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children and public displays of BDSM

Kailey_86

Kailey_86

Literotica Guru
Joined
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Posts
660
Ok, this might open a can of worms but, why not, let the dirt fly. i feel strongly about this and i need to vent a bit.

There was a thread on the collarme forum about a slave who's Master wanted to take her out in slave gear (cuffs, waist belt, collar, and leash). People started talking about how they didn't want to be forced to have to explain that to their kids. i think that this is where all the trouble starts. We can't shelter our kids from everything. If we show negativity towards people who are wearing a collar or cuffs, our kids will pick up on that. They will become intolerant and unaccepting. i want my kids to learn acceptance for ALL. If my kids asked why a woman was being led on a leash, i would say that they just like to do that. That fosters the idea of to each their own. i would be telling the truth without going into unnecessary detail.

As for the general public. They might be offended too. Why? They might think that it's purely sexual and these people should keep it in the bedroom. It isn't purely sexual though. If they vanilla group doesn't understand that, that is their problem. Why should i have to hide because people are ignorant?

i'm sorry but intolerance for others really bothers me. Nobody puts up a fuss when they see two lesbian women kissing. Nobody puts up a fight when they see a man wearing a blue mohawk and half a million piercings. These people are just expressing who they are. If a collar, leash, and cuffs represents who you are, why can't you wear it in public like everyone else?

Edited to add: If all of us wore our collars or other related accessories/clothing out in public more often, maybe the general population would eventually become used to it. They wouldn't think twice about it after a while. This has to start somewhere though. People were uncomfortable and offended by homosexuals at first but because they were exposed to it more, they slowly became more comfortable with it. It wasn't so new to them and therefore not as scary.
 
Last edited:
Kailey_86 said:
Ok, this might open a can of worms but, why not, let the dirt fly. i feel strongly about this and i need to vent a bit.

There was a thread on the collarme forum about a slave who's Master wanted to take her out in slave gear (cuffs, waist belt, collar, and leash). People started talking about how they didn't want to be forced to have to explain that to their kids. i think that this is where all the trouble starts. We can't shelter our kids from everything. If we show negativity towards people who are wearing a collar or cuffs, our kids will pick up on that. They will become intolerant and ignorant. i want my kids to learn acceptance for ALL. If my kids asked why a woman was being led on a leash, i would say that they just like to do that. That fosters the idea of to each their own.

As for the general public. They might be offended too. Why? They might think that it's purely sexual and these people should keep it in the bedroom. It isn't purely sexual though. If they vanilla group doesn't understand that, that is their problem. Why should i have to hide because people are ignorant?

i'm sorry but intolerance for others really bothers me. Nobody puts up a fuss when they see two lesbian women kissing. Nobody puts up a fight when they see a man wearing a blue mohawk and half a million piercings. These people are just expressing who they are. If a collar, leash, and cuffs represents who you are, why can't you wear it in public like everyone else?
Click to expand...

i wear my collar in public all of the time, i would not however go out in cuffs, or a leash. like it or not we live amongst the 'nilla's and it's not right to include them in something they want nothing to do with. i do see what you're saying, BUT i have kids and let me tell you, it's not as easy as saying 'because they like to do that' and i, for one, do scoff at anyone (not just lesbian women) who are kissing in public, usually i'll even say something as i walk by. i don't want to be included in their relationship, so why should i expect them to be included in mine? and the ones with the mohawks and such, well most of them i've seen are young and do it more FOR the shock factor of it all than just 'expressing' themselves. going out on a leash is just disrespectful to those around you.

i don't agree that 'if the nilla people don't understand that is their problem' i'm not 'nilla and i don't understand why you would want to involve the 'general public' or children in your BDSM games. a Collar is one thing, and like i said i wear mine anywhere i go which is why we bought one that just looks like a 'choker' necklace and not so much like an obvious BDSM collar. i'm 29, i couldn't pass for just being 'goth' and 'expressing myself'

my question to you is: why do you feel that you need the public to see you on a leash? when Master puts my 'collar and leash' on me, it's to play not to just lead me around town, so why do you want to involve everyone in the public in those games? if i was out with my kids and seen someone on a collar an leash, i would scoff at it, simply because they are involving my kids in something that i am NOT ready to explain to them yet and i don't think that's going to make my kids ignorant or unaccepting of others, there are just some things you do not need to explain to children and it's obvious you have none or you would know it's not as simple as saying 'well they do that because they like to' you can't give vague general answers to a child who is asking questions. there is a time and place for everything.....IMO

i also think these things, going out in public in full BDSM gear etc, are what gives our lifestyle a bad name
 
Kailey, I can 95% guarantee you that your attititude on this subject will change by the time you hit 30. This has very little to do with intolerance, and everything to do with good breeding.
 
Nobody puts up a fuss when they see two lesbian women kissing.
Click to expand...

OMG...are you fucking kidding me? Given the current political/social climate in this society there are many groups of people that "put up a fuss" when they see two women or men kissing. There is a whole group of "Christians" that actively protest the funerals of gay men and women in the Mid-west. Yeah, let me go kiss my girlfriend in the middle of the "Bible belt" and you tell me what a fuss people won't be making.

I don't give a rat's ass what anyone wears out in public. Means nothing to me. Handling my sons and their reaction is my responsibility, not anyone else's. However if you or anyone else think homosexuals are actually fully accepted in this society you are delusional. When we stop worrying about horseshit like if the girl behind us in line is wearing a collar and cuffs, or is standing with her butch female lover, is when we'll actually be moving towards equality for all.
 
lil_slave_rose said:
i wear my collar in public all of the time, i would not however go out in cuffs, or a leash. like it or not we live amongst the 'nilla's and it's not right to include them in something they want nothing to do with. i do see what you're saying, BUT i have kids and let me tell you, it's not as easy as saying 'because they like to do that' and i, for one, do scoff at anyone (not just lesbian women) who are kissing in public, usually i'll even say something as i walk by. i don't want to be included in their relationship, so why should i expect them to be included in mine? and the ones with the mohawks and such, well most of them i've seen are young and do it more FOR the shock factor of it all than just 'expressing' themselves. going out on a leash is just disrespectful to those around you.

i don't agree that 'if the nilla people don't understand that is their problem' i'm not 'nilla and i don't understand why you would want to involve the 'general public' or children in your BDSM games. a Collar is one thing, and like i said i wear mine anywhere i go which is why we bought one that just looks like a 'choker' necklace and not so much like an obvious BDSM collar. i'm 29, i couldn't pass for just being 'goth' and 'expressing myself'

my question to you is: why do you feel that you need the public to see you on a leash? when Master puts my 'collar and leash' on me, it's to play not to just lead me around town, so why do you want to involve everyone in the public in those games? if i was out with my kids and seen someone on a collar an leash, i would scoff at it, simply because they are involving my kids in something that i am NOT ready to explain to them yet and i don't think that's going to make my kids ignorant or unaccepting of others, there are just some things you do not need to explain to children and it's obvious you have none or you would know it's not as simple as saying 'well they do that because they like to' you can't give vague general answers to a child who is asking questions. there is a time and place for everything.....IMO

i also think these things, going out in public in full BDSM gear etc, are what gives our lifestyle a bad name
Click to expand...
i don't feel the need to have the public see ME on a leash. That was just the example that the person on collarme gave. i do want to wear my collar out in public even if it is conspicuous. i still do think it should be ok to use a leash though.

If my kids did see someone on a leash and asked a question that i don't feel they need to know the answer to yet, i would tell me "i will tell you when you're older." That would be enough for them. They might still ask questions but i am the parent and i don't have to answer them. If i tell them to stop asking about it, they should drop it. If i raise my kids to be well-behaved, they will get this. They aren't going to be harmed in any way by seeing the woman on a leash. They probably see worse things on tv these days or even in advertising.
 
Kailey_86 said:
i haven't worn my collar around any of my friends but i think i would if they came over. i would try to explain it before they saw me in it though. i wouldn't want to shock them. That's not what it's about.
Click to expand...


Interesting.

So the general public should accept overt displays of kink (the whole leash/cuffs thing), and somehow obvious displays of kink that make strangers uncomfortable becomes an issue of intollerance, but you wouldn't wear your collar around close friends without giving fair warning, because you want to be sensitive to their feelings, and wouldn't want to shock them...
 
Kailey_86 said:
If my kids did see someone on a leash and asked a question that i don't feel they need to know the answer to yet, i would tell me "i will tell you when you're older." That would be enough for them. They might still ask questions but i am the parent and i don't have to answer them. If i tell them to stop asking about it, they should drop it. If i raise my kids to be well-behaved, they will get this. They aren't going to be harmed in any way by seeing the woman on a leash. They probably see worse things on tv these days or even in advertising.
Click to expand...


It is so obvious you don't have children yet.

(chuckling)
 
PreggoHottie said:
OMG...are you fucking kidding me? Given the current political/social climate in this society there are many groups of people that "put up a fuss" when they see two women or men kissing. There is a whole group of "Christians" that actively protest the funerals of gay men and women in the Mid-west. Yeah, let me go kiss my girlfriend in the middle of the "Bible belt" and you tell me what a fuss people won't be making.

I don't give a rat's ass what anyone wears out in public. Means nothing to me. Handling my sons and their reaction is my responsibility, not anyone else's. However if you or anyone else think homosexuals are actually fully accepted in this society you are delusional. When we stop worrying about horseshit like if the girl behind us in line is wearing a collar and cuffs, or is standing with her butch female lover, is when we'll actually be moving towards equality for all.
Click to expand...

Sorry, i forget that i am living in Vermont. It is a very liberal state and i see lesbians and gay men kissing all the time. i don't even notice anymore. Everyone is VERY accepting of it over here.

i like what you said that handling your kids reactions is your responsibility. If parents don't agree with the collar and leash, they can teach their kids that this is bad. i'm not saying they should but they could if they wanted to.

Someone said that wearing BDSM gear out in public gives us a bad name. i disagree. i think that it is the media who takes it and runs with it. They are the ones who give us a bad name. That shouldn't stop us. i still feel like the more people see it, the more they will get used to it. They don't have to agree or accept it, they just have to tolerate it. People might not agree with homosexuality but that isn't going to stop couples from getting together.
 
CutieMouse said:
Interesting.

So the general public should accept overt displays of kink (the whole leash/cuffs thing), and somehow obvious displays of kink that make strangers uncomfortable becomes an issue of intollerance, but you wouldn't wear your collar around close friends without giving fair warning, because you want to be sensitive to their feelings, and wouldn't want to shock them...
Click to expand...
i would let them know first because i don't want to lose my friends over it. They don't understand. i don't have to worry about losing the friendship of the general public. Maybe the respect of them (which i don't think is fair) but that doesn't matter to me either unless i am prancing around infront of coworkers or something.
 
CutieMouse said:
It is so obvious you don't have children yet.

(chuckling)
Click to expand...
i don't have kids but i was a kid and i've been a nanny for children before. i was brought up this way. When i was a kid and i asked a question my parents would answer it or tell me to wait until i was older. If they said wait, i dropped the issue. There was no fighting back with them. Children aren't raised like this these day. i don't think they have any respect for their parents anymore but that is another story. Anyway, my questions would usually get answered. my mother told me about the birds and the bees when i was at the tender age of 6 or 7. If kids want to know, tell them. You don't have to tell them everything, just enough to satisfy their curiosity. You could always say that the couple with the leash are playing. Kids play like that too. They will understand. They don't really care.
 
Hiking about in public while dressed in slave costume seems self-indulgent to the point of rudeness. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
 
i guess this could be looked at on a broader level as well. i am just sick of hearing people gossip and talk about each other. i'm sick of people not accepting others for who they are. Everyone is different and unique in their own way. Leave each other alone. Do what you want. Do what makes you happy. As long as it doesn't break the law, who are we to judge? If you have a problem with someone else, that's ok. You don't have to like or agree with everyone. It doesn't mean they should stop what they are doing though. Work it out. i might sound naive but i don't care anymore.
 
culloden said:
Hiking about in public while dressed in slave costume seems self-indulgent to the point of rudeness. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
Click to expand...
i don't understand why people are so offended by it all.
 
i am studying to be a teacher. it is highly inapropriate for me to go out in full BDSM regalia, or even a collar that was obvious for what it was. i do wear my collar every day, but it looks like a choker. i also would not want to have to explain this to my students.

while i do hate that i have to hide things from the world becuase i know that it wont be accepted, i dont think that forcing our lifestyle on people is a way to gain acceptance. rather, people will begin to dislike us even more based on the displays they see.
 
No, you don't have to like or agree with everyone, or approve of their lifestyle. But we all judge people. The question isn't whether we judge others, but whether we tolerate them.

And the point to challenging parents and young children with a view of the BDSM lifestyle escapes me. Why intrude on them with something that is to most people shocking? It seems to me that we need to tolerate others, as well as expecting their tolerance.
 
Kailey_86 said:
i don't feel the need to have the public see ME on a leash. That was just the example that the person on collarme gave. i do want to wear my collar out in public even if it is conspicuous. i still do think it should be ok to use a leash though.

If my kids did see someone on a leash and asked a question that i don't feel they need to know the answer to yet, i would tell me "i will tell you when you're older." That would be enough for them. They might still ask questions but i am the parent and i don't have to answer them. If i tell them to stop asking about it, they should drop it. If i raise my kids to be well-behaved, they will get this. They aren't going to be harmed in any way by seeing the woman on a leash. They probably see worse things on tv these days or even in advertising.
Click to expand...

sweetie, sorry but i agree with cutiemouse, when you are 30 you will feel much differently, and i'm sorry but kids do not 'drop' subjects just because you tell them to, and it has nothing to do with whether or not you 'raise' them to behave. and just saying 'i'll tell you when you're older' yea that's not gonna work. i have 3 kids and when they ask questions that i didn't want to answer, i said 'i'll tell you when you're older' they would then ask 20 more questions on why they can't know now...and that does not mean that i didn't raise them right it means kids are curious. but if you are going to wear a leash out in public well, ya best be prepared for the looks, comments, and everything else that you will get from other people.....
 
Kailey_86 said:
i don't understand why people are so offended by it all.
Click to expand...

Nor would they understand why one felt the need to dress like that in public. And probably, most wouldn't really understand the kink of it, and so wouldn't judge on that basis. My guess is that most would view such garb as rather odd, and an attempt to garner attention.

Put another way, I don't really understand why others are offended by a belch at the dinner table. Frankly, I'm rather proud of the volume and duration I can produce. It was a lot of fun at beer bashes in college. But I refrain these days, simply because it's impolite to offend others for one's own amusement.
 
Kailey_86 said:
Sorry, i forget that i am living in Vermont. It is a very liberal state and i see lesbians and gay men kissing all the time. i don't even notice anymore. Everyone is VERY accepting of it over here.

i like what you said that handling your kids reactions is your responsibility. If parents don't agree with the collar and leash, they can teach their kids that this is bad. i'm not saying they should but they could if they wanted to.

Someone said that wearing BDSM gear out in public gives us a bad name. i disagree. i think that it is the media who takes it and runs with it. They are the ones who give us a bad name. That shouldn't stop us. i still feel like the more people see it, the more they will get used to it. They don't have to agree or accept it, they just have to tolerate it. People might not agree with homosexuality but that isn't going to stop couples from getting together.
Click to expand...

well i don't know about you, but, my collar and leash is not who i am...*shrugs*
 
myinnerslut said:
while i do hate that i have to hide things from the world becuase i know that it wont be accepted, i dont think that forcing our lifestyle on people is a way to gain acceptance. rather, people will begin to dislike us even more based on the displays they see.
Click to expand...

exactly!
 
Kailey_86 said:
i don't understand why people are so offended by it all.
Click to expand...

It's not important for you to understand why they're offended. They are. You can want to change the world all you want, but you won't be able to. This is life. Some people find this stuff offending. Period.

Beyond that, don't tell me that that chick, in her slave gear, wasn't getting a sexual thrill out of being paraded around. And if she wasn't, her master was. That means it's not about lifestyle they were playing. That means that they were involving complete strangers in their play time, without their permission. What only kinksters get to practice SSC? Because I don't see any consent in there.

As for my children, I have had discussions with them about other people doing things that seem weird. I just tell them that other people think that's cool, and that's one of the nice things about living in the US is that they can do what they think's cool. So far I haven't run into anyone playing, though.

And Kailey? I sincerely hope you have children as easy going and obedient as you were. Because it's not always about parenting, some children are strong willed.
 
lil_slave_rose said:
well i don't know about you, but, my collar and leash is not who i am...*shrugs*
Click to expand...

my collar and leash aren't who i am but they represent who and what i am. To me, it's just like wearing a wedding ring. It represents the fact that you are married and committed to one person. The collar represents the same sort of thing to me.

rose, i didn't mean to say that you didn't raise your kids properly. i just remember that when my parents said no, it meant no, don't ask anymore.

i see everyone's point. They make sense. i hope that people will learn more about D/s so that it won't be so shocking to see someone wearing a collar. i know this won't happen anytime soon but i hope people will learn to accept it more.
 
culloden said:
Nor would they understand why one felt the need to dress like that in public. And probably, most wouldn't really understand the kink of it, and so wouldn't judge on that basis. My guess is that most would view such garb as rather odd, and an attempt to garner attention.

Put another way, I don't really understand why others are offended by a belch at the dinner table. Frankly, I'm rather proud of the volume and duration I can produce. It was a lot of fun at beer bashes in college. But I refrain these days, simply because it's impolite to offend others for one's own amusement.
Click to expand...

Good analagy.
 
graceanne said:
It's not important for you to understand why they're offended. They are. You can want to change the world all you want, but you won't be able to. This is life. Some people find this stuff offending. Period.
Click to expand...
Yes, they are offended but it is impossible to shield people from everything that offends them. There will always be someone who is offended by something.

i think that the leash thing might be taking it a little far. That probably is just play and should be left at home. Still, if someone chose to do it, i don't think that would be a problem. There is nothing bad about it. People just don't like it and that is their own opinion.
 
graceanne said:
It's not important for you to understand why they're offended. They are. You can want to change the world all you want, but you won't be able to. This is life. Some people find this stuff offending. Period.

Beyond that, don't tell me that that chick, in her slave gear, wasn't getting a sexual thrill out of being paraded around. And if she wasn't, her master was. That means it's not about lifestyle they were playing. That means that they were involving complete strangers in their play time, without their permission. What only kinksters get to practice SSC? Because I don't see any consent in there.

As for my children, I have had discussions with them about other people doing things that seem weird. I just tell them that other people think that's cool, and that's one of the nice things about living in the US is that they can do what they think's cool. So far I haven't run into anyone playing, though.

And Kailey? I sincerely hope you have children as easy going and obedient as you were. Because it's not always about parenting, some children are strong willed.
Click to expand...


Good point about consent.

And children don't always do quite as we'd have them, do they? Until I had kids myself, I remember thinking about crying babies in public, "Why don't they shut that kid up?"
 
Kailey_86 said:
my collar and leash aren't who i am but they represent who and what i am. To me, it's just like wearing a wedding ring. It represents the fact that you are married and committed to one person. The collar represents the same sort of thing to me.

rose, i didn't mean to say that you didn't raise your kids properly. i just remember that when my parents said no, it meant no, don't ask anymore.

i see everyone's point. They make sense. i hope that people will learn more about D/s so that it won't be so shocking to see someone wearing a collar. i know this won't happen anytime soon but i hope people will learn to accept it more.
Click to expand...

my collar means a lot to me also, but even if i didn't have , my commitment and Bond with Master, would still be just as strong. and as i said i DO wear it out in public, the 'collar and leash' thing was more like meaning a dog collar with the leash which i also have, it's really pretty purple, with diamond studs in the front and the leash matches *grins* but i wouldn't be wearing those out in public, because they are 'play' things and i'm not going to be involving anyone in my BDSM 'games' or 'play' or whatever.

however, i do call Master, Master in public, or Daddy or Sir, or sometimes by His name though very rarely. i don't say them loud enough for everyone to hear, i don't scream it or anything, but when speaking to Him or especially answering a question, i call Him Sir or Master. to His attention if He is looking away or whatever, i normally say 'sweetie' or 'hey love' as to not offend or get disgusted looks from others. whew not sure where that tangent came from LOL

i never thought you were saying i didn't raise my kids right, but i think you have a very limited view on the way kids behave. realizing you're young, (i don't say that to put you down i hope you know this) your views and ideas will change once children become a part of your life ;) being a nanny is one thing, but to have your own, is something totally different, you can't compare the two.
 
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