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Meaning of the Collar

Kailey_86

Kailey_86

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 30, 2006
Posts
660
i was looking at the collarme forum and someone posted this link. This has got to be the most concise explanation for the meaning of the collar that i have ever read. It is so simple and easy. i would probably point this link out to any vanilla friends of mine who might question why i wear a collar.
 
I guess as in many things it depends on your mileage. I found it very subjective, and on a level which would only relate to some people. For one thing, there are many people who are into BDSM on some level and wear a collar who do not see it as a deep commitment to one person in particular, or anyone at all, nor does it necessarily have anything to do with S&M. I also have a problem with the study mentioned which seems to be very suspect, especially in its assertion that those in the lifestyle tend to be more highly educated and paid than those in the mainstream, and that women in the lifestyle were more often from abusive childhooods than those in mainstream, and that those women became masochists and male abuse victims became sadists.

Seems to me it is playing up stereotype images of the psychological, and to a lesser degree, mainstream communities. Of course another problem with the study was it divided people into statistics which only included being sadist, masochists, or both, no mention or inclusion of those (which IME are many) who are in the lifestyle and have no attraction to S & M on any level. I only skimmed it once, but didn't see mention of the fact that for people like us, a collar is a symbol of ownership. It mentioned M/s, but only mentioned the collar in terms of commitment, not ownership. Then again, it is an article from a supposed psychology site, and we all know they understand and know everything about our lifestyle and why we do what we do. :D

Catalina :catroar:
 
catalina_francisco said:
I guess as in many things it depends on your mileage. I found it very subjective, and on a level which would only relate to some people. For one thing, there are many people who are into BDSM on some level and wear a collar who do not see it as a deep commitment to one person in particular, or anyone at all, nor does it necessarily have anything to do with S&M. I also have a problem with the study mentioned which seems to be very suspect, especially in its assertion that those in the lifestyle tend to be more highly educated and paid than those in the mainstream, and that women in the lifestyle were more often from abusive childhooods than those in mainstream, and that those women became masochists and male abuse victims became sadists.

Seems to me it is playing up stereotype images of the psychological, and to a lesser degree, mainstream communities. Of course another problem with the study was it divided people into statistics which only included being sadist, masochists, or both, no mention or inclusion of those (which IME are many) who are in the lifestyle and have no attraction to S & M on any level. I only skimmed it once, but didn't see mention of the fact that for people like us, a collar is a symbol of ownership. It mentioned M/s, but only mentioned the collar in terms of commitment, not ownership. Then again, it is an article from a supposed psychology site, and we all know they understand and know everything about our lifestyle and why we do what we do. :D

Catalina :catroar:
Click to expand...

Good points. i agree with you. i think i missed the part about the study. Oops. i guess i didn't read all the way to the end. Interesting facts though.
 
Kailey_86 said:
Good points. i agree with you. i think i missed the part about the study. Oops. i guess i didn't read all the way to the end. Interesting facts though.
Click to expand...


I question they are facts...IMHO, I imagine they are either fake or based on a biased report set up to get the results wanted, hence the exclusion of many people within the lifestyle according to their 'statistics'. I tend to not believe everything I read, especially when it makes questionable claims not backed up by other sources, nor in keeping with what I have seen or heard from others with real experiences to share.

Catalina :catroar:
 
In a recent survey, 8 out of 7 submissives wanted to wear my collar...
I don't have one, but janey does, but I don't think she wants to share it at the moment! ;)
 
catalina_francisco said:
I guess as in many things it depends on your mileage. I found it very subjective, and on a level which would only relate to some people. For one thing, there are many people who are into BDSM on some level and wear a collar who do not see it as a deep commitment to one person in particular, or anyone at all, nor does it necessarily have anything to do with S&M. I also have a problem with the study mentioned which seems to be very suspect, especially in its assertion that those in the lifestyle tend to be more highly educated and paid than those in the mainstream, and that women in the lifestyle were more often from abusive childhooods than those in mainstream, and that those women became masochists and male abuse victims became sadists.

Seems to me it is playing up stereotype images of the psychological, and to a lesser degree, mainstream communities. Of course another problem with the study was it divided people into statistics which only included being sadist, masochists, or both, no mention or inclusion of those (which IME are many) who are in the lifestyle and have no attraction to S & M on any level. I only skimmed it once, but didn't see mention of the fact that for people like us, a collar is a symbol of ownership. It mentioned M/s, but only mentioned the collar in terms of commitment, not ownership. Then again, it is an article from a supposed psychology site, and we all know they understand and know everything about our lifestyle and why we do what we do. :D

Catalina :catroar:
Click to expand...

Like a lot of people do, the artical used the terms "sadist", "dom", and "master/mistress" interchangably, along with "masochist", "sub", and "slave". It actually sounded a lot like some of the ideas I've been slowly correcting my mom on as we've been trying to understand each other a bit better. The first time I told her that one of my domly play partners was not really a sadist she looked at me like I was nuts.

"I thought you said he was a dom?"

"he is"

"Then what do you mean he's not a sadist?"

Then she was really shocked to find out not all subs are masochists. We haven't yet delved into the whole sub vs slave issue yet. I think this one needs to sink in a bit first.
 
hehehehehe, okay, before everyone gets up in arms about this. The writer of the article mentioned he is not part of the community, and had little information to go by.

Second, the list of other sources used is at the very bottom under the note.

Third, it may not be too accurate, but I do have to side with the "Iron Shrink" over most psychologists who ahve soo far twisted warped adn corrupted their viesws of teh BDSM community as to provide little to no true understadning to tehmselves, or any patron whom reads their work.

So yes, it does come short, and uses incorrect data, but when having those outside of teh cumminty looking for jsut a simple understanding, so they don't try to get their "collared friend" psychiatric help, I'd still send them there. It would provide enough understadning to get teh general ideal across, wihtout going so in-depth at once so as to cause the average reader to become lost.

And finally, on a side note, the survey was done by Finnish poeple... and as some of you know, they seem to fit stereo-types ratehr well :D... j/k :p No actual offense meant towards those who are Finnish.
 
This is why I'm glad I don't wear a collar in public. (For one thing, mine is a heavily padded leather posture collar, and it would be tough to wear all the time.)

But I'm glad I don't wear one in public because I don't want to have to explain it. It's nobody else's business what my kink is all about. There's far too much detail to get into, diversity to explain, blah blah blah.

I also don't need it to remind me of my dom or anything like that. I know what I am and who I belong to, I have no problem remembering that. Daddy gave me diamond earrings a while back and I wear those all the time, but it's more because I like them, they're practical, and unobtrusive.

The only time I wear a collar is at leather events. There, people know what it means, and more importantly they take heed of it - it marks me as "taken and not looking." And actually, my wife bought it for me, it wasn't even from my Daddy.

The article is good is you need a basic link that's not going to overwhelm people. It's too bad it's not a little more kink-positive though.
 
catalina_francisco said:
I only skimmed it once, but didn't see mention of the fact that for people like us, a collar is a symbol of ownership. It mentioned M/s, but only mentioned the collar in terms of commitment, not ownership. Then again, it is an article from a supposed psychology site, and we all know they understand and know everything about our lifestyle and why we do what we do. :D

Catalina :catroar:
Click to expand...

Would you not say that entering into a relationship where one is Owner and the other owned is a deep form of commitment?
 
i wish i could wear my collar out in public without being judged or having people offended by it. my collar definately doesn't match with any of my clothing because i dress conservatively so it would be very noticeable. This doesn't matter to me though. What matters is the fact that i would be offending people.

i'm glad that there are articles like this out there that are simple and easy to understand for vanilla folks to read. They need something that won't turn them off or freak them out right off the bat. They need something that will provide enough information without going into all the messy details (that even us BDSM folks don't agree on) to satisfy their curiosity.

i wouldn't wear my collar as a reminder to me because i won't ever forget who i belong to. i wouldn't wear it as a symbol to others because most wouldn't understand anyway. i wouldn't wear it for shock value because i really don't like to be stared at.

i would wear it because it means something to me. i would wear it because i like the look and feel of it. i would wear it because it makes me happy. i would wear it because it makes J happy.
 
Sheesh, my collar has always been heavy black leather and certainly doesn't match my clothing or my usual style of wearing super fine gold necklaces and jewellry. That being said, it is not about it being a matching accessory, it is about being a symbol of my ownership which he is usually the only one who is aware of it, and has not drawn attention from anyone in public, nor offended anyone in Europe the US or Oz..

Catalina :catroar:
 
catalina_francisco said:
Sheesh, my collar has always been heavy black leather and certainly doesn't match my clothing or my usual style of wearing super fine gold necklaces and jewellry. That being said, it is not about it being a matching accessory, it is about being a symbol of my ownership which he is usually the only one who is aware of it, and has not drawn attention from anyone in public, nor offended anyone in Europe the US or Oz..

Catalina :catroar:
Click to expand...

Maybe no one said anything, but there is no way a heavy black leather collar would not "draw any attention" - I'm envisioning showing up at the last job I had all of a sudden one day in one.
 
i wear my collar every day, but A and i choose one that is acceptable by societies standards. the world sees a choker. i know its more then that.

to me, it is a symbol of our relationship. of how far weve come. of how dedicated we are to our relationship and each other. of how much i mean to to A and how much he means to me.

it is a physical thing that enforces what we both already know.. that i am his puppy, his slut, his little girl. that i am his submissive and will listen and obey and try my hardest to please him.

to those who recognize it as what it is and know what it means, it also shows that i am taken and off limits.
 
Netzach said:
Maybe no one said anything, but there is no way a heavy black leather collar would not "draw any attention" - I'm envisioning showing up at the last job I had all of a sudden one day in one.
Click to expand...

LOL, nah, I have a knack for noticing anyone looking sideways at me for any reason and the only time anyone has noticed it for what it was, was when we had dinner with a large group of friends and associates of theirs and there was a US guy there who I am sure knew what it was but only commented on how much he liked it in a totally non- suggestive or sleazy or suspicious way. Why would people think anything out of the ordinary about mine when there are hundreds of goths and others running around wearing any number of leather collars and not raising any eyebrows? Perhaps it is because we act so ordinary, and are fairly quiet even in public, that it doesn't attract unwanted attention from anyone. :confused: Oh, my mother once commented on it in relation to how hot it must be given the temperature that day was 36C, and believe me, she doesn't even know what SM or BDSM are even though at one point unrelated to our own relationship I tried to explain it for her.

Catalina :catroar:
 
if i wore a collar in public I would get real tired of being a representation of a subcultre. As is on campus i've done a LOT of work wih the LGBT including giving hour long discussions to first year seminar classes. People on campus are fairly well aware that i'm not straight, and sometimes in class we'll come upon a topic that has something to do with homosexuality, and i can feel the looks people give me while they are making comments with their own thoughts. Making sure they don't offend the token gay kid...
Also i find myself often thinking about my actions and trying to figure out if i'm reinforcing negative steriotypes of the lgbt community, or the modified community.

Wearing a collar in public would just be tiring.
 
I just don't understand this need to explain everything to everyone.

I wore my collar for 6 months, to work even, the kids all saw it, every one knew I all of a sudden started wearing a collar it really wasn't a big deal. I could tell who knew something was up and who didn't, but no one ever asked anything so why should I go up and volentere the info. It took 6 months for one of the kids to walk up to me and read my tag and ask me "why does it say if found please return to ireland". And I told him, "because that's where my love is". You could see a light go off in his head. "oh! your collar means something! I thought it was just a fashion statement." and that was the end of it. I don't want to wear a big sign that says "this collar means that I am owned by some one I love very much and is a representation of the lifestyle I choose to participate in". Those who know about it will understand, those who don't usually just blow it off. If they ask about it, I answer just their question. No need to give information they didn't ask for and probably don't even want. i didn't sit down with that kid and explain the fundementals of bdsm, he didn't need to know that much. He was happy with the answer that I gave him. *shrug* I mean I'm a very open person, by why put yourself out there for no reason.
 
the captians wench said:
I just don't understand this need to explain everything to everyone.

I wore my collar for 6 months, to work even, the kids all saw it, every one knew I all of a sudden started wearing a collar it really wasn't a big deal. I could tell who knew something was up and who didn't, but no one ever asked anything so why should I go up and volentere the info. It took 6 months for one of the kids to walk up to me and read my tag and ask me "why does it say if found please return to ireland". And I told him, "because that's where my love is". You could see a light go off in his head. "oh! your collar means something! I thought it was just a fashion statement." and that was the end of it. I don't want to wear a big sign that says "this collar means that I am owned by some one I love very much and is a representation of the lifestyle I choose to participate in". Those who know about it will understand, those who don't usually just blow it off. If they ask about it, I answer just their question. No need to give information they didn't ask for and probably don't even want. i didn't sit down with that kid and explain the fundementals of bdsm, he didn't need to know that much. He was happy with the answer that I gave him. *shrug* I mean I'm a very open person, by why put yourself out there for no reason.
Click to expand...
*nodding* Exactly. i agree.
 
For God's sake, people!

Let's Keep America Beautiful!

STOP USING COLLARS TO COVER LOVELY & DELIGHTFULLY VULNERABLE NECKS! :mad:











:p

I'm only kidding here, folks.

Well.......


sort of! ;)
 
JMohegan said:
For God's sake, people!

Let's Keep America Beautiful!

STOP USING COLLARS TO COVER LOVELY & DELIGHTFULLY VULNERABLE NECKS! :mad:


:p

I'm only kidding here, folks.

Well.......


sort of! ;)
Click to expand...
lol. i don't know what you would do with those vulnerable necks but i know what J would do. It is such beautiful open skin to wrap a hand around. *shudders* i love that. J can easily slip his hand under my collar and do it though so we're all good over here. i
 
JMohegan said:
For God's sake, people!

Let's Keep America Beautiful!

STOP USING COLLARS TO COVER LOVELY & DELIGHTFULLY VULNERABLE NECKS! :mad:





:p

I'm only kidding here, folks.

Well.......


sort of! ;)
Click to expand...


mine is a small choker of crystals, it doesnt cover my neck at all, rather it enhances it.
 
As I just mentioned in another thread, my "collar" is an endless knot ring. It is personal and means the same thing as if I was wearing a bulky leather one covering up my neck (winks at JMohegan). If I WAS to wear an actual neck collar, I'd probably have a variety of them to fit with different settings. I work in a venue where a thick leather collar wouldn't be proper, would draw undue attention, and would probably lead to all kinds of problems. But if we're going out-it would be fine and dandy.

I actually DO have another collar that I wear if the mood strikes us-it's a silver chain with a heart charm. I am called "my heart" but my husband, so it certainly fits the bill as a collar by at least some of the definitions.
 
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