Books/websites/resources for newbies?

I know in the past I've seen discussion on books, The loving Dominant etc. I've looked for the thread and maybe it's lack of sleep, but can't find it. Can anyone direct me? SweetErica always seems to be good at this.

I've ventured out and talked to hubby about BDSM, mostly from a relationship dynamic and want to give him some resources (other than lit conversatoins and threads which I've given him from the library) so that we can both discuss it and see if it's something we want and if so how to add it to our lives.

I'm thinking more along the lines of Taken in Hand in terms of information I was looking for although I think that a lot can be said for seeing extremes of things so we can really discuss it. Besides Taken in Hand does anyone know of a site or favorite sites that really gets into the dynamics of everything?

Something that discusses how to start in an already established relationship?

or maybe even something as simple as a Dictionary of BDSM terms so he can refer to it when reading?

I've been on these particular boards, mostly lurking for over a year..almost two and have learned a lot just from different couples and their experiences. I've learned that I will never know everything about it...everyone's relationship is just a little bit different and while not everyone is into the same stuff most respect each other here. I want to be able to have a real discussion here at home about it and that is why I asking for any resources that maybe have helped you. I hope this makes some sense. It's not that I can't go and find this stuff on my own...I've tried...but it seems "real" and useful information is few and far between.

Okay so I'm not a total slacker. So far I have read reviews for:

The Loving Dominant
Different Loving
Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns
SM 101 a Real Introduction

If you had to pick one to start with, which one and why?

If you're starting from absolute ground zero, try When Someone You Love is Kinky.

The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book were two of the first ones I read, and I still think they are a good starting point.

Different Loving is ummm... top heavy. I didn't find it all that helpful, but do keep it in the reference library.

The Loving Dominant is a great book, and one I'd recommend, but I'd suggest the first three books I mentioned, first.

Thank you!

So I thought this was okay. Short but a little helpful.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A583490

Yes I realize I'm mostly talking to myself at this point. I thought I would post it in case someone else were in the same boat.

Found my dictionary and some other explanations:

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html

Wow, lots of things I didn't know about. Not surprising

I'm reading Puppy Papers: A Woman's Life and Journey into BDSM by Puppy Sharon, Steven Toushin. It's interesting in that it is basically a record of email exchanges between these two people (they did have a R/l relationship) and the dynamics of that. Since I'm new to D/s I like to read other's experiences in opening up to this way of life and Puppy Sharon is from the Midwest and some of the things she grew up with I can relate to, although I wasn't even half the naughty girl she was growing up.

Thanks for posting the other resources for newbies. It's greatly appreciated.

Ivy

Ivy...That sounds interesting, thank you for sharing. I think it's always better to hear a real account instead of rely on something of fiction. I'm still looking for other resources for my guy so will post more if I find something worth the time. As it is I think I'm overwhelming him a bit so when I do find something I think I will save it to show him later.

Thanks for this thread, I'm going to amazon as we speak.

wench....you made my day I was pretty hesitant about posting this at all so thank you.

Giving a bump and some blog links. I had to go over some bad to get to the good but I think there is a good range.

http://www.ringsurf.com/netring?action=info&ring=2hearts1soul

http://members.aol.com/Domdra9on/Weblogs.html

So it took awhile but I went digging and found this

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t+389141

This is a link for some of the books mentioned above and other book recommendations from our favorite lit friends. Wish I had found it earlier.

I was wondering if anyone could recommend a good (non-porno) film to watch [besides Secretary]???

UK_Cream... I know there is a thread somewhere...just not sure where. One of the regulars would know I'm sure or be able to answer you. I suspect they aren't really checkin in here. Congrats to you and UK_Strawberry on your progress together.

UK_Cream I did a search for movies in the BDSM threads...

https://forum.literotica.com/search.php?searchid=5208754

There were so many I didn't have time to go over them but you might find something there. I have to admit I'm not the best with searches so if it doesn't work..I warned ya.

Hisbabydoll26 said:

UK_Cream I did a search for movies in the BDSM threads...

https://forum.literotica.com/search.php?searchid=5208754

There were so many I didn't have time to go over them but you might find something there. I have to admit I'm not the best with searches so if it doesn't work..I warned ya.

Click to expand...

Thanks very much for doing that for us!....UK_Strawberry just ordered "The Story of O" for us.... so thanks again for supplying the link....very much appreciated....

EDIT: After a few hours of closer review and looking into the sites recommended by EG, my recommendation of the Realm is withdrawn, as I see that the fondness I developed for the site some years ago was more for the validation it provided me at the time (I was in serious doubt concerning my sanity and the "pervertedness" of my lifelong desires) than for the actual value of the information provided. I still think the Realm offers some good relationship advice, but that can be found almost anywhere, and the truth is that EG was completely correct in stating that it provides a "romantic, idealized form of D/s. Kind of like a 'Harlequin romance' view of BDSM."

Regardless of where you visit to research BDSM, this advice remains the same:

Enjoy... learn... love who you are and what you do... be happy in yourselves and in each other.

TooTiredToLive said:

One website I consider very good for information on establishing and maintaining real-life D/s relationships is at Castle Realm. I would recommend that both Dom and sub read most of "The KingDom" and "subSpace," as I believe that both parties to a relationship, particularly one as loaded with pitfalls as a D/s relationship can be, should be as fully informed as possible concerning each other's issues.

The Realm's Library Annex also contains links to several other good online resource sites - probably enough to keep you reading and browsing for a good while.

Enjoy... learn... love who you are and what you do... be happy in yourselves and in each other.

Click to expand...

You will find that many people consider The Realm one of the worst websites out there as far as BDSM information as much of it is very fantasy based and not very good advice. If you are informed enough to be able to wade through all the bullshit, there is good info underneath it, but most newbies are not armed with that info.

To each their own.

serijules said:

You will find that many people consider The Realm one of the worst websites out there as far as BDSM information as much of it is very fantasy based and not very good advice. If you are informed enough to be able to wade through all the bullshit, there is good info underneath it, but most newbies are not armed with that info.

To each their own.

Click to expand...

EDIT: See withdrawal of previous recommendation, 2 posts up.

Hisbabydoll26 said:

Okay so I'm not a total slacker. So far I have read reviews for:

The Loving Dominant
Different Loving
Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns
SM 101 a Real Introduction

If you had to pick one to start with, which one and why?

Click to expand...

My choices would be SM101 and then The Loving Dominant for the Dom(me) and The New Bottoming Book (that CutieMouse mentioned) for the sub.

Like Seri, I'm not fond of The Castle Realm as a BDSM resource. It is based on one couple's experiences and to me seems to be a very romantic, idealized form of D/s. Kind of like a "Harlequin romance" view of BDSM.

Some sites that I've found to be of more practical use:
The BDSM Resource Center
Jack Rinella's LeatherViews
The Wizdomme
The Frugal Domme (WARNING: She has gotten EXTREMELY political on her website. Her anti-Bush ranting has almost made the site unusable to me personally, but she still has a lot of good BDSM information on board. Just skip the diatribes and enter the site...)
The D/s Kiosk - http://www.cuffs.com - appears to have been closed, however the site may be down for maintenance.
subNATION - http://www.madylarian.com/subnation/ - one of my favoritre recommendations for new submissives has shut down for fear of prosecution.

I much prefer books over websites though. My recommendations are in the personal library thread

My personal kink library: (duplicated from the Different Loving thread)

Non-Fiction/How-To (in no particular order except that they occur to me)
Different Loving by Brame, Brame & Jacobs
Come Hither By Gloria Brame
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller & Devon
To Love, To Serve, To Obey by Viola Johnson
Sensuous Magic by Pat Califia
Speaking Sex To Power by Pat Califia
The Ethical Slut by Easton & Liszt
The Topping Book by Easton & Liszt
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
Slavecraft by a grateful slave, with Guy Baldwin
The Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin
Etiquette: The Blue Book Of Social Usage (1937 ed.) by Emily Post
Juice by "Uncle Abdul"
The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Chia & Arava
SM: 101 by Jay Wiseman


Fiction/Erotica

The Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou
The Taking of Sleeping Beauty series by A. N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Exit To Eden by Ann Rampling (Anne Rice)
The Story of "O" by Pauline Reage
The Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton
The Meredith Gentry series by Laurell K. Hamilton
Trysts by Steve Berman
Tales of Pain & Wonder by Caitlin R. Kiernan
Darkness Bound by Larry Bonds

Anthology - Poetry, Fiction & Non-fiction
Pain edited by Master Cain Berlinger

I'm sure I've missed a book or two but that is the vast majority of what I own that is BDSM/Kink/Erotic oriented.

WOW Thanks for your time and the different websites, books, etc. If anyone needs anything I'll be drowning in all the info...in a good way Really though...thank you. As I said before I could find it on my own but would prefer to find something useful than just whatever google can bring me.

Evil_Geoff said:

Like Seri, I'm not fond of The Castle Realm as a BDSM resource. It is based on one couple's experiences and to me seems to be a very romantic, idealized form of D/s. Kind of like a "Harlequin romance" view of BDSM.

Some sites that I've found to be of more practical use:
The BDSM Resource Center
Jack Rinella's LeatherViews
The Wizdomme
The Frugal Domme (WARNING: She has gotten EXTREMELY political on her website. Her anti-Bush ranting has almost made the site unusable to me personally, but she still has a lot of good BDSM information on board. Just skip the diatribes and enter the site...)
The D/s Kiosk - http://www.cuffs.com - appears to have been closed, however the site may be down for maintenance.
subNATION - http://www.madylarian.com/subnation/ - one of my favoritre recommendations for new submissives has shut down for fear of prosecution.

I much prefer books over websites though. My recommendations are in the personal library thread

My personal kink library: (duplicated from the Different Loving thread)

Non-Fiction/How-To (in no particular order except that they occur to me)
Different Loving by Brame, Brame & Jacobs
Come Hither By Gloria Brame
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller & Devon
To Love, To Serve, To Obey by Viola Johnson
Sensous Magic by Pat Califia
Speaking Sex To Power by Pat Califia
The Ethical Slut by Easton & Liszt
The Topping Book by Easton & Liszt
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori
Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin
The Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin
Etiquette: The Blue Book Of Social Usage (1937 ed.) by Emily Post
Juice by "Uncle Abdul"
The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Chia & Arava
SM: 101 by Jay Wiseman


Fiction/Erotica

The Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou
The Taking of Sleeping Beauty series by A. N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Exit To Eden by Ann Rampling (Anne Rice)
The Story of "O" by Pauline Reage
The Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton
The Meredith Gentry series by Laurell K. Hamilton
Trysts by Steve Berman
Tales of Pain & Wonder by Caitlin R. Kiernan
Darkness Bound by Larry Bonds

Anthology - Poetry, Fiction & Non-fiction
Pain edited by Master Cain Berlinger

I'm sure I've missed a book or two but that is the vast majority of what I own that is BDSM/Kink/Erotic oriented.

Click to expand...

Dang it Geoff, always gotta be one step ahead of me, I had just prepared a list that looks almost like a carbon copy to this, then i see yours and you did it better..

Btw, I ALSO agree with Geoff aobut castlerealm... def. not my cup of tea... lol.

Anywho, fro me the best rescource for starting out that I found, was the courage to simpyl come here and ask questions

Hisbabydoll26 said:

So I thought this was okay. Short but a little helpful.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A583490

Yes I realize I'm mostly talking to myself at this point. I thought I would post it in case someone else were in the same boat.

Click to expand...

Good thread Hbd. I had been out of D/s for a long time (over 20 years) mainly due to getting married to the woman of my dreams and the fear that she might think less of me if she knew about my .... proclivities.

Once I did finally let it be known, our resulting discussion seriously deepened our relationship (I wouldn't have believed that possible but it was). Anyway, I would gladly PM you a copy of our contract if you thought it might help.

More on point possibly, the link you gave in the quote above correctly states the "responsibility" a Dom takes for the sub's sexual needs. Not many reference places I found did that justice. However, note that I am not nearly as experienced as many on here (like Evil_Geoff) especially having avoided this in my relationship as long as I did.

Best wishes,
SM

I am offering up the Society for Human Sexuality as my contribution to this thread. As well as a healthy broader perspective of sexuality as opposed to keeping everything strictly BDSM orientated it has a free online book, A New Look at Sex. Outside of covering mechanics this site has a Contributed Documents with different perspectives on tantra, polyamory, bdsm, oral sex, sex positions..........

There are Archives that cover the following....

* Activism Archive
* BDSM Archive
* Body Modification Archive
* Fetishes Archive
* GLB Archive
* Polyamory Archive
* General Sexuality Archive
* Tantra Archive
* Transgenderism Archive

As far as I am concerned one never remains an Island on this journey. The more you learn the better . Especially so that which is not immediate to perceived ideals within kink and fetish pursuits.

I can feel a rant coming on : resist resist resist laughs :

I will say BDSM techniques and play never once stumped me , relationships however ..............

Note Re : Different Loving

Hated it !!! It was like looking for answers that never existed with constant interjections of Mr & Mrs Perfect D/s giving examples on how the better half do it and always get it right.