor about what happened between her and Justin or not but in the end she decided that it would be best to be honest and open. It was what Rebecca wanted and what Brianna had pledged to do in order to get better.

"I went to Justin's house tonight. He had some friends over. He's in a band you know. He had been drinking. He tends to drink too much. Hes so nice when hes not drinking but then once hes had a few it changes his mood. He started to yell at me and I just sat there. It seemed to provoke him even furthur. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me over to him and asked me if I wanted some pain. He then slapped my face hard" She couldn't help it when suddenly tears fell down her face. "It was so humiliating because his friends were there watching. They didn't do anything about it. They seemed to enjoy watching him do that to me" She took the kleenex that Rebecca had offered her and wiped her eyes with it.

"This isn't the first time he has done this. Hes a very dominant person. He has to be in control. He tells me that he has to keep me in line. I always do everything wrong and he has to correct me. Sometimes he will just yell at me but other times he will push me or hit me. Then sexually"..She trailed off and looked at Rebecca again and took a deep breath. "He likes violent sex." she drank more tea and then set the cup down before continuing. "He likes what he calls 'play rape' and he tells me to resist because it excites him when I resist. The more I act as though I don't like it the more excited he gets. He likes to tie me up and use his belt and other objects" She felt so ashamed and she was afraid to meet the doctor's eyes suddenly. "I love him though. He can't help how he is. When he hits me it's because I deserve it. I have to stop doing things wrong"

When Rebecca pointed out that Brianna seemed to crave the abuse and humiliation she looked at the doctor wide eyed and her cheeks blushed profusely. "I don't..I.." She knew it to be true yet she couldn't admit it. Sometimes it hurt emotionally and physically when Justin abused her but at least she was getting attention and so she kept coming back to him. "He's not always a bad person Dr. Meadows. Please don't think that hes a rotten person. He can be the sweetest person on earth at times. He just has problems controlling his anger. I have to be a better person and girlfriend, he won't be so mean then." She took another drink of her tea and thought about what to say next. "You should see him when hes good. He can treat me really well." She then smiled and looked at the doctor. She wanted Rebecca to be convinced that Justin wasn't all that bad. "He doesn't know that I have been seeing you yet. After he hit me I ran out of his house and found your card and then came here to see you"

She realized that Rebecca was looking at the clock and she knew that her time was most likely up. She would be sent away and would have to face her own demons alone again. She became extremely alarmed when Rebecca talked of perhaps having her committed to a Psychiatric ward. She just got out of the hospital. She didn't want to go back so soon. "No please, don't do that! I'll be good, I promise" she sat up in her seat and looked at Rebecca straight on. She was panicked but as soon as Rebecca mentioned that she could stay in her guest room a look of relief spread over her face. "Really? You would let me stay here?" A look of awe transpired on her face. "Thank you so much doctor" She stood up to shake her hand. "I won't be a bother. I will stay quiet. You won't even know that I am here" she liked the idea of being in this house with her new female confidante. She was already growing very close to her.

"I can sleep in my own clothes" she said looking down at herself before looking back at Rebecca again as she followed her to the guest room..

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

Rebecca showed the way up the stair to the guest bedroom. It lay just across the hall from her own and overlooked the small garden. She motioned for Brianna to take a seat on the bed as she rummaged through the wardrobe, collecting a t-shirt and a pair of boxer-style panties. "You'd better change if you intend to go to class tomorrow, for you are going to attend your lectures aren't you?" Rebecca raised her eyebrow as she looked closely at her client. She wasn't too sure that Brianna would honour the attendance even though one of the key elements in steering her away from her current behaviour was to make sure her daily life was governed by routine.

"I'll leave you to get changed but I want to have a look at your cuts Brianna. Did you make sure to sterilize them afterwards?" The blush was enough explanation and Rebecca left her to get changed, heading for the bathroom where she collected a bottle of sterile water, compresses and sterile cloth to clean the wounds. She came back to find Brianna sitting cross-legged on the bed, her arms extended and showing the cuts. Rebecca guessed that she had used a razor to inflict the wounds and for what it was worth it was better than using cut class or similar like some of her clients had resorted to. She was nonetheless unable to hide the frown as she began to clean the cuts, perhaps being less tender than she ought to, and pretending not to hear Brianna wince at the ministrations. Having made sure the cuts where clean she put the compresses on, covering the barely healed wounds on her arms and securing them with surgical tape.

"There Brianna, now you're reasonably patched up"

She smiled as she collected the wrapping and made to stand up, but seeing the forlorn look of Brianna she stopped herself and on an impulse reached down to embrace her. Up close she almost seemed smaller than she was, her petite frame almost brittle to the touch. The act had not been premediated and she would never have permitted herself to follow an impulse like that had it been at her practice. Now however it seemed appropriate and the way that Brianna responded was ample enough evidence. Rebecca knew that the younger woman was desperate for confirmation, and it could well be that the simple gesture would serve a greater good, even though she had overstepped the line between therapist and client. She allowed for Brianna to cling on to her for a moment before gently disentangling herself and standing up, offering her a soft smile as she collected the medical supplies and making ready to leave.

"I'll fix a tooth brush for you and there are towels in the closet in the bathroom. I'll be just across the hall if you should need me but I'd advise you to try and get some sleep now. You look like you need it. And one more thing Brianna."

Rebecca looked closely at her, her features neutral as she spoke, knowing that what she was about to say would not go down well with the younger woman.

"If you continue like you do I don't think you'll live to see your next birthday Brianna. I'm of a mind to call St Michaels and have you sectioned, but I'm willing to let it rest for the time being, if you can prove that you are serious in wanting to change your life. We need to discuss this at our next session but right now you need to sleep. I'll see you first thing in the morning."

She left Brianna to herself and made her way across the hall to her own room, leaving the door slightly ajar. She slid out of her sweatpants and the shirt, tossing them into a corner of the room before sliding down beneath the blankets. She was deadly tired but she found it almost impossible to fall asleep. Brianna had been true to her word and kept very quiet as she tip-toed past her door as she went to the bathroom and back, so she was not to blame for Rebecca's insomnia. Once again the memories assailed her, the small room with the narrow bed, the smell of alcohol on his breath and the hands wrapped around her neck choking her. She shook her head, willinig herself to repress the images. She had worked too hard to let it influence her judgement and actions. She had graduated top of her class and she could have taken her pick from a number of prestigious institutions that more or less begged her to come work for them. She ran a succesful practice and she was cited often enough in the medical journals. She had survived and more than that, she had thrived. The problem with people like Brianna was that they were weak. Always blaming something or someone else for their own falings instead of buckling down and do something constructive about their situation. She knew she had been hard on Brianna but sometimes her clients needed the truth, and given that they had already crossed the line of a proper therapist-client relation Rebecca saw no harm in having told her that. She would be upset of course but sometimes that would be the starting point for the change that was needed.

After what seemed like forever she finally fell into uneasy sleep, once again being assailed by the images from that night all those years ago. She tossed and turn and awoke with a start to a scream which she first thought was her own but then realised it had come from the room next door. Collecting the shirt and pulling it on as there was a tentative knock on the door and she saw Brianna standing there, looking thoroughly dishevelled. She was crying softly and had tampered with the bandages. She moved tentativele to the side of Rebecca's bed and told her that she'd had a panic attack. Brianna's breathing was irregular and her pulse was too high, the body answering to the conflicting signals from her mind, playing havoc with her system. She reached out for her and acting on an impulse again Rebecca embraced her again, feeling how Briannas slender arms were wrapped around her tightly, much akin to how a drowning person might cling to a piece of driftwood.

She moved somewhat allowing Brianna to lay down beside her. It was no longer a matter of theories or professionalism. Rebecca held her tight as she slowly calmed down but never letting go of her, until finally she fell asleep, curled up next to Rebecca.

Brianna followed Rebecca up the stairs to the guest bedroom where she would be staying for the night. Once inside she went and sat on the bed and made herself comfortable. She watched Rebecca closely as she moved about the room getting her something to wear for the night. She hadn't really thought about going to school tomorrow. She had been under too much turmoil to even think about it so when Rebecca brought it up she sort of looked at her with blushed cheeks. "Um, well yeah I guess so. To be honest I hadn't given it much thought" She could have sworn that there was a look of disaproval on Rebecca's face but she wasn't certain.

She watched her doctor go to the bathroom to collect the items necessary to cleanse her wounds and then began to change. She took off the clothes that were too big for her and placed them on the chair next to the window. Next she brought the clothes that Rebecca had given her up to her nose and took in the scent. She smiled as the scent was very comforting. She put them on and then sat on the bed with her arms extended. Her cuts were red and a bit deep. If Rebecca hadn't volunteered to clean them there would be a chance that they would have become infected.

Brianna couldn't help but think of her mother as Rebecca was steralizing her arms. Back when she was a real little girl her mother would take care of her when she was sick. She loved the attention that she was getting from the older woman but she was suddenly rubbing her wounds a bit rough and Brianna couldn't help but wince a few times. The agents she was using was stinging her skin. She was glad when she finally began to bandage her up. If she couldn't see the cuts then perhaps she wouldn't be tempted to do it again..

Brianna watched as Rebecca was about to stand up and leave. The look on her face must have affected the doctor because she suddenly wrapped her arms around her in an embrace. She reveled in it and closed her eyes as she clung tightly to her. She liked the feel of the doctors hair against her cheeks as she nuzzled her face in the crook of her neck. She needed somebody to hold her. Somebody to care. When Rebecca moved away to look at her, Brianna couldn't help but flash her a genuine smile. She was growing quite fond of her new doctor.

She nodded as Rebecca told her of the towels and toothbrush but as soon as she mentioned the hospital again her expression changed. She frowned and looked down. "Please Dr. Meadows. I will do my best to change. I promise. I will be a good girl" It was something she had said to Justin over and over again. It came natural for her to plead.

Rebecca was now in her room and Brianna was alone in the guestroom with the lights off. She was under the covers and began to toss and turn. She looked out the window at the beautiful garden outside and tried to focus on the beauty, but her mind wouldn't allow it. Thoughts of her mothers death mixed in with her relationship with Justin was wrecking havoc on her emotional state and she began to softly weep. She got up a few times to walk to the bathroom and made sure to be extra quiet so she didn't wake Rebecca. Back in bed again she looked up at the ceiling and in a sick twisted way she wanted Justin here with her. Her hands began to pull at the bandages as more emotions flooded her. Soon she couldn't take it and she bolted straight up and screamed. Her breathing was ragged and she began to cry harder. She needed somebody. She felt so alone in this strange house.

Immediately she went to Rebecca's room and stood there looking at her. She was trembling and crying like a frightened child. "I..I..I'm scared. I had a panic attack. I wanted to take them off" She showed her the bandages that had almost been ripped off her arms and then went to her. She was surprised when once again it was Rebecca who reached out to her. She felt immediate comfort when the older woman held her tightly. She continued to cry, the tears falling onto Rebecca's shoulder. "I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad." Brianna clung to her and wrapped a few strands of Rebecca's hair around her fingers. Then she suddenly realized that Rebecca was moving over, allowing her to lay down beside her. She was stunned but didn't protest. She needed the human contact and she quickly snuggled up against Rebecca's body. She was so vunerable, so fragile. She closed her eyes and began to drift off to sleep rather quickly and this time there was so panic or nightmares. She was safe in this other womans arms...

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

The first thing Rebecca noticed as she woke up was the warmth of another body close to hers. She was laying on her back, and as she opened her eyes the first thing she saw was Brianna's petite frame curled up next to her with her head resting on her shoulder. She cursed herself as she tried to disentangle herself from the embrace, knowing that it would not be possible to continue the therapy now. She had overstepped the line and what angered her was that she ought to have known better than to let herself go down that particular road. Still a part of her relished the fact that Brianna had sought her out, and there was no denying how good it felt to be close to another person again. If she was to be honest with herself Rebecca knew that she was essentially a lonely person. She had eschewed any deeper relations in favour of her profession, investing most of her time and energy into her career. It had paid off, although she sometimes thought that the price had been too high.

She moved slightly to the side, trying to gently disentangle herself only to hear Brianna protest meekly in her sleep. The younger woman's arm was draped across her waist and her naked leg was pulled up and rested on her thighs. Rebecca wouldn't have considered herself anything but heterosexual by any account, and the current position bespoke more of maternal care; at least that was what she tried to tell herself. A part of her did however not view it as such, the one side to her personality that she had tried to repress with her education and her ethics.

She wanted Brianna. That was the start and end to it. And not only did she want her in a purely romantic understanding of the word. Rebecca wanted her completely. In a way it made sense; she knew how to handle her, even when her condition would get the better of her own judgement, and she would be able to give her the relief as far as pain was concerned in a controlled manner. There would be no risk involved, neither for Brianna, nor for herself, and she knew that she needed this outlet as much as the younger woman did.

Rebecca gently disentangled herself and sat up, hearing how Brianna sighed in her sleep and watched her move into the space that she left empty. She made a disgruntled sound in her sleep as the comfort of Rebecca's body had been taken away from her and ever so slowly opened her eyes.

"Good morning Brianna. Did you sleep well?"

The words spoken softly and without giving away what was currently on her mind. She knew she had to be subtle about the whole venture, making sure that she that Brianna would trust her completely. She leaned down and gently pressed her lips to Brianna's forehead. Seeing the smile as the younger woman gazed up at her, still only half awake.

"I've been giving your situation some thought and I think that if you are to continue as my client we need to make some drastic changes."

She looked closely at Brianna, seeing how she was about to protest and gently placing her finger across her lips, silencing her before she got the chance to voice her dissent.

"Now both you and I understand that we cannot continue as therapist and client in the normal understanding of the word after this. I'm not suggesting that anything inappropriate took place but let's face it, we've come to close and it's just not feasible that we are going to be able to have an objective discussion after this."

Brianna looked just about ready to cry as Rebecca delivered the verdict, disappointment and pain clearly discernable in her face as she lay back on the bed. 'Any moment now' Rebecca thought and like clockwork she could hear how the younger woman's breathing started to become more laboured, the first signs of the impending panic attack, or what would pass as one at least.

She allowed her to work herself up a bit longer, watching how her chest heaved and how her hands went to the bandages on her arms, not quite ready to pull them off but signalling the possibility of such an action. Just as she started to rip the compresses away Rebecca landed a slap to the side of her face. The simple action made Brianna snap out of her tantrum and staring with disbelief at her.

"Now there's no need for such displays Brianna but in a way it was good an example of how I intend to proceed if you get any ideas in your pretty little head. It's as simple as that. If you seriously want to continue the treatment you will abide by my rules is that understood?"

Rebecca looked down at her, seeing shock and confusion but perhaps a hint of acceptance. She remained quiet until finally Brianna mouthed a quiet 'yes'. She smiled and gently pulled her up into a seated postion, embracing her again and kissing her forehead.

"You made the right decision and I promise you that we will be able to make much better progress this way. Now go and take a shower and I'll see you downstairs ok."

She pressed her lips to Brianna's forehead again, and on an impulse tilted her head somewhat to kiss her on her lips.

"I'll promise that you will be ok Bri."

Brianna stirred slightly in her sleep when she suddenly felt the warmth being pulled away from her. She murmured in her sleep and reached out but the person who was next to her had moved. When she opened her eyes she saw Rebecca standing there. A smile formed on her lips. She was glad to see Rebecca's face. Memories of how she got into this situation came flooding back to her and she couldn't help it when her cheeks suddenly turned pink.

"Good morning Rebecca. Yes, I did sleep well. Thank you for asking" She sat up and rubbed her eyes. She loved the feel of Rebecca's lips when she kissed her forehead. It was soothing which was something she needed. She was beginning to wake up more now. As Rebecca began to speak she yawned and looked at her. She was suddenly alarmed.

From the way it sounded it seemed as though Rebecca didn't want to continue therapy with her anymore. A look of panic spread across her face and her lips trembled as tears threatened to fall. She hated how the doctor just stood there watching her for a few agonizing minutes. Her breathing became rapid and her hands immediately went to the bandages. Just then the doctor slapped her face. It stunned Brianna and she looked at Rebecca in disbelief. She was speechless. She never expected her doctor to do that to her. Justin yes, but not her own doctor. She then put her head down submissively and took a deep breath. She wouldn't look back up at Rebecca for a bit. She could hear her though.

"I do want to continue therapy. I suppose I have no choice but to abide by your rules" She had no choice but to obey if she wanted to get better. She then slowly looked up. She was rather confused but she was in no condition to argue. She needed to take a shower and so she make her way to the bathroom and turned the water on and stepped in. She couldn't help but cry for a bit before washing herself. She needed to see Justin. She needed to tell him what was going on.

After her shower she went back downstairs and met the doctor in the kitchen. "I suppose this is where you tell me to leave. Oh should I tell my father to expect another bill in the mail?" Her tone was rather on the angry side but right now her emotions were all over the place and she couldn't help it. She noticed that Rebecca was eating but she refused anything. She had to stay in control as much as she could. "Well, I suppose I will be going now. Don't worry doctor, I won't inconvenience you anymore by stopping over at your house in the middle of the night" She sort of glared at Rebecca and then left the house without another word...

Dr Rebecca Meadows

"Now you're acting stupid Brianna!"

Rebecca had followed her patient outside the house and when the younger woman had refused to turn around she had grabbed her arm, forcing her to turn around to face her.

"This is not about making money, nor am I trying to let you down, I'm just pointing out that the therapy must be altered to facilitate the new relation that we have forged."

She looked closely at Brianna and as she didn't reply but didn't protest, she pulled her closer into an embrace.

"Look hon, there is no way that none of us could go on pretending that nothing happened between us. I'm not saying that it was wrong but our relation needs to change and I know that you understand that as well."

Rebecca gently placed her hands on Brianna's cheeks, turning her face to meet her gaze. Brianna was trembling and she guessed that it had less to do with the chilly London morning than the fears of being rejected. She smiled softly as she leaned closer and once more placed a kiss to her forehead, and this time ran her fingers through Brianna's hair.

"I think it's better if you come inside and I'll tell you the deal OK?"

She gently led Brianna back inside the house and sat her down in the kitchen, pouring a mug of tea for her to warm herself with. Steadying herself as she sat down opposite from her and looking at her as she began to speak.

"Now my suggestion has nothing to do with miliking your father for money, truth to be told I had already decided that I'd speak to him today about that. I will not accept payment for your threapy Brianna, given what has happend. The reason being that I can no longer keep an objective stance and I don't think you want me to. So in short my suggestion is as follows; You will come here and we'll continue our sessions, but I demand that you are being honest with me."

Rebecca sat back and downed her tea, putting her cup down and once more meeting the younger woman's gaze.

"I will be honest with you, your relation with Justin is not doing you any good, and I will make sure that you are not continuing that. I don't mean to sound threatening but I assure you that if this continues I'll have you sectioned. That is the deal."

She stood up, signalling for Brianna that the talk had ended. Leaving her in the kitchen as she made herself ready for work and then escorting her to the Land Rover. Rebecca told her that she'd drop her of at the university and that her intention was to pick her up at 6.

Speaking matter of factly Rebecca told her that she would be devising a plan for her and that they would discuss it tonight, hopefully reaching a conclusion as to how they would proceed in order to remedy Brianna's affliction.

She pulled up outside the grey building and leaned over to open the door and as Brianna was stepping out she turned her head to kiss her again. Whispering that she'll see her this afternoon. The kiss had been soft, and the way that Brianna's lips had pressed against her own sent a tingle through her body. It wasn't right by normal standards but she couldn't care less at this particular juncture. Rebecca sensed that while Brianna would protest on one level, there was a part of her that yearned for the physical contact as much as she herself did.

She called Mr Livingston on her mobile as soon as she pulled out into the street, telling him that while she wouldn't be able to continue to counsel Brianna she'd still take the time to see her. The conversation ended amiably and he agreed to deposit a weekly sum to cover the expenses that Rebecca might have. She'd tried to convince him not to but he was adamant and thusly it was settled.

The rest of the day was spent listening to her clients and treating Honor to lunch. She left at 5:30 driving back and pulling up by the university building, seeing how Brianna was waiting for her, sitting on the stairs.

Brianna was quite shocked when Rebecca followed her outside and then grabbed her arm. She looked down at her hand before looking at her face. "Oww" she mumbled and tried to pull away but was forced back into the house again.

She listened to what her doctor was saying. She needed to process this all in her mind. She knew Rebecca was right but on the other hand she wanted to rebel and so she slightly stomped her foot in frustration as she stood there unable to protest. Her body began to shake slightly as Rebecca placed her hands on her cheeks. She craved the doctors attention and she wanted to pull her against her and hold her tight, but she knew better and just closed her eyes and let out a small moan of appreciation when she felt the kiss on her forehead.

She then sat down and began to drink a cup of tea as she heard the doctors idea. "I don't mind coming here to continue my therapy Rebecca. I have told you before and I will tell you again that I will be completely honest with you on how I am feeling. I haven't lied thus far" What the doctor said next however put an immediate frown on her face.

"What? You will not have me sectioned if I continue to see Justin! That is just completely unfair! I will refuse to go! I will seize seeing you if you force me to stop seeing Justin!" A look of panic spread on her face and she even sat up in a threatning gesture as she spoke. Of course she could always just say she stopped seeing him but continue to do so behind her back. Plus, she knew that Justin wouldn't allow them to be apart.

After a few minutes of needing to be calmed she looked back at Rebecca again. Her eyes were a bit red from her outburst earlier and Rebecca could tell that she was edging on pulling on the bandages again. Finally she stood up and took a deep breath. She followed her out to the car and allowed Rebecca to drive her to school. She nodded silently when she was told that she would be picked up at 6pm. She had no choice now but to obey. Before she left, she felt Rebecca's lips against hers and she smiled softly. It was something she didn't expect but at the same time she relished in it.

Her day at school was spent thinking about both Rebecca and Justin. She couldn't concentrate on her schoolwork and she was growing restless. When she had a lunch break she called Justin on her cellphone and told him to meet her at school. She needed to talk to him. He had arrived within 30 minutes.

Justin was sober when he came to see Brianna. The first thing he did upon seeing her was pull her against him and place his lips on hers in a deep kiss. He then smiled. "Justin I need to talk to you." They sat down in the courtyard and she began to tell him about her sessions with Rebecca. He suddenly felt threatened and his eyes narrowed slightly. "You don't need to see her. She has no business getting involved with our relationship Brianna" He said in a serious tone. "There is nothing wrong with you. You don't need her" He then began to stare outwards taking this all in. "I want to talk to her. I will tell her my take on things" He reached in his pocket and lit up a cigarette. "I am not going to have some bitch come in between us. What the fuck does she know anyway? She knows nothing about me. She thinks she knows whats good for you but she doesn't." He then roughly pulled her over to him and looked into her eyes. "You belong to me Brianna. I want you to remember that. I always told you that I was going to put a collar around your neck. I know you want it that way too" He then began to grow angry as the thought of Rebecca trying to change things. "Where does she live, I will be there to speak to her".

It was time for Rebecca to pick Brianna up. She sat on the front steps of the school and waited. When the car came by she smiled and stood up waving. Getting in the passenger side sitting down, she placed a kiss upon Rebecca's lips and smiled. "Hi, how was your day?"...

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

The way that Brianna leaned over to delicately kiss her made Rebecca temporarily lose her guard, and there was little she could do but to smile widely at the younger woman's show of affection. If she was to be honest with herself she knew that Brianna's interest was that of a neglected child having once more found the parent who would look out for her. Further there was a more sinister twist to it, although Rebecca was loathe to phrase it even to herself.

"We need to pick up some groceries before heading home, I don't know what you are partial to but there will be lambchops."

She was still smiling as she pulled out into the traffic, headed for the Sainsbury's a few blocks down from where she lived. Every now and again she glanced at Brianna through the rear-view mirror. It seemed that the younger woman was more content now than she had been during their previous meetings. It was not in Rebecca's nature to fool herself, but on one level she wanted Brianna to need her, much in the same way as she needed her. She knew that it was to take advantage of a defenceless person, but truth to be told she couldn't care less about it right now. Brianna was a hopeless case. That much had been proved by her medical records, there was however a way to put her back on track. Perhaps unorthodox but nonetheless one that would save the girl's life.

Rebecca pulled up on the parking-lot of the Sainsbury's, telling Brianna to fetch a trolley and then proceeding inside the supermarket. Perhaps it was wishful thinking but it seemed that the younger woman did actually enjoy the normality of going grocery-shopping. Filling the trolley with the items that had been on Rebecca's list and then proceeding to the drinks section where she allowed Brianna to pick up something for herself, thus ending up with a six pack of Smirnoff Ice. The smile that she was rewarded with was enough to send her spirits soaring and in that instant she knew that she was infatuated with her client. Rebecca would, if asked have labelled herself straight, but she also knew better than to try and resist feelings such as the ones she was currently experiencing. She had kept telling herself it was not for her own sake she was going through with this but for Brianna, to be the one person who wouldn't let her down. Still a part of herself knew that there were more sinister motives lurking beneath the surface. She did not knew whether Brianna had suffered sexual abuse in the past, but she guessed that it may have been a feature. As for herself she had repressed the memories of how her uncle had come into her own room when she was but a teenager. She knew the psychology behind it, and she could on a good day pity the man. Still there was a part in her that hated him for it, and further more hated the way that he had made her powerless.

They drove back in silence, Brianna seeming too tired to get into any discussion and Rebecca let her remain so. The girl needed her privacy and for what it was worth Rebecca would let her have it. As she pulled up she noticed the young man sitting on the stairs of her house.

"Is that someone you know Brianna?"

She knew that instant that it would be Justin, and as she got out of the car she told Brianna to stay put. Walking up to the young man and addressing him cautiously, not wanting to cause more issues than it had already done.

"Could you please tell me what you're doing here?"

Justin looked up, and Rebecca could tell that he was inebriated and probably under the influence of even heavier substances. He stood up, and matched her, trying to appear threatening. Justin was tall towering over Rebecca's 5'8. He told her who he was and that he wasn't best pleased with the situation of seeing his girlfriend, or rather his "pet" as he labelled Brianna having her mind turned by a shrink like Rebecca. His demeanor was getting increasingly threatening as he worked himself up to a frenzy. Rebecca did not reply, she knew that a socioapath would not be receptable to arguments and instead she stepped back, pulling out her car-keys and pressing the button that would set of the alarm. The car-horn began to blare and the indicators flashed, prompting her neighbour Mr Singh to come running from his house. The impressive sight of the Sikh gentleman seemed to get the better ouf Justin who gave Rebecca a dark look before turning tail and running.

it took some explaining to calm her neighbour, but with references to client confidentiality she finally had Mr Singh leave her and Brianna alone. Telling the younger woman to get in through clenched teeth and well inside landing a perfect slap to her face before addressing her.

"Now that was very stupid Brianna. Only you would have told him where I live and I'm not partial to having visitors like that here. You have behaved in a despicalble manner and as you know there will be repercussions. I will see you upstairs as soon as you have put the groceries in the fridge is that understood!"

She had spoken harshly but right now she was thoroughly upset by the things that had progressed. Walking slowly up the stairs and sitting down onher bed, waiting for Brianna to join her.

Brianna was quite pleased to go grocery shopping with Rebecca. It was such a normal thing to do yet inside she was rather excited as if she hadn't done it in years. It felt as though she were with her mother again and she couldn't help but smile widely as they entered the store.

Brianna couldn't help but laugh at the term that Rebecca used for the cart. "Trolley?" she asked and looked around dumbfounded. It was then she suddenly understood it to be what she called back in the United States a cart. "We call them carts where I am from" she giggled again while grabbing a trolley and then followed Rebecca around the store as they grabbed what they needed.

The ride home was rather quiet as thoughts filled her mind. She was anxious, yet content at the same time. It was a rather strange sensation. She didn't know what to expect once she arrived back at Rebecca's house. She wanted desperately to trust the older woman and form a deep relationship with her, but she knew that Justin would never allow it. Speaking of Justin, as they pulled up into Rebecca's driveway she saw him sitting on her front steps. She gasped and moved to the car window quickly. She could tell immediately that he had been drinking and possibly under the influence of some drugs. She wished that he would have come sober but she should have known better.

As she remained in the car, Rebecca went outside to confront him. She held her breath as Justin began to rant about the situation of Rebecca counseling her. "Please don't hit Rebecca" she mumbled to herself as she continued to watch helplessly from the car. She wanted so much to run out to him, to try and soothe his anger but Rebecca ordered her to stay put and so she obeyed. She then watched as one of Rebecca's neighbors appeared which caused Justin to run. "Damnit" she cursed to herself. She noticed the angry look on Rebecca's face once she told her to come inside her house.

Brianna felt the hard slap on her face and she winced as her skin began to sting. Her furrowed her brow and looked at Rebecca with a hurt expression. She knew she was in trouble as soon as Rebecca told her that she would see her upstairs. She felt a lump forming in her throat and she immediately wanted to cry. She was now left alone as she began to put the groceries away. She looked around the kitchen feeling trapped. She wanted to grab a knife and cut into her skin, watching the red blood ooze out onto the floor. She didn't want to disappoint Rebecca but she also didn't want to disappoint Justin either. She was torn between the two of them and as she began to pace the kitchen she suddenly began to cry. She was overwelmed and she wanted to be taken care of, yet she knew that Rebecca would punish her.

She remained on the kitchen floor crying for what seemed to be 15 minutes and then proceeded to put the food away. She didn't know where everything was supposed to go so she just guessed. She was trying to get a hold of herself before going upstairs. After everything was put away, she looked out the kitchen window and saw Justin sitting in Rebeca's back yard. He may have ran but he didn't go very far. It seems as though he was going to stick around until he got Rebecca face to face to talk to her. She was now deeply conficted. Should she go outside and talk to Justin? Or should she go upstairs to Receccca since she had kept her waiting long enough? She decided to go face her punishment with Rebecca. She knew that Justin would remain close by and that she would see him sometime tonight. She did manage to wave to him through the window and when he saw her he smiled and waved back. He viewed Rebecca as the enemy now and he would stalk around her house until he got Rebecca alone..

Brianna slowly walked up the stairs and when she saw Rebecca she put her head down and slumped her shoulders. She could tell that the older woman was furious and so Brianna did what she always did when she was going to receive a punishment. She got down on her knees and clasped her hands behind her back. "I am sorry if I have angered you Rebecca. I must face my punishment" And then she waited....

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

It was true that Rebecca had been furious with Brianna for having set this Justin charachter onto her. It wasn't that Rebecca was unaccustomed to being threatend. It went with the territory, it was rather what she perceived as a breach of trust from Brianna's side than Justin's actions as such. She guessed however that a mere physical punishment would not serve any greater purpose at this particular juncture, it could even get the opposite effect given her client's condition. No it was better to play it subtly Rebecca decided.

She kept a desk in her bedroom and as Brianna entered she was seated by it, writing some notes and with some care turned the paper over and put the pen down to look at her client. She gave her a long non-committant stare as she turned to face her, still sitting down.

"Oh do get up Brianna, this is not one of your kinky sex sessions with Justin. It's far more serious than that. You didn't merely anger me with you antics, you disappointed me. I have invested a certain amount of trust in you, that's why I allowed for you to continue treatment, be it in an unorthodox fashion but still, and do you know why?"

Brianna hadn't moved but there was a subtle change in her posture. When she first got down on her knees there had been a certain element of anticipation. It was not that strange given her condition, a number of women suffering from the same afflictions tended to be sexual submissives. The self destructive behaviour a symptom but also a way to gain attention. Like with most masochists there was the scheming and manipulative side to Brianna and Rebecca was not intending to play along those lines just yet.

"If I was to punish you now Brianna it would not be have the desired effect would it. You must understand that as oppose to Justin I do not think that inflicting pain is an end in itself. Pain is a great teacher as you are aware of but it must be put into context and serve another purpose. And more to the point, there must be trust involved. I don't trust you at all Brianna even though I want to."

She could see that she had caught Brianna's attention, the younger woman hadn't moved but her eyes spoke volumes as to how she was feeling right now. It was simple enough to present oneself like a sacrificial lamb and most probably her boyfriend would jump at the chance to instill corporal punishment. There was a method in this Rebecca surmised. Brianna angered him and he threatened to leave her, she offered herself up for a beating and he would take it and thus back to square one. The symbiotic relation would only lead one way and even though a small part of her could sympathise and even envy Justin, it was all too easy to go down that particular path.

It was time to up the stakes somewhat and she turned away and let a sob escape her. The sound filled the room and she counted to three before she heard how Brianna got to her feet and moved closer. Tentatively standing next to her and even reaching out in an awkward attempt to offer some solace. Rebecca made a show of wiping away a tear before turning to face her again, seeing that Brianna was crying again. This time however the tears fell silently. She knew she had gotten through to her and managed to pierce her first defences. Now it was just a matter of driving the assault home.

She heard Brianna half whisper half sob a quiet "I'm sorry" before slumping to her knees again, this time however she wrapped her arms around Rebecca's legs and placed her head on her lap. It was not the orchestrated show of submission she had put on earlier but rather the honest fear of rejection that Rebecca knew had been a constant companion of Brianna's. She gently ran her fingers through her hair and spoke softly as she did. Her voice modulated to be soothing but also serving to convey the gravity of the situation.

"I want to be able to trust you, your welfare means a lot to me Brianna but if I cannot be able to do that I see no reason why you ought to remain here. If you can't committ yourself wholly then you'd better leave and go back to Justin and you know where that will end. The choice is yours but if you decide that you want to continue this then there will be a new set of rules coming into play is that understood."

She cupped Brianna's face in her hands and gently lifted it to meet her gaze. "I don't instill rules because it pleases me. It's about keeping you safe from yourself Brianna. Rules are instilled because of love and they are also obeyed out of love. That is the difference between me and him." She leaned forward to gently press her lips to Brianna's forehead and carefully wiping away her tears with her thumbs. There was a moment's hesitation before the younger woman gave a nod, a quiet acceptance to the proposal.

"You made the right decision Brianna and I'm glad you did so out of your own volition rather than to be coerced. I'm so very proud of you."

She leaned down to kiss her forehead again before gently disentangling herself from the embrace and stood up, beckoining for Brianna to do the same. Embracing her petite frame from behind and producing a razorblade from her pocket, discarding the protective cover from the edge and holding it just in front of Brianna's face.

"Do you still want it?"

She whispered into her ear as she held the sharp implement within Brianna's reach.

Brianna wanted Rebecca to trust her. She knew she had done wrong by giving Justin her address and she knew that she had disappointed Rebecca. She suddenly realized that she had failed and that Rebecca could easily pull away from her. She couldn't stand being abandoned once again. She needed this female companion and so when Rebecca threatened her like she did she couldn't help but cling to her legs and rest her head on her lap. It was her way to show her devotion.

"Please, I'm sorry" she said in a soft voice. It hurt her very much to see Rebecca cry like that. It was something she never expected from the stoic doctor. She didn't think people in her position were really capable of showing any true feeling. They always had to be callous when dealing with fragile patients like herself.

Brianna was always in a constant fear of rejection. She knew that if she didn't obey to the doctor's new rules that she would be forced back home away from any real therapy. She saw no choice but to submit. She was desperate. Desperate for attention and most importantly, desperate for love.

Justin had been sitting outside in Rebecca's backyard on a metal bench waiting for the right moment. He knew that he had to play this right if he was to win. He had to allow the drugs and alcohol time to leave his system before he could go face to face with the doctor again. If he blew up like a raging animal nothing would come out of it. He had to have a clear mind and stay focused. He actually was a rather nice guy for the most part. He just found it difficult to control his emotions when they overwhelmed him.

He didn't have it easy growing up. He was a very quiet, shy boy in his younger years. His father ran the household with an iron fist while his mother ran around catering to her husband like a submissive slave. Justin had witnessed upon numerous occassions the beatings that his father gave his mother. In fact he was forced to watch. He had heard over and over that women were useless and that they only had a few places in life. He grew up with those notions. He couldn't help how he was raised. His father made him believe that thats how things were. He even took his anger out on Justin, the first time when he was only 3 years old. As he grew older he found it harder and harder to contain his rage that he felt and so he let it build up until suddenly he began to repeat the same actions that his father taught him. He was never taught the proper way to treat a lady. He seeked women who were weak much like his mother, and so he found Brianna.

He did love her. In fact he loved her very much. There were times when he tried to be the perfect gentleman to her. He turned to alcohol and drugs to deal with his inner demons but like always the chemicals turned him into another person. He began to use it as a crutch. He knew that he hurt Brianna but he also knew that she liked it and wanted it. He wasn't stupid. In fact he was in the top 5% of his class. He used Dominance and control also in an erotic way for sexual adventure. He didn't want to seriously hurt Brianna, but there were times when he was afraid he would when his drinking spiraled out of control. He just felt trapped at times and wished that somebody would set him on the right path.

He had wanted to kill his father. The little boy inside of him wanted to protect his mother. He was so messed up inside and perhaps in a way he wanted to get closer to Rebecca to make things right in his life, but there was also a sinister side to it as well. He wanted to challenge her. He wanted to show her that it was he who was in control and not her..

And so he sat waiting. Soon he would speak face to face with the woman who was trying to come in between him and his pet..

Brianna couldn't believe when Rebecca did next. She produced a razorblade as if almost from thin air and brought it closely to her face. Her heart raced wildly in her chest. Was she teasing her? Was this a trick? She looked at the blade hungrily and even allowed her pink tongue to dart out and trace her lips. "Y..yes I want it. Can I have it?" She looked down at her cut riddled arms and then back again at the blade. It was like a drug for her. Once she felt the quick sharp pain she would be rewarded with the thick rich blood that was soon to follow. All her emotions could then be poured out with it. It was such a sweet release for her. "Please"..she begged.

She then began to follow Rebecca into the bathroom. Her mind was working into a frenzy as she got closer to her vise. She then watched as Rebecca turned on the bath water and closed the door behind them. Her body trembled as anticipation overruled her. She reached out for the blade but Rebecca held it back, not letting her have it just yet. "I need it" Brianna said and stared at the blade as if in a trance. She then slowly reached out her arms and waited but she didn't feel any cutting. Instead she watched as the doctor began to slowly take off her clothes as the tub filled with the hot steamy water. Her eyes immediately followed her moves. She gasped as she saw a hint of cleavage being exposed. "Wha..what are you doing?" she was thoroughly getting intoxicated from all the new feelings that were running through her body. The room was beginning to steam up and she felt the moisture on her skin. She then watched as Rebecca began to lure her closer..so very dangerously closer...

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

Rebecca could feel her heart racing as she slowly slid out of her clothes, dropping the garments to the tiled floor until she was standing naked in front of Brianna. Getting naked in front of another person had always been a very large step to take for her, and even in her longer-lasting relations she had shied away from it. Now however it seemed perfectly normal and without the added nervousness that usually accompanied such an act. She looked at Brianna as she held out the razor again, keeping it just out of the younger woman's reach and smiling inwardly at the hungry look that Brianna displayed.

She moved closer, still keeping the sharp implement out of Brianna's and gently telling her to undress. The younger woman hesitated for a moment before slowly complying with the request, pulling the tight black t-shirt over her head and with just a hint of a blush, slipping out of the short skirt and the fishnet stockings she was wearing.

Rebecca smiled and nodded as Brianna unhooked the bra exposing her naked chest and then with a some hurry, pulled of her underwear. She was shaking now, and her breathing had become more laboured as she had disrobed. Rebecca could only guess what Justin usually put her through, although she surmised that by now she'd would have been hit repeatedly.

"I know that you are confused and conflicted right now Brianna but I also know that you will trust me.This is an unorthodox method as I'm sure you appreciate Brianna, but then again our relation is rather unorthodox as well. I don't condone that you cut yourself or try and hurt yourself in any other way but I can at least give you an outlet that is safer than if you'd go about it yourself."

She watched intently how Brianna closed her eyes and nodded. The anticipation evident as she moved closer to Rebecca, snaking her legs beneath hers and tentatively reaching out to place her hand on Rebecca's knee. She nodded again and gave a small sound, halfway between a moan and a sigh as she looked directly at Rebecca, almost like she was begging her to inflict the pain.

Rebecca inhaled, allowing Brianna's anticipation to grow stronger before she gently pressed the edge of the razor to her arm, breaking the skin and pulling it down towards her wrist, watching as the blood began to ooze from the wound, the rivulets running along the milky skin of her arm before falling down in heavy drops colouring the water a shade of pink.

She made another two parallell cuts to her arm before she put the razor away and pulled Brianna closer to her, resting her head on her shoulder. She could feel the warmth of the blood as Brianna wrapped her slender arms around her and within a few moments began to cry. She gently ran her hand through her hair, holding her close to her as the sobs raked her body. It was no the desperate crying she had seen the previous night but rather the quiet sobs that she had learned to recognise as more of a vent for the pain that her client was battling with. When she cut herself the pain would be manifested and visible and could thus be handled.

Rebecca pulled her closer, holding her as the sobs subsided, then gently cupped her face in her hands, looking closely at her.

"From now on you will not cut yourself again Brianna. If the stress is getting too much for you to handle you will call me, and I will do it for you. My aim and I think yours too is to slowly phase this particular habit out of your life, both you and I know that it can't go on like this."

She leanded closer and kissed her forehead and after a seconds pause pressed her lips to Brianna's lips, feeling how she parted them and allowing her tounge inside her mouth. She kissed her softly, revelling at the softness by which Brianna reciprocated the caresses and felt her own excitement grow as the younger woman pulled her closer to herself.

"We need to stick some bandages on your arm before we continue otherwise you may well bleed to death and I wouldn't want that."

She kissed her again as she reached for a towel to dry her hands and then taking out compresses and surgical tape. Rebecca swiftly cleaned the wounds and with some care applied the compresses before standing up and handing Brianna a towel. She gently dried her off, making sure not to irritate the bandaged wounds as she did. The way Brianna responded was curuous, halfway between the way a lover would respond and that of a long-neglected child being pampered by a parent.

She had finished drying herself off when she heard the doorbell ring. She wasn't expecing company and she surmised that it would be Justin. In an instant her good mood evaporated and she shot Brianna a rather irritated look as she donned the bathrobe.

"You'll wait upstairs, under no circumstances do you come down is that understood?"

Brianna nodded meekly and slipped out of the bathroom as Rebecca headed doownstairs to open the door. She found Justin standind on the landing, a cigarette in his hand and with a rather down-cast expression as she asked him what he wanted.

"Look Dr Meadows, I really need to talk to you. Can I come in for a few minutes. I promise that I won't make a scene. Please"

There was a begging quality to his words, and even though she could tell that most of the intoxication had worn off she was hesitant to let him in. What made her change her mind was the soft gasp from the top of the stairs. Turning around she saw Brianna seated at the top of the staircase, looking down at them. Thinking through her options Rebecca decided that it would be in her interests to let Justin expose himself to the person he claimed ot love. Give her a chance to see what he was really made of.

"Alright Justin, but let me stress that if you even look funnily at Brianna you're out of here."

Brianna was nervous at first to be naked in front of her doctor but once she got her clothes off she felt excitement run through her. She was alive as she looked to the blade with hunger in her eyes. She followed her into the tub and sat down extending her arms. The water was nice and hot and very soothing. She entwined her legs with Rebecca's and then closed her eyes as she felt the razor begin to cut into her delicate flesh.

She let out a moan of pleasure and her eyes fluttered back into her head. Her breathing came out in rapid short breaths and she soon felt the euphoric ectasy that she so longed for. More cuts came and it was as if she were having an orgasm by the way her body reacted. She shuddered and softly cried out, releasing all her emotions at once. Endorphins flooded her brain and when she looked down she saw the water turning a pretty shade of pink. She loved the way that Rebecca was administering the pain to her. It felt so different when somebody else was doing the cutting. It was much more primal with a hint of lust.

She was soon wrapped up with all her feelings flooding out rapidly, much like the way her blood was oozing down her milky white arm. When all the negitivity was drained from her all that was left was to cry, and so she did. She rested her body against Rebecca's and just sobbed softly. This was something she needed, it was helping her to deal with everything that she kept deep inside of her. If Rebecca wanted to give her that outlet then she would let her. She loved the way it felt when Rebecca did it versus herself anyways, although the defiant side of her would want to do the cutting in secret as a way to establish a sort of control.

Before she got out of the tub and had her arm bandaged she managed to kiss Rebecca. The kiss was soft and full of passion, it was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. There was deep satisfying emotion behind it. She craved it and wanted more.

She stood still as Rebecca dried her off. She was now tired and wanted to go to bed but she heard the doorbell ring and she had a feeling who it was. Sitting at the top of the stairs looking down she saw Justin coming inside. She wanted to see and hear what would happen...

Justin felt that the time was right to come and talk to Rebecca. Most of the drugs and alcohol had dissipated from his body and he knew he would be able to think and speak clearly now. He stood at her doorstep and looked at the doctor with his sober eyes. She wasn't that bad looking, he thought to himself. He puffed on his cigarette one last time before coming inside. Before he sat down he extended his hand to her. "I do believe that we have not been properly introduced. I am Justin Sheffield." He then offered her an awkward smile. Rebecca was suddenly aware of who he was. Of course she heard of his rock band, but she was recalling a conversation she had with one of her co-workers. They told her about the Sheffield family and how there had been many instances of domestic violence regarding the father beating the boy Justin. Now Rebecca could place him. Justin came from a very troubled violent home.

He sat down opposite her and looked into her eyes. His blue eyes were piercing, calculating. "I do apologize for my behavior earlier. I only wanted to speak with you" He articulated very well with his thick British accent. He noticed movement at the top of the steps and when he saw Brianna sitting there he smiled at her. "Don't worry doctor, I am not going to go over there and hit her if thats what you are afraid of"

He made himself comfortable, although he kept his body poised in such a way that revealed dominance and control. "I do believe that we have a misunderstanding here. You seem to view me as the bad person. You must understand that I have done nothing that Brianna didn't want. You may not be able to understand our relationship. In fact," A slow grin formed on his lips. "In fact, I would have to surmise that you are perhaps jealous of it" He raised an eyebrow and then cocked his head to one side. His eyes continued to grill into her, looking into her very soul. His gaze was steady and unwavering. He was trying to intimidate her. "Please correct me if I am wrong doctor but I see that you are struggling with your own feelings for Brianna. I think you may have something for her"

He knew he was right and so he leaned forward in his chair and smirked giving her a very arrogant look. "I am sure it is not your intentions to try and isolate Brianna from me. No, you look like a very educated woman Dr. Meadows. Surely in all your years of training you would realize that that wouldn't be a good idea." He tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair and grinned. "Brianna belongs to me." He said simply and then took a deep breath.

He looked around her house and then leaned back in his chair again loosening up on the intimidation tactics. "You have a very lovely house here Dr. Meadows. I can see you are a worldy person with all your lovely collections" He slowly turned his attention back to the doctor again. "Lets get back to the situation at hand shall we? You have a problem wtih me. I am in the way of your love affair with my pet. You are going to try and turn Brianna against me. Try and show her that I am bad. Do you know what I see from you Dr. Meadows? Somebody who is just as bad as me, if not worse perhaps. You are sneaky in your methods. I just come right out and say it. The devious ones are the worst kinds" He was trying to challenge her but of course he kept his voice and tone very calm and he was quite pleasant about everything. There was no hint of aggression coming from him although he was displaying a dominant confidence that Brianna always loved.

"There is much more that we need to talk about. Perhaps we should have a cuppa tea." He followed Rebecca into the kitchen and stood very close to her as he watched her brew the drink. He towered over her with his massive height. It was another way to intimidate people. He rested his back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. "I do not wish to fight or argue with you doctor, just simply work things out. I sense a sort of defiance from you. You really want to get rid of me" He then laughed and ran his fingers through his silky black long hair.

He took the cup from her and began to sip the tea slowly. "I am not going to leave until I feel satisfied in our conversation." He then turned towards her closing the space between them. Their bodies almost touching. "Now let me hear your side of things Dr. Meadows"...

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

Rebecca had been careful to keep a neutral stance while Justin was putting on his show. It was clear to her that the way he acted was just another way of trying to instill his dominance over the people in his surroundings, and had she not had her training she would probably have fallen for it. Now however she perceived him to be little more than empty threats.

She was seated opposite from him and matching his stare with an impassive one of her own, being careful not to let him get even an inkling of an idea as to what she was thinking. Draining her cup and carefully putting it down she looked at him closely before responding.

"Now Mr. Sheffield, I have listend to what you have to say for yourself and to be perfectly honest I am not impressed. I wouldn't go as far as to diagnose you at this particular junction, but you strike me as someone in need of serious councelling. As far as your analysis of the relation between me and Ms. Livingstone, well you couldn't be more of the mark than you are. I do however advise you Mr Sheffield to give Ms. Livingstone some berth at this particular junction. Without going into too much detail I can safely say that you are part of her problem right now and I cannot think that anything you say or do will alter that particular fact. As for your implicit threats, yes I view them as being just so and I will have none of it. You do not own Ms. Livingstone nor will I suffer to have you come into my house and threaten me. Just to underline how serious I think the matter I will have words with the Magistrate tomorrow in order to secure a court order to have you stay well clear of her is that understood Mr Sheffield?"

Rebecca stood up and for the first time there was a hint of emotion in the look that she was bestowing him. She could feel her heart racing but it was more from anger than fear. Rebecca kept herself in shape, and she had the physical bearings of confidence. Having grown up with two older brothers she had learned to fend for herself at an early age and she had never shied away from physical confrontation and she'd be damned if she would do so now. She watched intently as Justin got to her feet and took a step towards her, his hands balled up into fists as if he was contemplating hitting her. She stood her ground but shifted her weight somewhat as to allow for a riposte should he try for anything.

"A moment's thought would underline just how futile such a measure would be Mr. Sheffield. Furthermore you forget your place. If your goal is to secure the affections of Ms. Livingstone you ought to leave this minute. If I ever see you close to her again I will have her sectioned and as far as you are concerned you will be issued with a court order banning you from ever seeing her again."

She counted silently to five seeing how he lowered his fists and gave her a dirty look before making for the door, but not before snarling a retort.

"You better watch out Rebecca. Who knows what can happen to a pretty woman like yourself."

With a final dark look at Brianna he stepped outside and slammed the door shut, leaving Rebecca standing in the hallway and Brianna seated on the stairs still hugging her knees and looking very upset thus prompting Rebecca to climb them and silently pulling her to her. She gently caressed the younger woman's hair as she rested her head on her shoulder.

"I will not let him harm you again Brianna. I promise you that."

She could feel how Brianna was trembling, no doubt assailed by conflicting emotions and Rebecca guessed that it would only be a matter of minutes before the pressure would be too much for her to bear. She gently pulled her to her feet and ushered her inside the bedroom where she lay her down on the bed. Discarding her robe she lay down beside her and pulled her close to herself as she kissed her forehead, her cheeks and then finally her lips.

Justin was shocked at the way Rebecca was speaking to him. He had kept his cool and his composure for the entire time he spent with her but he could tell that she was pushing his buttons now as if to see his anger burst out at any given moment. He would not allow her to forbid him from seeing Brianna. She was HIS girlfriend and there was nothing that dyke of a doctor could do about it.

She stood up and positioned herself to fight. He too then stood up and took a few steps towards her. He wasn't afraid of her, he could grab the bitch and have his way with her without her even knowing what hit her. He narrowed his eyes and studied her face. "You will never keep me away from Brianna. There is nothing and I repeat, nothing, that you can do about me seeing her. You will not get a court order to keep me away." He then moved even closer towering over her and glaring down at her face. "I will come back Dr. Meadows. Perhaps next time I will teach you a lesson in pain" He raised an eyebrow and then sneered sinisterly at her.

He then went for the door but before he left he took another glance at Brianna. He would be back for her. Once he left he made sure to slam the door so hard that it almost broke the glass. Let her come after him, he would then give her the beating of her life. He almost dared her to. He immediately lit up a cigarette once outside and walked down the street. He wouldn't go far though, he would remain close and keep an eye on the house. He needed to stay close to HIS Brianna.

Brianna was visibly upset over the entire fiasco. She watched Justin interact with her doctor and it tore her apart inside. She wanted nothing more than to go down the steps and get in the middle of it. She heard his threats and then saw the look he gave her. She knew right then that he would still be around. He would probably even sleep outside close by to watch them.

"Rebecca you shouldn't have spoken to him like that. You have made him very angry. That wasn't the right thing to do. He was being so cordial to you and then you had to go and make him angry. You are lucky that he didn't hit you right then and there" She was afraid that he would hurt her doctor. She knew how Justin could get. "Please Rebecca don't fuel his anger. Hes probably going to go get drunk now and may even break into your house. Once you piss him off he will forever come after you until he has his revenge" She then began to cry as the doctor stroked her hair.

She felt Rebecca pull her up and walk her to the bedroom. She immediately laid down besides her warm body and cuddled up against her. She needed somebody to hold her. She was trembling but it wasn't from being cold, it was from the growing fear and confusion that she was feeling inside.

"I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now Rebecca. I don't know what to do. I can't deal with the suffocating feelings that are claiming me." Her breathing came in harsh breaths and she began to sob uncontrollably. She brought her hands up and began to scratch roughly at her arms again, her nails threatning to re-open the healing wounds.

"I...I can't deal with this Dr. Meadows. I just can't"...

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

Rebecca watched silently as Brianna began to panic once more. There was a method to the attacks. Gently taking hold of her chin to face her as she spoke in a soft yet very authoritive tone.

"You haven't made yourself deserved of using the razor Brianna so you will just have to ride this one out."

Keeping her hands on girl's shoulders as she watched dispassionetly as the panic grew more acute until Brianna no longer seemed unable to resist and pulled away the dressing of her wounds. She gave Rebecca a defiant look as she dug her nails into the barely healed wounds, opening them up again.

With an impassive stare Rebecca brought her hand back and almost like a caress, slapped her face. She'd done so earlier but this time the slap sent the petite Brianna to the matress, nails still digging into the wounds.

"As I said, cutting or opening wounds is a reward and for me to decide when it happens." Quickly straddling Brianna and pinning her arms to the matress. She held the younger woman's stare as she struggled against her grip. There was a touch of desperation in the way she was struggling but to no avail. Although Rebecca probably couldn't match herself to Justin, she was still fit enough to resist Brianna's attempts to free herself from her grip. Added to this was the rising anger she felt with the girl. She'd given Justin her address and more or less prompted him to the ridiculous showdown that had taken place earlier. Taking a deep breath to regain some control before letting go of Brianna's arms.

"I'm disappointed with you, and to be honest I don't see why I even bother. If you want to continue with slowly killing yourself I should just let you go ahead"

She slowly moved from her to sit down on the side of the bed. It seemed like the worst of the crisis had been averted and slowly Brianna moved to her side, tentatively taking her hand and whispering a muted excuse. Rebecca waited silently as she felt the younger woman's arms slowly drape themselves around her and how she buried her face at her chest. There was a pause where the only sound to be heard was Brianna's laboured breathing, before the room was pierced by the sound of her sobs.

Rebecca gently ran her hands through the brown curls of her patient, holding her consolingly to her as Brianna cried. Leaning down to whisper into her ear.

"Perhaps it's my fault as well, I guess I've been somewhat negligent as to your needs as well."

Moving her head slightly to the side she pressed her lips to Brianna's, feeling how the younger woman responded, tentatively at first but growing more animated as the sobs subsided. She was still in the sweatpants and the t-shirt that Rebecca had furnished her with. Gently beginning to pull the shirt from her slender torso and proceeding to zip down her own leaving them both naked to the waist. Leaning closer to kiss Brianna again, her hands running down her back and then around her waist, pulling the sweatpants down and off. Smiling as she lay her down on the bed and proceeded to step out of her own trousers before laying down next to her.

"I know that you crave ritual to function Brianna and I hope that you will forgive me for not seeing that it's something inherent rather than imposed."

Running her fingertip along the soft curve of the younger woman's breasts and down along her flat stomach as she kissed her again.

"If you still feel that you want to do this then I will go along with it, but you have to trust me on every other aspect for that to work. Do you understand that?"

Receiving the slightest of nods and a small disgruntled moan as she stood up and strode across the carpeted floor to her dresser. Rummaging through the drawers until she found what she was looking for. A leather choker with a ring attached to the front. It had been for a fancy-dress party, and Rebecca had thought that it would never come to it's proper use. Until now.

Smiling to herself before straightening her face and sitting down on the bed and with gentle motions attached the collar round Brianna's slender neck.

"I know that Justin had you collared but that means nothing now."

She leaned down to kiss her again before sinking her teeth into her lower lip until she could feel the metallic surge of blood. Sitting back and tracing her tongue across her own lips, tasting the salt from them as she looked coldly at Brianna again.

"On your knees."

Brianna's panic grew so fierce that she felt as though she had no choice but to re-open the wounds on her arms. It didn't matter that Rebecca slapped her and sent her flying backwards onto the mattress. What did matter was to bring forth the pain that was filling her so deeply.

It wasn't until Rebecca was straddling her that she began to calm down and focus on her eyes. There was the heavy threat of being let go, that Rebecca would leave and Brianna knew deep down that she wouldn't be able to cope or function if she lost her. Pressing her face against the doctors breasts she allowed herself to cry heavily, the sobs echoing throughout the grande house.

Brianna allowed herself to give into the doctors warm kisses, she was putty in her hands. Her mouth moving effortlessly against the other womans and soon her tears had subsided. She did not even resist when her clothing was being taken off her body. In fact she invited it. She yearned to be close to Rebecca in more ways than one, yet she didn't quite understand it yet.

They were soon laying in each others arms naked, skin upon skin. There was a solid comfort in the way Rebecca held her, the way her voice spoke to her so assertively. Her natural desire to please was quite strong in her now so when Rebecca went to retreive the collar from her drawer she slowly sat up and watched wide eyed. It was a beautiful piece of jewelry and a slow smile formed on her lips. She remembered when Justin presented her with one as well. She mostly only wore during their sexual role playing scenes but there were times when she would also wear it in public. She still had Justin's collar and kept it in a safe place.

Brianna bowed her head allowing Rebecca to fasten it around her slender neck snugly. "Its beautiful Rebecca" she said and brought her hand up to touch it. "Thank you" Soon Rebecca's face changed and she ordered her on her knees. Brianna looked at her quizzically. She didn't know whether to take her seriously or not so she remained still until finally Rebecca's order became louder with a hint of anger.

"Yes Ma'am" and quickly she got down on the ground and onto her knees before her. She was used to being in this position and felt comfortable on the ground. She allowed her eyes the luxury of gazing at Rebecca's perfect feet and legs. Slowly, ever so slowly she looked up at her private area and wanted to explore. She moved in closer and pressed her face against her taking in her scent, then she brought her eyes up and met Rebecca's.

"What is it that you would like me to do? I wish to please" her eyes were eager and her expression taut waiting for orders. "I don't want you to leave me Rebecca. I will do anything. Please, I wouldn't make it without you" She pleaded. She soon began to kiss the sensitive flesh on Rebecca's stomach and ran tiny circles inside her belly button. She didn't know if Rebecca would strike out at her or not but at this point it didn't matter. She enjoyed the pain along with the pleasure....

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

"I know you do Brianna and you will, in due time but for now..."

Rebecca took a step back from the kneeling woman and looked closely at her. She looked even younger when stripped naked and in that particular position. For a second she felt a twinge of disgust at her own behaviour, but she discarded the notion quickly. After all it wasn't just her own indulgence, she would be able to save the American girl from herself if she kept focused on the task at hand.

"For now you will learn that every action has a reaction Brianna." Rebcca moved closer again, running her fingers through the younger woman's hair before unexpectedly yanking her head to the side and then pulling her up on her feet, and pushing her against her desk. Yanking her around to face the wall and letting go of her hair but only after having pushed her down to bend over it. Speaking in a controlled tone careful to sound detached in words if not actions.

"You betrayed my trust by bringing that piece of dirt into my home and you earned this." Rebecca turned around and placed her hand on the riding crop that stood next to the desk. She'd been a decent enough equestrian once but it was ages since she last rode. Still the implement hadn't outlived it's usefulness. Pressing her palm against Brianna's back, having her bend further down across the desk before speaking again.

"Place your palms on the desk and arch your back." The sentence spoken without any trace of emotion as Rebecca brought her arm back to land a stroke to Brianna's bottom, leaving a bright red mark across the white mounds. Pulling back again and letting the riding crop land anew, causing the younger woman to yelp as the leather connected with her soft skin.

Rebecca delivered another stroke before pausing, hearing the muffled whimpers from Brianna and her own breathing. It felt exhiliarating, and shamefully, she had to admit, thoroughly arousing. Bringing her arm back in a perfect arc before landing the next stroke, causing Brianna to shift her position as it landed.

"I didn't tell you to move did I?" Rebecca spoke flatly as she allowed for the younger woman to resume her position, and almost immediately landed the next stroke. She watched as Brianna struggled to keep still as she delivered the next six strokes before finally putting the riding crop down and allowing Brianna to stand up and face her. It surprised Rebecca how well Brianna had coped with the ordeal. True enough there were tears streaking her cheeks but she had not uttered much more than the occasional yelp, even though it must have hurt like hell. Without being prompted to do so, she curtsied before stepping back and kneeling again.

Rebecca had to admit that she was impressed, if not a little taken by the display. Clearly this punishment had been nothing out of the ordinary for Brianna and that opened up a whole array of possibilities for her. Another part of her, the one that despised what she was doing felt genuinely shocked. For all intents and purposes she had subjected a woman that was in her care to something akin to battery and sexual assault. Yet right now the darker side of her personality got the upper hand, and even when she tugged at Brianna's collar to have her stand up and be embraced, she was contemplating yet more refined a treatment.

Brianna was stunned when Dr. Meadows grabbed the riding crop and began to slap her ass with it. Being as obediant as she was, she remained in her spot but couldn't help to cry out softly as each blow landed on her skin causing bright red streaks upon it. She had endured such treatment before from Justin, so this wasn't something new to her. He had taught her well in how to deal with what he gave her. In time, Brianna learned to internalize the pain and in a way, crave it.

After the ordeal Brianna stood up again and faced Rebecca but her legs were wobbly and she had to hold onto the desk to steady herself. She watched as the older woman outstreched her arms for an embrace and Brianna fell right against her body trembling as she did so. "Thank you Miss Meadows" her voice was soft as she showed gratitude to the one with the control.

"Sometimes I deserve such things. I am unworthy and need to be shown discipline to correct me" She said once she separated her body from her. "I want to be a good girl for you Rebecca. I want you to be proud of me. I need to get better and I know you can show me the way" She sniffled a bit as a lone tear fell down her face. "I trust you as my doctor and as my friend. If anybody can fix me, it's you Dr. Meadows" a slow smile formed on her lips and she suddenly brought a hand up to stroke the other womans face. "I will obey you Doctor".

Justin didn't go far. He went down to the corner store to buy some cigarettes and more alcohol and then went back to Rebecca's back yard again determined to get his hands on his Brianna again. He would make sure that the Doctor knew that she had no chance with his girl. Brianna loved him more. She respected him more as her Dominant. Not some bitch of a female doctor. Perhaps he could get his hands on that doctor as well though. She just might like it. She needed to be put in her place. He sighed as he sat on her back porch swing looking up at the night sky. Occassionaly he would look into one of the windows hoping to catch a glimpse of them both.

Brianna continued to gaze into Rebecca's eyes. She winced a bit when the stinging from her beaten ass cheeks heightened in pain. It seemed to fuel her on though. "Do I deserve more Rebecca? Have I disappointed you so much that you are going to hurt me even more?"...

Dr. Rebecca Meadows

Be it that Rebecca had taken pleasure in putting Brianna in her place, but the way that the girl spoke about herself, her lack of worth and the need for her to be put through even more punishment made Rebecca snap out of her purely personal indulgences.

Taking a step back but retaining her arms at Brianna's shoulders as she gave her an intent look. "That's just the kind of talk that I do not wish to hear from you." Sitting her down on the bed as she continued "what happened now has nothing to do with your sense of worth, nor do I appreciate the way you phrase yourself. Punishment is not an end in itself Brianna, nor is it something you should want to be subjected to." Rebecca held her gaze as she reverted to her professional tone. "You will be put through similar practices again, but the main difference from your earlier experiences is that you will not strive to be corrected."

Turning from her client and beginning to dress once more. "I'll want you to consider a few things Brianna, what you want to do with your life and how you intend to go about the necessary changes."

Rebecca buttoned her blouse and turned to the mirror, pointedly ignoring Brianna as she swept her blonde hair back in a ponytail. "I'll start supper. You're welcome to join me when you have given these matters due thought." She turned to Brianna again and bestowed her with yet another intent look before leaving the girl on the bed.

It was a challenge, Brianna was too set in her ways, and most probably it had been that good for nothing Justin who had molded her into the pitiful charachter she was now. Rebecca prided herself for her level-headedness, but the mere thought of Justin was enough to make her tempers flare. The man belonged in an asylum or better still, prison, and perhaps she ought to pull a few strings to have him apprehended.

She walked down to the kitchen, busying herself with the preparations for supper, when suddenly she noticed movement outside the window. It could only be that piece of shit. Oh well if he wanted to play it like this then he'd be in for a right treat. Pretending that she hadn't noticed his presence while picking up the phone. She had the direct number to the police, something she'd been given after another client of hers had taken to stalking her. Giving her name and address as she made sure to follow Justin's movements on the porch.

Rebecca was confident that she could hold him sway for the few minutes before the uniforms showed up and thus she walked through to the living room, stopping only to pick up the poker from the fireplace before opening the door to the back garden.

She saw Justin standing by the wall, cigarette in his mouth and the air of barely restrained anger. Rebecca couldn't tell if he was intoxicated but she rather thought him to be.

Keeping her distance to him, and the poker held losely at her side, not wanting to agitate him more than necessary.

"I thought I told you never to come back Justin" She held his gaze as she moved slightly to the side. "Take my advise and run along, the police are on their way and it would be rather unfortunate if you were to be apprehended for trespassing wouldn't it?" She couldn't help but smirk as she told him the last bit. "It wouldn't look good would it? Trespassing, threatening a professional and in addition I'm quite certain I could convince both the police and the jury that you are guilty of sexual assault as well. Now how do you want to play this?"

She held his gaze as he made a show of stepping closer.