Ugghhh...really weird question

Ok this is going to be an unusual thread I'll try and cut it short...basically, I'm messed up for several reasons....26 yrs old been what you'd call a hermit for quite some time...never had a g/f or sex, can't get myself to do something just procastinate all the time and lately very emotionally numb.

My question is....could some err spanking sessions by a dominatrix help me? I am quite an avid reader of spanking stories and from there I got the idea it just might...what do you all think?

I'd say the first step should be losing your virginity.. then gradually start moving on to the more kinky stuff.. of course that's just me.. maybe from your perspective, spanking is not a big deal.. to me, it would seem like learning to run before you can crawl.. plus I don't know that getting a spanking will do anything to reduce your curiosity about sex.. but if you feel like it would help, go for it.. you know yourself better than any of us do..

To me, the words "messed up", "hermit", "procrastinate all the time", and "emotionally numb" more say "Lets try therapy/physical/low dose anti-depressants to solve the above issues", than "Lets get spanked by a Pro-Domme and hope it flips a switch..."

First things first. You feel you are messed up. Why? Figure that out. THEN work on what you can do to change it. You obviously got past your procrastinating nature enough to post asking for help, so that's a start. Don't judge yoruself by others standards. No one says you have to ever even have sex. Good luck exploring yourself.

Hi and thanks for the responses

I think I need to clarify a few things. I did not mean I wanted to try erotic spanking, but the punishment/corrective type which from what I understand is different.

The problems I want to solve now are firstly the procastination and the emotional numbness....do you think the type of corrective spanking could help with that? Again that is strictly my purpose, not sexual reasons at all

JustAnotherUser said:

Ok this is going to be an unusual thread I'll try and cut it short...basically, I'm messed up for several reasons....26 yrs old been what you'd call a hermit for quite some time...never had a g/f or sex, can't get myself to do something just procastinate all the time and lately very emotionally numb.

My question is....could some err spanking sessions by a dominatrix help me? I am quite an avid reader of spanking stories and from there I got the idea it just might...what do you all think?

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Hey I didn't have sex until I was 29, like you I was a complete hermit. Truck drivers are the worst, how do you get social relationships started if your never there to be with them. Not having a girl friend means either to me that you social skills need to revamped.

A punishment spanking unless you have had this as a more pleasurable experience could make you hate them for the rest of your life. A punishment is supposed to correct your actions and by your own admission your having a lack of will to do it on your own. Why because your rewards for your behavior outway the rewards of changing as you see it now otherwise you might start to make a less drastic decision. My personal advice is look for a mentor and allow him or her to help guide you to a newer better person.

JustAnotherUser said:

Hi and thanks for the responses

I think I need to clarify a few things. I did not mean I wanted to try erotic spanking, but the punishment/corrective type which from what I understand is different.

The problems I want to solve now are firstly the procastination and the emotional numbness....do you think the type of corrective spanking could help with that? Again that is strictly my purpose, not sexual reasons at all

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In my opinion, it really only matters what YOU think, not what anyone else does. While I might look at it as a completely ridiculous attempt to solve my problems because it'd likely decrease my self-esteem and make me feel less competent, it could be just the thing for you or someone else.

In general, rewarding good behavior is far more effective than punishing bad for most people, so you might want to think about how you might reward yourself for taking (even very small) steps in the direction you'd like to go and trying that before spending money on a pro-domme. That's not to say spanking won't help you. I've seen BDSM in general (and "coming out" as a sub specifically) do amazing things for my husband, and being beaten is incredibly cathartic for him emotionally.

So, if you really think it could help, it's worth a try. If you do some soul searching and it seems like you're looking to it as what seems like a quick/easy fix, however, you may want to find things that have proven effective for more people, like different types of therapy, talking to a doctor, and solutions for procrastination.

Out of curiosity, what have you tried for these issues before, and why do you think "corrective spanking" will work for you, or how did you come to the idea that it might? It's just something I'd never think of (for myself, and I don't hit my sub as punishment), so I'm very interested in how you arrived at the possibility. If you wouldn't mind sharing, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Hi Erika, thanks for replying, let me see if I can put some thoughts into this...

First the rewarding thing....I really don't see how I could reward myself, plus I lack the self discipline to do the things I should - like stop procastinating and study/do something useful - that is the main problem I want to address. I am not submissive in nature I don't think...

I am in some ways looking for a "quick" fix - tho I don't think it would be easy in any way, physically or mentally. I don't think I can afford therapy (don't know if I will the other thing either) and that might be even harder for me as it's not easy to open up in person at all and I've never been to one.

To the last question how did I come to this idea....well I've been reading alot of spanking stories (not jsut fantasies real life ones as well) on the internet and in some cases people have used them to get help over various problems...

I was hoping I could get some responses in regards to whether or not it can work from people who have tried it since this is a big forum but I guess not many have tried it....anyway, further thoughts from you and others will be appreciated

I've tried something similar to what you've suggested; not spanking sessions but close enough that I understand why you would think it is a good idea.

It didn't work for me.

I've realized that if I want to change, as tempting as it may be for me to want to find someone who will dominante and punish and spank me into, that it won't work unless I want it and am willing to work for it.

Of course, the only way you'll find out is if you try it; just don't expect that this will be the "fix" that you need. Others have given you extremely good advice that you should consider as well.

Best of luck to you. I empathize with your position.

Melanie

The problem is that the spanking isn't going to last. A one-time physical punishment is not going to snap you out of a psychological funk. Even assuming it does make you feel better for a short time, it's not a real solution to your problems. I would even equate it to drinking or doing drugs in an attempt to numb your pain. It's going to make you feel better in the moment, but it's not fixing what's wrong. It's also going to be expensive, assuming you plan to see a professional. I just don't see how this could work out the way you're hoping.

Ok thanks....so I guess it's not such a brilliant idea

JustAnotherUser said:

Ok thanks....so I guess it's not such a brilliant idea

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Rarely can someone else truly motivate you. It has to come from you. When you feel miserable enough, rock bottom enough and want to change enough to make your life more of what you want then you will change.

Change might come slowly and in little steps. You might in fact slip backwards at times. At those times you must forgive yourself and start a new day of making progress.

You may find certain things help you and who knows a spanking or mental drugs or counseling could all help.

You should know you best.

Good luck.

Fury

I think I might be able to relate a bit.

I have a bad habbit, well a few, but this one I wanted to break was an eating habbit.

I asked Jounar, my owner, to help me. So we figured out a punishment if I continued the habbit and went from there. When I broke the rule, i was punished. This was not a punishment I enjoyed, and it was pretty harsh, he agreed later (I was the one who came up with the oringinal terms to the punishment and he aproved them. I'm always harder on myself than he is on me). It did work, and you'll see me post around here how I've been Mcnugget free for 6 months.

It did work for me, but I think it worked for a couple of reasons.

1 it was a punishment I did not like. If it had been something I enjoyed then it would have been pointless

2 I had to answer to some one I respect and care about and know they care about me. Had it just been some random dom I don't think it would have mattered. I feel bad about disapointing Jounar, I don't feel so bad about disapointing Joe Smith.

3 I was repeatedly held accountable for my actions. This wasn't one punishment and then things are cured. I knew that if I fucked up on this new standard I would be punished.

With out those keys I really don't think I could have broken the habbit. So while I think it could work, I don't think going to a pro one time will.

Pain can help break a cycle

I can really get into a funk (they say I'm depressed) and act like JustAnotherUser.

In a previous lifetime, a friend would come over and check on me. If I was really bad shape, she could spank me hard and fairly long -- her emphasis was to be as painful as possible -- and afterwards I would come out of my shell for a while.

There's some old techniques for bringing people out of depression, such as being battered by water from a fire hose. Perhaps there’s something to all this…

lol

Unfortunately I don't have anyone to help me with that...so I guess it's a moot point.

I think I'm going to try some self spanking to see if it can do anything...

S_D_R_R said:

I can really get into a funk (they say I'm depressed) and act like JustAnotherUser.

In a previous lifetime, a friend would come over and check on me. If I was really bad shape, she could spank me hard and fairly long -- her emphasis was to be as painful as possible -- and afterwards I would come out of my shell for a while.

There's some old techniques for bringing people out of depression, such as being battered by water from a fire hose. Perhaps there’s something to all this…

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I do think there is something to the whole idea the pain or extreme sensations can help one.

*nods*

JustAnotherUser said:

Unfortunately I don't have anyone to help me with that...so I guess it's a moot point.

I think I'm going to try some self spanking to see if it can do anything...

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I learned a great deal from self spanking. It didn't hurt that much but I learned a lot. What I was aiming for was a stinging sensation. What I discovered was that my ass was much smaller and more fun than I'd ever be aware of before. Bonus!!!

Fury

spammeister is that you???

I wonder, could an online d/s relationship work in my case? Since I can't find something like this in real life...

JustAnotherUser said:

I wonder, could an online d/s relationship work in my case? Since I can't find something like this in real life...

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Really depends.

It's worked in my case because I tell on myself. He makes a rule, or sets tasks, and if I don't complete them or break a rule or something, then I offer up that info. Others will just lie about it. Shyslave for example is very honest about the fact that if Andante ever told her she could not masterbate she would do it anyway and just lie to him about it. This would not accomplish anything, so they don't go that route.

So be comepletely honest with yourself, if some one online told you to do something that you didn't want to, or didn't feel like doing, would you do it, or not do it and just say you did? If it's the latter then it would be pointless. If it's the first then it might work.

Others here have much more experience, and it looks like you've gotten some good advice, but I would just caution you against thinking that involving some spanking or domination or whatnot will either help you or have no effect at all. While for very different reasons than you, I turned to BDSM to help some part of me that was excited by and in a way needed it (as I think many people do.) However, while I've had a few very good experiences, I also had some that were really horrible...and most of those weren't even explicitly BDSM related, but I think that it was the same part of me that is interested in BDSM that allowed myself to get into those situations. In those cases, I got totally stuck on the bad parts, and I still struggle sometimes with them.
If you are inexperienced, as I am, and you try this, you might find that you don't like it. Or that you do like it, but that you have difficulty with the emotional distance of a professional or the physical distance of an online relationship. In either case I am not certain you will just return to how you were. I dwelled on it and was barely able to function. In your case, I worry that it might be even worse for you and take you further from where you want to go.

JustAnotherUser said:

I wonder, could an online d/s relationship work in my case? Since I can't find something like this in real life...

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Perhaps, but I think you're going to have a really hard time finding a Domme who's interested in online-only for no money. I mean, after all, what you're looking for is free/cheap therapy, and how many good therapists are seeking clients who won't pay them in return for their time/help? While plenty of Pros are likely to try to give that for a fee online/over the phone, I doubt many are willing to what essentially amounts to serving YOU for free. At least I'm having trouble seeing what the motivation for me to do so would be.

I think it's important to distinguish between "online-only" and online/LDRs that have emotional connections. I'm guessing it wouldn't work half as well for Wenchie if it were just some random guy who called himself a Dom that she didn't have an emotional connection with or plans to meet.

So, before you put time into trying to find this type of relationship, be honest with yourself about what you have to offer the other person and whether or not you're likely to change for the better for an online persona.

JustAnotherUser said:

I wonder, could an online d/s relationship work in my case? Since I can't find something like this in real life...

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I'm confused.

Who says you can't find something like this in real life???

Where and how have you looked??

Isn't it true you aren't sure you are even really interested or would benefit from it yet?

Fury

FurryFury said:

I'm confused.

Who says you can't find something like this in real life???

Where and how have you looked??

Isn't it true you aren't sure you are even really interested or would benefit from it yet?

Fury

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Well in my country that community is underground I guess, wouldn't know where to look.

I'm not sure I would benefit from it since I haven't done it before obviously, but it seems to have worked for some..

JustAnotherUser said:

Well in my country that community is underground I guess, wouldn't know where to look.

I'm not sure I would benefit from it since I haven't done it before obviously, but it seems to have worked for some..

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BDSM is "underground" in a lot of communities.

I still fail to understand how going to a pro-Domme, or being spanked, or entering a D/s relationship (without any deeply felt interest/desire/etc on your part) would possibly get you to pull your shit together, when from what you've written, it seems you don't care enough about yourself to pull your shit together.

What we have here is a young adult (I presume you're young, as you mention procrastination with studying) with little or no work ethic, who apparently wants someone else to do something to make life all happy and productive, rather than doing the difficult work of self-improvement and actualization.

If the fear of failing a class, or not doing well enough in school to get a good paying job, or being tired of being alone and unpartnered doesn't motivate you, and you have a history of looking for an easy fix, then I doubt something like a spanking will have any long term effect. It would be similar to putting a kinky bandaid on a gaping wound.

I repeat- this sounds far deeper than something solved by a few very expensive sessions with a pro-Domme, or something a casual D/s online relationship could possibly solve. Get thee to the Dr, get thee to therapy-
(most colleges and county mental health facilities have therapy on a sliding scale fee), and actually do the hard work to figure out/fix the underlying issues, rather than wasting time looking for a quick fix.