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Thought that I was totally vanilla.....

yevkassem72

yevkassem72

Resident Jacobin
Joined
Aug 22, 2006
Posts
3,057
....even posted about it. However, looking at my thoughts the past few days, I am not entirely sure that I do not have a submissive side to my nature. Worth exploring, possibly. Especially given my fantasies of being raped by a woman or women. And even thoughts of being bound by her.

However, I have often linked BDSM with pain in my mind, and pain is just not for me. Nor am I exactly meek or mild-mannered outside of the bedroom. Nor do most of my sexual thoughts revolve around this rape thing. I resented any attempt by my estranged wife to control or dominate me, so I do not think that I could practice this as a lifestyle in the same sense as many. But I do find strong women appealing in a sexual context.

In most ways, I am a typical straight guy. Very high libido. Interest in multiple partners, anal, oral, etc. Rough sex, doggie-style. Yet, I do have this side to me that likes the idea of a woman "forcing" me to fuck her in all of her holes. Or multiple women, even. A reverse gang-bang, I think it is called. Preferably cowgirl-style in that situation. Not interested in strap-on sex, as in being penetrated, however. Nor am I into the teasing/denial/chastity/cuckolding thing. Am into pregnancy and MILFs. The only sub-sounding thing about me is this "rape/bondage" scenario. I find mature women and BBWs appealing, but not scat or golden showers.

Is this unusually kinky and is it truly submissive? Bear in mind that I have no interest in a 24/7 arrangement, nor am I truly masochistic. Whips, floggers, spankings, not for me...in fact, corporal punishment has strong negative connotations for me, given past abuse. I have to question my past assumptions, you see.
 
submissive and masochist are not one and the same, you can be one without the other
 
yevkassem72 said:
....even posted about it. However, looking at my thoughts the past few days, I am not entirely sure that I do not have a submissive side to my nature. Worth exploring, possibly. Especially given my fantasies of being raped by a woman or women. And even thoughts of being bound by her.

However, I have often linked BDSM with pain in my mind, and pain is just not for me. Nor am I exactly meek or mild-mannered outside of the bedroom. Nor do most of my sexual thoughts revolve around this rape thing. I resented any attempt by my estranged wife to control or dominate me, so I do not think that I could practice this as a lifestyle in the same sense as many. But I do find strong women appealing in a sexual context.

In most ways, I am a typical straight guy. Very high libido. Interest in multiple partners, anal, oral, etc. Rough sex, doggie-style. Yet, I do have this side to me that likes the idea of a woman "forcing" me to fuck her in all of her holes. Or multiple women, even. A reverse gang-bang, I think it is called. Preferably cowgirl-style in that situation. Not interested in strap-on sex, as in being penetrated, however. Nor am I into the teasing/denial/chastity/cuckolding thing. Am into pregnancy and MILFs. The only sub-sounding thing about me is this "rape/bondage" scenario. I find mature women and BBWs appealing, but not scat or golden showers.

Is this unusually kinky and is it truly submissive? Bear in mind that I have no interest in a 24/7 arrangement, nor am I truly masochistic. Whips, floggers, spankings, not for me...in fact, corporal punishment has strong negative connotations for me, given past abuse. I have to question my past assumptions, you see.
Click to expand...

i'm not sure i see any of this as making you 'submissive' into some kink? yea..but this just isn't how i 'define' submissive...others may disagree. and no, it's not because you don't like pain that i don't see it as being submissive, as not every submissive is a masochist.....
 
courtneycakes said:
where did the term vanilla come from?
Click to expand...

*grins* vanilla is plain, boring....at least that's why i call the 'non kinky folk' 'nilla......
 
Re : Term 'Vanilla'

It's a slang term I avoid personally . I do believe it is used at times in a disparaging manner towards people whom do not embrace aspects of BDSM and or fetish pursuits. Miss Fury has provided a broader spectrum definition in her 2nd link posted above.

I have wonderful , unique , creative family & friends whom have no aspirations towards BDSM ( to the best of my knowledge ) that have rich , interesting often happy lives with only the same illogical smattering of negative life complications/challenges that I myself or anyone might in fact face. I have also met my share of perpetually boring BDSM inclined folk. ( fortunately none of them post in Lit ....apologies laughing :disclaimer: )

Therefore the term 'vanilla' presents as a form of conundrum to me.

In a context that it might be used/understood in a negative way I finally decided it was an unsuitable expression for my ongoing use.
 
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I've always associated vanilla with icecream flavours. Vanilla being plain and mild, raspberry ripple a bit more daring & chocolate cherry garcia about where I'm at ;) Never thought of it as disparaging.

The idea of rape or forced sex is powerful cos it makes the scenario someone else's fault and absolves you of your kink. This is a side to yourself that you're unsure of, hence the notion of resisting these mad rapist women (just not too much!). I'd say you're just a bit more kinky than you thought.
 
Yeah, I like vanilla!

I like a LOT of flavors . . .

Last one that I tried had chocolate and raspberries. Dayum y'all. It was goooood!


Fury :rose:
 
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Are u submissive? do u think you are? yes? then ye syou are. no? then no you're not. Who defiens it? you do.

As far as vanilla... it is a pretty good flavor in most things :p
 
liberatedslave said:
I've always associated vanilla with icecream flavours. Vanilla being plain and mild, raspberry ripple a bit more daring & chocolate cherry garcia about where I'm at ;) Never thought of it as disparaging.

The idea of rape or forced sex is powerful cos it makes the scenario someone else's fault and absolves you of your kink. This is a side to yourself that you're unsure of, hence the notion of resisting these mad rapist women (just not too much!). I'd say you're just a bit more kinky than you thought.
Click to expand...

I would concur with that myself. I think that everyone has a kink that may take time to emerge. Some just have more than others.

As for vanilla, it goes best with hot fudge, cherries, and marmalade. :devil:
 
Very helpful input here. Merci beaucoup! I am very grateful for your feedback, even when it is not necessary agreeable all of the time. :heart:
 
As if things aren't confusing enough, I had some dirty dreams about tying up my ex and fucking her in the ass. Guess that I also have a Dom side or something, right? :confused:
 
I think every guy's had that one

That last one I think every guy who's ever had an ex wife or ex lover thinks about doing at least once or twice. :nana:
 
will2power said:
That last one I think every guy who's ever had an ex wife or ex lover thinks about doing at least once or twice. :nana:
Click to expand...

You may be right, monsieur. LOL.
 
A spectrum of flavors...

I believe that to my parents vanilla means (if they had ever thought of it) missionary sex, everything else was kinky.

With my first lover vanilla included oral and some positions that I can no longer attain.

With later lovers it included anal play and then even anal sex, because we were not using (or even thinking about) whips and bondage.

It is a matter of perspective to a certain extent.
 
wouldloveto said:
I believe that to my parents vanilla means (if they had ever thought of it) missionary sex, everything else was kinky.

With my first lover vanilla included oral and some positions that I can no longer attain.

With later lovers it included anal play and then even anal sex, because we were not using (or even thinking about) whips and bondage.

It is a matter of perspective to a certain extent.
Click to expand...

I just read what I wrote and would have to add... DUH!

Sorry, I am new to all this and at this point in the night I am a bit out there.
 
yevkassem72 said:
As if things aren't confusing enough, I had some dirty dreams about tying up my ex and fucking her in the ass. Guess that I also have a Dom side or something, right? :confused:
Click to expand...

naw..that don't make you 'Dominant' i think you are worrying about titles entirely too much.....just my opinion
 
wouldloveto said:
I believe that to my parents vanilla means (if they had ever thought of it) missionary sex, everything else was kinky.

With my first lover vanilla included oral and some positions that I can no longer attain.

With later lovers it included anal play and then even anal sex, because we were not using (or even thinking about) whips and bondage.

It is a matter of perspective to a certain extent.
Click to expand...

True dat!

Fury :rose:
 
lil_slave_rose said:
naw..that don't make you 'Dominant' i think you are worrying about titles entirely too much.....just my opinion
Click to expand...

Are not labels and status a part of this? And what would you call it? I am truly curious.
 
yevkassem72 said:
Are not labels and status a part of this? And what would you call it? I am truly curious.
Click to expand...

Labels are just helpful for other people to (somewhat) know where we're coming from. For example, I identify as a switch because it's a whole lot easier to say and remember than "basically submissive, masochistic chick with a sadistic streak who sometimes likes to dish out as good as she gets." I don't identify as a dominant because, although I can get into that headspace for a period of time and enjoy it, it's not my "default" headspace.

And, FWIW, a desire for kinky play/rough sex does not a Dom or sub make.
 
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