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Old 05-11-2007, 01:41 PM   #101
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It seems to me that scouries should be denigrating you people for writing crap like that instead of you lambasting him for writing "stroke" stories as you put it.
Dear Scouries,

I have not read a single one of Cloudy's, or Sarah's, or Jomar's, or Dino's, or Severus', or Figaro's stories, save whatever they might have posted in the flashfic thread.

I can say without any reservation that they are better writers than you. They know the difference between real writing and writing for fun, for starters. As Severus said, you seem to be wholly invested in stuff that you write, not-for-profit, in a very, very limited genre, and do not appear to be thinking out of the box and trying to write other stuff.

They do not overestimate their own talents. That gives them more perspective, and room to improve. Room to improve makes them better writers - and better writers than you are, at that.

They know how to express themselves in posts on the internet without having their words read like the proverbial set of nails on a chalkboard. That means they understand tone of voice and why it is important to a reader. Clearly, you do not, as your "tone of voice" both in these posts and in the story that I have read is dull, lifeless, and ineffective, and to any writer rings desperately hollow.

There is nothing wrong with writing "stroke" stories. There is everything wrong with writing bad stroke stories. There is everything wrong with writing bad stroke stories and acting like you are the second coming of D.H. Lawrence or Anais Nin.

Porn is an OK genre - the reason I posted stuff here, as someone who had never written it before, was to learn about a genre I knew nothing about. However, being as insufferable a personality as Harlan Ellison is only "allowable" if you are a writer of Ellison's talent. At this moment, I daresay, none of us are. I'm certainly not - and neither are you.

PS Find me yet? Here is another clue! My American Poetry fellowship was in 2003.
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Last edited by fcdc : 05-11-2007 at 02:31 PM.
 

Old 05-11-2007, 02:50 PM   #102
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Originally Posted by fcdc
Dear Scouries,

I have not read a single one of Cloudy's, or Sarah's, or Jomar's, or Dino's, or Severus', or Figaro's stories, save whatever they might have posted in the flashfic thread.

I can say without any reservation that they are better writers than you. They know the difference between real writing and writing for fun, for starters. As Severus said, you seem to be wholly invested in stuff that you write, not-for-profit, in a very, very limited genre, and do not appear to be thinking out of the box and trying to write other stuff.

They do not overestimate their own talents. That gives them more perspective, and room to improve. Room to improve makes them better writers - and better writers than you are, at that.

They know how to express themselves in posts on the internet without having their words read like the proverbial set of nails on a chalkboard. That means they understand tone of voice and why it is important to a reader. Clearly, you do not, as your "tone of voice" both in these posts and in the story that I have read is dull, lifeless, and ineffective, and to any writer rings desperately hollow.

There is nothing wrong with writing "stroke" stories. There is everything wrong with writing bad stroke stories. There is everything wrong with writing bad stroke stories and acting like you are the second coming of D.H. Lawrence or Anais Nin.

Porn is an OK genre - the reason I posted stuff here, as someone who had never written it before, was to learn about a genre I knew nothing about. However, being as insufferable a personality as Harlan Ellison is only "allowable" if you are a writer of Ellison's talent. At this moment, I daresay, none of us are. I'm certainly not - and neither are you.

PS Find me yet? Here is another clue! My American Poetry fellowship was in 2003.
I read your one and only story "Patteran Ch. 01." Although I had to force myself to get through it. There is no hook. No edge to it. No nothing much. It reads somewhat like a business report. One where the author is just filling up pages with words. It also reminds me of what the critic I mentioned earlier who reviewed "Coming Together" said regarding literary aspirations (pretensions, perhaps). Perhaps you should stick to poetry.
 

Old 05-11-2007, 03:03 PM   #103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scribbled
I read your one and only story "Patteran Ch. 01." Although I had to force myself to get through it. There is no hook. No edge to it. No nothing much. It reads somewhat like a business report. One where the author is just filling up pages with words. It also reminds me of what the critic I mentioned earlier who reviewed "Coming Together" said regarding literary aspirations (pretensions, perhaps). Perhaps you should stick to poetry.

And no incest. How can you write a story without incest? Who would ever read it? Still, Mr. Scouries did promise us story reviews. And here is one! Of a story that's not even his own! Now if we could find out about the advanced sexual techniques he promised to let us in on. My only hint before we get there is to go out and buy a foot pump, because otherwise you won't have any breath left when you finish blowing up your inflatable sweetie to practice the techniques. And you certainly wouldn't want to have the paramedics find you with your lips wrapped around her intake valve, having perished of a heart attack. Clean underwear or not.
 

Old 05-11-2007, 03:09 PM   #104
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scribbled
I read your one and only story "Patteran Ch. 01." Although I had to force myself to get through it. There is no hook. No edge to it. No nothing much. It reads somewhat like a business report. One where the author is just filling up pages with words. It also reminds me of what the critic I mentioned earlier who reviewed "Coming Together" said regarding literary aspirations (pretensions, perhaps). Perhaps you should stick to poetry.
Kiss kiss, darling.

So you didn't like it, and the hook that was there, and the edge that was there (for fuck's sake, vampire goddesses bent on destruction), didn't bait you. That's fine. I admit it's a niche work, at best.

Still, where's the substantive criticism? I am new to erotica (that was my first try), and people seem to like it as well as your stuff, for what that's worth. Surely you can provide me with some substantive criticism? Stay tuned! I will be opening a thread later, when I'm back from work, for critique. I welcome anything useful there. Besides the fact that I'm sure it took way too long to get to the sex, what are your substantive issues with the story?

Furthermore, nice use of "one and only" like it's a bad thing. Like I said, Scouries, I'm a newbie here. That was my first try at writing erotica.
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Old 05-11-2007, 03:22 PM   #105
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Originally Posted by BarbarouSevil
And no incest. How can you write a story without incest? Who would ever read it? Still, Mr. Scouries did promise us story reviews. And here is one! Of a story that's not even his own! Now if we could find out about the advanced sexual techniques he promised to let us in on. My only hint before we get there is to go out and buy a foot pump, because otherwise you won't have any breath left when you finish blowing up your inflatable sweetie to practice the techniques. And you certainly wouldn't want to have the paramedics find you with your lips wrapped around her intake valve, having perished of a heart attack. Clean underwear or not.
NO INCEST! On Lit? Prepares for the Apocalypse!

Seriously, incest is nice, but not necessary. I might want to fuck my cousin, but my lust isn't limited to her. Which is just as well, because I doubt that she is interested in incest.
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Old 05-11-2007, 03:28 PM   #106
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scribbled
I read your one and only story "Patteran Ch. 01." Although I had to force myself to get through it. There is no hook. No edge to it. No nothing much. It reads somewhat like a business report. One where the author is just filling up pages with words. It also reminds me of what the critic I mentioned earlier who reviewed "Coming Together" said regarding literary aspirations (pretensions, perhaps). Perhaps you should stick to poetry.
This is great. Since this is the story feedback forum, it's nice to be able to use this thread to actually do some for a change. I can't disagree with you more strongly, Scribbled. I think fcdc's story (always polite to provide a link for other readers - http://www.literotica.com/stories/sh....php?id=309194) has an excellent hook, and more than enough of an edge to satisfy any literate reader. It's fully deserving of the "H" that it has and the comments that it has received. Even though I didn't understand a damn bit of that stuff at the end (except where the author wrote it's not about sex but about sensuality - boy, is it ever), I found it a fascinating beginning to a first-time story here on Lit. Thanks for bringing it to our attention!
 

Old 05-11-2007, 03:33 PM   #107
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Now, I will have to check this one out, since it has so much fuss.
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There's no problem with this country that can't be fixed with a few thousand guillotines. Then the rest of us can return safely to democracy, once the need for a temporary police state has ended.

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I say what I think, not to piss you off, though that's a bonus. I just say what I think because I don't give a damn anymore if I'm popular.
 

Old 05-11-2007, 03:35 PM   #108
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Originally Posted by MarshAlien
I found it a fascinating beginning to a first-time story here on Lit. Thanks for bringing it to our attention!
Hee. Thanks, Marsh! The explanation was written at around 2 AM when I submitted it, and I was probably making excuses for my insecurity in posting the damn thing. I'll probably be embarrassed by the explanation itself if I go back and reread, but oh well!
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Old 05-11-2007, 03:52 PM   #109
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scribbled
I read your one and only story "Patteran Ch. 01." Although I had to force myself to get through it. There is no hook. No edge to it. No nothing much. It reads somewhat like a business report. One where the author is just filling up pages with words. It also reminds me of what the critic I mentioned earlier who reviewed "Coming Together" said regarding literary aspirations (pretensions, perhaps). Perhaps you should stick to poetry.
Since you mentioned it here, Scribble, I read Patteran Ch. 01. It may be niche work, but is very well written. (I thought of H.P. Lovecraft's stories as I read it.) fcdc's story unfolds, it "shows, not tells" as is often quoted around here. It's well done.
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Old 05-11-2007, 03:59 PM   #110
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Originally Posted by jomar
Since you mentioned it here, Scribble, I read Patteran Ch. 01. It may be niche work, but is very well written. (I thought of H.P. Lovecraft's stories as I read it.)
Thanks! My favorite modern horror writer is Ramsey Campbell, and Campbell borrows very heavily from Lovecraft, so that's probably where I got it from (I like a lot of Lovecraft's stories too; my favorites are probably Pickman's Model and The Thing on the Doorstep for straight storytelling and The Colour out of Space for sheer wtf? factor).

My favorite old-timey horror writer is Robert W. Chambers, from whom I probably borrow a fair amount of influence as well. The King in Yellow is fucking terrifying.

Quote:
fcdc's story unfolds, it "shows, not tells" as is often quoted around here. It's well done.
Thanks. I know it's thick prose, but as I was working with mythological elements, I figured the thickness and dream imagery-influenced language was warranted.
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Old 05-11-2007, 04:01 PM   #111
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Old 05-11-2007, 04:08 PM   #112
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Originally Posted by fcdc
Thanks! My favorite modern horror writer is Ramsey Campbell, and Campbell borrows very heavily from Lovecraft, so that's probably where I got it from (I like a lot of Lovecraft's stories too; my favorites are probably Pickman's Model and The Thing on the Doorstep for straight storytelling and The Colour out of Space for sheer wtf? factor).

My favorite old-timey horror writer is Robert W. Chambers, from whom I probably borrow a fair amount of influence as well. The King in Yellow is fucking terrifying.



Thanks. I know it's thick prose, but as I was working with mythological elements, I figured the thickness and dream imagery-influenced language was warranted.
I'll have to check out Chambers. Thick is good word to describe it, but that gave it the right feel. You transferred your writing skills well to this genre.

Myself, I'm brand new to fiction. Most of my stuff has been strokers for the fun of it, but I'm branching out - a couple of non-erotic ones, a couple of poems, and I'm working on a multi-part cliffhanger action/adventure story that I hope to post in a few weeks (it's the first time I'm using an editor).

And now, back to Scouries...
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:25 PM   #113
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Originally Posted by MarshAlien
This is great. Since this is the story feedback forum, it's nice to be able to use this thread to actually do some for a change. I can't disagree with you more strongly, Scribbled. I think fcdc's story (always polite to provide a link for other readers - http://www.literotica.com/stories/sh....php?id=309194) has an excellent hook, and more than enough of an edge to satisfy any literate reader. It's fully deserving of the "H" that it has and the comments that it has received. Even though I didn't understand a damn bit of that stuff at the end (except where the author wrote it's not about sex but about sensuality - boy, is it ever), I found it a fascinating beginning to a first-time story here on Lit. Thanks for bringing it to our attention!
All 2 comments? I'm impressed. All the proper grammar in the world which the author prides herself in couldn't save this story from being mediocre. Maybe scouries could though. I suggest the author enlist his assistance in making this a story that someone besides the author's mother would read.
 

Old 05-11-2007, 07:30 PM   #114
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Originally Posted by Scribbled
All 2 comments? I'm impressed. All the proper grammar in the world which the author prides herself in couldn't save this story from being mediocre. Maybe scouries could though. I suggest the author enlist his assistance in making this a story that someone besides the author's mother would read.
At least her mother would be proud reading it. Not like Scouries' (or maybe also yours)...seriously, do you think your mama would like reading your describing having sex with your papa?
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:39 PM   #115
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I see there are REALLY REALLY strange things happening on this board as well as on the GB lately....this is just a wild situation you got here with this person working so hard at it all and pretty much ignoring feedback (from what I've seen...I just skimmed it after the first several posts)...

WEIRD!!!!!!
 

Old 05-11-2007, 07:41 PM   #116
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Originally Posted by poppy1963
I see there are REALLY REALLY strange things happening on this board as well as on the GB lately....this is just a wild situation you got here with this person working so hard at it all and pretty much ignoring feedback (from what I've seen...I just skimmed it after the first several posts)...

WEIRD!!!!!!
He's just a nut, Poppy. Don't worry about him too much.
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Old 05-11-2007, 07:49 PM   #117
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:00 PM   #118
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I was thinking...perhaps another writer trying out an idea...I mean....quite a bit of work here, dontcha think? LOL!
 

Old 05-11-2007, 08:12 PM   #119
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Originally Posted by Daniellekitten
I couldn't agree more. I've seen so many new writers who use the same tired storylines, the same insufferable lines and clicheness. Fcdc's story was very different and an actual pleasure to read since it didn't talk down to those who read it.
You are one of the authors who scouries was talking about who always manages to get her stories near the top of the New stories list. How do you manage that? Inquiring minds would like to know.
 

Old 05-11-2007, 08:18 PM   #120
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:20 PM   #121
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You are one of the authors who scouries was talking about who always manages to get her stories near the top of the New stories list. How do you manage that? Inquiring minds would like to know.
Okay, you just gave yourself away, sweetie. I don't recall Scouries actually called out Danielle's name in his posts here.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:31 PM   #122
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:34 PM   #123
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I was thinking...perhaps another writer trying out an idea...I mean....quite a bit of work here, dontcha think? LOL!
I really don't understand him. But, oh, well. Evidently, he has a bit of a fixation with himself. What can you do?
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I say what I think, not to piss you off, though that's a bonus. I just say what I think because I don't give a damn anymore if I'm popular.
 

Old 05-11-2007, 08:36 PM   #124
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Good call.



So this is either scouries, or his mom.
Because his mom is so proud of his incest masterpieces, I suppose.
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Old 05-11-2007, 08:38 PM   #125
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I really don't understand him. But, oh, well. Evidently, he has a bit of a fixation with himself. What can you do?
There's nothin' you can do...lol. It's just all so interesting~! The things people do to get their needs/wants met. As my career primarily has been in the behavioral sciences I am very fascinated by such things wherever I "go".
 
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